I have become shameless: Vidya Balan

I believe I was a woman first and then grew into a girl!" And 'girl now' she certainly is. Uninhibited in thought, unbridled in expression. A chat with the actor that is Vidya Balan...

Q : Vidya Balan, the actor, is fearless. Is Vidya, the person, equally brave? If I'm brave as an actor, it's because I'm brave as a person too. As an actor I get leeway to do anything, wear anything and live many lives. You can make me do anything in front of the camera. But I may not be able to do all that in a social setting. I've realised I'm shy even though I love meeting people, knowing them and chatting with them. But what I love the most is being with myself. It works for me.
Q : Which other contemporary actress has been brave in her choice of roles? I've always liked Priyanka Chopra's work. I liked Barfi! tremendously. She was unbelievable in the film as she was in Fashion. I like Kangana Ranaut too. She also has that hunger. She seems open to different kinds of experiences. That's fun for the viewer as well - looking forward to what she does next. In Krissh 3 and Queen, she has performed diametrically dif ferent roles with complete conviction.
Q : Reportedly, you have shot some intimate scenes with Ali Fazal in Bobby Jasoos. Was there any awkwardness? I was uneasy during my first film Parineeta. But an actor's strength lies in his lack of hesitation and possessing a certain degree of shamelessness. Shamelessness is a must because you have to cry, laugh, fall and get up in front of a hundred people. The type of work that I've done in the last five-six years has been possible because I've become sort of shameless. I'll do what's right for the character.
Q : Well, your 'shamelessness' has benefited writers, directors, producers... I don't want to be limited by boundaries. After Paa and Ishqiya, Anurag Kashyap happened to tell me, "You've forgotten that you have a camera in front of you." I hadn't realised it till he said this. Now, I don't go to the monitor to check how I look or how I've performed. And I'm having more fun. As an actor, I feel liberated.


Q : Are there certain things you won't do now that you are married? Not at all! As an actor, I want to work with honesty. Thankfully, I'm married to a man (Siddharth Roy Kapur) who knows that I love what I do. He appreciates and respects that. We have mutual respect for what we do.

Q : How different is reel romance from real romance? My soul is highly romantic. I look for romance everywhere. For example, during the shooting of the song, Tu mera afsana for my latest film, I had the time of my life because I haven't heard such a song in years. Also, the lit diyas, the traditional costumes... everything was so beautiful! That's how films spoil us. You start expecting all this in real life too. Before I met Siddharth, I believed in such filmi romance. After I met him, I realised that you don't need all that in real life. Just being together automatically fills up for everything else.

Q : How did you celebrate your first wedding anniversary? I was in Hyderabad shooting. So, Siddharth flew down. Luckily, our anniversary fell on a weekend. We hadn't met for one and a half months. He was travelling in the US and London while I was in Hyderabad. I can't tell you how we spent time together and what all we did (laughs). We chatted and ate a lot. And no, we're not going to discuss the gifts here.
Q : As an actor and as a person what do you fear losing? The way I lose myself in a character is one strength I'd never want to lose. Even a slight distraction on a single day can make you lose it. You have to perform every moment with utmost honesty. We actors are human too; sometimes we may not be in the right mood, we could be tired or hungry... a lot of things can distract you. As a star, I'm afraid of losing myself to glamour. And as a person, the only thing that I don't want to lose is my family and my loved ones. I don't even want to think about that.