CHAPTER 3
One month have passed...
One month- 30 days- 720 hours- 43200 minutes- 2592000 seconds... But can time only be defined by the cumulative resultant of the seconds? Then who will take account of those hidden moments of static but vain emotions? Silly me, why will time think about those? Time has no time to think for anyone. It flows in its own mood, like an ever flowing river- continues its game of breaking at one bank and creating at other... The newly created bank cultivates the new seed of life in its soil happily; the destroyed bank dies day-after-day, without any notice of anyone... Who cares!
Looking like I am losing my mental balance too! Oh seriously! I had written enough of the essay on topic- time and tide waits for none' in my student life, and seems like that effect is still on me! No. I am much busier than time, I too have no time to waste. For me this one month has passed very quickly, with lots of happenings, both good and bad! I had appeared for both SSC and RRB, now let me see if luck favours and crack one of them. Though the trial of getting Government job failed last time, but this time I was adamant and prepared well. I had a job interview in a renowned private farm which went so well that I can expect an appointment letter, again if only luck favours as that factor really betrays me each and every time. My sister is doing a little job in a nearby cosmetics shop. Now I do not know how much it satisfies her mentally of gives her respect, but at least it has reduced the burden of my shoulder. Frankly, it was getting next to impossible for me to pull the expenses of 4 adults and 2 children with fulfilling their basic needs. The whole pension of my father goes behind the expenses of his medicines, and now mother's medicines are added with that. My own earnings are hardly enough to pay the bill of grocery at the end of the month! Maybe my sister's income is negligible, but at least I am free from the thoughts of the school fees of her sons! So, this is very good news of course.
Another good news is there. Jodha's marriage has been almost fixed. With the same guy whom I had seen that day to pick her up for office!
Yes, I did not believe this for the first time, but this is true. My mother had met Jodha's mother in grocery shop, and she informed the wonderful news. "None would have been better for Jodha than this guy. They make a great couple." My mother commented while serving me dinner at yesterday night. I was in hurry to go to sleep, as I had the entrance exam of RRB the next morning, but this news left me stunned. Don't know why, what is the reason, but I got angry! I became extra-concern about the trend of modern age. "Is it a time for getting married for Jodha? She is making her carrier and suddenly... None marry so early nowadays! " I told in fury despite trying to show my indifference!
"Pacchis ki ho gayi hay woh!"[She has become 25!] My mother was quite logical. "It is the right time for marriage. And also, " she told while giving me an extra roti, "I heard that the boy is her friend, she herself has chosen him. It is entirely her decision that she will marry or not... She has set her carrier gently so now..." She looked at me. "For what should she wait?"
The question hit my ears directly. I could not swallow the roti anymore, gave an excuse for not eating that and went to bed! My mother knows nothing about our childhood relationship, as I was very much successful to hide that from my parents. Still, she caught the right point! Yes, for whom will she wait? For an unemployed good-for-nothing lad who has no right to dream for himself?
I was standing in front of the mirror, and my reflection was mocking at me. Really, what I have done with my look! A jungle of uncombed hair on the head, beard of 5 days in cheek and black-spot under eyes as the result of less sleep at night for few weeks- I am not much good-looking from a person of stone-age! It is a punishable offence indeed to imagine the most gorgeous and elegant Jodha beside me! Yes, maybe I was never as handsome as a fairytale prince, but I had a grace in my appearance even before 3 years... Are 3 years long enough to change the whole identity of a human being?
What years, a moment is enough to change the personality of a man forever! I was a cheerful and happy-go-lucky person even in my college life- till the date I got the news that my father had a massive cerebral attack while working in the office. Everything- my own carrier-planning, my own dreams, hopes of building a steady relationship with Jodha crushed in a moment! Immersing the plans of doing specialization on the subject, I had to complete my graduation in a stormy condition and hunting for something to earn leaving for my family! From that day I am floating- floating in the tide of time and trying to clutch anything I can in front of my hand.
Jodha, who was a brilliant girl from childhood, was sent to hostel in her 11th suddenly in a different state- far from me. After the outstanding result in boards, she cracked IIT, went more far from me... She used to come home in vacations, we used to meet but the distance had seemed to influence her very much. After that she got a high class job in a renowned MNC as expected, and went even more far...too far to touch her! I could not even dare to revive my childhood love with that elegant and careerist lady- as I was sinking with my family that time, I had to save us... When Jodha had come home once before joining the job at Bangalore, when the first floor of her house was enjoying hard the return party of her, I was under a heap of adversities, being completely novice about the outside world that time I was sinking day-by-day; and after Jodha settled down to our city completely before some months I was still swimming against adversity, only with a bit maturity and steadiness! Why will Jodha think a second of me before thinking about decorating her future with the flower of love and happiness?
But still, why the heart is being pierced from inside? Why my head is burning in a vain anger for no reason? Why am I remembering the memory of that night before Jodha left for hostel? She was such an innocent girl... was crying continuously in the pain of going far from me. The whole night, from her balcony, she was crying silently for me and I was staring at her face from my window with my gloomy heart, wanted to hug and console her but could not due to the distance between us... Even we were not able to hear each-other, but we were still able to feel ourselves. "Everything will be okay Jodha, we will meet again very soon. I will be waiting for you..." I was conveying my words via my eyes! She was understanding everything...
Why are you going Jodha, where are you going leaving your love behind? How will he live without your memory? My heart started wailing despite knowing that crying over a mirage has no use!!
"What are you doing here Jalal? Meditating or what? Shave fast!" The irritated voice of my mother from behind brought me back into reality. I acted as if something has entered in my eyes and started rubbing them as hard as I could and then started applying shaving cream fast. "Will you go anywhere now?" My mother asked.
"Yes." I responded in short.
"You returned just now after exam- must be tired. Take some rest today..." Ammi said. As if I am still at school and need a whole evening celebration after the end of examination! I smiled hopelessly. "No. Shivani has exam and I have to cover syllabus. They do not give me fees for resting in my house."
"Whatever you want. What should I say! If someone likes to run from house to house leaving a good job of hand what can I say! Months after months are passing, the entire world is joining new jobs everyday and my dear son is not worth of getting a single job!" She again started her usual mourning. Though I am quite used to with these yet my head started boiling this time. I started moving razor in my cheeks harshly to dilute the anger!
"Okay now tell what will you eat?" She changed the topic soon seeing my strange tactics to control anger. As if she is going to feed me any kind of royal meal now! Funny!!
My head. I thought in my mind but did not utter. "Tea... " I said instead.
"Tea?? Is tea a thing to eat? You have eaten at morning and from then you are hungry, and now when I am asking you are saying tea?" She started again.
"Okay, if you cannot, tell me, I will take it from tea-stall! Why are you on verge to taunt me each and every moment? " I started yelling in doubled voice! "What do you want from me? From morning to night I do not sit for a while, I do not rest for a moment just to pull this family, I do not have any individual dream, any personal wish, all I do only for this family and then also I have to listen all your craps? Why? What more do you want from me? Say me?"
"I was just telling that you should eat something heavy now. You must be hungry... Maybe you are not aware of that but your Ammi knows. I cannot let you go outside only by taking a cup of tea after a whole day without any food! Now stop shouting and finish your work fast. Don't forget that an ailing man is sleeping at the next room. I am bringing your food." She turned back again before leaving for kitchen. "Don't throw the anger for anyone else on me!"
I again looked in the reflection of mirror... Why I am becoming angry? To whom I am angry? To whom I am showing my anger? Why? Why? Why? Why would I react so hard as my childhood sweetheart is getting married? I was an infatuation to Jodha, she has no reason to await for me till now. Surya, the guy with whom she is getting engaged, is the perfect man a girl wants beside... I believe always that a woman like Jodha looks good beside the well-furnished handsome and branded person like Surya... Her place is beside the driver sit of that black Audi, not at the back of my second hand scooter; and this Jalal, who is far far different from the Jalal of 10 years back, should not even think about her in dream! She was never of me, and I should understand it from heart!
"Eat it." My mother placed the plate on the table. Before eating, I suddenly clutched the corner of my mother's dupatta, which made her quite surprised.
"Sorry. Ammi" I confessed in a low voice.
"Come back earlier. You are looking very tired beta..." My mother patted on my shoulder. Then she kept her hand on my hairs with all affection, maybe after a year, and murmured. "Move forward in your life beta... The world is moving forward, you have to..."
My eye-balls shook suddenly. Does she know everything? Or has she guessed everything about my thoughts? How can mothers know everything?
She wants me to move forward- from Jodha? But what will be rest in me if I move away from her? What will be my entity? I had to gulp the bump of tear with the mouthful of bread... If I drop a tear for this silly reason I myself will die in shame!
Mother came to close the door before I leave for Shivani's house... Just the while I bed her Good-Bye she stopped me.
"I have not told you one thing Jalal." She revealed.
"What?"
"Jodha had come to meet you at morning, maybe a hour later you left... " she said in a low and controlled voice and made me shocked like hell!
"Jodha ayi thi!"[Jodha had come!] My voice exhaled automatically. "But why?"
"She told that she has some personal talks with you. She will meet you later!" Ammi told. "However, bye Jalal. Come back as fast as you can, the condition of sky is not good."
With a load of astonishment and unknown agony, I started walking on the lane... My best friend of all the problems, my dear carriage, my scooter is at garage for some days and I have to use the public vehicles now... The experience of public bus of today was horrifying and again the same convenience I have to use...
"Jalal..."
The soul of my entity shivered with an uncanny feeling! The same voice, which uses to ring in my ears in vacant time, was calling me from behind... The same tune, the same style, the same eagerness...
I hesitantly looked back. I was not dreaming... She was coming towards me... She was almost running towards me, with the same restlessness, the same eagerness that she used to have... once upon a time! Edited by Shinning_Stuti - 9 years ago
Mr And Mrs Parshuram
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