Arshi FF: Destined To Love Link # 2 pg 151 - Page 71

Chapter 14

Sitting under the tree, khushi inhaled the cool fresh air and gazed around. The bushes with their new tender leaves looked beautiful and charming. The air was rich with their fragrance. Wishing the sun to be out in the noon it was hiding behind the thick blanket of clouds making the sky appear lost and gloomy or was it her own state of mind that was reflecting high above her.

Leaning her head against the tree trunk she saw the driver pushing big suit cases in the car far away as per shalini's instructions who was literally standing on his head giving him orders from time to time. Turning her neck to the other side she allowed her eyes to wander over some pleasant sight. The butterflies flitted in the air and tiny birds flew from bush to bush. She smiled seeing them lead their lives freely and independently. They seemed to be mad with joy. The breeze was bracing and invigorating. It was pleasure giving. It was life giving.

She heard someone clap, but who? She looked around and found shalini clapping her hands to gain her attention.

" what?" khushi yelled out unable to understand what shalini was attempting convey through hand gestures. khushi creased her forehead and wondered, couldn't she just open her mouth and voice her thoughts loudly instead of making those weird gestures. But then screaming and yelling were not what sophisticated and classy ladies like shalini did. Rising to her feet, khushi took a few steps in shalini's direction, that's when she understood that shalini was asking her to get her bags stuffed in the car. So it was finally time to say good bye to Raizada Mansion ! khushi nodded her head slowly.

Before walking back home she looked at the beautiful garden one more time. She recalled the numerous evenings she'd spent here strolling around, caressing the tender flowers, watching the sun set in and not to forget climbing up trees to eat raw mangoes. A cheeky smile spread across her lips remembering the day shalini had caught her sitting on the tree. Oh my god, her expressions were to die for, she had absolutely freaked out. With mischief bubbling in her eyes she glanced in shalini's direction, what if she climbed the tree once again? Grinning ear to ear she thought, Poor woman would faint standing there, she was sure of that and maybe she deserved it for dropping that bomb of leaving RM abruptly on her yesterday.

She caressed her tummy that was beginning to show up slightly and nodded a 'NO', this little life was precious not only for the lady standing far away but also for many who were associated with it. Moreover Khushi was loud, outrageous, blunt and impulsive but she was definitely not insensitive. She knew where to draw a line. She wouldn't harm anybody ever not even in her dreams, taking revenge was certainly not her cup of tea. She smiled and blew a kiss towards the mangoes hanging from the trees, she would miss them terribly.

Striding inside the house, she stopped in her tracks when her gaze fell on the dining table. The same dining table where several meals were eaten, mostly in silence except for one or two occasions when arnav and shalini discussed business issues that were alien to her. Although silence marked it presence still the inner feelings of people eating here were clearly audible to her.

She'd witnessed the change in attitude and behavior of the couple towards her over the period of time. Initially shalini's warm and welcoming nature to make her feel at home changed as the dominating streak overpowered her. Earlier things were offered to khushi whereas later on they were forced upon her. Taking a few steps ahead she stood before his chair. Her fingers slowly brushed the back of the chair and a smile crept her lips remembering how uncomfortable he used to get in her presence. He wouldn't speak a word, wouldn't even care to look at her, he loathed her that much. But then later on she too started avoiding him, it was no fun troubling him. He was a gentle soul she concluded blinking her eyes.

She turned around to leave when she felt a tug behind, overlooking her shoulder she saw the edge of her sari caught in a nail of his chair. He too had stopped her, though not like this but still he had. The awkwardness, the uneasiness evaporated gradually between them as a silent bonding of a different level developed, where words were not uttered but emotions could be felt and exchanged, where he moved on from having two morsels to plate full of what she cooked. Freeing her sari from the nail her eyes moved towards the kitchen, the place where in the beginning she'd forcefully heated the meal for him, although at that time he didn't ate much but after she started preparing spinach soup for him there was no looking back. The cook inside her came to the forefront and then making dinner for him was the only activity that she looked forward to in her daily routine. A task taken up to kill time when turned so pleasurable she didn't know. She'd miss this as well.

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Sipping on to his black coffee, he silently observed how the house was buzzing with activities. He heard the clock on his bedroom wall click slowly. Shalini came in the room to get her shawl, wrapping it around her shoulders, her eyes scanned the room hoping not to leave anything important behind. With hooded eyes he watched her roving eyes till they stopped on him. Satisfied that everything was in order she walked towards him with a smile, enveloping her arms around his back she buried her face in his chest and said," it would have been nice had you also come to leave us." He smirked putting his free arm around her shoulder reluctantly, how desperately she wanted him to leave her.

Though it was certainly not required still he suggested as she moved back from him," if you need anything do let me know ." She pressed his arm warmly and nodded her head in agreement before going out of the room. Never seen a wife so elated and excited to leave her husband and home.

The evening became much darker as grey clouds threatened any sun light to penetrate through. The clouds thundered loudly and the lightening struck hard breaking the peace and calmness around. Heavy droplets of rain started to pour down. He furrowed his brows, rains during this time of the season were unexpected and uncalled for. The deafening thunder and howling winds brought back some age old painful memories. He shut his eyes instantly to block those heart breaking images but his efforts went in vain.

Flashback

Ten years ago, one evening before leaving for the taxi stand where he worked as a driver , he thought of going back to garage once again. An oil filter needed to be replaced in a car, it wouldn't take him much time hence he cycled his way back to the garage. All of a sudden it began to drizzle, he smiled looking at the sky above as rain drops began to wet his face, he paddled the wheels faster to reach soon. He rushed in and looked around for the car. It wasn't inside instead was parked outside. The rain fell harder drenching him and everything around. The visibility was low still brushing off the falling droplets from his eyes and face he approached the car. However what he saw afterwards froze him to the spot. sheetal, his sheetal was engulfing the owner of the garage in her arms! In fact they were doing much more than that in the car.

For several seconds nothing registered in his mind. His senses became numb. The girl who he wanted to get married and settle down with , the girl for whom he was slogging himself so that he could provide her with a decent living was with someone else?

It was unbelievable...it was all confusing. His heart and mind failed to comprehend what was happening. He loved her, she loved him, she'd told him so, his heart screamed loudly...in fact he'd even proposed to her some days back then what the hell was going on? His eyes widened trying to clear out the whole mess and the situation did clear up.

" arnav, one can't survive in this world with just love...one needs money..and I want lots."

Her one statement and now everything was crystal clear, he didn't need anymore explanations, she'd said it all. He took a few steps in her direction, stood before her, glanced into her eyes and raised his hand to give her a tight slap however his hand stopped in mid air, she was not worth it!

She turned her face expecting to be hit but found him looking back at her, he searched for the love that he'd seen in her eyes...there was no trace of it now. All he could see was greed and deceit in them.

In this unexpected rain everything swept away, his dreams, his desires, his love and his life, all drenched and lost their sheen. He fell on his knees, tried to hold on to everything that was silently slipping away from him but couldn't.

She'd killed the love inside him!

This was not the only rain that had robbed him off something precious, once more he lost something in the rain and that was...himself!

The day he took away somebody's life, it was raining. The clouds were thundering in the sky above and the man was begging in front of him but he didn't give in. The man was clutching arnav's feet, asking for mercy but he didn't relent. With trembling hands he pulled the trigger and shut his eyes. The bullets pierced through the man's chest and heart. He stopped breathing and his heart stopped beating as his blood splashed across arnav's face killing the innocent and naive arnav within him. The blood stains though washed away in the rain but he'd lost himself to this world of blood and crime.

End of flashback

He pulled the windows shut, he hated these rains! They always deprived him off something precious. After having lost his love and his dreams he believed he'd nothing more to lose. But today why was he experiencing something familiar? Why the fear of losing something dear was gripping him? He gazed at his open palms, they were empty, they had nothing in them then why was this uncanny fear overpowering his senses? All of a sudden why was he feeling lost and hollow?

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Opening her cupboard she glanced at her belongings and told herself, c'mon khushi , time to pack your bags. Taking out the suit case she began depositing the clothes that she'd got for herself, vibrant low cut tops and long skirts though she didn't get a chance to wear them here but then there was a time that these clothes helped in earning her bread and butter. Outfits are generally meant to cover one's body but in her case they exposed her body. The more of her meat grabbed hungry eye balls the more she got to feed her hungry stomach. Selling herself every night to feed herself daily, that was her story.

The night she'd for the first time slipped into these skimpy clothes, how cheap and filthy she'd felt, couldn't even bear to see herself in the mirror. Within minutes even those bare garments were shredded off her body. Clutching the skirt in her hands she shut her eyes firmly on remembering that horrible night when it all started. A sudden chill ran down her spine as if it happened just yesterday. Her wails, her cries, her screams, all got smothered by the loud raunchy music that played in the bar.

In a dark secluded room she battled hard to save her life and honor but couldn't succeed. That night the innocent pure and vulnerable khushi breathed her last breath within her.

With moist eyes she glanced at her dreadful past, she touched her belly, thanks to him today she was away from that murky world and if everything went well then maybe she wouldn't need to enter those dark rooms ever.

Pushing back the tears that were threatening to roll down, she dropped the clothes in the bag and turned around to get more of her stuff. Picking up her make up kit she thought this was again one thing that she hardly got to use here, though she tried initially to attract him by wearing the loud makeup but then her rosy cheeks and glossy lips didn't quite appeal to him. However back in the brothel all these eye liners, lipsticks etc used to come really handy in hiding the real face of her. The dark eye liners would manage to beautify her otherwise puffed and life less eyes that had gone dead long time back, the eye shadows would cast a dark blanket and conceal all her pain and hurt. Her soft thin petals that once used to adorn childlike grin were later on smudged with vibrant shades of lipsticks to attract hungry lusty men. Keeping the kit in the bag she wondered when that artificial gaudy face camouflaged her actual simple docile face she didn't realize.

Back to the cupboard her gaze fell on something that was still close to her heart, her mother's radio. Taking it in her arms she embraced it and rested her head on it. Her mother had saved penny penny to buy this for her. The music and songs played on it soothed her soul and transported her to a different world. She remembered the lullabies her mother used to sing for her at night, they used to provide her with a sense of security that she'd always be there for her. She used to cuddle upto her mother and hold her close so that she wouldn't leave her ever... but she did. In her absence this radio was the only medium that helped her to communicate with her mother. On hearing the songs again that they once used to listen together would help her feel that she was still with her. However like everything music also died in her life. With the bars blaring items songs it was no more music...it was just noise for her, noise that forced her feet to dance on. Silent tears dropped down as she clutched her mother's last possession closer to her chest and thought, did her gasps, wails, whimpers ever reached her mother's ears? In those loud ear deafening noise did she ever hear her? maybe not. Sighing heavily she carefully packed the radio as well.

She smirked looking at those saris hanging in her wardrobe, most of them were given by shalini, not out of charity or love but because shalini wanted her to appear decent enough while she was around. Though shalini was well aware from where khushi came but she couldn't let others know the same. These saris were meant to cover the bitter and shameful truth that was staying with shalini. Jerking her head, khushi pulled the saris from the hanger and began depositing them in the bag.

She scratched her head to remember if she'd forgotten anything, yeah medicines how could she forget them. Pushing back the drawer after taking out the medicines, she halted her moving feet as her eyes had caught something in the drawer. She packed the medicines and pulled opened the drawer fully this time. Her eyes fell on the crumbled fabric that was pushed back in the drawer, she recalled she'd done so, pushing it away from her sight. Taking it in her hands she stared at that piece of cloth, it was the same red sari that she'd worn that night. For the first time she'd slipped into shalini's clothes to sleep with her husband. Her fingers touched the sari and her face scrunched in disgust remembering how shamelessly she'd dared to step into his bedroom, his space and his life even if it was only for a night. The red color reminded her of his blood shot eyes that looked at her as if she was some trash. His anger, his hatred towards her came hitting her back as images of that night flooded in her mind. Tears once again welled up in her eyes thinking back how he'd pounced on her, how cruel he was with her, how his fingers dug into her skin, How desperate he was to hurt her, hoping that by doing so he'd feel better. But how could he?

After all he was not one of those who derived pleasure by inflicting pain on others. His eyes had clearly showcased his inner emotions, how badly he regretted his actions, how miserable and broken he was, how deeply he loathed himself for all this and above all...how lonely he was!

She crushed the sari in her fist and threw it back in the cupboard, she hated herself for making him go through hell.

Hearing some footsteps approaching her room she wiped off her face roughly, why the hell was she crying so much today? Maybe the hormonal changes taking place within her were to be blamed. She hurriedly went to the bathroom to wash her face.

" khushi ..khushi." she heard shalini calling her out.

" coming ." She replied while splashing water on her face.

" hurry up we're getting late ." Shalini said before leaving.

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Shaking his head with an attempt to throw away those bitter memories, arnav sat on the couch, putting his legs up on the table and resting his head back. Darkness and solitude once again engulfed him and his room as he closed his eyes.

khushi halted her steps at the entrance of his door on seeing him rest on the couch. Even though it was dark still the creases on his face didn't go unnoticed by her. Contemplating on whether to disturb him or not she stood there for a while then deciding not to meet him before going, she turned around to leave.

" who's there?" he asked narrowing his eyes after sensing someone's presence.

" Arnav ji." She replied hurriedly as her heart pounded loudly inside her chest on hearing his hoarse voice.

Adjusting his eyes he gazed at her wondering what she was doing here? She gulped the lump in her throat and looked back at him, she wanted to see him...probably even talk to him before leaving...forever. A while back there were so many questions running in her mind which desired to seek answers from him but now standing before him all those questions seemed so irrelevant.

Dropping his gaze he stood up on his feet and slipped his hands in the pockets. She opened her mouth to speak, time was running out and as always she had loads to say but surprisingly nothing was escaping her lips. Her eyes scattered the floor aimlessly, fine if today she couldn't bring herself up to speak her mind then didn't he too have anything to say? She wouldn't be around here anymore and maybe he wouldn't get an opportunity to speak to her, still he didn't wish to speak up? Something could be exchanged...isn't it?, her heart questioned.

With hope and expectation squirming in her eyes she allowed her gaze to travel up his face one more time. But once again she was left disappointed as his pursed lips refused to part with anything.

This impending silence and her questioning glances were getting awkward for him. Ever since shalini had broken the news that they both would leave the house, he'd not come face to face with her and had avoided her since then.

He noticed her quivering lips, that wished to say something but were failing miserably, what was preventing her from doing so he didn't have a clue. She coiled the end of her sari around her index finger and gazed at him expectantly.

Taking out his cell phone he began dialing some number, once again avoiding those eyes that were begging to be looked and answered. Placing the phone to his ear he turned around slowly and that... hurt her...it hurt her to see his back facing her. A thin layer of moisture filled the corners of her eyes.

He was aware that she wanted him to protest and question but then why would he do anything about all this? When was his opinion sought in this whole deal? The entire issue was discussed and decided between shalini and her.

When he was not asked then, then why was she expecting him to speak now? She'd stepped in his life unannounced and uninvited so now if she was stepping out then why would he react or care to stop her? her mind sought answers from his silence and her heart heard all that was unspoken by him. She stared at his back while he glanced at her reflection in the mirror as a lone pearly tear escaped from her shell like eyes before she spoke,

" I'm going."

Rose