The Best Friend's Wife- A Kriya and Swayam OS

The Best Friend's Wife

"Listen bugger, stay here, eat and sleep, watch TV as much as you want, just don't piss off the wife. She's a little volatile... Don't freak her out," said Rey.

"Don't worry bro. I'll not bother her. Just be my usual self," spoke Swayam standing at the doorway.

"No. Don't be your usual self. Please! I'll be back in two days. I wouldn't have left you at this time, but duty calls... I'll miss you asshole." Rey gave a tight hug to Swayam who had just moved in with a rucksack.

"Yeah yeah... bloody corporate slave!" Swayam hugged him back.

**********************************************************************************

6.30 pm

Swayam slept till evening. His back hurt from sleeping in the same posture. He got up and walked to the living room. Kriya was watching TV.

"Hey... slept well?" she asked.

"Yeah, very well actually," he replied.

"Want some tea?"

"Yeah sure. Only if you do..."

Kriya got up and moved to the kitchen. Swayam started watching TV.

"How much sugar?" she asked from the kitchen.

"You said something?"

"How much sugar would you take?"

"Aah... depends. Is it with or without milk?"

"Do you want it with milk?"

"Do you have condensed milk or those cartons of milk? If It's condensed milk then..."

"Which one do you prefer Swayam?"

"Condensed milk."

"You got it. Now tell me, how much sugar?"

"If it's sugar, then half a teaspoon and if it's sugar free, just a pinch. But wait... how much of tea is there?"

"Swayam, why don't you just add the sugar yourself? I'll bring it over there."

"Sure." He settled back on the couch.

Kriya brought a teapot and two tea cups on a tray along with milk and sugar.

7.00 pm

Kriya and Swayam are watching TV now, but it's more like Swayam watching TV while Kriya tries to concentrate on whatever is happening onscreen, but her attention wavers.

"I'm sorry I changed the channel without asking you. I suspect you're not exactly enjoying it," said Swayam.

"I'm not really watching. And that's okay, I was only watching the repeat. You can continue with whatever you're watching," replied Kriya.

"Are you sure? You can watch if you want," said Swayam, extending the remote.

"Yes I'm absolutely sure. I switch on the TV at 8 usually. That's prime time. Today there's no office, and your friend is not around, so I just turned it on early," Kriya frowned.

"Okay, but remember you can take control of this remote anytime you want to."

Kriya nodded and Swayam went back to watching TV.

7.30 pm

Kriya is a little restless. She tries to speak to Swayam but he is fully engrossed in TV, and it's very loud.

"Swayam..."

"Kriya do you think we can get some popcorn?"

"Swayam, I want to watch something."

"I'm sorry what?"

"I would like to take control of the remote now."

"Oh, right! Yeah." He unwillingly gives her the remote. Kriya changes the channel.

"Didn't you say prime time begins at 8?" he queried.

"Yes."

"Well, it's 7.30 now."

"That's every other night. Tonight there's mahaepisode and its one hour long- begins half an hour before regular airtime," says Kriya, already glued to the television.

"A mahaepisode? Inte...resting..." Swayam mumbles to himself.

"Why is this a mahaepisode again?"

"Because the hero was kidnapped for a month and he returns tonight. And it'll be revealed that his uncle had him kidnapped. High drama."

"For a month! Holy crap. Why would the kidnappers feed him for a month?"

"Because the lead actor was appearing in a reality show, he couldn't shoot for this one," impatiently replied Kriya.

"Wow... So you already know why he was kidnapped, why do you need to watch the mahaepisode?"

"Because I want to see him unite with his onscreen wife while all the family members and the evil uncle stand in the middle of the drawing room and look on. It is the most important thing in my extremely uneventful life right now! Could you please be quiet?"

"I can do that." Swayam said guiltily. "Just one small question... Why do they all stand? I mean they could sit..."

Kriya murderously glared at Swayam, causing him to shut up.

8.15 pm

A very emotional scene was playing out on TV. The heroine cried relentlessly. Sadness and anxiety were visible on Kriya's face. Swayam grinned effortlessly.

"Okay, that's it! Why are you laughing?" Kriya snapped at Swayam.

"I have figured out mahaepisodes!!" Swayam continued to grin. "They just repeat the same things with different dialogues and break every five minutes. So forty minutes of footage which is repetitive lines with flashbacks and background music, not to mention the long staring into each other's eyes, which is basically just five minutes of actual content- and there's twenty minutes of commercials. Clever!"

Kriya wanted to pull out her own hair. Getting Swayam to stop talking was difficult, but Swayam talking in his mind with readable expressions was even more awful.

She switched the TV off and turned towards Swayam.

"Swayam, tell me something, aren't you the bestselling author of this country? Producers are queuing up at your door everyday so that they could make movies out of your books. What are you doing on my couch?"

"To state the obvious, watching the mahaepisode with you." Swayam didn't understand why Kriya was so mad all of a sudden.

"You're not watching. You're ruining it for me! And why are you watching TV on my couch? Why don't you do it in your own five-bedroom flat where you can sit and make fun of the trashy Indian television with a note of condescension?"

Swayam's face fell. His eyes drooped as he spoke.

"That's awfully below the belt, bringing it up, I must say. You know very well why I cannot stay in my own apartment. Because my wife of three years is divorcing me! And I cannot live there with all her memories strewn around! It makes me cry. And FYI, I'm not condescending."

"Say that to your wife! Swayam you do realise that you're unbearable. The only one who could put up with you was Sharon, and even she's leaving you! And FYI, I hate you. Always have."

"You do! Why?" Swayam was taken aback by Kriya's sudden outburst. "I guess I know why... and I think your anger is justified. Even I'd be mad if my spouse paid more attention to a friend than me. But that's just Rey for you and he'll always be my best bud first. But he cares a lot about you too, he does."

"Excuse me, you're not the most important person in Rey's life. You just think you're. And I hate you for that. In fact I have hated you since my wedding day- when you had sex with my cousin in our wedding bed!"

Swayam was astonished. "You knew?"

"Yes. I was in the washroom when you hankied your panky!"

"I sincerely apologise. I hope it didn't affect, um, your wedding night."

"No it didn't, since we moved to the guest bedroom. And I know what you told Rey when you first met me- you said I look like I have a violent streak!"

"Yes and I'm very happy my prediction turned out to be wrong, unless Rey lies to me. But honestly, do you remember your hair back then? You looked crazy."

"I did not! And I hate you for ruining our dates and dragging Rey for bowling or the new Superman movie or some lameass activity like that."

"Whoa woman! Watch it. Superman is not lame. And neither is bowling. We spent all of Rey's birthdays bowling. It's a proud tradition and if you can't respect it, at least don't call it 'lameass'."

"That was before he married me! Things change after marriage Swayam. It can't remain the same!"

"I did everything to dissuade Rey from marrying. But he was too sure then. If you should blame anyone now, it's him, and yourself. It takes two to tango."

Kriya took a deep breath. Trying to have a meaningful conversation with Swayam has always ended in disappointment for her, but this time she was determined to have an impact. She made another attempt.

"Before pointing your finger at my marriage of six years, which is successful and happy, why don't you try mending your own, which is a fast sinking ship?"

"Oh you think I didn't!"

"I didn't see you trying Swayam."

"Yeah of course, you'd think so. Her mother thinks the same thing, and so does she. Apparently all the efforts were made by her and I did nothing. How is it even possible to make something like marriage work if one of the two people involved makes no efforts at all?"

"It didn't work. Your marriage is falling apart."

"Thank you for the news flash. And it's my fault?"

"Whose fault is it Swayam? That time when you showed up at Sharon's office Valentine's party as Gandalf, whose fault was it? Or that time when you insulted her sister's husband? Or all those times when you didn't show up on your dates? I can go on... but the point being, you ruined it. And this is called stating the obvious."

Swayam paused briefly. He was agitated.

"First of all, I remember I was particularly asked to 'dress up' for that party. She may deny it now, but she said those very words. And I thought she'll be surprised. And her sister's husband is a curse to mankind. I've asked her many a time to move away from her sister, at least the husband. Yes about the dates, I may have forgotten, but all those times she failed to remind me too."

"Swayam, nobody likes to romance Gandalf! And you're supposed to smile and put up with your sister in law's husband even if you don't like him. That's the kind of thing husbands do. Didn't you learn anything from Rey? And the last one is an unforgivable offence. If you were my husband, I'd have fed you to dogs by now."

"I knew you had a violent streak! So okay I screwed up. But that's no reason for her to leave me."

"Did you stop her from leaving?"

"Well I didn't exactly pull her by the arm so to speak, but I did try... in my own way..."

"Did you tell her that you do not want this divorce?"

"Ahh!"

"Did you tell her that Swayam?"

Swayam was fidgeting with the corner of a cushion. He spoke after a fifteen seconds.

"I married her Kriya. I wore that ridiculous turquoise blue sherwani that her dadi picked for me, in the scorching heat of May and performed those odd rituals in front of two hundred people. And it won't happen again. I know it's supposed to be normal for you people, but it was a big deal for me... still is. And now she says she can't carry on with it any more. That it's a burden for her. And it's okay. If that's what she wants, so be it. She wanted the marriage then and she wants to end it now. And I won't stop her from having what she wants. Her wish matters the most."

He looked at Kriya with big eyes and a heavy heart. She sighed.

"You want wine?" she asked.

"Yeah I could do with some."

"Great!"

She got up to fetch the wine and the glasses.

9.30 pm

"Swayam, you need to let go off that ego of yours. And yes you have to make some adjustments. Sharon has changed her entire life after she moved in with you. From a huge mansion, she came to live in a flat- that was a big change in itself. Now you can't expect to carry on with the same bachelor life after marriage. Relationships are give and take."

"You're saying I shouldn't go bowling on the weekends? And she doesn't even take me shopping with her, although I always said Yes' to it, because Rey asked me to."

"I'm not saying you should completely give up your life but you have to involve her more- she's your partner. And NO- you cannot go bowling every weekend. That's a complete NO. You have to ask her, find out her plans. And she doesn't take you shopping because she knows you don't enjoy it."

"I always ask her about her plans."

"You have to ask like it matters. Not the way you do- 'oh cool, then I'm going hangin' out with my brothas'. NO. Not like that. Tell her you'll be home with her."

"Okay so now I have to pretend as well?"

"Didn't you pretend on your wedding?"

"Man... I thought that was a onetime thing. Here you're telling me I should pretend for life."

"Marriages are all about pretense. The better you pretend the happier your marriage is."

"And what about the ones who don't pretend?"

"Theirs' end in a divorce, like yours!" shouted Kriya to a disappointed Swayam. "Okay all of that is too grim. No you don't pretend always- but you have to do certain things for her that make her happy, because you don't know how many adjustments she's making for you, everyday, and she does it without even letting you know about it. It's the least you can do for her. And trust me it'll make you happy in the end."

"Do you pretend with Rey?"

"Sometimes. And he knows it. Like the times when his mother comes to stay with us. I smile and I say "oh it's so great darling," but even his mother knows I hate her guts. And he rewards me by sending her off quickly, also because he knows that I might poison her food." Kriya smiled and gulped her drink.

"So this is how I should react when Sharon's sister visits us with her husband?" Swayam asked.

"Precisely."

"But what's the use?" Swayam sighed. "She's soon to be my ex-wife. I hope her next husband knows the trick to happy conjugal life. And I guess she has found him too."

"What?"

"It's Shivam, her lawyer. He was always her father's favourite. They should have hooked up actually, cuz they are perfect for each other."

"Swayam, is it not enough that you're selfish and condescending, that now you're jealous as well?"

"I'm not jealous. But I can't really draw any other conclusion when she chooses to confide in him every detail about our relationship."

"He is her lawyer, she has to tell him."

"Exactly. That sleazeball is her lawyer! That should tell you. Who would want to appoint Shivam Dutta as their lawyer, somebody who hasn't won a single case in his life?"

"You know that Shivam is her childhood friend. I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this, unless you're bitten by the green eyed monster! And it's perfectly okay if she shares her personal life with her friend cum lawyer."

"They made fun of my Iron Man memorabilia, together! And she even called me a nutter' and I do not know what that means but he laughed."

"Did you feel like punching him in the face?"

"Yes."

"Well then do it!"

"What?"

"Punch him in the face. At least that'll show Sharon how much she affects you."

"But I want to punch him in the face cuz he affected me, adversely."

"Oh SHUT UP! I have been listening to you whining for two hours now, and the wine is over! And I can no longer have you sitting here and talking more crap!" Kriya stood up.

Swayam was shocked. Kriya continued to speak.

"Now you better go get your wife home. Do you hear me!"

"Are you alright?" He asked looking at her fearfully.

"Go tell her all of this you told me. Tell her about the turquoise sherwani and how much you want to punch Shivam in the face. Also tell her that you'll apologise to her sister's husband. Come on... scoot!"

"Kriya... listen to me..."

"I'm done listening. Now you listen to me mister, if you don't go and talk to Sharon right now, this very instance, I'll chop you with my new set of kitchen knives and feed you to the dogs."

Swayam was appalled. He gasped for breath.

"What are you doing sitting here for?" Kriya yelled again. "Get going. Also don't forget to tell her that you love her. Get down on your knees. That always works."

Swayam nodded like an obedient child. He drank the rest of his wine and stood up, took a long, deep breath and finally made for the door.

"If you need help with killing Shivam, call me. But right now, go get your wifey."

"Yes Kriya. Thank you." He shouted from outside.

Kriya dropped on the couch and relaxed. She had a smile of accomplishment on her face. She dialled a number. It was Rey on the other end of the line.

"So did he go?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Wow... you made him go speak to Sharon? Seriously?"

"Yes. I'll call Sharon in an hour to find out what happened." She grinned.

"You're the best! I love you! I hope this works out for them."

"Yeah let's hope so. I love you too."

"But how did you get him to do it? I mean we all know how stubborn Swayam is."

"Why don't I tell you when you get home? I need to hang up now. Miss you..."

"Miss you too..."

Kriya hung up and switched on the TV. Finally she could watch the repeat telecast of Uska Pati Sirf Mera Hai, without any interruption.

udka pati sirf mera hai...

that's epic... 🤣

this was such a hilarious OS..

you should write more often... :-D

I just loved the entire set up of the plot...

the way kria started handling things...

shouting and everything...

I really loved how you showed kria explaining swayam... first like a baby.. and then like a mom... the shouting and scowling was always an added advantage...

well swayam deserved it... I mean the list goes on and on...

and then u instilled ur tv knowledge in it...

the mahaepisode was a treat...

and then how u subtly showed swayam being hit with green monster... and then how cleverly added fuel to it..

awesome...

and the best thing... it was all preplanned... that was cherry on the cake...

awesome os.. do write more...

kabhi na ek romantic os likhna... I have never read one from you... I want to read one... do try when the time permits...

and never tool late ko bhi update karna..

ciao... :-*

Amazing OS
Loved the whole plot
I liked the way u write
write more

ds is fantastic... swayam is a real stubborn... nd what to say about kriya...she is sooo clever... finally she made him to talk to sharon nd save his marrige... loved it..

Lovely. It was hilariously cute :)

blue----

Hilarious
Srsly u described the whole thing in single take i mean single backdrop awesome
I always loved kriyam they are so adorable