He knew she had stood there beside him through all of the functions that day. In fact, he didn't think he'd ever been so consciously aware of her presence until today. He'd thought he'd lost her. For a single, heart-breaking, agonized hour, he'd thought he might have lost her forever. When she came back and he looked at her, it was with a gaze so intent, as though to capture her very form into memory. Relief had settled in his chest, but something else inside twisted and coiled and made him cold, made him angry. Angry with fear and love. He rarely got angry with her, the emotion was as alien to him as it was to her.
How could she have thought she could simply leave him...just like that? Nothing but a phone call as an elucidation for her missing presence in his life. How could she have doubted what he felt for her, how could she have thought to herself, he could just go on with his life, without her? She was his life.
And how had she made the decision to leave him; that cold dark fear crept in, stealing away any last vestiges of happiness from his brother's wedding ...he had forgiven her, he'd teased her, flirted with her. But, now after all the celebrations, when he was alone in the silence and dim lamplight, he ruminated over dark thoughts.
Jeevika left her brother-in-law, and now sister's bedroom, smiling. "Virenji?" she called out in the hallways, thinking him to still be conversing with family, but she was greeted with silence. And dark, for all had gone to bed, exhausted with the emotional upheavals of the night.
She made her way to her bedroom; it was dark and she could not make out her husband's form. "Virenji?" her voice sounded small and uncertain in the grim silence, as she stepped into the room.
A shadow fell across her and the door shut and locked with a soft click. "Virenji?"
She sounded afraid. Good. That meant she knew at least a tiny fraction of the suffocating terror he'd endured from the moment he'd heard her voicemail to the moment before she stepped out from behind Virat. Her hands rose up and found his chest, hovered there, before sliding up his neck to trace the contours of his face. Her breaths, her hands relaxed. He was taut, cold.
Like a statue, he stood before her, motionless. Her eyes began to adjust to the dark and she made out little more than the outline of his figure. "Virenji, what's wrong?"
He took a deliberate stride forward and she was involuntarily pressed backwards. Her back hit the door. This wasn't desire, though. He was angry.
Her eyes searched his face, but his was an expressionless, stony facade.
When he finally spoke, his words were calm, collected, "You tried to leave me today."
"Virenji, I-" her hands rose to his face, but he caught her wrists sharply, not enough to hurt, but enough for her to feel his strength. With a swift movement, her arms were pinned above her head and his head was bent over her neck, as though he was trying to calm himself down.
"You left me with a voicemail. A voicemail? You doubted my love for you to this extent? Forget my love; was it so easy for you to leave me, just like that? Is this how much you love me?" So much hurt in his low tone, it cut her more than had he shouted, had he physically hurt her.
"Virenji..."
"Shhh!" he hissed, pushing his forehead against hers, "Don't speak. Not yet. You left this house, you left me because you thought it would make this family happy? You thought I would be happy? What were you thinking?" his voice broke.
"Please, let me explain," she pleaded. She couldn't see him like this, hurting and desperate. He had always been strong for her, always. He stopped speaking, so she bravely continued, "I was going to call you to tell you everything, but you didn't answer. I left a voicemail. I left because I thought I could do no right for this family. All I brought was pain. And I thought Manvi could be the daughter-in-law I never was, I thought she could fix my mistakes."
"You made none-" he began, but this time she stopped him.
"I never committed any wrong against myself. Everything I have done, I have done it for my sister and you know that. Everyone knows that. I aborted my own child, so I could save her life," she struggled to continue, tears brought forth.
Viren shook his head frantically, trying to wipe away her tears, neglecting his own, "It was never a decision for you to make by yourself, we both made it, do you understand? If you were to leave this house to make everyone's life easier, then I should have left too; I should have left with you. How could you leave without me?" he let her hands go, they fell uselessly by her sides.
She understood everything then. It wasn't that he didn't understand her motives. He couldn't fathom how she had brought herself to separate from him. He thought she didn't love him truly.
"I don't know, I don't know!" she spoke with a rising urgency, a need to get through to him, "I meant for it to be my penance. Because that was the worst punishment I could think of for myself. Leaving you."
He shuddered in a deep breath and took a few steps back till the back of his knees hit the bed and he sat down, as though all his strength had left him. "You didn't think that was the worst punishment you could give me as well, did you?"
She felt crushed beneath the weight of his words. "I'm sorry," her voice trembled, "I didn't mean to hurt you, just myself."
"If you're hurt, don't you think I'll be hurt too?"
She knelt down on the floor by him, pulling his hands up to hold her face, "I didn't think, I just, just-"
He kissed the top of her head, "You didn't think," he spoke with finality, sadness, letting go of her face. She hated seeing him like this.
"Please, don't look at me like that," she told him pleadingly.
He got up, beginning to unbutton his black velvet sherwani carelessly. She brought her arms around him from behind, "I love you. Please, please..."
He said nothing, shrugging off the sherwani. She came to stand before him; he needed to believe her. "Look at me." He did. "I left you because I love you. I left because I thought I couldn't be a good wife to you. I made a mistake and I will suffer the consequences, whatever punishment you want to give me, but please don't think I don't love you."
Something shifted in his eyes, no longer impassive, there was something that wanted to believe her, something that heard the sincerity in her words.
She bravely continued, "You were hurt because you thought I doubted how much you loved me? Now, I'm equally pained." She took a tiny step forward and put her hands on his chest; her hands were cold and he was warm, he couldn't repress a shiver.
"Do you know what Virat told me that made me come back?" she whispered, "He told me that my leaving was punishing you the most. I came back because I couldn't hurt you. I could bear any pain for myself, but I can't bear yours. I came back for you. Because I love you."
And then, with whatever courage she had left, she let her lips touch him, right above his heart, branding him as hers. With a sudden surge of movement, he cupped his hands around her face and brought her up to kiss her fiercely. "Don't leave me ever again," he broke away, pushing her hair back, tangling his fingers in it.
"I won't," she barely had time to say the words before he kissed her again, his hands pressing into her hips, pulling her infinitesimally closer to him. His hands ran up and down her arms, holding her so close as though to physically prevent her from ever leaving him again.
"And next time, if you are," he smiled, wiping her tear-stained cheeks, "You're taking me with you."
"Virenji," she protested, but he swept her hair to one side, giving himself access to her neck.
"Tell me again," he told her, his mouth scorching heat upon her skin.
"What?" she twisted, hands gripping his shoulders tightly, as he wreaked havoc upon her senses.
"Tell me you love me." He found her pulse point.
"I," she managed, her dupatta now discarded.
"Mmhmm?" he prompted, kissing her shoulder.
"Love..." she stopped, blushing, then said very softly, "You."
He sat back on the bed, letting his hands trail from her arms to her fingers and looked at her. Just looked at her, as though reminding himself she was there before him. Then he brought his hands to her waist, tugging her towards him gently. She dropped a kiss on the top of his head very sweetly, before telling him, "I should g-"
"No," he didn't let her finish whatever she'd been about to say, "Stay. Just stay with me." He didn't think he could handle letting her out of his sight just yet.
"Virenji-" her breath caught as his lips moved against her stomach. His hands spanned the breadth of her waist, trapping her between his legs. Her entire body shivered under his kisses.
"Stay," he said again, so quietly she barely heard it, then swung her legs up, "Please."
She leaned forward, her hair a silky curtain around them and he fell back.
She stayed.
She woke up the next morning and propped her head up with her elbow. Her husband was sleeping flat on his stomach, bare-chested, his face relaxed and content. She ran her hand along his ridged spine, the expanse of his back, feeling the strength there, before pressing a kiss to his shoulder. She sat up, preparing to get ready for the morning, when Viren's arm shot out to pull him tightly towards her.
"Virenji, I thought you were sleeping!" she struggled under the weight of his arm, blushing.
His mouth curved in a lazy smile, eyes still closed, "Not anymore." He stretched out yawning and to Jeevika's immense surprise, let go, sitting up.
"Where are you going?" she demanded, nonplussed.
He grinned wickedly, "Don't you know there's a lot of work to be done today, Jeevikaji? It'll be getting late soon. "
She shook her head at him, laughing, "Teek hai, FMji."
Though when he actually rose from the bed, she was even more surprised, as well as distracted by his corded muscles that caught the shots of sunlight from the window.
"Virenji?"
"Hmm?" he looked back at his wife, lounged back in the bed.
"Stay. Please?"
He grinned mischievously, falling back on top of her and rolling her into the sheets, muffling her shrieked giggles with his mouth.
"I," he murmured into her neck.
"Love," she pushed him back, laughing.
"You," he finished.
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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