Karna and Karnalis
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As you Karnalis have correctly figured out my identity as Spy 007, let me have you in on some undocumented stories as a spy.
This is a story of Karna and his wives.. No it does not involve crazy Vrushali, uppity Supriya or outcast queen Uruvi. It involves devoted karnalis Kaila, Kanchaali and Kayanee..
A disclaimer: If any of the names bear resemblance with IF users, it is purely a coincidence. The great care is taken to keep identity of Karnalis under wraps.
I am about to describe his day with his beloved Karnalis.
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Karna is happily sipping tea when Kiala enters with her historian TheKatcher. TheKatcher notes down everything to help future generations with precise citations.
Karna:"Kiala, my dearest wife.. So happy to see you."
Kiala:"Aarya Karna, please speak slowly and little loudly. TheKatcher is having problem jotting down every word we say."
Karna:"S.u.r.e D.e.a.r..."
Kiala:"Not that slowly.. Shishupala had the best diction. Try to follow him please."
Karna:"Can we not talk of Shishupal atleast one day ? "
Kiala;"Sure. Who cares about Shishupal ? I admit, he has beautiful gray eyes, snow-white complexion, charming smile.. So what ? Who cares ? Come to think of it, he also has the loveliest vocabulary, great dancing talent and have you noticed his perfect..."
Karna:(Cutting in between, resigned)" Would you like some tea, dear ?"
Kiala:Shishupala says tea stains the teeth. Have you noticed his perfect set of pearl white teeth ? He is inspiration to many Shakunis. "
Karna:(Annoyed):"For the thousandth time.. Don't bring him in our conversation."
Karna throws down the cup angrily.
Kiala to TheKatcher:"You just saw his reaction. So note down that each time Shishupal's name is mentioned Aarya gets very emotional.The future generation must know how much Aarya admired Shishupal. "
Karna takes some time to cool off..
Karna:( now in good mood.):"I must say, you look just like Anushka. Each time I see you I am attacked by Cupid's arrows."
TheKatcher is now interested, raises hand.
TheKatcher:"Question.. Could you please describe these arrows in detail ? Are they more powerful than Bramhashiraa, Bhaargavastra ? Heavy or light ? Are they short range or mid-range missile ? Are they pointed or crescent shaped ? Do they have wooden, resplendent golden shafts ? How much tapasya is required to acquire them ?"
Karna:"Kiala knows details..As far as Tapasya goes.. I am still doing it.."
Kiala blushes.
Karna:"I am very happy today, dear. Ask for anything.."
Kiala:"Hmmm.. Let me think.. I would like you to form a new governing body to keep accurate count of Shishupala's insults to Krishna. Krishna should not be allowed to take any action against Shishupala unless approved by this body.
Also please compile all his insults against Krishna into a booklet with expert commentary by Shakuni. We will distribute it freely with every copy of Shrimad Bhagavatam.
I would like our royal garden to be named Napunsak Garden and please put few peacocks in it. I also want.."
Karna:"Hold on.. You are to ask only one wish."
Kiala:"Oh only one ? Not hundred ?"
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Kanchaali - highly emotional, loving wife of Aarya, enters the chamber.
Karna:"Kanchaali, my dearest wife.. So happy to see you."
Kanchaali:(choked with emotions)"Really ? You love me the most ?"
Karna:(in low voice)"Yes ofcourse dear. But let it be our secret."
Kanchaali:"Ofcourse Aarya.. I cant believe.. I was away from you for last 3 hours. I will never forgive myself."
Karna:"Dear, it will do you good to take your mind off me. Hope you had fun !!"
Kanchaali:"Well.. I went back to my chamber and stared at your handsome picture. Then I hummed your bgm. It inspired me to write 2 poems and 2 OS about you."
Karna:(with forced enthusiasm)"WOW. Lovely.. I have a huge backlog of your unread poems and OS. I plan to employ 3-4 people to read them on my behalf."
Karnali:(again choked with emotions) You really will Aarya ? Can you get graduates from Vyaasa's university ? It will be easy to explain nuances to them.
Karna:(hurriedly) Sure that's a great plan. I will see to it.
Kanchaali:" I feel so bad. You get no messages nowadays to read. So I have written these poems. You can read them aloud and enjoy your hobby. Would you like poems wrapped around spear ?"
Karna:"You take such great care of me... Ask for anything.."
Kanchaali:(tears in eyes due to high emotions) " Really Aarya ?"
Karna:(hurriedly)"Dont cry. Ask any wish."
Kanchaali:"I want you to read these two poems just now. I just thought of new idea so I will go back and write another poem. Please finish reading them by then and we will discuss. Thats my wish."
Karna:"err.. Sweet-heart.. I am rather busy for time being..So.. ."
Kanchaali:(Her gentle manner gone) "AS I SAID... I will be back.. I will quiz you and if I find that my poems are not read..."
Kanchaali tears a blank paper and throws down on the floor, her eyes briefly ablaze with fire of thousand suns. Even Karna who can stare at the sun for hours is unable to bear them and quickly shuts eyes..
The torn paper passes fleeting horror images of few sequences between Bheema and Jarasandha infront of Karna's eyes. Karna is sweating. He checks all his limbs and is relieved to find them all secure. He opens eyes but Kanchaali is long gone.
He brushes aside huge pile of official work and starts to read the poem.
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Kayanee is highly practical wife and hardcore businesswoman. Karna is little scared of her.
Karna:"Kayanee.. my dearest wife."
Kayanee:"Am I really ? You can not fool me. My informants tell me you say the same to others."
Karna:(Getting uneasy)"Ofcourse not.. You are my most favorite.."
Kayanee: (Ignoring..)"Forget it. Take a good look at our balance sheets, income statements. They look pretty bleak. You must cut down on charity. Keep good records. Remember charity is tax-deductible. Also dont forget to insure Kavach Kundal. I have couple of times observed one suspicious looking Brahmin looking greedily at your Kavach. And keep that Kunti away. I dont trust her."
Karna:(scared)"Ofcourse dear.. Anything you say.."
At the mention of Kunti, Vrish materialises out of nowhere. Vrish is another historian who specialises in documenting reactions over Kunti. He interviewed scores of important royal members including Yaadavas, Kuntibhoj, and all Pandavas and claims that no one ever offered a single good word about her.
Vrish:"Anyone just mentioned Kunti ? Anga Raj what do you want to say about her ?"
Karna:(Angry to see him in private chambers unannounced)"Nothing. How did you get in ?"
Vrish:(reads out loud while scribbling)" At the mere mention of Kunti, Angaraj became furious. He was about to explode but then he controlled himself and refused to say a word."
Karna:"Wait. Thats not what I meant. Kunti is a great lady."
Vrish:(while scribbling)"Then after a long pause he forcefully exerted himself to say that Kunti is a great lady. The words lacked conviction. The cold, cynical smile appeared on his face. His innocent eyes suddenly flashed with disgust and hatred of immense intensity."
Vrish thanks for the interview and before Karna has a chance to explain further Vrish disappears.
Karna turns back to Kayanee.
Kayanee:"And you were earlier saying something .."
Karna:"What ?"
Kayanee:(Little impatient):"Something about wish."
Karna:"What wish ?"
Kayanee(Very impatient):"You wanted to grant me a wish."
Karna(unsure and hesitant):"Ofcourse dear.."
Kayanee:"Send Kiala and Kanchaali to their parents' for few months.. By the way, how is devarji Suyodhan ? Why not invite him and Bhanu for dinner today ?"
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Karna was surprised to see all his 3 beloved wives enter his chamber together accompanied with 2 more ladies.
Kanchaali:"Aarya, let me introduce you to Kabhayata and Karu. They are your fans."
Krchu:"No I am not Karu.. I am Krchu."
Everyone seemed impressed with her name which no one could pronounce properly. Karna sighed. He remembered meeting another ardent fan of his who introduced herself as Kravss which sounded more like a hissing dialect of Takshak.
Krchu was a great fan of Karna with a soft spot and admiration for Arjuna. While all Karnalis were horrified with unspeakable thoughts when Arjuna flashed a sweet, bewitching smile towards Karna, Krchu was the only cheering enthusiast.
The walls of her chamber were filled with images of Karna and Arjuna enjoying sweet hugs, dining, wining,sharing loud laughs, playfully splashing water on each other, pulling together a prank on Duryodhana and riding together on the same horse in a secluded spot.
Kabhayata was a shrewd socialite businesswoman who organised kitty parties every week. Part of money collected in the party was used to fund a vast network of hair dressers, maid servants, companions of Draupadi to spy upon her every activity, eyelock, smile, interaction with her husbands.
Her network was so well organised that she received the news of Arjuna intruding privacy even before he had a chance to enter Draupadi's chambers. Weekly update of juicy details and Draupadi's fashion styles were major attractions of her party.
Kanchaali:"Well.. Kabhayata has a proposition to make."
Kabhayata:"Well Angaraj, I organise a party every week and we discuss at length Draupadi and her husbands and rank them. This gave us an idea. We plan to start Angaraj's Patni number one pratiyogita. You will rank your wives and solely decide the best and your most favorite wife of the week. Isnt it fascinating idea ? I can't take any credit for it though. Karu suggested it."
Karna reeled back in shock. He could very well foresee himself surrounded by Kaalis, with Kiala weilding Shishupala's Baansuri as a bludgeon, Kanchaali ready with pot of ink to smear him rather than papers and Kayanee with clenched fists and powerful,lashing tongue. Whoever wins, he was bound to suffer.
He could also imagine Karna's - Most dangerous wife number one Pratiyogita with coloured graphs showing growing number of injuries every week.
"I know what you are going through. Take my advice Angaraj." Krchu whispered sympathetically in his ears. "I have a horse waiting outside. Leave HP for good and take refuge in IP where your wives can not reach you easily.I have already arranged for your visa. I dont see how else you will save yourself from this predicament. No other place is safe."
Krchu smiled contentedly.Her dream would finally be true. Once citizen of IP, she had no doubt Angaraj and Arjuna would become chummies over period. She wanted to write a book on their real events..
She had already decided tha title of the book.. Karnabharat
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If you are all wondering.. How I know about all this.. Dont forget I am 007 with License to Hide and Watch..
This is not meant to offend any one.. If you feel otherwise for any reason.. I will promptly take it down..
Edited by Cotswolds - 11 years ago
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