Part 5
Arnav entered his room, to feel the same hollowness. Discarding his coat on the recliner, he went near the wardrobe to extract his casual wear. Before entering the bathroom he paused to look the bed. He had kept the bed same--- the left half side still has the pink mattress, the glittering stars still hanging over the bed. It gives him a hope, hope that its owner will come back soon to claim her rights on her pink side of the bed, on the stars hanging, on his cupboard, on his bathroom, on his poolside, on his heart, on his life, on each and everything he has.
It's been 1 month she is discharged from the hospital and is living at her Buaji's place. She is no longer the Khushi he knows. She talks less, smiles less, he doesn't remember when was the last time he had heard the soothing sound of her laughter, her eyes which use to always gleam with mischief is now replaced by so much pain and sadness. He daily goes to meet her, talks to her, tries to make her smile, says how much he loves her, how much he is waiting for her to return to him, but it's like nothing is working. But he will try, try till his last breath. For now he is happy that she is allowing him to meet her, to spend few hours with her, and he is more than happy with that. The things he had done and said to her, only Khushi can give him a chance, no one else. And for that he is ready to give her all the time in the world. He will wait, wait till eternity for her.
All ready to leave, he took his car's key and exited the room to only stop in his track. He looked at his sister, standing in front of him. He averted his eyes from her. He don't know why a sudden hatred and guilt envelops him as soon as he sees her. He knows she is not guilty, its only him to be blamed. Still he can't bring himself to talk to her. He had tried, tried so hard, still something stops him. He don't know what that something is. May be because she is the reason for his outburst that night. If only she had not tried to kill her own child that day, if only he had not seen her in that vulnerable state, if only she had believed that it's the scumbag of her husband who is at fault, not he and his Khushi. But she chose to believe her husband over him and Khushi, which led all of them to that dreadful night.
Not wanting to think more on that, Arnav started walking, avoiding her, but was forced to stop again as he heard his sister call him.
"Chhote, you are going to meet Khushi, right?" She came and stood in front of him. "Take her with you, Khushi will love to meet her" Anjali forwarded her 6 month old daughter.
Arnav looked at his niece, whom he had never seen closely, never picked her, never bothered to know anything about her. Khushi likes kids---with only that thought running in his head, he took his niece from his sister's arm.
"Should I come with you? How will you manage her" Anjali asked, hopefully.
"No..I will ask Mohan to drive the car. I will manage."
Anjali nodded her head, hurt. "Ok.." She said and saw her brother living the house.
Arnav rang the bell and stood waiting for the door to open, the little girl in his arms, clad in a baby pink frock was resting her head on his shoulder, her eyes open but not making a sound. His eyes shifted to her tiny hand, holding the neck of his T-shirt. Just like Khushi. He smiled, his hand lifting to caress her soft hair.
His gaze shifted in front of him, where now Buaji stood, not too happy to welcome him.
"Buaji..."
"Khushi is in her room." saying that she left the door open.
Arnav nodded his head and entering the house, he locked the room. This is how he is welcomed by his in-laws now. Finding no one in the living room, he started towards Khushi's room and knocked on her door. And soon saw her opening the door.
"Hi Khushi " Arnav smiled and greeted.
But Khushi's eyes was fixed at his arms.
Arnav looked down in his arms.
"Khushi .." he forwarded his niece to Khushi.
Khushi stared at Arnav ji for few seconds before shifting her gaze at the baby.
"Your niece" Arnav said.
My Niece? Khushi lifted her confused gaze at Arnav ji.
"Di's daughter" Arnav cleared her confusion.
Di's daughter. Khushi's lips lifted in a small smile.
"Di's daughter" Khushi took her in her arms.
Two big hazel eyes stared at Khushi, making her smile widen.
"She is so beautiful..." Khushi said in awe of the beautiful little thing in her arms.
"Just like you..."
Khushi's eyes jerked up to meet his. She averted her eyes and shuttered. "I...I...come inside." She gave him the way.
Arnav nodded his head and came inside. As he sat on her bed, Khushi handed the kid to him.
"I will bring your dinner. I hope you have not forgotten your medicines today" Khushi asked.
"No, I have it today" Arnav smiled and patted his pant's pocket. This is the pattern they have fallen in. He comes here after his office, has his dinner with her, talks with her and leaves only when she is too sleepy to hold the conversation. May how much she has changed, but still she is the same caring and all heart Khushi.
Khushi nodded her head and left the room to bring their dinner.
Entering the room, she kept the plates on the bedside table and sat on the bed beside the little bundle, which now lay on her bed. Taking her tiny hand in her, she kissed her fingers. "You are so cute. Don't you speak? You only stare?" Khushi asked, smiling.
Happiness tussled inside his heart as he saw her talking and smiling, without holding back anything. After so long he was watching her smiling for herself, because she wants, and not for the people around her. Talking , not because she is asked to, but because she wants to.
"Your dinner.."
"Huh" his reverie broke as he heard her voice.
"Your food. Eat otherwise it will get cold."
"Oh..Yes...You too eat." Arnav took his plate and handed her plate to her.
Arnav kept the glass after having his medicine and turned to look at Khushi, who was playing with their niece. Lying on the left side, he probed on his elbow and looked at the two.
"Are you hungry? What do you eat? I can't find any teeth in there" Khushi kissed her soft lips. "Your frock is really cute, where did you buy from? Your Amma brought for you? I will make clothes for you, will you wear it?" Khushi talked with the little kid, who just stared at the new person she was seeing today. "You will not talk to me?" Khushi frowned her brows. "No? Chaliye ab apna naam bataaeye hume. Bataaeye..." Khushi caressed her soft cheeks. "Say, sweetheart." Khushi smiled and bent to drop a kiss on her forehead.
"What is her name, Arnav ji?" Khushi asked.
The smile dropped from his face as he heard Khushi's question. He sat on the bed. Name? He looked at his niece. He don't know her name.
"Khushi? I..."
Khushi looked at him confused.
"Khushi ..." he looked at his niece. "I...I don't know her name.." Arnav said.
Khushi's wide eyes just stared at him. He doesn't knows his niece's name.
"Why?...Why don't you know her name?" Khushi demanded.
Arnav had no answer. He had avoided Anjali from last 7 months, and along with her, his niece too. He had never looked at her, never picked her, never kissed her, never spent time with her. His life had turned robotic. From RM to his office, and then back to RM at late night. When Khushi was in hospital, he use to spent his night with her, returning back to RM almost in morning. After her discharge too he had followed the same pattern, cutting himself from rest of the family members.
"Khushi ... I..." he doesn't know what to say.
"You don't know your niece's name? You don't know your Di's daughter's name? Have you ever looked at her? Seen her face since she is born? Or you just brought her here, thinking of her as some commodity which will make me happy? Make me come back to you?"
Arnav lifted his eyes to look in hers, and Khushi got her answer. That's exactly why he brought his niece here. She averted her eyes from him, and turned away, feeling too heavy to say anything.
Arnav closed his eyes in regret.
"I am sorry ...I don't know how to face Di..."
"And I don't know what to do of my life..." Khushi said, her throat chocked. "When you think everything is going wrong because of me, you come and blame me. When you think your Di is wrong, you start ignoring her. Where is the balance, Arnav ji? Is it either me or Di in your life? We both are not any competitor, competing to be in your life. Your Di is part of your life, part of your family.If you think its either me or your Di, then please choose your Di and stop coming here.."
Arnav stood off the bed, too frightened. Crossing the bed, he knelt in front of her.
"Khushi ..." He caught her hand in his. "No..I don't think like that... I am sorry, if you feel so. I ...I am just unable to face her...Somewhere I think, only if Di was strong enough to take that news, to face the truth of her husband, everything could have been fine. Only if she had not lost her mind and tried to kill her own child, everything could have been normal. "
"Just like you think if only I had not entered your life, everything could have been fine."
"No...No , Khushi ..." he buried his face in her lap. "Please stop saying that. Please erase it.. I am sorry for saying that. If I am unable to face Di, then it's my fault, no one else is at fault. Only me. Instead of blaming Di for whatever Di did, I should have not said all that to you ...all those nonsense which led you to ...you .." Lifting his face from her lap, he cupped her face between his palm. "I will make everything fine ... I promise.. everything will be back to normal..."
"I...don't know...I just don't trust you ..." she looked at the baby lying beside her. She picked her. "She is the same baby for whom you did everything. For whom you threatened me into a farce marriage, tortured me, hurt me , and then all you did was ignore her. You...You don't even know her name. She doesn't has her father with her, but you can make up for that, you can give her a father's love. Par...par aap ko toh inka naam bhi nahi pata. Aap par kaise bharosa karein, Arnav ji? How do I trust you? How can I? "
"No...Don't say that, Khushi. You can trust me. Trust me, I will make everything alright. Just come back to me, everything will be fine."
"How can I? How can I come back to you knowing very well that all it will take is, some mistake from my side, some misunderstanding for you to become the same Arnav ji I had seen in that six month of our contract marriage. How can I?"
Every word she took broke something inside him. From one month he is trying so hard to make her believe that he will never be the monster she had lived with during that six month of their marriage, and today he finds himself again at the starting point. What is he supposed to do? Anger took over him, the very familiar emotion he had lived with all his life. He stood straight.
"I am selfish! A VERY SELFISH MAN, KHUSHI!" He shouted, making her jump in fright, her wide eyes brimming with tears, looked at him. "I am Arnav Singh Raizada. If you think you can make me Khushi Singh Raizada, then I am sorry. I can't change. I can't become selfless like you. I can't think like you, I can't handle things like you. If you don't like something I do, just tell me, I will try to do things your way. But I can't change myself." He again knelt in front of her. "I ..I can promise to never hurt you intentionally, but if I do something unintentionally, then you have to tell me that I am wrong. Stop seeing me as someone like you. I am not a selfless person like you, who thinks about others. I only think about myself, you know that. And I cannot change myself, I cannot become a selfless person like you. You HAVE to understand that. I am sorry for everything, I know I am wrong. But don't ask me to leave you, just tell me what is right, and I will do that. But don't ask me to not come here...please, Khushi." He rested his forehead against her, too tired.
Khushi said nothing, not knowing what to say, too afraid to make any notion and then see it meeting the dust. So all she did was--- forwarded her niece.
"Love her ... She needs you ..."
Arnav looked at his niece, the beautiful little thing looking at him through her hazel eyes. He took her from Khushi's arm.
"I love her, Khushi. How can I not love her? " he caught her tiny fingers and kissed her forehead. "But...It's just that ... I don't know why I was avoiding her. I was avoiding Di, not her. But along with Di, I was avoiding her too. I am sorry, baby" he apologized to his niece.
"You should leave now, it's getting late" Khushii said, caressing her niece's hair.
Arnav nodded his head and got up.
"Bye." He bent and kissed her forehead. "Good night"
"Good night" Khushi greeted back and saw them leaving the room. She closed the door and came to her bed. Her mind went to the things Arnav ji had said to her. But she don't know if it was confusing her more or making things clear for her.
Arnav entered RM with his niece in his arms. He saw his sister waiting on the couch. He went towards her.
"Chhote you are here. I hope she was a good kid" Anjali took her daughter from Arnav and turned to leave, not expecting any reply, but stood rooted as she heard her Chhote.
"What's her name, Di?"
Anjali turned to look at him.
"Mus...Muskaan... her name is Muskaan, Chhote" Anjali replied, too overwhelmed.
"Nice name. And she is a very good kid." Arnav said, and took the stairs.
Anjali looked down at her daughter, her eyes brimming with tears.
"He likes you, sweetheart. He likes your name too" She kissed Muskaan's forehead, too happy.
Hope you liked it :)
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