J.E.A.L.O.U.S. Series of 7 OS (LAST part updated) - Page 6

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sukriti11196 thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#51

Originally posted by: TashaForever

Wow! This is the first time I came across this fic and my god!

Sukriti! Im damn impressed! The way you have penned the stuff... awesome xD
And what a creative concept!
kudos to you!
keep writing dear, am waiting for more updates :D
Marriage ...Hmmm seems intriguing xP
~Tanya


Welcome Aboard Tanya 🤗
glad you liked the stuff..., its my first time writing..
and thank you for taking out time and commenting on it...
more updates on the way...😃

- Sukriti..


sukriti11196 thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#52

Originally posted by: PrussianBlue

Hey Sukriti! I'm sorry I couldn't read and comment on the earlier parts because I was busy preparing for my entrances! I had typed out a really long comment, but my stupid internet stopped working and all the matter got lost! After reading both parts of Abnegation, Lavender and Oncoming, all I can say is that your brains are brilliant! I love the spectrum of emotions that you put the characters and us through! Portrayed brilliantly! Great going, Sukriti! Hats off!

Only one suggestion! Try and increase the use of punctuation, so the story looks more presentable and the reader doesn't have any difficulty in understanding the flow of the story!

Always,
Arushi


Welcome back Arushi..
glad to have a comment finally from you..
after so so long...
I hope your entrance etc all went well,..best wishes..

and now thank you for appreciating my first attempts..
thank you for commenting on it, from your really precious time..
and thank you for pointing the errors..will work on it most definitely...😃

- sukriti
sukriti11196 thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#53

Originally posted by: --Ari--

Hello sukriti.

Firstly I am really sorry I couldn't comment earlier I was really busy with my college and exams.
You have done a commendable job with this dear. The concept is so different and refreshing. Its a treat to read. I love the idea of jealous.
I want to specifically The first shot you started with vardhan and niharika had my heart skip a beat I was so happy reading that. There truly isn't much written on them even I wanted to read. So thank you for that.
All the other stories have been equally great you have showed the feelings and the emotions to perfection even though using less words. My favorite for sure is abnegation it showed both their dil ka haal and was penned down to perfection.
And the lavender showed the essence of the story jealousy and its consequences beautifully written.
but oncoming was the one which made me the happiest :) wow. so they are finally one. awesome it was.
one complaint I have though is why do you write so short? try writing a bit longer buddy ;) but never the less you do wonders in evne your short write ups.
It was a real good read sukriti :) Waiting for the the next one :)
love,
ari :)


Welcome Aboard...🤗
I am glad you liked my attempts...
appraisal works wonders, and i know now...
thank you so much for taking out time and commenting on this...
i hope your exams went well, best wishes...

and yes i'll definitely work on length...
hope i make it up in the next one...😃

- sukriti...
Dancindoll8 thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#54
I will give my comments on all the O.S.s very soon..
They are all very well written..
Res
J
I'm eternally thankful to you for writing a Vardhan Niharika o.s.
There is a dearth of them in the forum and that is what confuses me as they are such a flexible couple if you will...One can easily whip up stories on them as we don't know anything about them in great detail and the exploration of their journey and after Niharika's death and the numerous what ifs that Vardhan is stuck with could be one ff to watch out for...
I loved how you wrote it...
It was short and sweet and I had a big smile while and after reading it...
Thumbs up (Taste the thunder!)
Sorry couldn't resist

E
Engineering-the very root of the show...
I loved how you wrote Randhir's perspective...
The before and after version and also explored Engineering and balanced them both out...
Great work

A (Randhir)
Thank you for introducing to me to this word-Abnegation..
There comes a time in every hero's life when idulges in questioning himself to death...
Thankfully you kept it at the apt length and the one liner in b/w had me laughing..
What Randhir will have to abnegate to give and receive love would be his ego and his facade and you captured this so beautifully...
I loved how you made Randhir ponder and think and how you highlighted his inner turmoil with being o.t.t...
Kudos for that!

A (Sanyukta)

She notices his every move and analyses his behaviour. .
Sanyukta fricking cares about what Randhir does and his feelings...
Just this much had me jumping up and down...
I loved how you analysed his stay away from me line as a plea as sanyukta is untinentionally breaking his carefully built facade...
Very well written. .

L
Lavender...
How aptly used and written...
Finally we have a Sandhir conversation...
I think something like this would happen on the show soon which will result into-
a) Sanyukta slaps Randhir
b) Randhir acknowledges his feelings and confesses them out loud in front of Sanyukta
I loved how you chose to represent Sanyukta's dullness with her wardrobe choice by making her wear dull colours and the weather line that followed...
In the end, I love how Randhir realised that he took it to far this time...
One of my fav part..
O
Haye! A christian wedding for Sandhir...
I love it...
You have set the scene right by combining their attire and feelings...
Honestly it couldn't have been any better...
My favourite till now...
It was written exquisitely...
Take a bow!

Friendly advice:Proof reading :-p
So here my comments on all the parts I have read till now as promised...
Keep writing and please pm me when you update..



Edited by Dancindoll8 - 11 years ago
Prachijainn thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#55

Originally posted by: sukriti11196


Thank you for the comment...
will work on the length definitely...
its like everyone is actually complaining...😛😛😆
will work for sure...

Sorry to complain!
So when r u updating?
sukriti11196 thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#56

Originally posted by: Prachijainn

Sorry to complain!
So when r u updating?


its fine Prachi..no issues...
and as for UPDATE..
it might may or may not come this weekend..as
I have my test on Monday..
and the U Part i.e. the next installment
is actually taking a lot of time..the flow is not still there..
so i'll try to do it hopefully till Sunday..
*fingers crossed*
Sorry for late update...advance
Prachijainn thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#57

Originally posted by: sukriti11196


its fine Prachi..no issues...
and as for UPDATE..
it might may or may not come this weekend..as
I have my test on Monday..
and the U Part i.e. the next installment
is actually taking a lot of time..the flow is not still there..
so i'll try to do it hopefully till Sunday..
*fingers crossed*
Sorry for late update...advance

It is okay
take ur time
and all the best for ur test!
niranjanastar thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#58


wow sukriti u rock always!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just loving ur work
and keep continuing it.
please continue soon u have a hard fan called niru who is so eager to read ur work!!!!!!!!!!!1
please dear post soon na!!!!!!!!!!!11
i don't much like the concept of jealous.
but i like ur jealous concept!!!!!!!!!
just love u for ur superb work!!!!!!!!!!
keep rocking!!!!!!!!!!!!!
don't forget i'm waiting for the next one.




always with love
#niru

sukriti11196 thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#59

Originally posted by: niranjanastar



wow sukriti u rock always!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just loving ur work
and keep continuing it.
please continue soon u have a hard fan called niru who is so eager to read ur work!!!!!!!!!!!1
please dear post soon na!!!!!!!!!!!11
i don't much like the concept of jealous.
but i like ur jealous concept!!!!!!!!!
just love u for ur superb work!!!!!!!!!!
keep rocking!!!!!!!!!!!!!
don't forget i'm waiting for the next one.




always with love
#niru



Thank you Niru
for your lovely words...
was waiting for your comment..
and yes i am sorry for the late update...
but its not turning the way i want too...
plus these TESTS and ASSIGNMENTS are taking pure toll on me...
also i have to catch up with your work..
will soon be here...
a quick reply, lengthy one though..😛😛😛
sukriti11196 thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#60
Hello to all!!!

Before starting the OS i would just like to thank all those who liked the O - ONCOMING part
and a special thanks to those few people who even commented
and this chapter is dedicated to all those
especially to all who have now returned after the tests and entrances,
BEST WISHES for the same..

Its this support which keeps the writer going, thank you and without any further delay
I present you the Sixth installment of the J.E.A.L.O.U.S

UNERRING

Randhir Singh Shekawat

arghhh...you are you are such a mmm such a mmm
such a YES
such a bloody unerring person.
Why? Why? Why?

You completed the model in 6 hours, freaking six hours??
without any help??
You sadu, sanki but smart intelligent person..I HATE YOU, huffed Sayunkta.

Chemistry, Aeronautics, Robotics, and Mechanics
How do you even fit all this inside that small MCP Brain of yours..??
and Bhagawaan ji, you too, itne chune hue insaan ko budhi di
hai aapne bhi !!!
Every single time rubbing that on my face, MCP.

Lagta hai YO YO and gang ki budhi ka hissa bhi isi ke dimaag maiin daal diya aapne...
hmphh!

Practical ho ya theory, he bloody tops it all and not to forget
he kisses very well

W.H.A.T?!?!?

Where did that come from ?!?!?!

Yeah right...
my over-the-top and excited sub conscious mind
strikes again.

But even this did not stop Sayunkta from muttering
good-for-nothings to Randhir, only to never realize
that she was appraising him in the process



Same time in the Boy's hostel


Sayunkta Agarwal,
You manipulative, selfish, girl damn you for being so unerring,
thought Randhir as usual giving his punching bag his daily dose.

You corrected the Third phase of the task,
You console Sahil, when i can't, and your-so-called Parth couldn't,
and since the latter did not ring good bells, Randhir punched more furiously.
You Sayunkta agarwal challenged VARDHAAN sir to repair his dream machine (although you made me repair it),
You have that perfect timing to fall whenever I am round
and You kissed me..

WAIT W.H.A.T ?!?!?

and for the first time the mighty and the most self tolerating
Punching bag
received the ever so golden opportunity
to hit none other than Mr Randhir Singh Shekhawat
right on his left part of the face.

What The!!!!!!

Randhir mumbled coming out of his wonder land and rubbing the side
of his face.

How can i even think of that kiss, it was not a kiss thought Randhir, and started punishing his punching bag again.

But what Randhir never realized was , even when he was in murderous rage,
he had the after affects of the Kiss imprinted in
his mind,
his what-he-thinks-is-not-there Heart,
and
his soul.

The scenario in both the rooms, was quite similar.
Even while sitting and punching in their respective rooms,
all they could do
was THINK about each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N - I hope you liked this one,
I wanted Randhir and Sayunkta to finally think about the kiss, about
Randhir getting one solid punch from the Punching bag aakhir uska bhi HAQ banta hai 😛😉

I hope you enjoyed and yes it was an out and out feelings of SANDHIR !!!!

and yes UNERRING means always right and accurate
and this was because while Randhir and Sayunkta did not thought same about their individual actions, but for each other they were always Unerring

And yes I know it is Small, but i couldn't just drag it more, and this is not really up to the mark
at least that's what I think. Sorry to be unfair to all.

Thank you for reading

Cheerios

P.S - positive criticism is welcome, so are LIKES and COMMENTS...(please)😃😃

P.P.S - buddy me for PMs if you wish to of course



Edited by sukriti11196 - 11 years ago

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