Abhi Drabble Diaries - Completed - Page 6

8.

8^th April 2004

I reached college late and rushed to the classroom. I was surprised to find chasmish sitting inside an empty classroom, hands folded across her chest and eyeing me like a hawk. I knew this was a bad sign, but I couldn't help smiling a little bit. Her foul mood today meant my plan had worked yesterday.

"What's up chashmish? Why is the class empty?"

"Because there is an off lecture in the morning, everybody left" her voice was once more cold in fury.

"Then why are you sitting here alone?"

"Because I was waiting to ambush you" she sounded so mad that I almost found it funny thinking how can someone so fragile like her even try to look so angry!

"Me, why but-----" but I never got to finish my statement. No sooner did I start my statement of denial; petty things like pens, pencils, erasers, rulers, diaries came flying towards me. I couldn't control my laughter as I dodged each one of those items. The more I laughed, the more mad she got, finally she jumped out of her seat like an adorable ninja and charged at me. But before she could start her fist fighting I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her to a warm hug and was still shaking in laughter. She continued her futile attempts of beating my shoulder with her fists for a bit, before giving in to laughing herself!

"You devil! You told him I have thyroid of all things?!? He didn't come anywhere within one kilometre of my radius worrying I will stress out or faint or something!"

"Aree chashmish I was just looking out for your safety"

"Safety my foot, you insufferable vindictive monkey! How exactly were you looking out for me when you told him I can only have boiled vegetables without salt for meals through out the three months I am under medication? He was having tandoor chicken and I had boiled radish smilingly Abhi!?!?! I will kill you!"

But at this point we both were thankfully cracking up in laughter hence the war was evaded for the day. But even as I write this now, I cant help laughing, imagining chashmish's polite romantic smile when she chewed on boiled saltless radish last afternoon.

***

Later today chashmish told me that Suresh is moving base to Delhi, and was insisting that she enrolled as an exchange student in Delhi University for the same course. I felt uneasy. Now that we are finally friends, I dont want chashmish to go away. But apparently her family is also okay with the idea. Chashmish has an uncle in Delhi, they are trying to fix her stay there. Now getting through the college was all - I am sure that wouldn't be an issue at all - she is chashmish the topper of our batch - it is only a matter of time that she gets the offer.

"You really want to go away chashmish?" I asked softly

"I have to don't I? Suresh is my future husband, I cant say no"

"Of course you can, he cant make you do his bidding against your wishes, you musn't go"

"Abhi, my dad thought he was a good guy for me - I never loved him in the first place, but I started liking him now - who knows once I go to Delhi I might like it there better?"

"Chashish your dad wanted your happiness - if staying in Mumbai is where you happiness lies, then you shouldn't go against it"

"Why are you so adamant in keeping me here rockstar?"

I don't really know why I don't want her to go, "Who will keep me away from Tanu?"

We both laughed at that, but somewhere I am feeling very low. I don't want her to go.

9

17^TH June 2004

Yes, I did it again, and chashmish will be very pissed with me. Its not my fault! I tried the nice way too. And moreover, this wasn't my idea, it was Aaliya's, I just thought it's worth a try.

Yesterday during break when Purab was discussing about the latest fight he had with BB (Well yes, they are going out now, and BB hasn't still managed to get over my hitting on me), an over excited chashmish ran towards us. She gave Purab a rib cracking hug and said, "I did it Purab! I did it!" - I was scandalized, since when did chashmish become so open with Purab to discuss this stuff with him? I imagined Purab would be embarrassed, but he only congratulated her like she got nominated for the Nobel Prize. I got irritated. She next turned to hug me, but I caught hold of her wrist and pulled her away. She let me drag her to an empty classroom.

"What the hell is wrong with you chashmish? He is your younger brother! He didn't need to know how rash you've become!"

"Rash? What? How is it rash?

"Well, maybe Mr. Double battery is Mr. Super cool and doesn't mind you talking about your virginity that way, but Purab? Seriously? And inspite of me trying to knock sense in you, you did it?" I was furious at her callous attitude towards something so important.

"Virginity? GOD ABHISHEK MEHRA get your head out of the gutter sometimes at least? Is it Tanu's impact on you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I did it - I got through Delhi University!!! I got the offer!"

"Oh." I stammered, agreed this was better than what I thought but it was no good news. I knew she was trying, and in the first one month when she wasn't successful, I thought maybe she couldn't crack Delhi. I was at peace - now when I was least expecting it, she is jumping to leave. And if Delhi is confirmed, she will probably leave soon. I sulked silently.

"Umm, now is when you congratulate me and tell me how happy you are for me"

"Or tell you it is a bad decision and yu mustn't go!"

"Uff Abhi, stop being a spoilt sport! I haven't met Suresh in ages - I am dying to see him! And why should I stay for you? When you get a girlfriend, you ll not have time for me anymore - what will I do then?"

"What? Who said I will soon have a girlfriend?"

"Tanu is likely to propose to you on your birthday! Don't look shocked! Who asked you to accept Vineets bet and go and kiss her before everybody the other day in college?"

I was shocked, Tanu and me? "Ewww"

"Okay, show me your offer letter!"

***

So this is what I did. I saw where she produced her letter from, and later when she wasn't looking in class, I sneaked it out of her bag. It is now safely tucked inside my bag. Well honestly the moment I got it, I wanted to tear it - but I knew it was chashmish's dream, I couldn't tear it. I just stole it. Even though in Aaliya's plan I was to tear it - and I told her I did. But I didn't have the heart too. Maybe if she loses it, she would decide against going - but if I see she is that desperate, I will find a way of returning it to her.

***

Okay, I am a miserable excuse for a tough guy! From the moment I saw her crying after discovering she lost it, I was guilty. I was too desperate to let her go to Delhi, so I didn't return it - infact I didn't even console her - I just bunked college and came home.

Daadi came to my room to enquire why I bunked today, and God knows what came over me, I confessed to her about my deed. Daadi didn't scold me, she looked thoughtful. Then to my surprise she smiled and asked me why I didn't want her to go.

"She is my friend, I want her here. What if she doesn't like it in Delhi?"

"But she is a bright girl right? What if it is a better option for her? What if it does her good? You don't want that?"

"Yes I do...but" I was stammering, when daadi got up and took my phone. She called up Purab and asked him to bring Pragya and come home after college, she was going to make snacks for us.

I stared at daadi aghast!

"Daadi, she doesn't know I took it. I will sneak it back in her bag, please don't tell her, she will hate me for this"

But daadi didn't budge, she said confessing and apologizing is what an honourable man would do.

***

Pragya came with Purab and Aaliya in the evening. She did a namaste' to daadi with all her politeness. I could see it that daadi instantly liked her. Daadi showed them to my room. Purab and Pragya came to my room and Aaliya went to hers'. She walked into my room and saw me sitting near my guitar with a guilty face. She smiled a little and walked to me.

"Enough drama now rockstar, give me the letter"

I stared at her surprised and looked from her to daadi. Hadnt daadi told me she wont tell on me, I have to confess it to her? Then how did she know? But daadi looked equally confused.

"Abhi, I know you have it, give it to me now, stop being childish" she said in a friendly voice.

"Bhai has burnt it" piped Aaliya from the door. She looked guilty and daadi's eyes flashed in shock.

"No, Aaliya, I know him - he would never burn it." Said chashmish

"But bhai told me he burned it" repeated Aaliya with a guilty voice.

"Abhi beta did you burn it?" Asked a very hurt daadi.

"Don't worry daadi, he would never hurt me. He cannot burn it, I know him" said chashmish with confidence.

"No, I couldn't burn it" - whispered. And handed her the letter from my bag.

Chashmish saw it once and smiled in satisfaction.

I murmured an apology and looked at her.

"How did you know I took it?"

"Why else would you run home without consoling me even once when you heard its lost? And I know your ways now rockstar, who else would use such a childish way to stop me from going?" she laughed.

I looked at daadi sheepishly but to my surprise she was looking at Pragya and smiling with an odd expression I couldn't place.

"Abhi, you really don't want me to go I know. But I have to go. This is what my family wants - but it doesn't mean I wont be there for you when you need me nah? We will be in touch and whenever I come to Mumbai I will come to visit you and daadi, and when you come to Delhi, you can see me!"

I sighed. It seems like chashmish will go now, no matter how badly I want her to stay.

10

27^TH June 2004

I didn't go to college today. I went to the station to drop chashmish at the station. Purab was going to drop her. I wanted to accompany them, but I had resit exams, so I couldn't. Never in my life did I repent flunking exams this bad. Chashmish tutored me for the last four days for my resits that begin tomorrow. As Purab got up on the train to place her luggage, chashmish was standing outside with me.

"Chashmish don't go" I could help my voice from cracking.

"Abhi, don't get attached to people this easily, your'e going to be a rockstar, you have a tough path ahead"

"So be here and make me tough, go next year" I whispered.

"Abhi, please don't make it so difficult for me. And imagine how much you hated me all your life, try thinking how irritating I was" she laughed.

"Shut up chashmish" I cannot explain what was going on inside me at that point, it felt like someone was taking something very precious away from me.

"And chashmish, be careful about the sex thing - I still think you should wait. Please don't rush into it?" I managed to bring it up finally - something that had been going on in my mind from long.

"I wont rush into it, I promise" she said sincerely. I was a little relieved. But then Purab called form the window of the compartment. She looked at him and told him she was boarding.

We hugged one last time and either of us couldn't hide our tears now. She boarded the train and stood at the door. She realized, she didn't have water with her. Since it was time, I asked her to stand there while I got the water. As I ran to a shop closeby, Purab called on my phone.

"Bhai, tell her how you feel. I know there is no point, but let it out for once - maybe after this it will be to late to even tell her how you feel and you may regret"

"Purab? How'd you -----"

"Abhi, I call you bhai, you think I would notice? - Tell her, I wont come out now"

I ran back with the bottle and handed it to her, the train started moving now. I saw her slowly drifting away from my life and before I could think further, words escaped my lips.

"Chashmish, I will miss you and..and I think I love you"

"I feel the same way Abhi, but we are late - we spent the best days hating each other"

As I stood there stumped at what I heard, I saw tears leaking down her eyes, as the train started pacing faster. Soon she disappeared from view.

11.

10 years later

25^th September 2014.

Any publicity is good publicity they say, lets hope at least she will have PR advantages from this. I mean, let's hope this at least wins her a movie and as for me, I don't care if I don't profit professionally out of it -I saved myself from dubious fate.

I don't know how I have achieved such level of professional excellence when I never gave up on that old habit of not working till my rear is on fire. I mean look at today for example. I knew it for the past seven years that Tanu is not the right person for me. That I never loved her and I would never want to ultimately end up with her - but when did I act on that feeling? On the day of our wedding! Had we broken up seven years back, it would be a private affair, which other than close ones, no one would know. But now it is going to be all over the newspapers that Rockstar Abhi walked out on Supermodel Tanu on the very eve of their high profile wedding.

Why one may ask? Well my PR team is working right now to come up with a suitable reply which will neither tarnish her image or mine. But the real reason? Well, I did like her company. She was nice - fearfully blonde yes, but nice. But I didn't love her. At this point one may ask, what does love mean to me? I am not sure if my definition is correct, but to this day, I believe, love is what I felt for chashmish in those three months that lay squashed between the nineteen years before that I hated her and the ten years (and counting) from then, where I haven't heard from her.

I had decided that day, after hearing her confession from the train, that I wont wait for college to get over - that one more year could damage my life - as it was enough time for chashmish to forget me and happily marry Suresh. I decided to drop out of college, and move to Delhi and learn music. I had decided to convince daadi for the same, but something told me to wait until Purab returned - I wanted to tell him this before anyone else. But when Purab returned he had a message from chashmish. He had told me, and to this date I remember the exact statement, "Bhai I don't know what happened, but di has sent a message for you - forget the last three months of your life - it wont be difficult then. And from now it will be like we don't exist for each other - You have to do this for me". Even today as I quote the sentence, an unknown plague engulfs me. There were so many questions that still lie unanswered, so many words unexpressed, so many emotions that didn't find utterance.

Pragya has always been the smarter one between us two. Look at how cleverly her wish played out - I am the celebrity here - I can never be hidden from public scrutiny. All she needs is a smart phone wherein she needs to google search "Rockstar Abhi" and there before her will be more than ten million links giving her every detail of my life. If she ever missed me, she had millions of photos/interviews/concert recordings in the net to look at and satiate herself, but me? Pragya is no celebrity. I can only guess that she still is in Delhi and I can only depend on my creative mind to frame her ten years older image in my mind. I have wondered many times, how would chashmish be now? Married for ten years to the most boring CA of the century, probably with two kids by now. Maybe a daughter and a son? She will obviously not be the slim and trim chashmish I knew once, she probably has added on a few extra kilos after the two children - a stout and slightly heavy woman with fine lines on her face which revealed her years, probably studded with diamond earrings and rings, going around the city in her husbands posh car, picking up children from school, attending her husband office parties.

Wherever she was, she is not going to like tomorrow's news headlines. She will not approve of my behaviour - maybe in her mind she will thank her stars for leaving me. But will she ever know, that she was the reason I did such a reckless thing? No she probably would never know that - After all my PR wont release these real reasons tomorrow.