Posted:
First, please note this is just an internal monologue.
Second, I have terrible Hindlish (Hindi typed in the English Alphabet) therefor I'm forced to type in English...which sort of ruins the effect IMO for this character
Third: Don't hurt me if it's terrible! 😆 It's just something I'd like to see...a realization. Guilt. Fear...hopefully maybe we'll see a bit 😊
OS: Blood on my Hands
Oh, the mistakes I've made. I should have trusted you, I should have trusted myself. I should have thought beyond what my eyes had seen. You stood there so defiant, demanding my safety.
I still doubted you.
I thought for a split second, what's this I'm feeling? Concern? A Connection with this killer? With this Jallad? I shook it away. It was a mistake. An illusion, or a mirage.
Behind your mysterious eyes, and sharp uniform you were nothing but a cold blooded killer. Your kind has killed my loved ones. You killed my husband.
You weren't lying to me, were you? All those accusations. All those moments of anger, resentment, disgust. Those tears? They were all real. They were real, and I still couldn't see.
This cold concrete floor is evidence of that. This light-less room. It's ironic, that I'm sitting here in bridal attire again- this time not just broken but shattered. Shattered with the realization that you weren't a hunter out to prey. You were a saviour. A Hero. You weren't out to harm, but to help. Tears are of no use to me, my screams won't go far. I put my faith in the wrong hands, and took a sip from the devil's cup.
Your methods may not have been the most noble, and your persona not the most agreeable. You treated me as if I would bend to your will- perhaps that was all you knew- but maybe if you had done something different, we wouldn't be here right now. Me in this lifeless room, not a soul or a sound to be seen or heard- and you, somewhere unknown- hurt because of me.
You stupid man. You stupid, stupid man. Or me. Stupid, stupid me. If only I had listened. Questioned. Wondered. Thakur Sa was nothing like I thought he was, this illusion I had in my mind, what I've been brought up on was a lie. A lie that you warned me of, but I accused you of being the liar.
You stupid man. You stupid, stupid man. Or me. Stupid, stupid me. If only I had listened. Questioned. Wondered. Thakur Sa was nothing like I thought he was, this illusion I had in my mind, what I've been brought up on was a lie. A lie that you warned me of, but I accused you of being the liar.
I sit here alone, dry eyed, wondering if this mistake and misplaced trust will cost me my life or yours; but I now truly have blood on my hands.
Of yours. Of mine. Of all of those BSD Officers. Unknowingly I held so much power to protect and assist, and I've somehow severed a vital artery. Its spilling from these walls. Raining upon me. Warm, flushed with accusations and anger. Innocent Blood.
I look at my hands, the burns healing, the mendhi leaving it's orange tint across the wounded palms. I shiver at the thought of your touch, perhaps never to be felt again- a comfort I never knew when I had it.
I can see it, even if no one can. There's blood on my hands, blood on my hands.
I try to wash it, scrub it, clean it raw.
I can see it, even if no one can. There's blood on my hands, blood on my hands.
I try to wash it, scrub it, clean it raw.
I cannot wash it away though. You held the water to clean it away, and I knocked it out of your hands. It keeps on falling, dropping on me. All this blood, on my hands.
Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee
CID
