Money matters in marriages - article

Marriage, for many, is like walking into a minefield blindfolded. You know there are issues that could lead to potential conflict with your spouse, and you deftly step around them that peace may reign in the household. Money, like politics and religion, is a dirty word in many marriages —– sweep the topic under the carpet, skirt the issue, steer clear of it — but never discuss it openly.

Psychologist Dr Abilasha Deeraj says that couples find it hard to talk about money because attitudes have changed drastically. "Many women these days earn more than their husbands, and egos clash when each partner believes him/herself to be self-reliant, and wishes to avoid shouldering the responsibility of the family budget."

The dissension could be over a large issue, such as buying a house, or the couple could fight with equal passion over whether she really needs that pair of shoes, or why he has to have a new digital camera when the old one works just fine.

Many couples, however, manage to avoid the quibbles, apparently effortlessly.

Sneha, who is married to TV actor Iqbal Khan, says, "Money is a very sensitive matter. We are both able to avoid making it an issue because we regard the money as 'ours', not his or mine, and because our relationship is based on trust and understanding.

"I know couples that fight over money", she adds, "but I've never faced the situation. I suppose conflicts could happen when there are financial constraints, but one could always sort them out by talking things over".

Iqbal agrees, "We both come from an ordinary background and we don't forget that. If we have to buy a watch we won't buy it off the street, and neither will we walk into the Rolex shop. We stick to our monthly budget because there are so many responsibilities, like having to buy a new house. We need to know where the money is going."

TV actor couple Yash and Gauri Tonk also sees eye to eye in financial matters. Says Gauri, "In our house I handle all the money, because Yash can't manage to keep accounts. I draw up the budget and make investment plans, and Yash trusts me because I normally don't hold him back from spending, and if I do he knows that it's because I have some investment in mind. "

Yash says "Gauri is so much better at money matters than I am. Trust is important and faith is something that should come naturally. One shouldn't let the doubts creep in."

Dr Deeraj counsels couples to talk in advance about their financial commitments. "Both should express their expectations frankly and clearly. They talk face to face and not depend on mediation."