At the airport
The children were not aware about the atmosphere and the long absence of their father, they kept asking many gifts and many presents from their father and he only nodded at them amused. Their innocence gave a peace in the dark cloud of sadness that they both fought. They glanced at each other, in turn addressing a solace look. Asad hated the departure and if he was him, he would have left alone, but the kids wanted to join them.
-Abbu, don't forget about my list, I want all of them or I will not talk to you, Salim was firm in his demands, Asad only shook his head at his whims.
-And you my baby what do you want? He turned to Sarah.
-anything, you want abbu Asad, I don't mind, but a doll for me, she said hidden behind her mother's legs.
-And you, my beautiful wife? Before, she could answer, the call for his flight has been said, her heart skipped a beat and she knew that the time has come for both of us. She tried to contain her tears, he needed her smile not her tears for today. Asad took both of the kid in his arms and grimaced, they were heavy.
-I agree for all your demands, but what I want from you, for every morning, I want you to kiss your ammi one from you and one from me, he looked at her tenderly. He kissed both of them and went to her.
-Asad, her voice was shaking, he captured her lips and held her close to him. She couldn't hold her tears anymore, she only responded at this goodbye kiss with all fervor and hope to see him soon.
-I am coming back soon, really soon, Zoya, I promise. He promised and inside he wished he could fill his promess.
-I will be waiting, he pecked her lips and he left in hurry.
He waved at them throwing them many butterflies kisses to all of them and Zoya felt her heart constricted the more he stepped back. It was the first time of their marriage that they were going to be separated. He finally diseapered and she let her sobs, she missed him already. Salim and Sarah held both of their hands giving her a warming smile. She wiped her tears and held them both.
The first night was the worst for her, the bed seemed bigger than usual and so cold without him, the room was darker than usual and the silent was heavy; like the earth has stopped to turn for tonight. She went to the cupboard and wore one of his shirt, his smell was still print in the material. She laid down looking at the phone waiting for his call. She didn't know when she dozed off, constantly staring at.
In the middle of the night, her phone buzzed repeatly and she jerked brusquely from her sleep, calling him :
-hello, hello, Asad
-Zoya, it's me, he replied and she went numb for a second, holding her sobs, he knew that she was crying but he can't do anything, I am fine, Zoya, she nodded like he was watching her. I miss you
-I miss you too, her voice cracked sadly, she sniffed and cleared her throat, are you ok ? How was the flight ? How was the weather ?
-well, the flight was too long and too boring, and here it's already evening in London, it's 3 o'clock,
-what are you going to do now?
-My contact is already here and I will go to hotel and tomorrow, the hard work will start, wish me a good luck
-my prayers are always with you.
-I have to go and I call you later, I love you, Zoya and I miss you
-I love you too. He disconnected the call and she laid down on the bed holding against her chest the phone, it's going to be a long, long day without him, she thought.
One month later
She didn't know how she went throught those days without him, in the morning, it was bearable because of the work and the kids, it's only in the evenings were his absence was inbearable for her. She went throught a lot of sleepless night, thinking about him. He used to call her everyday, sometimes for an hour and sometimes for minutes, he was really busy and for the moment, he didn't find anyone, but he was optimistic and she thanked God that he was positive no matter this distance. The children were missing him too but they were better to manage than her. She tried to let herself busy as much as she can, but however, her mind drifted to him at any occasion.
2 months later
It has been already 3 months now, and Asad was still abroad. Her mood swinged between up and down. And tomorrow was her birthday and he wasn't here. She didn't want anything else than him for tomorrow, she wished until the last time that he will come, but instead he sent her, a small box and 3 bouquets of red roses and in each, 30 roses with a note :
Each rose for each day I was away from you, Love, Asad
In the box, there was a pearl, like those he offered her during Sarah's birthday. She let a sad chuckle and the phone rang at this moment :
-happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you , happy birthday to you my love, happy birthday to you, Asad sang for her, happy birthday for you sweetheart, I hope you like my gift
-a lot, you're still remembering the pearls?
-of course, how can I forget? Don't forget to put in in your bracelet, she could heard his voice happy, or he faked to make her happy, she didn't know
-I won't forget, how is it ? Do you have any news? She was expected a lot and she wanted to see him soon.
-well, maybe, it's going to be a good news, I have an important meeting in in two days and two weeks and if it works, I will come back home, so I am excited about a lot.
-in sha Allah, Asad, everything will be sorted soon and you will come back to me
-yes, I am coming home, soon, baby, really soon.
This night for both of them went well, hoping that the separation will end soon and they will finally be in each other arms, in only two weeks.
2 weeks later
The previous days, she has not stopped to pray and to hope that at last he could get what he came for. His absence was beginning to weigh for everyone, the time seemed to never end for her. She waited impatiently for his phone call, she was full with hope and anxiety, she only wanted to hear a good news from him. And the phone started to buzz, it was him, she took a deep breath and clicked on :
-Asad, tell me, everything is ok ? her voice full with hope, but she heard him sighed and then he talked
-no, nothing is fine, he said angrily
-why ? All crushed around her and she sat abruptly
-it didn't work Zoya, and I can't continue, I m going back home, I can't continue like this, he said upset
-but Asad, you find nothing, how could you come back home?
-BECAUSE I CAN'T ANYMORE, I CAN'T, I can't Zoya, I am drained and I don't have energy to hope anymore, I am... His voice cracked at the end, I am so tired, Zoya, I am so tired.
He had build a lot of hope on this meeting but all these expectancies went up in smoke and he was back to square one. He was tired to face only refusal and that nothing was open on the horizon. Zoya knew that his mood was down and he lost hope after this meeting and she lost hope too to see him soon, but she can't let him give up now, after all this time, he will never forgave himself once, he will gain his energy. She had to be strong for two now.
-Asad, baby, you can't give up now, listen to me, you can't now
-Zoya I am tired, I want to see you, I want to be with you, I feel so lonely here without you, I need to see you, to feel you and to touch you. I want to see the kids, I miss them a lot.
-Asad, you have your computer ?
-what? He sniffed, he realized what she was asking, yes, I have it, why ?
-you want to see me right ? Then, switch on your computer and connect to your skype account.
In those last month, he didn't be able to sit properly to see his family more than an hour, he was only in touch with them with the phone. Even if it's throught a screen, it can help boh of them a little to see each other after almost 4 month. He finally apperead on the screen, she gasped when she saw him, he grew up a dense beard, his features hardened, it was clear that he lost weight and he looked exhausted. Her heart was happy and sad seeing him after so long in this state of mental tiredness. Both touched the screen following the face line of the other.
-Oh God, how I miss you, Zoya, he held his head in his hand, he wanted to cry but he didn't want to break down in front of her, it can affect her. Zoya felt his despaire and wanted to hold him, he wanted her but she can't do anything.
-Asad look at me, he looked up, Mister Asad Ahmed Khan, why do you have a beard ? She faked to be angry at him, she wanted to cheer up his mood.
-You don't like it, he said touching his chin
-no, you look old, she frowned
-no, I am not looking old, I am looking serious
-you serious? Please, even at age of 100 years, you will look naughty. Only God knows how she fought with her tears to contain them. He was finally smiling a bit and she felt relieved.
-Zoya, I love my beard, you know it's really fashion.
-you look scary, Asad
-no, I am not scary, I am mysterious baby, he pointed at her and winked mischeviously, she just rolled her eyes. He felt much better and lighter seeing her, she did magic with her words and her smile. He didn't know that just watching her on screen will do magic, he thought It will only increase his frustration and he didn't think about it as a good option. He was engrossed in his task that he missed a small thing that could help him to face this loneliness, here. Zoya, can you do something for me?
-yes, Asad ask
-can you loose your hair? I love seeing your curls along your shoulders. She freed her hair and they fell slowly in cascade along her neck and shoulders, Asad looked at her dreamily and smiling like an idiot.
-Happy, now?
-it reminds me when you wake up in the morning, you can't imagine how I missed waking you up, he sighed deeply. She blushed recalling their morning love making.
-Asad, you loose weight, am I right?
-just to be fit for my girl, she shook her head at his antics, he was back in his cheerful mood. I miss your food and here, I don't have a huge appetite.
-but Asad you need to take rest
-I will take rest when I will be at home, with you, with Salim and Sarah. Tell how are they? They don't disturb you much? Tell me.
-well, Sarah want to be an actress, those last week, she spent most of her time, dancing and singing out loud in the house.
-well, she reminded me someone, he teased her but she preferred to ignore him, even if she had to admit that he was right, again.
-And Salim want to be magician, she rolled her eyes. He was just like you, really stubborn, he chuckled lifting his collar proudly, anyway, I bought him a briefcase for different magic tricks, and he wanted me to buy him a real rabbit, so I had to negotiate for days to buy him first a plush bunny. I told him that when he will be able to perform correctly, without killing the real rabbit, but it I did not tell him of course not to make him pain. Once he succeeded, I promised to buy him a real one. So he was supposed to break an egg in a hat and after some laps magic wands, a rabbit must get out. First, he was a bit disappointed because he said that it's not logical, because rabbit don't come from eggs. He was good and I didn't know what to reply. She held her head totally dismayed while Asad was laughing now at his son's antics. After so much try, he wanted to show me that he can correctly made it, then he broke the egg in the hat and said something but when he took of the bunny, it was all covered with the egg. You should have seen him, it broke my heart seeing him so sad but it's was so funny.
Both of them laughed hardly now, earlier they shared tears of the miss but now they shared tears of laugh. Trully their kids were the precious gift from this life.
-you know what more, they wanted to do a show for the family, Sarah will sing and dance and Salim will do some magic tricks and they found a name for this, it's the Sarah's show and Salimystery. She facepalmed herself literally.
-really? When?
-For our wed...She posed
-for our first wedding anniversary? She nodded briefly, the smile from his face fade away
-don't worry, Asad, we will wait until you come back and we have all our life to celebrate. By the way, I don't think that Salim will be able to take out from his hat a clean bunny, she joked but he forced his smile.
-don't underestimate the Khan, Zoya, I am sure he can do it, where are they? I want to see them.
-Ok, I call them.
As expected, the kids were enthousiatic and their happiness was contagious, Asad forgot all his gloomy mood and he was happily talking with them. Both were fighting to talk at first, to tell him all the thing that he missed. Zoya looked at Asad all the time and felt happy seeing the difference between how the discussion started and how he was now. Her Asad and his naughtiness was back.
-Sarah let me talk first, Salim pushed away Sarah
-No, let me, Salim, I want to talk first because you talk so much , she elbowed him
-Sarah, go away, I came first , Salim replied annoyed at Sarah
-Kids, Zoya and Asad said in unison
-Salim, let your sister first, ordered Asad
-But Abbu, why is always her and not me? This is unfair, Ammi come on tell him, he asked Zoya to be on his side
-Salim, everyone will talk to abbu, so if you come first or second at the end, you will talk to him, right?
-Yes, but I want to be first, he pouted
-It's ok Salim, go first, I don't mind, Sarah let him kindly
-See, Salim, Sarah is really nice with you and you don't let her, Asad tried to put sense in him.
-Abbu, if I start or she start, it change nothing, Salim used Zoya's words, and both of the parent rolled their eyes, Abbu, you know I am a magician now, I can do many thing, once you come abbu, I will show you and also I prepare a surprise for ammi.
-really, what kind of surprise?
-Ammi, close your ears, you should not listen. Salim warned her and she just rolled her eyes and executed his orders, giving a look I-told-you to Asad, he smiled softly. Salim came closer to the screen and hushed to him. I'll unveil from my hat a real rabbit, yes, for the moment, it's not a real one but soon, it will be. Ammi don't want to buy me a real one.
-Don't worry, I will
-A-SAD, warned Zoya
-once you will succeed in your trick, ok ? Salim nodded at his father. And you my princess, what you are going to do to your Ammi?
-I will sing and dance for her, but for the moment, I don't have a real mic, so I just sing with my fake microphone.
-don't worry baby, I will bring a real one for you.
-Abbu, when you will come back? Ammi is so sad without you and she cried a lot, Salim innocently said everything to Asad what he already knew but she managed to hide and Zoya's eyes grew widely.
-Come on kids , go to your room, Abbu is tired. She tried to change to topic, but it seemed late. His face hardened listening to this.
-I am coming back soon, I promise, he said looking only at her, but she avoided his eyes. Ok, before you leave, I want a kiss from each, he showed one of his cheek and Sarah was the first to kiss the screen and then he showed the other cheek and Salim kissed this time. Both left running to their room.
-careful, shouted Zoya, they are going to make me crazy
-thank you Zoya, I feel much better now,
-really? You are going to fight now for us
-I will but first I need a kiss, he presented his lips to the screen
-Asad, I am not a kid, I will not kiss the screen
-oh come on Zoya, it's fun, do it, one kiss
-No, Asad I will not do it, I preferred in real and I won't do it, she shrugged
-you are to strict, I thought you change with me
-I am not srict, I am just ...She looked for her word, I know what I want and what I don't want, that's it.
-ok, can I kiss you then? She raised her eyebrows, please, Zoya, for me? He looked at her with a puppy eyes
-O-K, she came closer to the screen, this is ridiculous, Asad and you know it. She giggled softly and she saw his lips on the screen and he kissed her making a big kissing noise.
-idiot, they shared a knowing look, both, in their way, helped to other to feel better. I love you Asad
-I love you too, see you soon. She just nodded and the screen became blank, both in their city stood in front of the screen for a minute, recalling the voice, the words, the mimic, the expression of the other. With passing seconds, a smile spread on their face feeling content and satisfy for this exchange, it was enough to give them strength to support this distance.
3 weeks later
It was normal day, everyday was a normal day since he left, and today will change nothing. She was not in the mood to celebrate her weding anniversary, he was missing and she didn't have the heart to enjoy without him. She displayed a fake happiness for the children, they were excited enough for her today. They were secretive for the surprise and she didn't search for it that much. For this day, she didn't want to be alone, she invited Dilshad and Zeenat to join her. Since the morning, she was preparing food and unconsciously, she prepared all his favorite food, she wanted a bit of him with her today. The door rang early and she frowned.
-they already come, she said wiping her hands. Yes?
-Mrs Zoya Asad Ahmed Khan?
-Yes
- you have received a package , please can you sign here? The deliverer pointed to his book. She signed and took the big box. Once, she opened she found a gorgeous sari in glistening black color bordered by navy blue patterns. And she found a note inside:
Happy anniversary Sweetheart, with all my love, Asad
-Asad, she touched the material, smiling sadly, he was with her as she wanted to be. She wasn't in the mood to dress much but with his gift, she can't do this to him, even if he was not here with her.
The time has run so fast, it was already 8 pm, she didn't notice the time, busy in the kitchen and in the preparation for this anniversary. In her mind, it was just a family dinner, she didn't want to celebrate without him, but she put an effort to look good. She dressed his sari and she put note in her mind to take picture to send him. She was almost ready when e-mail bip rang, she jumped happily knowing that it was him, it was just a voice mail :
-Hi sweetheart, Happy anniversary, I hope you like my sari and I am sure that you are looking sexy, so sexy that I want to kiss you right now. I know that you don't like it but I will kiss the screen, and he kissed the screen 3 times, Zoya giggled at his gesture, see I shave my beard and I am wearing a black suit for today, because today is our anniversary. He smiled widely. I love you my baby and I wish I could be with you right now but, he sighed, but anyway, you have two parts of me with you, Salim and Sarah, like I have all of you here, he pointed to his heart. Her eyes started to be moisty, don't cry now or you will have to do again your make-up, she chuckled, he knows her so well. Enjoy this day , have fun and I promise that I will never miss any anniversary in the future. I love you sweetheart.
And the voice mail stopped, she sighed deeply. She wanted to send him too a voice mail. She adjusted her dress, she looked at the watch and he will maybe watch it tomorrow, it was already 3 am in his city.
-Hi Baby, happy anniversary to you my love, and I love your gift, she showed him, I wish you could be here, we would have dance together but I guess I will have to dance with your better two parts. Asad, you are always with me here, she pointed to her heart, and everwhere. And I know that you will never miss any anniversary once you come back at home. I will not cry today and I promise to enjoy for two. By the way, you are looking handsome and sexy, but I will not kiss the screen, she chuckled. I miss you and I love you, hope to see you soon. She sent him a butterfly kiss and she stopped the recording.
5 minutes later, it was her phone who bipped this time, she saw the screen and it was him.
-Asad, she asked surprised
-hi sweetheart, you are looking out of this world in this dress
-you already see my message?
-of course, how can I miss this?
-Asad you are not sleeping yet?
-Nop
-Asad, come on, you will be tired for tomorrow
-don't worry I am fine, and I promise I will sleep just after this call, and I love your kiss
-Asad, she bitted her lower lips, I wish it was real
-it can be
-really, how? Mister Khan, this man was crazy she thought
-close your eyes
-what?
-close your eyes
-fine, then, she didn't close her eyes however
-I said close them
-but...how..She looked here and there,
-because I know you, close your eyes, Mrs Khan
-O-K, she sighed deeply and exasperated.
-imagine that you can feel my breath on your neck, she frowned for a second, and that I am giving small, small wet kisses on your neck, she shivered suddenly, I am trailing my hand along your arms, the hairs of her arms rose up, and I posed my hands on your belly, she sucked her breath. Can you feel it? His voice was bass and slow. Can you?
-Yes, I...feel you, her eyes still closed, she didn't expected that her body will react to his voice.
-Happy anniversary, he finally said
-Happy anniversary, Asad, her voice was shaking
-I am going to sleep now and I want you to record my kids and their show, don't forget, I don't want to miss anything
-you won't, I love you.
-good night Zoya
-good night.
She touched her neck and she still can feel him on her skin, she looked at herself shyly on the mirror, she really missed him.
Finally, the show can start and Zoya was in good mood after his call, he was the reason why her mood can be up or down. Dilshad, Zeenat and Anwar were sitting and Anwar was in charge to hold the camera and to switch on or off with the light according to the artist's demand. First performance was Sarah, who was about to start with a song and then with a dance, Salim for a change wanted to be after, because his show was impressive, like he said.
-Ammi, this is to you from Abbu Asad
Everyone clapped looking quizzically at each other. When the first note started, Zoya's eyes wetted. She chose the song that both danced for the first time on the beach,
- Muskurane Ki Wajah Tum Ho...(You're the reason for my smile) , Sarah started with the lyrics.
Zoya got emotional recalling this dance on the beach, she tried to control her tears with each passing words, she could only see him and his smile. It was not only this song, but this day that came into her mind, the day on the beach, the dance, the confession, the accident in the shop and her blast on him, and how finally she confessed her love to him. Her tears flowed now, she knew that he was behind this, she laughed between her tears, he was always with her, no matter what. This song brushed all her happy moment with him. She decided that tomorrow she will take a flight to see him, now that she was on holidays, she can go, she wanted to surprise him. He spoiled her from far and she wanted to do the same. The song finished and all clapped to Sarah, she came running to her mother and Zoya held her tight, kissing her on her cheek.
-this is your abbu's idea? She bowed her head, Zoya was sure now.
-he said that you will like this song, so did you like it ? Zoya nodded at her.
-I love it, thank you sweetheart.
The next performance was the dance and Sarah chose this time, Mariah Carey s song emotion . Zoya was red crimson, recalling this song, it was the next day of the marriage, when they were both trapped by Dilshad dancing in the kitchen. Zeenat and Anwar were nit aware about but Dilshad explained and everyone laughed at her and she hid her face between her hands, cursing him. It was for sure his idea.
The star attraction made his entry, Salim was wearing a black cap and black hat, he was looking like a real magician. He was so into his character, he never smiled once and tried to look mysterious. Zoya found so cute and for sure he was the perfect copy of his father. For his first trick, he brought his hands up a rose, he gave her.
-from Dad, he winked at her and she smiled at him. She didn't know when and how Asad planned everything with them, she didn't notice anything and the fact was that she didn't search for it.
After a few card tricks, hoops with more or less successful issue, it eventually came to the final attraction, the famous rabbit going out from the hat.
-ladies and gentlemen, I'll bring from this hat something unexpected, I will put this egg, he showed them, inside and then abracadabra, he swinged his magic stick 3 times, and then I will appear...He looked up and said abruptly..Abbu. He froze for a second looking behind Zoya. All of the family followed his eyes and they gasped suddenly.
-I just came at the right time, Asad said smiling at them, still holding his baggage on his shoulders. No one moved and were shocked to see him. I guess you prefer the rabbit , he scratched his head.
Salim and Sarah were the first to run to him, shouting his name. He bent down and held them both. He kissed them on their cheeks and slowly Dilshad, Zeenat and Anwar joined them. Zoya didn't move, her legs were shaking, she couldn't believe her eyes, he was really here. He looked at her and came toward her slowly.
-hi baby, he said softly.
She ran to him and crushed her body, he caught her and was about to loose his balance with her brusq hug. She wrapped her hands around his neck, crying loudly.
-Asad, you are here, you are here
-I am Zoya, I am back home, he buried his face in her hair, he dreamt about this moment so many time, he can't express how much he missed her. He tightened his grip, leaving no gap between their bodies.
-you are really here, she looked at him touching his face, his hair and his arms, she wanted to be sure that he was really in her arms. But...she stepped back, why are you here? Did you find some investor?
-Yes, I found 3, he smiled releived, I signed one yesterday and this morning 2 of them. And once I finished, I booked a ticket to be at home. I couldn't miss my children's show.
-So, you won't leave us now? She shook her head with expecting eyes.
-no, I won't and I did it Zoya, after so long, I did it and I won't go back.
This time, she crushed her lips on his, forgetting that her family was all around, she was over the moon and couldn't hold anymore to kiss him.
-I miss you, I miss you, I miss you so much Asad
-I miss you too
Dilshad cleared her throat.
-All of you guys for sure, he looked at them and Zoya chuckled. I am so hungry.
-Asad, you loose so much weight son, Dilshad said worried looking how he became thin.
-I miss homemaid food ammi, and I didn't have much appetite there without you all.
The dinner moment was full of laugh, joy and tchatting, the atmosphere changed totally and Asad now at home lightened the house. Asad threw himself on the food, she did all his favorite dishes and he was like a child in candy shop, he ate from everything, like he was starving from years, he only realized the value of all those small things once he was far from them. Zoya didn't eat much but she only let her eyes quench her thirst for him, she didn't take her eyes once from him. He was looking exhausted and he lost more weight than 2 weeks ago, but seeing how he looked happy, gave her a small comfort. She realized how he might kill himself at work when he was alone, she wasn't behind to stop him. She was angry on him and more worried. But finally, he was here, she will for sure spoil him with the thing that he missed those last months.
Dilshad, Zeenat and Anwar left late in the evening and Asad wanted to put the kids on bed as he used to. After cleaning the kitchen, she went to their room and found all of them sleeping. Asad was in incomfortable position but he didn't care, he was looking tired du to the jet lag. She kissed both of the kid and woke him up with a kiss, calling him gently.
-Asad, let go to our room. He stirred and when he saw her, he smiled lazily.
Asad sat on the bed, removing his shoes, one by one, fighting the sleep. Zoya looked at him throught the mirror, and rolled her eyes at him. She came and sat on his lap, helping him to remove his coat. Both of their eyes locked, telling how they missed the presence of the other. He slidded his hands into her hair and covered her neck with hungry kisses. It was not only food who he missed a lot. He took her palu and exposed her chest, he tasted her skin. She was burning with need, but she didn't want to do it.
-Asad, she moaned, we have to stop
-why? He was teasing her cleavage now
-you are tired, she gulped
-I am never tired for this thing, he captured her lips and kissed her passionately, he didn't let part of her mouth that he didn't claim. He kissed possessively and hungrily. She cupped his hair and pushed him more and more, inviting to deepen the kiss. She was almost loosing her sense. With the few force that she still had, she pushed him away, totally breathless.
-I can't Asad, I have my period,
-don't worry, I won't go down, he continued his torture.
-No, Asad, she stood up, going away from him.
-I came at the wrong time, I guess. He said upset, she looked at him throught the mirror and he laid down on the bed, looking at the ceiling. She took out her bracelet, her earings, her eyes still on him and started to count silently.
-10, 9, 8, 7,
-it's so good to be at home, he breathed deeply and closed his eyes.
When she reached the zero, Zoya realized that he slept, she came to him, adjust the blanket and rubbed his hair.
-I am sorry Asad, I lie to you, I don't have my period, but you are so tired today and you need to sleep. Good night my love, she kissed his lips.
She changed and laid down next to him, she posed her head on his chest, following the slow movement of his breath, she slowly drifted to a beautiful sleep that she stopped to feel since he left her.
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