You only live twice
It was a starlit night.
Like what she had remembered a lifetime ago.
Her head throbbed, and she closed her eyes in pain. She waited for something to happen, memories to flood her, or her to wake up from this nightmare.
Nothing of that sort happened.
She opened her eyes to stare at the stars strangely. In the world that no longer seemed to be hers, had there been few things which still reminded her that she was not totally expatriated from it; and that she was a part of it before.
The accident that she had had, a month ago had left few scars to fade, yet the scars it left on her life did not seem to fade easily.
Five years of her life vanished into thin air.
It felt like she woke up from her sleep and everything changed.
A lot had happened.
She was no longer in the home she was accustomed to anymore.
She no longer saw faces she knew around her.
A week back, when she woke up with heavy lids, she didn't understand where she was for a moment. But the momentary confusion didn't dissipate. It multiplied as she had started regaining consciousness.
It was one of the strangest things that could happen.
She lost her memory.
Or so they told her.
Her first reaction was to bullshit it away. But then what she was asked hadn't let her have an answer.
Why was she in a hospital anyway?
It's like being trapped in a nightmare and not being able to wake up.
The lone apartment she used to live in had been transformed to a villa that she had been sharing with a roommate.
A man.
She had apparently quit a job and started a business, partnering with the same man; her roommate.
Her fingers curled around the railing as she thought about it.
When had she changed so drastically to be someone else she no longer recognized? Who was this man, for whom she had took a leap of faith to stay together, to start a business, which was so not her. She might have had the remote desire to start something of her own few years down the line, but she had never thought she was that daring enough to risk a stable income and take that risk. She wasn't a person who would take that first step. And now...
She sighed as she felt her mind wander again. Had she grew up to change as a person at a basic level? For the past few days, she had felt herself going through a strange journey where she no longer knew her bearings. It was like stuck in the middle of the sea without a compass. So many things went through her mind for the past few days, but today, being in this quite home, supposedly her home, her parents going back to their place finally, as was everybody who had to go back to their own lives, she thought back to that one relation she had made in this past few years, that seemed to surprise her. Maanav. How can she not remember a person she was supposedly close to, or at least seemed so? She wondered many a time when she looked at him, that she might have done this carelessly, a million times in the past few years, casually looking at him, but none of those memories came back making her wonder if they were there at all...
The lone picture of them together in the living room told an entire story altogether. It showed her elbow resting on his shoulder as she looked at him, while, his eyes were on her, his smile indulging.
The woman in the picture seemed so different...so trusting...so carefree... so not her.
As the initial shock wore out, and her mind took its pragmatic path, had she asked him the obvious question, that why should she believe that the photo wasn't morphed.
He didn't answer her, except for showing her a video of her with him, with her chasing ducks, and laughing, while he seemed to shoot the video, while at the end of the video she called him to come into the frame. With one hand holding the handycam, he appeared into the video, with her being on his side in a minute, and both made faces at the camera as the screen froze and the video ended.
A mug placed on the wall bought her out of her musings. She looked at the man; her roommate beside her. Maanav.
She had no clue where she got so much money from to buy this villa in partnership; which she saw in the documents produced by him and still wondered how and why did she do it, like she did a million times before.
"A penny for your thoughts"
She accepted the coffee from him with a wry smile.
She was well past the denial phase, and jumped through acceptance phase to reach an indifferent phase, where she didn't care much about staying back in the so called mansion of hers. Her parents didn't answer all her questions, her head was a mess, the least she could do was give herself a break.
"If I were given a penny each time I will be a millionaire"
He smiled at her, his lean dimples almost visible through his stubble, as he took a sip from his mug. The bags under his eyes were visible in the dim light and she realized for the first time after she gained her consciousness that how tiresome it had been to him to be stuck with an unfortunate girl with a strange fate. Yet, he stood by her for the past month and took her suspicions, her anger, her doubts, and everything. She didn't know what he meant to her in the past, but to the new her, if anything he earned her respect.
She looked back at the stars, feeling a sense of loss echoing in the pits of her heart.
"I was eighteen when I tasted alcohol for the first time. 6 shots of Rum, 3 of Vodka, and spent an entire night in the washroom, throwing up, while my best friends held my hair. I woke up almost past afternoon the next day only to not remember a thing of what happened the previous night when I were high"
She said remembering the one memory from deep contours of her memory. "When they recounted what all I did the previous night, I felt a mix of defiance, embarrassment and utter shame. For some reason I disliked the fact of not being able to remember what I did, while others filled in the lost memories for me. It was the only time I had touched alcohol because I hated when the control is taken out of my hands" she let out a sigh "And look, now where I am, standing in a strangely similar yet complex situation" she said giving a wry smile.
"Such ironic life it is Maanav" she said, taking his name directly for perhaps the first time after her accident. "I have a terribly accurate memory. I remembered nothing related to my subjects but remembered most of the incidents, most of the words exchanged which I quoted when time came, freaking my brother out effectively" she smiled.
"I don't think so" he said after several beats of silence, making her scrunch her brows.
He passed a smile to her. "You don't have a terribly accurate memory Geet"
"Remember the boy you gave a lift in your car almost a decade ago, near the highway"
She furrowed her eyebrows as it cleared after a beat "I do" she told with a fond smile. "That was one of the best conversations I had had with a stranger" she said smiling.
Almost a decade ago, when she was up for the next big step in her life, masters in US, she had driven along the highway 5 kms away from her home, and had seen a temple at a distance and impulsively took a turn towards the service road to reach a temple that was mostly empty, if not for the lone old priest. Even though she had had got what she had always wanted, she was gripped with doubts and insecurities before the big day of her leaving, and she sat there to find answers to her questions.
Much later while she were leaving, she saw a man asking for lift, in the rain, shielding his eyes from the rain by his hand, his car stopped to a side. Knowing there would hardly be help he would get from a highway like this, she slowed down to offer him lift, only to see him hesitate, as soon as she slowed the car down, as soon as he realized it was a lone girl driving.
He had asked her to carry on, and said he would manage, but she was smart enough to understand both his reasons and the fact that he doesn't have much option. She insisted he come with her, and told him she would drop him off to the nearest petrol station, and not a metre away even if he requested her. He smiled at her then and got in, and even though most of the drive went in silence, somewhere in the middle of the journey, they have had stumbled upon a strange conversation, where he unknowingly answered the questions that lingered in her mind at that instant. She remembered a particular line he said back then.
"You only live twice" he had said back then.
"Sorry?" she asked taken by the interesting line. "Are you talking about second chances?"
"Maybe" he smiled then.
"You and I know that not always we get second chances"
"Maybe. Life is a like a road trip. Sometimes you have to choose between two roads. You choose one. Sometimes you're right, sometimes wrong. Maybe I took up a service road in between and lost my route, but after going through the not so smooth journey I will end up taking my vehicle in the highway road once again"
She laughed then, warming up more to him. "If you want to live twice according to your wishes, you ought to take that extra mile" he had said back then and it stayed with her for the rest of her life, at least the life she remembered.
She turned to look at Maanav, as it slowly dawned on her why she trusted him to take such important decisions in her forgotten life period. It was because of the person he was. If the younger Maan she had known from that day had the command over her to sow a seed of inspiration to go forward to embrace her life, the grown Maanav would have been an important part of her, and that was not something she is surprised at any longer.
What she was surprised was, about something radically different.
"You told you are called Maan"
He smiled "It was a phase, where I liked to be called just Maan"
"Did the phase pass?" she grinned at him, knowing what would have happened. "Or did I keep calling you Maanav to piss you off"
"Your brain works the same" he said evasively making her laugh.
"Did I ever call you Maan?" she asked, as her laughter subsided, with just a smile sticking to her lips.
"A couple of times" he said hesitating.
"I would like to have one of such days again" she said smiling, and Maanav smiled back and, checking his time, bid her a good night, left her alone in her bedroom and went back to his.
Behind the closed doors, he had seen the pictures of him and Geet smiling at the camera taken at their wedding.
"Maan" he murmured remembering the very few precious moments when she called him that. On the day where she confessed her love for him, on the day he took her in his arms with a swoop surprising and embarrassing her before their elders to enter the house they built together, and many more such moments that are only relished in one memory, rather than two.
"I would wish to have one of such days again Geet" he said instead to her picture smiling. After all, life was just twice. The first one of their life together disappeared in her memory, and he has just a second chance to relive those days, and have her call him by the name again, which she saved for special occasions...
Udne Ki Aasha
Kumkum Bhagya
