Chapter 264: Woe
Lord Arnav stood by the living room window, staring blankly at the wall, while the room reverberated with the silence of loud despair.
Once again, his eyes found their way to the lounger, at the edge of which sat his immobile wife, her pale fingers clasped on her lap and the light in her eyes lost in the vision of a shattered world.
It had been an hour since Payal had been carried into the house and the family had taken the time to digest the dooming realization that she had been pregnant and had lost the child without leaving them a moment's space to rejoice for her. Not once, in that hour, had Kushi spoken or even cried. She had turned numb to all movement, perched at the edge of her seat, nearly falling, but stiffened like a cold stone.
Kushi's lack of remorse worried Lord Arnav that she had gone into a sort of shock, but he wasn't sure if the time was right for him to console his wife or if he must just let her have her space to come to senses with her emotions.
The entire family was gathered in the living room with the exception of Lady Manorama who had still not returned from town and, ofcourse, the General whose whereabouts were presently unknown and bothered by none to be made known.
His hair and shirt looking disheveled, Lord Akash was in a most distraught state and he sat at the foot of the stairs, waiting to hear from the herbalist's wife who was tending to Payal in her room upstairs.
Lord Arnav looked at Kushi again. She still remained motionless, her eyes touched with no tear.
He was beginning to get frightened but tried to reason by banking his assurance on his knowledge of the Arhasian customs: When a woman loses her child while it was in her womb, she has to be secluded from the rest of the family for seven days so she can mourn the loss of her unborn, during the week in which she can be permitted no visitors except one woman of her choosing.
Lord Arnav was certain that when Payal, who would chose to have no one but Kushi to be with her in her time of turmoil, called for Kushi and the sisters met, Kushi would be able to surface her paralyzed emotions and share her heart in the sadness of her sister's.
Just then, Lady Manorama walked into the living room through the backdoor of the kitchen, holding a cup of tea and chattering the way she always did, "Well, what do you know! I come home starving and no servant's in the kitchen to get me a cup of tea! Must I do everything by myself in this house-"
She stopped midway in the living room, astonished to find the whole family and servants gathered there, their faces engraved in unspeakable sorrow.
Almost at once, she brought her worried gaze upon the child in Lady Anjali's arms but heaved a sigh of relief when she found that the child was safe and sleeping.
"Well, what is it?" she asked the gathered, her eyes directed at her husband from whom she expected the answer.
His wise eyes saddened, Lord Manohar looked at his wife and then, not having the strength to speak, he looked towards the stairs. Lady Manorama followed his gaze and her heart stilled when she found her son, remorse-stricken, sitting on the lowest step, his weighing shoulders supported against the wooden railing of the stairs.
An immense number of horrid possibilities crossed Lady Manorama's mind which was when she noticed something, "Where is Bruised Beauty?"
Nani looked sadly at Lady Manorama. It seemed as though the latter knew something was not right with Payal which is why, even though she had presently referred to her as Bruised Beauty, she had uttered it in a tone of worry and seriousness.
Lord Akash looked up at his mother, her eyes nearly moistening.
"Where is she?!" demanded Lady Manorama, getting furious that everyone was keeping her out of the sadness that they were all aware of and sharing.
Just at that moment, the door of a room upstairs opened and shut and footsteps could be heard crossing the landing.
All eyes looked up and Lady Manorama frowned suspiciously at the herbalist's wife who appeared at the top of the stairs.
The woman's face was grave and she looked at the family gathered below.
"Is she unwell? Has she a cold or cough?" asked Lady Manorama and Nani saw that the teacup in her hand was trembling.
Standing on her feet, Kushi looked up at the herbalist.
Lord Arnav could not bear it anymore and he asked the herbalist, "Who has she chosen?"
"Who has she chosen for what?" Lady Manorama asked no one in particular.
The herbalist looked at them, "She has chosen Lady Manorama."
Kushi's heart sank as a mummer of confusion resonated in the room.
Lady Manorama became even more frantic, "What has she chosen me for?! I must know! Why doesn't anyone tell me!!"
"Manu," her husband's warm voice was suddenly beside her and she turned to him.
It was difficult for him to say what it was that he kept from her, but the familiarity in his remorseful gaze betrayed to her the truth.
The teacup slipped from her hand and fell crashing to the floor at their feet, the china shattering and the tea staining the carpet.
"No..." whispered Lady Manorama, her face turning pale.
Stepping away from her husband, she turned to the stairs where her son was now standing, making way for his mother to go to his wife.
Lady Manorama's gaze was fiery and, with angry tears glistening in their depths, she looked at him dangerously, "You kept this from me. How dare you keep this from me!" Her voice rose with her rising grief, "If I'd known, I would have cared for her and she would still be carrying the baby!"
Tears ran down her cheeks and Lord Akash reached for his mother, but she withdrew saying angrily, "By your silence, you killed my grandchild!"
Nani wept, her heart submerging in guilt and remorse. She had secretively taken care of Payal's health the last few weeks but she had not expected fate would decide otherwise.
With a thunder and fury, Lady Manorama stormed up the stairs and the family was left to grapple the aftermath of her aggravation.
Lady Manorama's outrage broke the walls of the dam within Kushi and, unable to contain the overpowering anguish, she turned on her heels and ran out of the Castle.
Voices called out to her, telling her to stop, to return, but she kept running.
Through the Castle garden, out the Castle gates, she ran down the hill, the cold wind slapping against the tears that kept rolling down her cheeks.
She could hear footsteps running behind her but her legs, driven by her boundless pain, ran faster and faster, through the open cornfield where the plants were as tall as one's shoulder and could hide a tormented heart from the eyes of the world.
She ran and ran, farther and farther away from the truth, and from the pain that she could not muster the courage to face.
Her long hair, come lose from its bun in the frantic run, seemed almost to want to cling to the passing plants, to stop her from running away anymore.
Blinded by her tears, she stumbled on something and fell to the cold ground on her back, watched by the empty whiteness of the sky.
There she remained, unable to move any longer, and the desolate stillness of the air was rent by the sound of her lamenting cries.
All of a sudden, hands gripped her shoulders, and pulled her to a cold chest.
The smell of husband enveloped her as his arms wrung around her shoulders.
He spoke nothing, only pressed his cheek to the side of her head as she cried aloud into his shoulder.
He couldn't see his wife falling apart like this but he didn't know how to console her either. What word was right, if words in this moment were right at all... Shouldn't he wait until she had emptied herself out of all sorrow and then sought words from another more worthy to console?
He knew only one thing: he couldn't let her fight alone.
She had always been there to help him fight his wilder side, even though she knew fully well she could get hurt or nearly killed. But she had been there, unfailingly.
He had promised himself that he would do the same when she fought the beasts of her mind.
Her fingers gripped painfully at his elbows as she wept, "Why... why did she keep it from me? Why did she not tell me? Why did she not ask for me and insist on that Mami who cares NAUGHT for her?!"
Lord Arnav's voice was gruff with emotion, "She knew you were as weak as her, sharing the same depth of grief in her sorrow... she must have needed someone stronger to help her overcome it."
The answer had probably struck a wrong nerve for, all of a sudden, Kushi pushed him away, yelling, "What do YOU know! Jiji's child is like MY child! But YOU can never understand that!"
"I do!" Lord Arnav frowned, his voice raised and controlling, as he tried to pull her to him again, "I do understand! What you feel for her child, is what I feel for my Di's child."
Kushi stilled, her wrists held captive in his hands. She stared at him and his frown turned to a warm understanding.
"Kushi..." he was gentler, "I do understand."
Relieved and not feeling lost anymore, Kushi leaned up towards her husband and embraced him in a painful grip.
She cried until her tears were silent and her shoulders had stopped trembling. All the while, he sat there on the ground with her, holding her to him in silent comfort.
Kushi closed her eyes and pressed her forehead to his shoulder.
Her grief was still too weighing upon her young heart but she could bear it now.
The man whose hands were caressing her wind-wild hair, the husband whose willing shirt was now wet with her tears... he understood.
His sincere understanding and his acquiescent presence gave her the strength to bear it all.
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