Okay...100+ likes on the last update! Overwhelmed by this response...and I don't even know what else to say anymore. I was always surprised at how much everyone loves this FF. I was this surprised when I reached 100 pages for this story and then the second thread. Now this thread is half done and one of my update gets over 100 likes?!😲😲 Thank you all so much! And so with my usual way of thanking everyone, I have another update...
Chapter 33 "Raman I feel disgusted with myself. He made me feel dirty!"
"No! Don't. You're not dirty!"
"I thought it was love. It wasn't... I never felt so unwanted in my life!"
"It was love from your side. You can't change what he thought or did."
"He made me feel like trash!"
"Don't call yourself that!"
"Then why did he do that with me?"
"I don't know. He was just disgusting! Ishita I wanted you to let it out, but I don't want you to cry thinking about what he thought of you. I understand your hurt feelings and it's not easy to forget his actions, but I don't want you suffering because of his opinion...aren't you the same woman who didn't care about people or at least acted like she didn't care."
He was right, she needed to try and forget about his opinion on her and all women. But it wasn't as easy as it seemed. How could she forget the look on Subbu's face that made her regret each time she let him touch her, those words that broke her to a point where she wanted to seem emotionless to the world, that betrayal that broke her heart into small pieces that would take a lifetime to put back together.
She was not able to forget his opinion of her. He could tell she was disturbed by the thought of that man and he didn't know what to do. He couldn't simply tell her not to worry or be bothered because it wasn't something she could forget easily. The man had broken this woman, He used her, demoralized her, insulted her, and he broke her. But Raman also knew it was up to him to bring up her self-respect and to help bring her back to the woman she once was; a confident and strong Ishita...
"I know you can't forget, but you should also remember it's all okay now. You didn't make a mistake by loving him, but it was just not meant to be. It wasn't your fault nor was it because you lacked in any matter. You did all you could for the relationship and if it still didn't work and only hurt you, it was good that you stood up for yourself by telling him you wanted the baby. You ended this relationship with dignity and self-respect. So now don't lower your self-respect over his words, I want you to be proud of yourself for taking that step like I am."
His words seemed to work for now as she started rethinking about why she had cried today. For the man who had moved on without a second thought, for the man that never looked back, for a man who was probably happily married and here she was; thinking and crying about what he had probably forgotten terming it off as a fling.
And she was bound to be upset since she was more emotionally invested in that relationship, but shouldn't she try to forget instead of reminding herself of all he did? After all now Raman was telling her the same. As she looked up at the man who was crying with her in her pain and trying to make her feel better, she ended up calming down. Instead of feeling upset, she found herself feeling grateful. Feeling grateful for this second chance she had taken in life by marrying him. And she ended up saying her thoughts aloud...
"Raman I know we said no more sorrys or thank yous, but I am seriously thankful for you. You coming into my life is probably one of the best things that has happened to me. You make me feel like I mean something, that I have some value, that I am not just a thing to be used. You give me all any girl would want from their husband; a little bit of importance in your life. I get all the respect, support, care, and trust I always wanted. Raman you're a blessing to me and my baby." And she couldn't stop her tears from rolling down her cheeks again.
"Shhh, stop crying now. I'm not any blessing, I'm just a person who knows your value like many others probably do as well." And she couldn't think back to Subbu's thoughts on her.
"Then what about him? He-"
"Ishita, he was disgusting. That man is of no worth himself, he shouldn't make you feel unimportant."
"But he does." She sadly admitted feeling helpless like never before. She didn't want him to be a part of her through her memories, but she had no control over her thoughts.
"Fine. He affects you, that's okay it's hard to forget. But tell me something honestly, do you believe my words and care about my opinion?"
She looked up at him. He raised his brows asking her the same question again. She didn't know what he was going to say to try and make her feel better, but she knew he had something in mind. Hesitantly nodding positively, she wondered what he was going to say as slowly pulled her away from himself. She started to become scared of what he would say now after he move her away from him. He smiled at her cupping her face and as he wiped off her tears with his thumb...
"Then let me tell you, you've become one of the most, if not the most important person in my life. You're my friend, my wife, my companion, and my biggest support. If you think I'm a blessing for you then I don't know what to call you. Do you know how much you have done for me and Ruhi? You're so important to us. You are bringing me back to the point where I want to live my life again. I don't want to spend my time crying over my past, I want to make a future with you. You, me, and our small family. You made me think I can get good things out of life again. You make me want to get home quickly after work because I have someone waiting for me, I want to go play with my daughter, spend time with my family and I want to be with you. I want to be happy again. And if you still think you're not important, then I am sorry, but you're wrong this time."
She looked at him trying to comprehend what he had said. Then this time she put her arms around his neck happily as he stroked her back with a smile on his face knowing his true words had done what they were meant to do. There was no Subbu, no betrayal, and no bad memories in her mind. His words had moved her and touched her heart, the very heart broken by someone else. She closed her eyes and it was only Raman. It was only his words, memories with him, his care and concern, his comfort and support, their marriage, their togetherness, it was that future he talked of, and it was them in her thoughts that brought a smile on her face.
They stayed in the same position as he gave her time to compose herself while she could only think of him and what he had told her. She finally broke the hug when she heard a growling noise coming from his stomach. And that's when Mihika came out of the room, but halted in her steps seeing them together. She quietly stayed by the door as they talked.
"Oops! I forgot you haven't eaten! Let's get you some food." She sat up straight on the couch.
"Finally!" He gave her a huge smile.
"Raman!"
"Not the food, I meant your smile! It's back!" A faint tint of pink appeared as he looked at her smiling shyly.
"Now get up, I set your dinner plate." She got up walking to the kitchen.
"You go to bed, I'll come after eating." He followed her.
"Why?! I need to eat too. I'm hungry." She said bringing over plates for them.
"You didn't eat?! Why?" He looked at her upset and shocked.
"How could I? You had been out for hours and your phone was unreachable! And you want me to sit her and chat away with my sister eating?" She served him and herself.
"Ishita you need to take care of yourself. Next time I don't want any of this. And you reminded me...where's Mihika?" He sat as she sat down next to him.
"She's in the extra room, she needed to do some work and I didn't want to be alone while you were gone."
"Is she staying the night?"
"I don't know. I'll ask her to stay back, but I won't force her."
"Yea ask her. It's late night and where will she find a place at this time."
"She's been in Mumbai for a week, she has a hotel room."
"Right...but still ask her once. It would be better if she stayed. Also Ishita, can I say something seriously?"
"Go ahead."
"Please don't say anything to her because of me. I don't want your relationship with her to be affected by me at all. I know you're mad at whatever happened, but you also know she was right in her own way...she really cares for you and she's just a concerned sister."
"I know she was just worried, but I can't have her saying whatever she wants to you. It's fine she wanted to get a point across, but there is a certain way to talk. You can't just blame like she did."
"I'm sure she realizes that. Don't be upset about it now, please. I mean she said everything so suddenly, so she probably didn't realize at the time all she said."
She simply nodded at him and told him she would deal with this on her own. He didn't say much knowing she was still busy in other thoughts. He looked at her closely for a few minutes while she was busy in her own world and kept on twisting and turning her spoon not taking in one bite.
"Ishita eat." He finally ordered her bringing her out of her thoughts.
"I am." She said quietly.
"I see that." He pointed to her full plate. She looked at him and back down only to start fiddling with her spoon again. He attempted to lighten the mood distracting her from their talk earlier on and get her to eat...
"Do you want to me to treat you like Ruhi?" he took her spoon telling he would feed her if she didn't eat.
"Raman..."
He took the opportunity and put the spoon full of rice in her mouth leaving her looking at him with wide eyes. He smirked as he watched her slowly chew all in her stuffed mouth. She looked at him with an angry pout as she laughed at her. She took the spoon from his hand and did the same thing with him only this time they were both laughing at the end.
"Okay now I think we can eat on our own." He said as she brought the spoon back near his mouth.
They went back to eating as they secretly stole glances at each other making sure the other was actually eating now and that's when Mihika went back inside after she smiled to herself. She was wrong this time. This man did care. He saw her upset and changed her mood in mere minutes and at the same time made sure she was taking care of herself and their child. Now she knew why her sister had defended him. He wasn't like Subbu who wouldn't have probably paid any attention to her. He was the man her Akka deserved.
~~~~~
"You okay now?" He asked her as she came back after giving Mihika the extra blanket for she agreed to stay the night to confirm any little doubts she had on him. As she adjusted her pillow and sat down on the bed, he looked at her while she answered.
"I'm fine!" She put up a smile for him and he saw right through it.
"Ishita I may not know you the most, but I know you enough to read your face. Even under that mask of a smile."
"You do know me the most...Raman, I've told you everything...so please don't ever..." And then she stopped. They both knew she was going to tell him to never use any of this against her or break her trust. She stopped chiding herself for thinking of saying something like that to him. She couldn't help herself as she had just thought back to being betrayed by another man, but found herself feeling bad about saying this to Raman who wouldn't never break her trust.
He was hurt. The unsaid words pricked him, but he brushed it off. He knew she was going to a tough time as she just relived all those moments she never wanted to, so he had to listen to her and try to understand where she was coming from. After talking about betrayal, such thoughts were bound to come to her mind. So he simply smiled as he replied to her unspoken request.
"I won't. Don't worry."
They both lay down on the bed and sleep wasn't near both of them. He turned looking at her to find her looking lost and disturbed again. He whispered as quietly as he could...
"Try not to think too much about him and to get some sleep."
He came closer to her and she looked at him curiously as he reached out to her. He placed his hand on her head and gently started to pat her head. She smiled and closed her eyes trying to sleep forgetting about Subbu and remembering him. In a few minutes, exhausted physically and mentally paired with the gentle patting on her head, she fell asleep. He continued to run his hand over her head assuring himself she was asleep and continued to so until he saw the lines on her forehead disappear.
As she slept peacefully snoring lightly, he smiled faintly and that smile soon disappeared as he thought about her That man had shattered a very strong woman, made her feel unwanted and broke her trust and heart. He needed to fix this, he wanted to bring back the smiling Ishita who was carefree and even a bit childish like he had seen occasionally. He wanted her to build back the self-confidence he had taken from her. He just needed her to be happy. He leaned closer to her and quietly whispered...
"I want to make you feel like the most precious person ever...because you are."
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That was all! Hope you all like it and will leave your feedback! Will look forward to reading it!
Edited by smilesforever98 - 10 years ago
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