Arshi FF: Destined To Love #2 LINK TO#3 Pg151 - Page 20

Chapter 19

Gears shifted and the jeep lurched forward along the highway. The incessant honking of the cargo trucks was testing arnav's patience as he shifted in his seat trying to provide relief to his stiff legs. Today a mere two hours journey had extended to almost five hours thanks to the heavy traffic. There was a strange restlessness that consumed him as he moved further towards his destination.

Tomorrow for the first time he would accompany khushi for her medical check up. For the first time he would be there with her as the father of her child. A truth that was finally sinking in. He was going there without informing shalini. It would be a surprise for both the ladies, hopefully...a pleasant one.

With each passing moment, the distance between him and his child was diminishing. He was finding it hard to contain this eagerness and excitement, even though physically the child was still inside khushi's womb it didn't really matter to him, all he desired was to be with the child and...her.

Looking out of the window he allowed himself to take in what was happening around. People were singing, dancing, beating drums and whistling while carrying out noisy processions through the streets, after all it was Holi! And they were celebrating it in a gay and playful mood. He rolled his eyes, they were looking nothing less than clowns in multicolored clothes. Instead of travelling in an open air jeep he wished today he had taken his SUV as someone sprayed color on him. If that someone was expecting a grin from him then all that he actually got was an ice cold glare.

Finally he halted the jeep outside the house. Gulping the lump formed in his throat he took a view of the house. With slow and cautious steps he walked towards the door. His heart was a flutter and the butterflies that had recently taken up residence in the hollow recesses of his stomach were wreaking havoc. Sighing deeply he paused at the door and raised his hand to ring the bell but surprisingly the door was ajar. Pushing it inside he stepped in. The silence and tranquility of the surrounding didn't please him. In fact it was unnerving. There was nobody in the hall. Something tugged his heart and he curled his fingers in a fist.

He didn't know why but his feet took him to the room next to the kitchen. Peering inside he moved in as his heart beat strongly reverberated in his chest. And the scene before him froze him to the spot.

khushi clutched her belly and creased her face in pain. Today the pain was just unbearable for her. She was sweating profusely and her face had gone all pale. Her gaze went towards the door as she felt some movement around. He was here! Was she hallucinating? She couldn't believe her eyes, maybe her mind was playing tricks on her. Nevertheless she wanted to know whether he was here for real or not.

" arnav ji." She called him out, it was barely a whisper. Wrapping her arms around her stomach she stood up from the bed. Now the whole room was spinning before her eyes. She tried hard to keep her eye lids open but it was getting impossible. His image soon began to fade away and finally her knees gave way.

He saw her collapsing before him and that's when it hit him. She was about to feel the floor when he rushed and enclosed his arms around her waist, preventing her from falling down. Holding her up firmly he tried to steady her frame but failed as she had let herself completely loose. His gaze fell on the bed and a chill ran down his spine...she was bleeding! He patted her face worriedly and called out," khushi" even his voice was nothing more than a whisper. Seeing her not react he got impatient and wrinkled his nose," khushi ..wake up!" this time he was quite loud.

In fact so loud that laxmi came running to the room. Bending down he picked up khushi in his strong arms.

khushi in a stranger's arms, surprised laxmi to a great extent. With mouth hung open she stared at abhi blankly.

" where's shalini?" His roar brought laxmi out of her trance.

" she's gone to fetch the doctor ." She informed promptly. Shaking his head he thought that he couldn't wait for the doctor to come and attend khushi, hence proceeded to get out of the room.

Seeing him carry unconscious khushi, startled the housekeeper and she stepped forward at once," but who are you ?" arnav didn't like giving explanations ever and seriously now was not the right time. Pursing his lips he approached the door only to be stopped by laxmi again," how dare you carry her?" if shalini came to know that some unknown man took away khushi then she'd be surely killed.

He couldn't afford to waste even a second and glared back dangerously at laxmi while moving a step ahead. She raised her arms sideways blocking his way and declared firmly," I won't let you leave ." Clenching his jaws and through gritted teeth he let out the words that left her stumped.

" she's carrying my child !"

Her arms dropped on their own, he was the father of her child? She took a few moments to let the revelation register in her mind after which she looked around, he was missing, she ran out of the house and found him near the jeep.

" are you taking her to the hospital ?.i'll also come with you." She didn't give him time to think and sat behind in the jeep.

arnav lay khushi on the back seat while laxmi held on to khushi securely after resting khushi's head on her lap.

Pulling the gears, arnav drove as fast as he could. He blared the horns impatiently while cutting through the crowd that had gathered on the road. laxmi guided him to the nearby nursing home and at the same time kept on calling out khushi," khushi open your eyes ."

His sixth sense had warned him some days back that something was definitely wrong but he didn't take it seriously, had he acted upon time things would have been different. Curling up his lips he cursed himself under his breath. What if something happened to her or the baby, he would never forgive himself...damn this traffic..damn this festival of holi that was threatening to take away all the new or only colors from his life.

The jeep came to a screeching halt outside the nursing home. Pouncing out of it he picked unconscious khushi once again, he flared his nostrils seeing her gone paler. By this time shalini was coming out with the gynaecologist however she stopped in her tracks on spotting her husband.

" arnav, you're here ?"

Without bothering to answer he dropped khushi on the nearby stretcher and spoke worriedly," doctor look at her... she's fainted ."

Immediately khushi was wheeled in for a thorough check up. Shalini sat on the bench fidgeting with the end of her sari as arnav restlessly paced up and down the corridor. laxmi, stood near shalini attempting to recover herself from another shock, the father of khushi's child was none other than shalini's husband! These entangled and complicated relationship were just puzzling her.

Sometime later the doctor came out, from her expressions arnav could make out that this was a serious issue. With bated breath he waited for the doctor to speak.

" nothing to worry , right ?" hoping against hope that everything was fine. The doctor nodded her head in negation, although they had managed to stop khushi's bleeding still the whole situation was critical. She began explaining khushi's condition. The embryo was growing outside khushi's uterus resulting in bursting the fallopian tube because of which she started bleeding and was experiencing cramps in her lower abdomen. These scientific and technical terms were like foreign language for arnav who pressed his lips in irritation and asked," what's the meaning of all this ?" shalini held his arm to calm him down.

The doctor took a deep breath before spelling out clearly," the baby is fine but during delivery khushi's life might get in danger ."

Now arnav lost color, he opened and closed his mouth several times trying to say something but failed miserably each time. She might lose her life while delivering the baby? Panic consumed him. He thought his heart that was reverberating loudly against his chest sometime back had now stopped beating. With disbelief written in his eyes he looked back at the doctor who had not yet done with tormenting his heart and soul. The doctor suggested that if he didn't wish to risk khushi's life in any way then the only option in hand was to terminate this pregnancy, also as khushi was close to finishing her second trimester the decision to abort the child later on would be all the more fatal for her. Handing him a paper she said that his and khushi's consent was necessary to terminate this pregnancy or else they could go ahead with the pregnancy which might be life threatening for the mother at the time of delivery.

To save khushi's life he had to take away his baby's life! The dream of having a child that he'd decorated in his eyes now needed to be shattered and that too with his own hands. He gazed at his palms that had turned sweaty and with whom he had taken several lives, now with the same pair of hands he was supposed to kill his own child. Hands soaked with the blood of strangers would today be soaked with his own blood. He shut his eyes firmly as tears that filled his eyes, tried then succeeded from not rolling down. He desperately wanted to be with his child during this check up but not like this when he would have to choose between her and the baby.

Gulping hard, he opened his eyes and took a pen to sign the paper. His fingers were trembling but he had to do this, for his personal happiness he couldn't risk an innocent person's life who was carrying his child. Though the chances were low but still if god forbid something happened to pragya then he would never ever forgive himself. Pursing his lips he finally signed the paper.

Shalini gasped in horror, how could he sign on that paper and that too without consulting her.

" what have you done?"

Didn't she know what he'd done or did he have any other option? It was all over! Clenching his teeth he shot back," didn't you hear what the doctor said.. this pregnancy might take away khushi's."

" she might lose her life ... it's not certain ..but you're actually taking away our child's life."

His face turned into disgust, he knew she was eager to have this baby and for that she had without thinking once put him through hell but he wouldn't allow her to play with khushi's life. Not caring to explain his action he approached khushi's room to obtain her consent.

" no, I will talk to khushi." She stood in his way to stop him. He took another step ahead, towering over he glared at her and spoke in a threatening tone," don't you dare step inside the room." He was well aware that she would easily influence khushi's decision and not let her sign the paper. Seeing his dark hooded eyes staring at her made her drop her gaze and step back.

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khushi turned her neck as the door opened. He met her inquisitive gaze just for a few seconds before dropping his eyes. Even though she was in pain still seeing him after so many days brought a weak smile on her lips which he didn't notice as he walked towards the window and drew the curtain, shalini was standing right outside the window. khushi creased her forehead in confusion and tried to sit up. His eyes scattered the floor as he stood next to her bed and gave out the paper along with a pen.

" sign this." Her eyes moved from the paper to him as she shot him a puzzled look.

" what's written in this?" she asked innocently.

Gathering all the courage he parted his lips to drop this bomb on her," it says that you wish to ..." he paused and shut his eyes before completing himself," terminate this pregnancy ."

There was complete silence in the room, her jaw dropped as her ears couldn't believe what they had just heard. She was numb.

He slowly turned himself to glance at her. She was staring blankly at nothing in particular.

"khushi." He called out softly, the name that she was dying to hear from his lips failed to stir her now.

" khushi." He called out once again, still she didn't react.

"khushi." This time he pressed her shoulder lightly.

"huh" she said responding to his touch and looked up to him. He didn't know how to explain her but he had to.

" if today you keep this baby then there is a possibility that at the time of the delivery you ..." He gulped and tried to look into her eyes that had turned lifeless before continuing," might die." her eyes widened in shock and she turned her neck ever so slowly.

" look I don't want you to risk your life so just sign this paper ." He offered her the pen.

Her mind stopped working, she failed to understand what was happening. No this was not possible, all this wasn't true, this couldn't happen to her. She wrapped her arms around her belly as tears blinded her vision. She shook her head in negation. She couldn't kill the life that was growing inside her.

He knitted his brows in surprise, what was wrong with her? was she refusing to abort the child? Didn't she get what he'd just said? Sitting on the bed in front of her he gazed at her intently.

"c'mon sign. The doctor is waiting outside." He said while thrusting the piece of paper in her hands. She pushed back the paper like a stubborn child and shook her head in defiance. Irritated with her behavior he attempted hard to maintain his cool.

" don't you understand that this pregnancy could be life threatening ?" This time he jerked her by grabbing her shoulders. Seeing fury rise in his eyes, her lips quivered and tears stood scarily at the edges of her eyes.

" arnav ji..i can't ." She spoke softly after dropping her lids. His nostrils flared up, why couldn't she do this? What was stopping her?

" I promised di that I will give her this child." She caressed her belly while speaking.

The child meant a lot to shalini, in fact this child was her world. The desperation, the hunger, the craving and the affection that she had for the child could not be ignored. She couldn't let down shalini.

As a husband, as a father he knew how badly shalini wanted this baby, for sure she'd be shattered after this abortion but still to bring happiness in their lives he couldn't take someone else's life. He fisted the blanket that was covering khushi in his hand, why was life so tough and complicated? The woman who was carrying his baby was willing to give up her life for the woman who he was married to. He scrunched his nose, he was responsible to both these women, one was the mother of his child and the other was his wife but today he had to choose between the two! He hated himself.

" you don't worry about shalini .i'll handle her." If shalini was losing the baby then as a father even he was losing it...he could understand her pain...maybe they were destined not to become parents. He gave her the pen one more time.

" I told you I won't abort the baby ." Stifling the groan, she announced her decision for the last time. He could see that she was still in pain but his mind failed to understand that why was she bearing it when she didn't have to... why was she playing with her life? Glancing at her pain stricken face he asked through greeted teeth," why are you doing this ? why are you suffering in pain?" he had to handle shalini and he would do that so what was the need for her to endure this pain. When she could get rid of it then why wasn't she doing so?

Without replying she turned her face to the other side which annoyed him further. She was testing his patience big time and now his temper had reached its peak.

" what's the need ? tell me dammit." He growled at her.

She threw the pen that was in her hand , he clenched his jaw in anger seeing her react like this.

" because I can't see you in pain!" her declaration stunned him.

" I know how much this baby means to you ." Not only shalini but even he longed for a baby.

" that night I not only saw you in pain but felt it too." How could she forget the pain that we went through that night just for this child. It killed him inside to share the bed with a stranger but still he went ahead just to bring this life into this world. Even thereafter he couldn't forgive himself for the sin that he'd committed," the guilt and grief that you suffered lessened at the sight of this child." The joy that had glimmered in his eyes after watching the CD of the child had to some extent lowered his burden of guilt. How could she ignore that?

Tears now ashamedly flowed down her eyes," arnav ji..i can't see you spending your life in darkness ." His anger dissipated and a sense of warmth engulfed his senses on seeing someone care about him so much. The purity and sincerity in her tears twisted his heart.

" moreover one day I have to leave... after that I live or die how does it matter." She couldn't meet his gaze as she let out the last words.

He wondered how could someone be so selfless and brutally honest?

" khushi..." he wished to convince her again but she shook her head slowly and pled with her eyes not to ask her to change her mind.

" arnav ji ..leave everything to destiny ." With that she dropped back on the bed and closed her eyes. Leaving everything upon God and their destiny.

After freeing him from the clutches of that guilt filled dark night was she unknowingly pushing him into another deep valley of guilt?

Only time had the answer !

Thanks for reading

Rose