Originally posted by: Masooma Bukhari
what is wrong, is wrong..
in our society and culture pre-marital sex is not permitted.. and a family like khandelwals wont go against it.. even avni wont..
but as she is still young enough and can go on the wrong track therefore its a duty of her mother to know
plus, having sex is not only and only avni's business...
Thank you for responding and sharing your views!
While I respect your thoughts - I must respectfully disagree with some of the points you have raised.
While I can agree that what is wrong would be wrong - in this context (pre-marital sex) right or wrong is subjective. I can't put a blanket statement that is 100% one way or the other.
I do agree with you that for a conservative, egoistic family such as the Khandelwals who don't approve of love marriages would certainly not approve of pre-marital sex. My main question by means of this post was to generate discussion as to WHY pre-marital sex and sexuality in general are considered taboo topics - not to argue over pre-marital sex being right or wrong.
A point to be noted here though - the Khandelwal's primary grievance against love marriages is they feel that children aren't able to make good life decisions on their own therefore parents should pick their spouses for them - looking for someone who is well suited for their family - based on standing in society and values. This is basically telling me that parent's (such as the Khandelwals) who claim to raise their children "right" with all the proper values and discipline fail at the basic task of TRUSTING their children and having faith in their upbringing. If parents are confident in their capabilities of instilling values in their children and empowering them with the tools to make proper life choices - then why get so offended if children do make a life choice and inform the parents rather than seek approval before making the decision?
Is it fear that the children no longer "need" their parents? If only such parents understood that as children get older they need their space and freedom to think for themselves so they should give them that space and remain supportive - children would respond much better and willingly share their thoughts with the parents - with out fear of rejection or judgement. That is after all why Akshat had to go behind their back - the Khandelwals didn't give him that freedom or comfort to communicate what he wanted.
Ive seen in personal experience that parents who rule with fear or micro manage their children and don't give them any sort of freedom to think for themselves or express their thoughts freely - are the ones who end up having very unhealthy relationships with their adult children - after a point the children either live in misery (as Akshat was willing to do) or they rebel and sever ties with the parents.
I think the same concept applies to pre-marital sex. If parents were more open to talking about sex and sexuality and practicing safe sex and WHY families want their children to remain "pure" till marriage - more young adults might be less inclined to have sex. By making a big deal or making it so taboo - young adults are more curious and more eager to find out what the big deal is all about and end up having sex in unsanitary conditions and unsafe sex.
Coming to the comment of having sex is not just Avni's business - I must disagree respectfully. I come from an environment where personal space is understood and respected - Avni is over 18 so she is legally an adult. It is her body and she has the right to take decisions for her body - it shouldn't be anyone else's business. Now again this is outside the moral/societal/religious arguments for or against this subject. From a basic human rights stand point - its her body and therefore her rules.
Hope that makes sense!
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