Chapter 6
Throwing the red towel hanging around his neck aside he picked up his black shirt and pushed his arms through it. He turned to reach for the waist coat but shalini went for it first, that's when he realized that she was also present in the room. She held the coat for him, his gaze travelled from the coat to her face and stayed there for some time before he lifted his arms to wear it.
He busied himself in folding his sleeves when she came from behind to adjust his coat. Her worried eyes gazed at him to read his mind but his face didn't give away anything. His mind was concentrating hard on the proposed meeting till he felt her fingers buttoning his shirt.
" I'll do it." He said curtly holding her hands but she didn't stop, she buttoned all of them leaving just the first one open. Without meeting her eyes he tried to walk past her however she blocked his way and said," I need to say something."
Looking straight at the door behind he replied before taking a step forward," not now. Later."
She grabbed his arm to stop him and insisted," abhi ..just two minutes." He raised his hand and glanced at his loosely hung watch, he had some spare time but did he wish to spend it on her? pursing his lips he stood rigid, expecting her to get done with what she wanted to say.
" yesterday I took pragya to the hospital ..and today her reports would be ready."
He clenched his jaws firmly on hearing her, this was one thing that he was trying 24x7 to forget and was failing badly.
"I'm really nervous." She said anxiously, this was the last option in her hands, she'd pinned all her hopes and desires on this one. Leaning her head on his shoulder she continued," if something wrong happens this time...I'll be devastated."
He curled his fingers in a fist and scrunched his nose, her anxiety, her apprehension, her fear all were real and genuine, he could feel them but what he felt, what he desired, she never understood. Till date she didn't realize his true feelings, instead of Us/Theirs there was always I, Me, Myself in her talks, even when she would use the word Us there would actually be no Us in it.
Her hand travelled down his arm, forcing him to open his fist as she added further," will my dream come true?" and entwined her fingers with his expecting him to reassure her somehow.
A part of him wanted to hold her, sooth her, comfort her like before and even wished that her dream came true because he knew that having a baby meant the world to her but today something from within him was holding him back, the concern and affection that he had in his heart for her were losing their sheen and he couldn't bring himself to fake those emotions anymore.
" I'm running late." He said while jerking his hand from her hold and left the room without uttering another word.
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Pragya's head was spinning seeing shalini pace up and down the hospital corridor, they had come half an hour before their appointed time and since then shalini was doing nothing other than walking around nervously. Chewing on her gum pragya thought that today was a very crucial day for all of them especially for the lady in front of her who had put her marriage and her husband's desires at stake for this child. If things turned out as shalini had planned then all of them would be relieved, she would get a baby she craved for so long, sahab would also probably come around as what he did was only to save his marriage and extend his family and lastly with those ten lac rupees she wouldn't have to go back to that hell, she concluded.
Shalini saw a mother coming out of a room carrying her infant in her arms. Her heart filled with desire on seeing that cute little baby, she wondered would a day ever come when she'd hold his child in her hands? She had and was waiting impatiently for that day to arrive. She glanced at the women sitting on the bench outside the doctor's cabin, most of them appeared tensed. Someone or the other must be in the same position like hers, dying to experience the bliss of motherhood. She remembered the countless number of times she'd visited various doctors to get her infertility treated while at the same time there were young girls both married and unmarried who would come to get their pregnancy terminated. It would shatter her heart into pieces on seeing them give up such a beautiful gift gifted by God.
Her thoughts got interrupted when a nurse called both of them in.
With bated breath both stepped inside where the doctor was waiting to give the reports. She offered the closed envelope to pragya, who felt a lump form in her throat, before she could act, shalini grabbed it from doctor's hands.
Pragya gulped and looked in shalini's direction, her fingers were trembling, she closed her eyes and thought of Bappa before opening the envelope.
Shalini forgot to breathe as she read the contents of the reports, it was only when her gaze fell on the words 'pregnancy test positive' that she took a deep breath. Slowly her lips stretched in a smile and she raised her head to look at the doctor who confirmed that pragya was indeed pregnant. Her heart jumped with joy and a wave of happiness flowed through her body as she turned to glance at pragya.
Cupping her face with one hand shalinia spoke through glistened eyes," you have no idea how happy you've made me today."
Pragyaa stared blankly at those warmth and loved filled eyes, she didn't know how to react and for a moment everything seemed to black out.
" pragya..you need to be careful during the initial months." The doctor informed.
" don't worry I'll take good care of her." Shalini assured and listened carefully to the instructions which the doctor was giving out whereas pragya was still lost in her own world unable to believe that she was actually pregnant! that she was carrying someone's child in her womb! She lowered her head and touched her belly, the whole thing would take time to sink in.
Shalini one more time read the report and shook her head then took out a bundle of notes from her purse and gave it to the doctor.
" instead of pragya's the reports should carry my name and obviously this thing shouldn't be leaked out." Shalini dictated in a firm tone. The doctor smiled and nodded her head before replying," okay ma'am."
When they'd entered the cabin similar emotions of anxiety and nervousness were running through them however when they came out, their feelings were different if shalini was ecstatic then pragya was still in a daze, instead of the baby she thought there were butterflies in her stomach. Minutes ago she was hoping that she was pregnant and now, she was really pregnant!
After settling themselves in the car, shalini dialed abhi's number.
" abhi, can you meet me at shiv mandir?" shalini said excitedly.
" but you were supposed to go to the hospital ..what happened?" He asked raising his brow.
" leave that just come to the temple." She couldn't contain her happiness and wished to break this news in the temple.
" I'm not sitting idle." He said in irritation, he had more important things to do than visit the temple.
" your work can wait but I can't."
He opened his mouth to protest but before that she'd already disconnected the call. He rolled his eyes, his wife was now getting on to his nerves. If she could act stubborn then so could he. He would go there only after finishing his meeting.
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The car was stopped at a sweets shop where shalini bought several boxes of sweets before reaching the temple. The happiness and enthusiasm in her eyes was clearly visible to pragya, she was glad that she could bring a smile on somebody's face. After getting out, shalini held one box and instructed the driver to distribute the rest of the boxes among the people of Ratnagiri who'd gathered there on seeing her car arrive.
Pragya climbed up a few steps along with shalini however she stopped in the middle on realizing something. Shalini looked at her in confusion to which pragya said," di..you go I'll wait here."
Shalini shrugged her shoulders and without questioning further, stepped up the stairs whereas pragya sat in a corner from where she could still see the big idol of lord Shiv ji and a small one of lord Ganesha. It had been a very long time since pragya had visited any temple, she blamed lack of time as the reason behind however deep down the real reason was quite different. She believed that people with a pure mind BODY and soul deserved to visit such pious places and she was clearly not one of them. She was impure, dirty and not worthy enough to stand before Him. She remembered her childhood when she used to make idol of bappa out of clay, decorate and worship it during ganesh chaturthi. The long and endless talks she used to have with Him, treating Him as her closest pal. Could she do all that again? Her eyes moistened as she questioned herself and turned away her gaze from Him to one of the devotee who touched his ears then rubbed his nose before Him to seek forgiveness. She wondered glancing at Him once again, if she too did the same, Would he forgive the dark sins she'd committed in those dark nights? By folding hands and shedding tears of remorse, could she come out clean before Him? She shook her head in negation, she'd been tarnished beyond repair.
A part of her wanted and did blame Him for all the mess that was there in her life, after all nothing in this world happens without His consent and she didn't remember what grave mistake she'd committed to deserve a life like this.
The cheering of the huge crowd broke the terrain of her thoughts, by then the news that Abhishekh mehra and his wife would soon be parents had slowly spread around, it amazed her to see how everybody was showering respect and love on shalini who was giving away sweets to them.
Shalini saw a toddler asking for more sweets, she smiled and caressed his face while giving him more and hoped that she too get a cute child like him, then she'd love and pamper him to no extent.
"di, it's amazing , these people respect you so much." She heard pragya say softly. Turning her neck and with pride in her eyes she replied to pragya," money talks."
She believed that these people who had lowered their heads in front of her, respected and loved her for the power she carried.
Pragya wished to disagree, she felt that the warmth and love in their eyes were not out of fear, these people seriously respected her a lot. She opened her mouth to speak her mind however stopped on hearing a jeep coming to a screeching halt.
Abhi had finally arrived after finishing off his meeting. The crowd greeted and made way for him. He slowly began climbing up the stairs. An overjoyed shalini met him half way. With furrowed brows he asked her," all went well in the hospital?" she smiled through her tears and attempted to dispel all his doubts. Digging her face in his chest, she embraced him and replied," you're going to be a father soon."
His heart skipped a beat and for a moment his senses went numb on hearing her. His brows ironed out and his eyes softened, he raised his arms to hug her back but just then his gaze fell on pragya.
Their eyes met and held for a few seconds till she gave out a soft smile. That's when he realized how and under what circumstances he was going to become a father. Instead of his wife some other woman was bearing his child, his hands dropped automatically and his hard frame stiffened.
Shalini after straightening herself held his hand and said," I've kept a small puja for us."
Abhi wasn't a very religious person, he believed in himself more than on any external force however at the same time he didn't show any disrespect towards Him. He bowed his head before Him when it was expected of him, otherwise he wished to write his destiny on his own.
The puja got over, pundit ji gave both of them Prasad and blessed them for their journey into parenthood. Abhi was quite surprised that the priest knew that they were going to be parents. His face wrinkled when he asked shalini," why did you disclose this news to everyone?"
" after nine months when I'd be holding a baby in my arms then what would everyone say?" she replied calmly. As per her she'd done the right thing, after all people of Ratnagiri should have been aware of this important news. Nobody would question them later on.
" couldn't you find a better place to break this news? For god's sake this is a temple!" he said looking straight into her eyes, his tone was challenging. It annoyed him that she'd spread this news so soon. She should've controlled her emotions and not gone overboard.
" abhi, I didn't lie. Eventually I'd be known as the mother of this child." She replied pointing the index finger to herself. She'd only twisted the truth.
standing in a temple it amazed him to see how shamelessly she'd lied to everybody around. She rolled her eyes." What's wrong with you abhi? Today is such a happy day for us. Let's not fight."
He shook her head in disappointment, there was no point in arguing with her, she'd never accept her mistake.
An old woman came up to them and congratulated, Abhi not wanting to be part of this lie left from there. Pragya saw the woman blessing shalini, she resembled her late mother a lot.
Pragya smiled slowly watching her and thought, had her mother been alive today, she would've also caressed her face like that. Tears welled up in her eyes, been so close to her mother she wished she was alive today to see her daughter stepping into motherhood.
She touched her stomach lightly, the smile that was there a few seconds ago disappeared instantly. No, her mother would have died out of shame after knowing that her daughter was an unwed mother, that she'd sold away her womb for some money. Pragya shut her eyes in pain, she'd failed as a daughter. Her mother would've hated her had she been around. Tears threatening to roll down from her closed eyes she hoped or rather wondered that wouldn't her mother understand the circumstances under which she'd done all this?
" Prasad" she heard a husky voice. Opening her eyes she saw abhi standing before her, she immediately dropped her gaze and pushed back her tears. He'd seen her sad and gloomy expressions, was she regretting her acts?
She extended her hand and opened her palm for the Prasad, his fingers touched her softly while giving it to her and it surprised her that he came all the way down personally to offer the Prasad. His eyes didn't leave her face, trying to gauge what was going in her mind.
" let's go home." they both turned towards the owner of the voice who was shalini. Abhi head silently stepped down while pragya and shalini followed him behind.
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The pure and soothing moon light made its way through open windows. It was past midnight as pragya stirred in her sleep. The whirlpool of emotions and feelings that she'd gone through the day had taken a toll on her senses forcing her to retire to bed early. She woke up to a dry throat and looked around for water. The maid had probably forgotten to keep the water flask in her room. She went down to the kitchen to have water and was coming out after having it when she saw some light coming from the end of the hall.
On her own accord her feet began to move towards the light. She caught sight of him, he was sitting on the bar stool twirling the glass of whiskey in his hand. His ice cold gaze froze on her, both looked into one another's eyes and searched for the hidden emotions. A day that had marked a huge change in their lives had failed to mark a change in his eyes. They were still grim and lonely.
" sahab ..you look upset." her direct and blatant statements always hit him right through. Somewhere it amazed him and somewhere it annoyed him to see how effortlessly she deciphered his thoughts. He directed his lips towards the glass and gulped its contents down his throat.
" you'll be a father ..then shouldn't you be happy today?"
" even you're going to be a mother ..does that make you happy?" pat came his reply or question taking her completely off guard. Although he spoke less but whenever he did, he either crushed or touched something inside her. lowering her head she turned around and without replying slowly walked back to her room.
Since evening he had observed a change in her behavior, instead of celebrating this big news with shalini she had gone all silent. She and shalini were the only ones who had benefitted from this deal then why wasn't she happy about it? In the temple why was she on the verge of tears? Not one of those who held their thoughts back then why was she avoiding his gaze? What was bothering her so much?
Not getting an answer to any of his questions, he too began climbing up the stairs to his room.
Pragya opened her cupboard and searched for her priceless possession, her age old radio that her mother had bought for her. tonight she was missing her a lot. She took it out and began tuning it, then stopped as it caught a channel where a beautiful ghazal was being aired.
Apni marzi se
Kahan apne safar ke hum hain
Rukh hawaaon ka jidhar ka hai
Udhar ke hum hain.
She stared blankly at the lines on her open palms, things were and would never be under her control. She was a puppet in HIS hands. Circumstances and situations ruled her life and she simply flowed with them.
Chalte rehte hain ki
Chalna hai musafir ka naseeb
Sochte rehte hain ki
Kis raah guzar ke hum hain.
She gazed up at the stars out of her window and thought about the various roles she'd played till date. From a daughter she became a wife then a prostitute and now a mother but in all these phases of her life where was the real pragya? She was nowhere to be seen. Today she was here to give this couple a child but after nine months where would she be, she had no clue. What future held for, she didn't know. She was simply walking and embracing whatever was coming her way with the hope that it might lead her to happiness.
Pehle har cheez this apni
magar ab lagta hai
apne hi ghar mein
kisi dusre ghar ke hum hain
after that dark night, it was for the first time that abhi was stepping into his room at this hour. He looked around and tried to register everything through his drowsy eyes. Finally his gaze fell on that bed where his wife was contently sleeping, the same bed which he'd shared with her for so long. He moved towards it and stared at it. Instead of the time spent with his wife, the night shared with another woman flashed before him. He flinched and cringed on remembering those moments, nope he couldn't sleep on that bed again. The thing that belonged to them , the room that was theirs had now been invaded by someone else making him feel like a stranger.
Rukh hawaaon ka jidhar ka hai
Udhar ke hum hain
He flopped down on the couch and closed his eyes, hoping that those memories would fade with time, hoping that he'd accept what life was offering him like always.
Thanks for reading
Rose
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Indian Mythology
Chakravarti Samrat Prithviraj Chauhan
Shiv Shakti
Anupamaa
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