PART ONE
EK DEEWANA THA
"I love you Ishita"
He may have screamed it out, or perhaps it was just a silent cry within his battered heart. Whatever it's form, it was his last conscious thought as he slipped into unconsciousness, a vicious whack from the lathi connecting with the back of his head, as he tried in vain to ward off the blows being rained upon him.
15 minutes earlier
Raman's head was bowed, his shoulders slumped, as he walked to his car, parked some distance away from the city hospital. He had stopped at the hospital on his way home from work, to collect Ishita's prescription, and had been unable to find parking close by.
Now, as he walked back to the car in the fast gathering dark, his thoughts turned again to the shambles of his life. He had spent 6 years constructing a fortress around his heart, a fortress with walls of granite, so thick that they repelled all invaders, so dense that no one could hear his cries from outside. And yet somehow, in some way, she had been able to create a chink in those walls. Perhaps it was her love for his daughter, perhaps it was the way she tirelessly worked to please his family, or perhaps it was the way in which she absorbed all his taunts and his anger, and yet stood steadfastly by his side. Whatever it was, she had pierced through his cocoon of steel, and once she had done that, the walls had started to crumble, until he had been left exposed once again.
And so what had he done? He had tried to retreat, had used his anger to try and create new walls, had taken ten steps back for every step he took forward, had ignored and belittled his growing attraction to her, and hers to him. Then she had fainted that day at the puja, and he had been forced to confront what she meant to him, how important she was to him, how vital, how necessary.
But before he could talk to her about his new found realisation, before he could express his love, her friend, that Mani, had told him how useless he was as a husband, how Ishita was lying in that hospital bed because of him, because of his insensitivity. And he knew how close Ishita was to Mani, how she seemed to share everything with him. So he had been forced to conclude that Mani's views were shared by Ishita, that Ishita too considered him to be a bad husband, the reason for her stresses and her woes.
That realisation had caused his self confidence to plummet. Although outwardly he played the fool, googling ways to be a good husband, making lists of how to impress her, inside his despair grew daily. He watched her with Mani, saw their whispered confidences, heard her complaining about him on the telephone, each taunt of hers another shard through his heart.
Yes his walls had come down, but now she had built up one around herself, guarded by her so called best friend, and he could not find his way to her.
He had used his buffoonery to kiss her, and she had appeared to be affected by it. At least she had not rebuffed him, not turned her face away, not uttered words of disgust. But the very next day, she had again turned to Mani when she needed help, had rebuffed his assistance, had chased him out even as she welcomed those sent by Mani.
He had never thought he could ever feel worse than when Shagun had left him, but this, this was worse. For she was worth a million Shaguns, she was the soul that mirrored his, the home that his heart had been looking for, all his life. And now, he felt as though he was losing her. Losing her to that smooth talking whey faced epitome of goodness.
He knew Ishita was not Shagun, that she would not cheat on him. But knowing as he did from Mani that Ishita considered him to be a bad husband, that she considered him to be the cause of her stresses and illness, he could not help wondering what would be if he was not around. Would she turn to Mani? He knew she would never leave him because of Ruhi, but what right did he have to keep her in a loveless marriage? For his daughter, for his family, for his convenience? If Mani was the one who made her happy, then shouldn't he let her free? Isn't that what love was?
So he had watched her silently through Navratri and Diwali. Watched her laughing with Mani, watched her loving Ruhi and watched the indifference with which she appeared to treat him. He had felt like an outsider in his own home, even as Mani appeared to take on the mantle of the householder. She had called Mani her hero, and he felt like a zero. Everything he did had annoyed her, even as everything Mani did brought a smile to her face. His love festered inside him, his slowly awakening dream now seemed like a nightmare. "Ishuu, Maniii, Ishuu, Maniii" their cooing reverberated inside his head.
The sounds in his head deafened him to everything else, and he neither saw nor heard the assailants until it was too late, until a heavy hand fell on his shoulder and roughly jerked him around. He looked up in shock at the leering face of the union leader, the man who had tried to stop Ishita's treatment that day she had collapsed.
" Kyun be" the man spat out at Raman, his face twisted with hatred as he and a dozen other men surrounded Raman, menace settling around them like dark auras. "Us din toh bada hero ban raha tha, hamari strike rok raha tha. Ab dekhte hai tumhari herogiri, Saale"
Raman had no time to defend himself. The blows started raining on him immediately, and there were too many assailants, armed with wooden laathis. There was no way to escape and his attempts to defend himself came to nought. They overpowered him, and as the laathi struck his head, his last conscious thought was of the wife he adored, of the love he had not been able to realise.
Edited by Veeann - 10 years ago
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