CHAPTER 47
Paro still couldn't believe it. Thakurain Mala Tejawat was the mysterious wife and mother who ran
away devastating the Ranavat family. "Why didn't anyone say anything when I
brought her here?" she asked remembering not only the deadly glares she got but
also the lack of explanations. Mohini sighed, "I wanted to, but I couldn't
string the words needed to acknowledge our relationship. Couldn't say that she...
that she is..." Paro shook her head, "I used to refer to Varunsa as my husband
until I realised that he was the devil who would have destroyed me. When our
perceptions about people change, our relationships with them change too."
Mohini nodded. Only
when she saw Dilsher and Rudra's dedication towards the family's progress was
she able to accept them as part of her home. Unless she sees proof of Mala's
selflessness she will always think of her as wicked. "These past few days would
have been awful for Bapusa for her to stay here, especially since she is now
Thakursa's wife. Why didn't he say anything?" she asked taking another sip. For
Paro was his excuse, because she needed to take responsibility for the mistake
she made. But the truth is for Rudra, because he had waited so long for a
chance to see her again. "He needs to find closure Kakisa. The part of him
which hoped for a mother love needs to be at ease," Paro commented softly.
Mohini knew the young
woman was right. Her nephew needed this to find peace. If she had stepped up
when he was younger, his wounds may have healed long ago. Finally it took a
person with Paro's gentle grace and unmatched courage to make him whole again.
Now only Bholenath knew what his namesake would do next.
She looked closely at
the young woman who was the medicinal balm which healed the family. "What about
you, she has been a big part of your life too? Don't you want to keep her
around more?" she asked curious about her stand in the entire Mala matter. Paro
recalled her childhood when she saw Mala take her mother's place and opening
her heart. She was wonderful to have around when things are lovely. But when
things went wrong in her life she was left to die on the streets forgotten.
"I have a knowledgeable
mother in Geethanjali Maasi to be my counsel and an astute mother-in-law in you
to be my guide. I'll be fine," she said finally emptying the glass. Mohini placed
her hand on her shoulder, "If you want her to stay..." Paro shook her head,
"Kakisa, I can't hurt my family that way, even if you are willing to let her
stay here. Rudra will let me meet her when I want to and that's enough for me.
She needn't stay here." Her aunt pinched her cheeks and said, "Get to bed
quickly. I want to see these pale roses replaced by pink ones tomorrow
morning."
Mala moved away from
the dining room. She had been loitering around hoping to catch hold of Rudra
alone. But Paro had kept him occupied for so long. She got her chance when Paro
came down leaving Rudra. But when she realised what her sister and
daughter-in-law were speaking off, she decided to eavesdrop instead. She didn't
want to move as they discussed her affairs. She was furious to suggest that
Paro was planning on sending her back to that Spartan cottage. The allure of
the Ranavat wealth seemed to Mala, to have seduced the once innocent Parvati.
She had forgotten the importance of family loyalty.
To her luck, Paro
admitted that her son needed her. So this vain girl can stay with her Bapusa
and his wealth. She decidedwill take Rudra and move away far from Rajasthan and
its painful memories. She quietly walked up the terrace to see Rudra in a
gleaming white kurta staring at the night sky. Her chand ka tukuda, waiting for
her like he used to when they used to dine in the terrace when Dilsher was
away.
"Rudra!" she called out
softly caressing his head. He jumped a few feet away at the unfamiliar touch.
It hurt her to see this reaction as he used to enjoy such gestures as a child.
He schooled his face as he continued to look at the night sky. "What are you
doing here so late? Did you need something? Shall I get Kakisa?" he asked
remembering that Paro needed her space tonight.
Anger flashed on Mala's
face, he was her son. She should be turning to him when she needed something
not diverted as if she was a stranger. "No, I just needed to talk to you," she
said firmly. He asked if she wanted him to arrange to meet Tejawat before his
sentencing. She nodded with a smile. How nice that he didn't hate the man in
her life, like she had expected him to. Her Thakursa should know that she would
always be there for him even when she couldn't be there in person. "I'll
discuss it with my seniors and have someone pick you up tomorrow," he said not
bothering even to look at her as he spoke.
Mala was disappointed
that he wouldn't be the one to accompany her. Why was being so distant? "How
long are you going to pretend that I am just the Thakurain of Birpur?" she
asked directly. This time the mask
dropped as he faced her. His long drawn suffering was written in his eyes. Now
she knew what to do, her boy was in pain. He would throw tantrums till his
anger extinguishes and then she could explain. She just had to wait it out.
"I'm sorry," he said
sincerely and could see the flicker of hope in her eyes. "That's who you have
been for the last few years," he continued. The rejection of their shared past felt
like a slap on her face. "But I'm your mother. Even if everyone else acts as if
I don't exist how could you?" she asked holding back her tears. He looked at
her keenly wondering if she was being sincere. No, his mind reminded of her
current abandonment of her latest husband.
"Maybe nobody has told
you..." he started. "Your mother ran away! Those words have been repeated so
often that even the walls would remember them," she completed his sentence. He
looked the walls of the haveli. They would remember them from the time the insult
was directed towards him and his father. As if they were rejected, discarded as
unnecessary. But right now, he and his father were part of the home that lived
here. She was the persona non grata here.
She saw the
indifference claim him again, so held his shoulder. "Rudra, you were too little
to understand. I had to go. You don't know how horrid Dilsher had become," she
implored him to see things from her point of view. But he did, he knew precisely which demons his father battled
alone. He remembered how helpless he felt when his strong invincible father
turned into a druken lout. He had tried to reach out but his father was too
prideful to take him into confidence. He just needed his wife even though he was
terrible at expressing his desire. He knew this because he was the same with
Paro. The only difference is Paro had an infinite amount of patience and
boundless compassion to keep him sane.
He felt her hand slip
down his arm, "I would have died if I had stayed longer in this house.Is that
what you wanted?"He pulled his hands away from her and crossed them. "Bapusa
was stuck in his personal hell and it was affecting you too. I don't blame you
for wanting to save yourself, but you never even thought of what would happen to
me," he told her honestly.
Mala had tried to take
him along but his father didn't allow it. And by the time she came back for
him, a month later, they had moved to Jaipur. But Rudra tunned out her defence
as he thought of his ordeal that one month. His father was broken and his mother
was gone. His aunt blamed them and his uncle couldn't shut her up. His cousins
and friends tormented him and he was all alone. In between the moments where he
used his fists to sort things out, his thoughts turned to her. Where was she?
Was she alright? Was she dead? Did she need anything? So many doubts plagued
him and made him more rebellious.
"There is nothing I
wanted more than a life with you and Thakursa," Mala admitted shaking him out
of his reverie. She imagined him to co-exist in a world with Tejawat? Was that
crook so important to her? But didn't she realise that he wanted to see him
hung for his crimes and not move in with him? The idea of even standing next to
him after what he did to Paro and her family made him reach for his gun. Part
of him wanted to cut of her tongue for speaking those words and the rest of him
wanted to blow her brains out for stringing them together in the first place.
He took a deep breathe to calm himself. Paro wouldn't like it if he attacked a
woman even if she deserved it.
"I'm so sorry I left
you with Dilsher for so many years. I... we should have come sooner to take you
away. Thakursa too wanted to welcome you in our home," she said in a affable
tone. This entire conversation was too distasteful for Rudra. He had to end it
and go back to his wife. He needed to be there if she has questions to ask or
decisions to make. They were at the first cross road of their marital life.
They had to resolve things together. "No, thank you. The best thing you did for
me was to stay away from me," he replied firmly.
He saw her deflate
right in front of him. He never wanted to see her reduced to nothing inspite of
all her actions. But he held his ground. Once they had gone to Jaipur,
everything changed. Slowly at first but as he made friends and his father's
colleagues reached out to him. He was able to freeze his pain along with his
heart and focus on the possibilities available to his mind. He evolved into the
shrewd soldier who could make the impossible, possible.
He would never have met
Paro in the desert or imprisoned her shortly after if he wasn't the ruthless
Jallad. The awards, the medals, the praise and the ultimate prize, his Paro
were all won because he had to take control of his life. If they had continued
to live here, he wouldn't have had such an extraordinary life. "I am happy with
the way my life has turned out inspite of the hardships Bapusa and I endured. I
don't want anything else," he said frankly. In exchange for his mother's
parting gift he would endeavour to undo the damage she did as the Thakurain of
Birpur.
"Thakursa is a good
man, very kind and loving," she said, certain that he would make a better
father figure than Dilsher. He didn't argue, from her perspective he was the
knight who saved her from her dark past. "He wasn't completely responsible for
what happened in Birpur," she said hoping this would win her son over. He
looked at her keenly. She admitted her actions as well as those of her
acquinatances. It was a gamble. It would either win Rudra back forever or
lessen Tejawat's guilt in the eyes of the law.
He quickly made a
mental note of what she said. While this will not derail the ongoing trial, it
was still important. When she admitted her part in this, he felt vindicated. He
had told the general months ago that Tejawat was confessing to save his wife.
The man loved her inspite of her selfishness.
She saw that he was
listening to her like an astute soldier than a sympathetic son. She finally
asked directly, "Don't you want your mother back?" He had waited for her for
seventeen years in vain for her to come back. He had then found her portrait as another man's wife. His
mother was fully ripped away from him that day. He had mourned her, drinking himself
to senselessness.
"No, I don't need you in my life anymore. You
are happier as the Thakurain of Birpur. You should continue to be so if that's
what you still want. I have nothing more to say to you. Good night," he answered
before walking back to his family.
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