karishma.s thumbnail
11th Anniversary Thumbnail Navigator Thumbnail
Posted: 11 years ago
#1
Guys I thought I should write an os on this atifa track. Infact this is what I want now to happen after jodha comes to know about jalal and atifa. I'm so frustrated...
Jodha comes crying into her room after the new promo scene takes place. She gets a flashback of the promises jalal had made to her on the night of sr.
Jodha: sab much jooth bola tha us rath apne shehensha. Kaash humne rukaiya begum ki baat Ko mana hota ki aap ke pass hriday nahi.
She controls herself thinking of her twins.
Jodha to her twins: aap dono chintit mat hoyye. Aapki mata sadaiv apke sath rahegi. Par ab hum yaha in mughlon ke mahal mein ek pal bhi nahi rehna chahte hain. Sahi socha tha humne, Mughal surf Dhoka dena jaante hain.
Her tears are flowing continuously without any sign of stopping. Tears, she decided to go through the secret passage which leads outside the mahal.

In the meanwhile, sharif ud din gets to know about the conversation that jalal and jodha has. He self talks
Sharif: Jalal jaisa plagal meine is zindagi mein nahi dekha. Jodha ke pass hone par bhi use atifa se mohabbat hai. Vo uske layak nahi. Khair koi baat nahi. Hum unhe apna bana sakeinge. He plans to make jodha unconscious. He sends her a drink which has sleeping tablets.

Sharif: yeh peen eke bad jodha behosh oh jaegi. Fir hum unhe yaha se Bahut door leker jayange
Sharif was in the prison and khyber gets to know about the plan.
Sharif gives the drink to a sainik and tells him to tell jodha that moti has sent it for her to feel better.

The sainik reaches jodha's room while she is packing her things.
Sainik: Andar sane ki ejajat hai begum sahiba?
Jodha ( in a plain tone): kaho.
Sainik: begum sahiba moti he aapke like yeh Beja hai. Use kaha ki ise peen eke baad aap behtar mehsus karengi.
Jodha: think hai gum jao.

Jodha takes the drink and falls unconscious. Sharif enters through the secret passage and takes jodha with him to the jungle. Khyber comes and rescues jodha and sharif flees.
Khaiber tries to wake an unconscious jodha up.

Meanwhile at the palace jalal is getting ready to get married to atifa and anga comes and tells him that jodha is missing from the palace along with Khaiber. He thinks this is all because of her pardoning Khaiber and gets more wild.
Atga: aap Hume aapke hukm ki Tohin Karen ke liye Saja-e-maut de skate hain lekin hum begum sahiba ok dhunde ke liye ja rahein hai. Aur aapke ataalik hone ke Nate hum aapko yeh baat bata dein ki atifa begum mahachuchak ki aur se hain.

Jalal gets a shock of his life and rethinks on all the harsh words he spoke to jodha. He goes to atifa and puts a knife on he throat and asks her to tell the truth
Atifa: ha yeh such hai. Bchari jodha begum. Unhe nahi pata ki ek mard kabhi kiwi ke layak nahi hota. Aur achha hi hain ki voh yaha se chali gayi. Unhe aapke sath ke rishte se dard aur takleef hi mili hai.

Jalal orders her execution.
Jalal goes in search of jodha
Jalal self talk: jodha begum Hamein maaf kar deejiye. Humein nahi pata ki hum kaise behak gaye.
Jalal reaches the spot where khyber has jodha unconscious . Jalal shouts Khaiber name. Jalal's scream gets jodha into conscious.
Jalal : aap thk hai jodha?
Jodha: Mat chuyie hame. Chale jaaiye yaha se. Hum aapkacehra mukh bhi nahi dekha chahte.
Atga and the other soldiers are a witness to this retort and are not surprised the way jalal has treated her,

Khyber lunges at jalal.
But mahachuchak soldiers surround jalal.
A fight starts. Jalal is about to be killed by the men and jodha tries to enter in between. She falls down with her stomach hurting.
Khyber comes in the middle and takes the hurt. Jalal is shocked.
Jodha in a semi-conscious state uttering
Jodha : khyber shehensha ok bachao.
Khyber dies and the last words on his mouth are "JODHA"
Jalal is shocked beyond belief. He takes an unconscious jodha to the palace .
At the palace
Hakim: maaf Karen shehensha. Jodha begum ke bachhe nahi rahe. Unhe mansik daur par Bahut bada sadma laga hai. Hum sirf unhe bacha paye.
Jalal is shocked. His deeds have taken away his kids from him says atga.

Jodha gets conscious and gets to know of her children's death. She wails out loud.
Jalal tries to go near her and calm her down. Jodha takes out a knife and points it at him
Jodha : Hume Chune ke bare main sochiyega bhi nahi shehensha. Chale jaaiye yaha se. Aapke is vyahvar se humne hamare bachhe khoyie hain. Hum apse ghrina karate hain. Humne sahi socha tha mughalon ke bare mein ki voh sirf dhoka dena jaante hain. Esse pehle hum ek patni hone ki seemao ka anadromous Karen aur hum bhul jaye ki aap humane pati hai, chale jaaiye yaha se.

Jalal : jodha begum hum manatee hain ki humne gunah-e-azim Kiya hai. Par Hume pain galtiko sudharne ka ek Maura dijiye

Jodha: kuch papo ke liye har dund kum hota hai. Humne Amer Jane ka nirnay le liya hai.
Bharmal : jodha. Hum chahte hain ki tum dharya se Kam lo. Yeh humari antim echha hai tumse.
(Assume that jalal called him befor hand to talk to jodha)

Jodha : thik hai bapusa . Aapke antim echha hai. Par humari kuch sharte hain
Jalal : kaunsi shart. Hum aapke har shart ko qubool karate hain
Jodha: humari shart hai ki hum appka . Cehra bhi nahi dekha chahte . Ap hamare kaksh mein kabhi nahi aayenge

Jalal shattered




Created

Last reply

Replies

36

Views

15.9k

Users

23

Likes

117

Frequent Posters

marshi thumbnail
11th Anniversary Thumbnail Visit Streak 30 Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 11 years ago
#2
Awesome yaar plz continue with nxt part like jalal wants to talk with jo but jo ignore him and a childhood frnd of jo whoz frnd of jallu also comes agra jo and he bcome frnds and jalal jealous plz plz.
RSlovesJA thumbnail
11th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail Networker 2 Thumbnail
Posted: 11 years ago
#3
WOOOW.. better if it happens in the show...
Susan.Dsouza thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Stunner Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 11 years ago
#4
wow awesome far better then cv crap i really want this happened in the show👏
onaisa thumbnail
11th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 11 years ago
#5
poora gussa is update ke under nikaaldiya aapne
he hee
BTW nyc update
Anika_PreRish thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 4
Posted: 11 years ago
#6
Wow...
Much better than the crap being shown in TV...
Please continue sooonish.
GOTforever thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail Networker 1 Thumbnail
Posted: 11 years ago
#7
Awesome os...u pen down my thinking in ur os...!!👏
karishma.s thumbnail
11th Anniversary Thumbnail Navigator Thumbnail
Posted: 11 years ago
#8
Hi guys, this is part 2 of the os . Thank you for this support. I'm so annoyed with the way things are going so I thought of writing further.

Days have passed after the encounter with jodha. Jodha keeps herself confined to her very room. She does not see anyone. Only moti reva and rahim are allowed into her room. Jalal gets more and more depressed. Daily he passes by her room just to get a glimpse of her. But she has taken every precaution not to see even his one gaze. There is a purdah which she has closed and kept. Jalal starts loosing hope on her love.

Jalal ( self talk): Hume lagta hain ki humne unhe hamesha ke liye kho Diya. Voh humara chehra bhi nahi dekhna chahti. Hume lagta tha ki unki mohabbat unhe hamse door Bahut der tak nahi rakh payegi. Magar hum galat the. Unke dil mein humane liye Jo bhi mohabbat thi, use unki Nafrat ne khatm kar diya hai. Yeh to unhone tab bhi nahi Kiya jab vo humse Nafrat karti thi nikah ke baad. Hum kitne bewakoof they ki apni mohabbat ko chodke us aurat Atifa ke paas Gaye. Bewakkofiya ki haddein par kar di humnein. Ab to na humane paas humare bachhe hain aur na hi humari mohabbat.

Jalal is in his self talk while he hears jodha singing to kanha from inside her room. He feels momentarily delighted that at least she is coming out of the hurt that he has given her and she is resuming her daily activities. But the words of jodha's song pierce his heart

Jodha is singing the the following words( guys I apologize. I'm not good at writing the typical bhajans in that language so I'm doing my best)

" manmohan kanha, binati Karun dinrein.
Manmohan kanha binati karun dinrein.
Rah take more nain
Rah take more nain
Ab to Taras dedo koonj Bihari,
Man maange bas chain
Manmohan kanha binati karoon dinrein.

Sambandho ne diya to keval
Chal ka anubhav
Pida se is jivan se
Mukti do he kanha.

Krishna Krishna Krishna Krishna
Krishna Krishna hare hare
Prem ki dori tum sang Jodi kanha,
Hum se to nahi jaegi todi
Binati swikar kijiye kanha
Bhaktin ko mukti den."

Jodha sobs as she sings the last few words.
Jalal who has heard every single word of this bhajan realises that she does not want to live anymore and has completely closed the doors of her heart for him. She will never look back at him ever again.

Jalal: woh marna chahti hain. Is mehel se azaadi chahti hai. Hum nahi Janete the ki baat yaha tak pohoch jayeigi.
He recollects atifa's words as he ponders over jodha's words in the bhajan," Kya Milan hai jodha begum ko apse sivay dard aur takleef se."

He is crushed and shattered both emotionally and physically. He pays a visit to hamida and requests her to talk to jodha as jodha has never declined her anything till date.

Hamida: Kahiye jalal (in a cold tone)
Jalal: ammijan hum jaante hain ki aap naraz hai humse, humse gunah-e-azim hua hai. Hum bas chahte hai ki aap jodha se
Hamida( before jalal can finish the sentence): aap chahte hai ki jodha se hum baat karein. Kis mooh se jaye hum jodha ke paas. Aur unhone yeh kaha tha ki vo kisi se bhi Milna nahi chahti. Galti hamari bhi hai. Beti kaha unhe aur unke bak se mushkil halaton mein akela chod diya. Hum uski Sara bhugat rahe hai aaj. Lekin apne Jo Kiya vo nakabile bardaasht hai jalal. Aapne Hume shrmsar kar diya hai. Chale jaaiye yaha se. Hum jodha ko aur takleef nahi desakte.

Jalal goes to his own from with his head hung in shame. He has lost all interest in political matters as well. Rukaiya pays him a visit

Rukaiya: jalal ab bus bhi kijiye. Aapke is rone se kuch hasil nahi hoga. Aapko jodha begum ko manane ki koshish karni chahiye.

Jalal: Nahi rukaiya. Voh humara chehra bhi nahi dekhna chahti. Jaanti ho ki voh aaj apne kanha se apne Marne ki baat kar rahi thi. Es sab ke liye hum zimeedar hai.

Rukaiya( to lighten his mood): Achhha ab bas. Hum aapko ek Khabar dena chahte hain jise sunke appko achha lge. Apke dost raja suryabhaan ajabgarh se Agra tashreef la rahe hai.

Precap: surya gets to know about jodha not coming out of her room. Though he doesn't know the reason behind it!!

....Anabella... thumbnail
11th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail + 4
Posted: 11 years ago
#9
Please pm me . I love your os. It deserves jalal right.
marshi thumbnail
11th Anniversary Thumbnail Visit Streak 30 Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 11 years ago
#10
Awesome plz update part 3 fast plz and thanks for using my suggestion.

Related Topics

Top

Stay Connected with IndiaForums!

Be the first to know about the latest news, updates, and exclusive content.

Add to Home Screen!

Install this web app on your iPhone for the best experience. It's easy, just tap and then "Add to Home Screen".