FF : Tere Mere Darmiyaan LAST PART pg-87 dt.10.10.14 - Page 33

Chapter 9

Like all evenings dutta came back home late but tonight he wasn't very late. Crossing the hall with long strides he found nakusha too pacing around. She was waiting for him, again but why? Did she have something more to say? Wasn't she done with her lecturing in the afternoon? Sighing heavily he averted his gaze in order to avoid her but it was futile as she called him from behind.

" sahab, khaana taiyaar hai."

He wished to roll his eyes at her, she and her food always worrying about him for no reason.

" mujhe bhookh nahin hai." He replied dryly and continued to walk to annay's room. Tonight he didn't offer her to eat, she wasn't a guest who needed invitation every time. If she was hungry she would dine on her own. Moreover he didn't wish to see her jumping around like a squirrel. What she did last night was still quite fresh in his mind. If his presence discomforted her then he was more than happy to stay away from her.

Nakusha wrapped the end of her sari around her finger. Was he still upset with her? she knew she had crossed the line however whatever she did was for annay's sake. Why was he taking out his anger on food? After eating he could still continue to grumble, no one was stopping him. She thought of asking him once more but didn't instead heated a glass of hot milk for him and took it to his room. The room was still his.

Clutching the pillow underneath his head, annay slept with his one leg covered by the blanket and the other one out, pressing the blanket between his thighs. Dutta shook his head then bent down to release the blanket stuffed between annay's legs. He tucked annay under the blanket then adjusted the pillow too. Dutta moved around the bed and sat in a half lying position, his long legs dangling over the end of the bed. Running his fingers softly through anna's hair he glanced at the picture of annay's parents kept on the bed side table. Dutta was quite young when his parents passed away. It was kala tayi who raised him. She tried hard to fill the void their parents had left. And years back she and kishore went for the amarnath yatra but unfortunately lost their lives in a major landslide. Since then he took the responsibility of annay. He knew very well how it felt to lose one's parents at such a young age. In fact annay was much younger than him when his parents left him. Staring at the picture he couldn't stop himself from questioning, was he really unreasonable with annay as pointed out by nakusha? Because as far as he could think, looking after annay was not just something that he owed to his sister and not for a day he considered annay just as his responsibility. The bottom line was that he loved his nephew and was scared to death to lose him. Life had not been kind to him. People came into his life who loved him and one day they simply...left. And now he only had annay so if he was over protective toward him and over possessive about him then what was the harm in that? Why was he being made to believe that he was insensitive when he wasn't? alright he had made some decisions for his nephew but then they were for his benefit and safety. He didn't let annay go to school and made him study from home because he could arrange a good teacher for him at home. It wasn't that he was keeping annay illiterate. He was getting education like any other child the only difference being that he didn't need to go to a school instead studied from home. So what was wrong in that? And as far as his decision of keeping annay confined to this home was concerned again the reason behind it was quite simple. Cases of child abduction, child trafficking and other heinous crimes relating to children were quite common. The outside world was ruthless, cruel and dangerous so if he chose to protect annay was he committing a crime? Moreover on holidays he took him out to play and have a nice time. While on other days he kept annay at home. Other than himself he didn't trust anybody with his nephew not even his men. So even his men weren't permitted to step inside the house in his absence forget taking annay out with them. He accepted that he was being extra cautious with him but after losing all his loved ones, a mere thought of annay getting hurt or harmed was enough to rattle him.

Today what nakusha said forced him to rethink and question himself, somewhere her words managed to twist his heart and made him feel guilty. He took a deep breath and held his head in his hands. Turning his neck he glanced at annay. And suddenly it was all clear. The peace with which annay slept every night and the broad grin that adorned his cute face every day, the love that he saw in annay's eyes for himself said it all. If everyday he could see annay cheerful and happy then he couldn't be wrong.

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Nakusha stood near the window gazing at the moon when he came inside the room. Looking over her shoulder she saw him pick up the white night suit that she'd taken out for him from the bed and then head to the bathroom to change. She sat on the couch leaning her head against its back. After a few minutes the door knob clicked and he came out. He approached the bed when his gaze fell on the glass of milk kept on the side table. He glanced in her direction and found her eyes shut. He switched off the lamp and dropped himself on the bed. Even in the darkness she could see that he hadn't touched the glass. She flopped her legs on the couch and lay back to sleep.

The fear that yawned inside of him, he was able to ignore it and bury it earlier but right now as the world crept in, it was just there... waiting to swallow him whole. The terrors were real. They came in the night when he slept. His mind could imagine terrors far more horrific than he could actually bear. He tried to fight them but they always won. And the next moment he heard a crashing sound. He fought his way free of the clinging sheets and bolted upright. He sank onto the edge of the bed.

Nakusha switched on the lamp next to her couch. He was breathing heavily and his wide eyes looked horrified. The milk splattered all over and the shattered pieces of glass littered the floor. Accidently his hand had pushed the glass during his sleep. Nakusha was herself shaking in fear, nevertheless she gulped and asked," kya hua sahab?" He shot her a hard and piercing look as his face smoothed into an emotionless mask, an act so easily accomplished she knew it had become second nature to him.

" sahab dhyaan se." she cautioned him fearing that the broken pieces might hurt him when he stood up on his feet. Without throwing her a second look, just like their wedding night, tonight too he left her with unanswered questions.

Storming out of the house he walked and walked and walked. His feet crushed the dry and dead leaves, he wished he could crush his past in the same way. The moon had finally crested, lending the area a strange and exotic beauty. Silvery dew blanketed the grass dampening the open toes of his slippers and the smell of pine was heavy in the air. But he failed to acknowledge and admire this natural beauty as he only desired to outrun his past. He tried doing that several times but never succeeded as his past didn't walk behind him like a shadow instead walked beside him and sometimes even ahead of him. Those horrific memories didn't fade away with time but managed to find a permanent place in his present and thereby controlled his future as well.

His throat was getting dry and his muscles fatigued but he didn't stop to rest. Not until he reached the place that gave him some peace. His feet came to a halt when he found himself standing before an old house. Black slate roof, grey stone chimney, disheveled neglected garden with mossy stepping stone path and paint peeling off the gate. The house badly needed improvements and alterations. He pushed open the gate and strode in. slumping on the wet grass he leaned his back against the old worn out walls. Spiders scurried in dark corners and their old webs flapped in dust. But he didn't care. He rested his head back and closed his eyes, listening to the sound of crickets and whispering of leaves. Just when his heart beat was getting to be normal, images of the past flooded in his mind, forcing him to snap open his eyes. Once again he was panting. Tonight even this place was turning out to be useless. He fisted a bunch of grass in frustration. How long? Just how long would he have to endure this pain? How long would he have to live in his past and die in his present?

He was tired...tired of fighting. Tired of fighting this losing battle. The memories of that dreaded night continued to haunt him. The night when everything changed or in other words everything ended for him. The night when she left him and he couldn't stop her. He was weak and helpless back then and he was weak and helpless even today. But could he really blame her for what she did? If she chose to leave him, then there was nobody other than him who could be held responsible. Deep down he knew that whatever went wrong that night was because of him. And he deserved to be punished!

Nakusha stared down at the spilled milk and scattered pieces of glasses. Once again he had a bad dream and now she was coming to believe that these nightmares were frequent and not once in a blue moon types. She had absolute no clue as to what he saw in those dreams but whatever it was, it managed to scare the living daylights out of him. His shocked and fear stricken face refused to evade her mind. Certainly something horrible had happened that haunted him. Otherwise why would a person like him who was so strong and tough, crumble like a pack of cards? She remembered how he had saved her from the claws of roopa? And hadn't taken a moment to think before deciding to marry her. He was definitely a strong and a decisive man who took control when needed. Not just that, the way he handled morey, clearly showed that he could be fierce and ruthless as well. To get what he desired he could go to any length. Even if it meant taking risk and suffering a huge loss , he wouldn't step back. He was rich, powerful and successful. People threw themselves at his feet. Yet he was a loner. There was fire in his eyes, capable of destroying everything around him, however in reality that fire was burning him down.

Until now she thought that her past was painful and terrible but now it seemed that his was far worse than hers. She didn't know why but seeing him troubled, pained her as well. They maybe strangers ,with a wide distance to cover but this pain and grief in their lives...connected them. It pulled them together. She wished she could know the reason behind his pain and anger. What was it that he preferred to suffer alone instead of sharing it with someone? She wanted to ask him but was it fair to know about his demons without letting him know about her ghosts? She let out a defeated sigh. Their pain was perhaps connecting them but still they were quite disconnected.

She gathered the glass pieces and accidently pricked herself. She gazed at the drop of blood on her thumb. Reaching out to him, won't be easy for her. He was broken, wounded and probably bleeding as well.

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The next day, dutta strolled down the hall while talking to kaale on the phone," theekh hai, maal godown se nikal kar truck mein rakhva de."

" aur sunn..harilal ko paise pahunch gaye?..hmm , chal main aata hoon." There was a sense of triumph floating in his eyes when he cut the call. Before setting that piece of land on fire, he had got the crop harvested and deposited in his godown. Now the produce would be sold in the market and the sale proceeds would come in his pocket. The advance money from morey was sufficient enough to cover the debts and also pay for turning the infertile land into fertile again. He had not only manipulated the deal in his favor but also successfully thrown that creepy morey out of PV forever. He flared his nostrils on recalling the greed he had seen on Morey's face for his land and...her. Now that rogue wouldn't dare cross paths with him.

Dutta turned his neck and saw annay working on his assignment. He called out to annay and said," abhi ache se padai kar..phir shaam ko ghoomne chalenge..taiyaar rahiyo." Annay gave him a thumbs up after rewarding him with a broad grin. Dutta was about to leave when he caught nakusha standing on the stairs with a pile of laundries. Her brows furrowed, maybe she'd heard what he'd said to annay.

" tu bhi taiyaar rehna." He ordered instead of asking her out.

She tried to draw her brows further together but failed and found herself gaping at his retreating back. Why was this man so unpredictable and complicated? Last night he was tormented and now he was absolutely normal. Would she ever be able to solve this puzzle?

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In the evening dutta took annay to the same park where his teacher wished to take him along with the school kids. The sun was still out making the sky appear a beautiful scarlet colored.There was greenery all around. The fragrant smell of flowers floated in the air. Nakusha smiled on seeing children running, shouting and playing to their heart's content. Many heads turned around and hands folded to greet dutta. The respect that was offered to him didn't restrict to him alone, it was extended to nakusha too. It still felt strange because she didn't forget the times when these same people refused to throw her a second glance, she was condemned not only by her family but by these people as well. Even though she had shifted to PV just five years back after roopa got married here, the bitter truth that her mother lost her life while delivering her spread across soon. And then along with roopa's hostility she had to face the indifferent behavior of people of PV as well. She had often wondered why was she blamed for something that was not in her hands? Roopa lost her mother so her hatred was justified to a certain extent but why did others also chose to look at her in the same way? What wrong had she done to them that she didn't deserve their respect and warmth? Their side remarks and taunts couldn't be forgotten so easily. As even today they were bowing their heads not before her but before dutta bhau's wife. Though she didn't hold anything against them after all they were all strangers and their opinion about her hardly mattered still the fact that they respected her position and not her as an individual, did hurt. Perhaps with time even this would stop hurting just like Roopa's cruelty had ceased to affect her because she'd accepted that she was all alone in this world.

She was still dwelling on those bitter moments when the loud laughter of a child pulled her from her gloomy past to a brighter present. She looked around and saw annay on the swing. Dutta was pushing the swing from behind and annay was shouting," aur zor se." dutta pushed the wooden plank harder and annay went higher in the air. Once nakusha's heart came to her mouth watching annay go really high.

" dhyaan se." she couldn't stop herself from calling. Her heart pounded loudly however when she glanced at annay's face, his throaty laughter, his excitement and his blind faith on his uncle that nothing would happen to him as long as he was there with him slowly dispelled her fears. Folding her arms before her chest, she slanted her neck and watched annay in pure amazement. Seeing him happy made her happy. And then her gaze moved slightly, if she wasn't wrong then there was a faint trace of smile on dutta's lips too. Whoa, did this man know how to smile? She grinned and went to spread a mat in a nice corner. After keeping the small picnic basket on it she took a bunch of newspapers and walked to the nearby pond. By now annay was swinging on the bars, climbing up and sliding down the slides. Nakusha folded the paper into a small boat and floated it on the water. She gently pushed some water and the boat floated easily. When it went far away, she tore some more newspaper and made another boat. A childish activity, that gave her some joy.

Few minutes later she found annay crouching next to her.

" main bhi banaunga." Tearing another sheet he began folding its corners, his brows knotted together in full concentration. But unfortunately the moment the boat touched the water it sank.

"oh ho." Then turned to ask nakusha," aap kaise bana rahe ho?" nakusha smiled and showed him how to make a proper boat that would float without sinking.

" badiya hai." He appreciated her effort.

Dutta sitting on the mat, with knees bent and arms resting on them watched how one after the other sheets of paper were torn by annay and nakusha. Great! And here he had thought that he would leisurely read the newspaper with a hot cup of coffee. He sighed deeply, this woman always amazed him. Her words, her actions often amazed him, more so because he never actually expected anything from her. Therefore whatever she did for him and annay surprised him. Although he believed that these surprises weren't pleasant for him but after being compelled to think about them he had to credit her noble intentions. He recalled her words," sahi kaha aapne sahab, nakku nahin samjhegi." Dutta smirked, she might be smart enough to guess that he had himself burned down the field but still she wasn't clever enough to know and understand the reason behind it. They both looked at the same world in their own different ways. Slowly and steadily she was creeping in his and annay's lives and making a place for herself. And that was...scaring him. As though she felt his eyes on her, she suddenly turned her neck and caught him gazing at her.

" maami..bhook lagi hai." Annay tugged the end of her sari to draw her attention. She nodded her head, stood up with him and walked back to dutta. She spread the remaining newspaper on the mat before asking dutta," sahab, yeh padna toh nahin tha nah?" pursing his lips, dutta shook his head and replied," nahin...main toh makhiyaan maarne ke liye laaya tha." Nakusha lowered her head and wondered, what kind of an answer was that?

Opening the basket she took out a flask of coffee and some sandwiches that she'd packed. Giving one to annay who immediately started relishing it, she poured some coffee and picked a sandwich for dutta. She knew he would only have the coffee and refuse to take the sandwich but to her utter surprise, he accepted both the things. Good.

Nakusha folded her knees and sat next to annay. Dutta noticed that she didn't have anything. While eating the sandwich annay was totally engrossed in watching a group of children play cricket. Even though his eyes were on the game, still like dutta he too didn't miss out on noticing that nakusha wasn't eating. But unlike dutta he didn't keep quiet.

" aap kyun nahin kha rahe?"

" mera mann nahin hai." She answered while giving him another sandwich.

" kya yaar..issey toh ball dalne bhi nahin aati." Annay said in disappointment on seeing the boy who was bowling getting smashed all over the place. It amused nakusha to see him getting so involved in the game. Few minutes later annay was again complaining," inko bilkul khelna nahin aata." Nakusha raised an eye brow and asked him," toh tum kya inse accha khel sakte ho?"

Without batting an eyelid he replied," bilkul." He could outplay these boys any day. Nakusha tilted her neck and said," nakku nahin manti." Annay's gaze stilled for a moment, hey what did she mean by that? He furrowed his brows and stared right back at her. Nakusha shrugged her shoulders and casually said," haan agar aisi hi baat hai toh...khel kar dikhao." Annay pushed his specs back with his forefinger, was she really challenging him? He turned around to look at dutta, his offended expression clearly said that she didn't trust him to be a better player! Dutta nodded his head and gave annay a green signal who at once bounced to his feet.

" theekh hai ..abhi deokhna aap main kaisa khelta hoon." Dutta agreed with him while glaring at her back, now she would know how well annay played. Annay soon mingled with the boys, said something that was inaudible and then the ball was in his hands. He pressed the ball with his thumb on one side and four fingers on the other. After taking a short run up he spun the ball and bowled. The batsman failed to read his off spin. The bat didn't make any sort of contact with the ball and the ball went behind the batsman to hit the stumps. All the kids cheered loudly for annay. He turned back to look at nakusha and cocked an eye brow after grinning broadly. She too clapped for him to acknowledge his success. The next moment annay was given the bat, nakusha straightened her back, now this would be interesting. Annay's eyes were on the ball as he gripped the bat firmly with his left hand. The fast pace bowler ran and bowled. Annay hit the ball in the centre of the bat and it raced straight back to the bowler barely giving him to chance to catch as it went right over his head. The next time he took a long step forward, blocked the ball and hit it right through the fielders. The pace of the ball hardly bothered him as he attacked the bowler. He was not only cleanly hitting the ball but was quick between the wickets as well. Nakusha stood up to cheer for him. She was glad to see him laughing and enjoying every moment spent with the kids. Along with her, other children were also hugely impressed by him. They were jumping and applauding him. Dutta felt like a proud parent. Not that he doubted annay's cricketing skills but seeing him play so well swelled his chest.

With the sun setting in, the children finally decided to call it a day. There was a vendor standing under a tree, making candyfloss. Annay rushed to dutta and said," maamu, mujhe woh khaana hai." Pointing toward candy floss. Dutta gave him some money from his wallet. Annay ran back to the vendor and bought a large number of candy floss. He then called out to the children who were playing with him and distributed the same among them. With two candies still in his hands , he walked back to nakusha and gave one to her. She seemed slightly surprised and asked him softly while gazing in dutta's direction," aur sahab ke liye?"

" maamu ko pasand nahin hai." Still for nakusha's sake he offered dutta who gave him a weird look before shaking his head. It was getting cool and dark. Annay was happily biting into his candy when he suddenly raised his head and said," accha ab dekhte kaun sabse pehle khatam karta hai." This time he challenged nakusha and didn't even wait for her reply and started digging into the candy. With his mouth full of candy floss he urged nakusha ," chalo ..khao." he looked so cute and funny that nakusha threw her head back and laughed openly. She knew she would not win but still she tried eating as quickly as possible without tearing her gaze away from annay who had by now almost finished off the candy.

Dutta watched both of them competing with a bewildered look on his face. They were behaving really childish and looked like toddlers with candy floss sticking at the corners of their mouths.

" idhar aa." Dutta called out annay. He took out his handkerchief to wipe annay mouth. He shook his head in disapproval but annay simply grinned back at him. He knew his uncle wasn't mad at him and when he was done, annay threw his arms around his neck and gave dutta a tight hug. Overwhelmed by this sudden unexpected gesture it took dutta a second to wrap his arms around annay. He closed his eyes and felt annay's happiness and love. Kids could truly love unconditionally. And when he opened his eyes he saw a pair green emeralds looking at him. Nakusha didn't say anything instead silently smiled with candy floss stuck at the bottom of her lips. Their gazes locked and this time dutta had to glance down because her eyes and smile said, "see it wasn't tough."

Yeah, he had to agree, it wasn't tough...when she was with him.

Thanks for reading.

Rose