Arhi FF 'Sandcastle' #2 Reposted all parts - Page 52

Chapter 18

Dear,

I'm not sure how to address you for two reasons. One - we haven't met except for one note that we exchanged through that fun card game and we haven't agreed to be pen pals too. Two - I have seen you in the previous day while you were fighting with your mother about your middle name or something of that sort and well, if love at first sight does exist, then... I love you.

I would have ignored this card game if you are some other person and if I hadn't had the chance to see you, all thanks to my friend, Ramya (who forced me to join her as she searched for her card friend), and your friend, Aman (for he pointed you to me).

Well, I'm... no. I don't want to tell my name right away... ;) So here's the deal, I will write you for the rest six days that I'll be staying here and you will know about me in my next six letters, except for my name. I'll tell you my name when we meet... and I'm sure we will meet. Because, by the end of my six letters, you will fall in love with me. I'm not saying this, Suriya. I know this because I'm going to be honest with you and I know people who knew me for who I'm will love me.

Now, don't roll you eyes at my chatter or call me crazy by the way I started this. I'm a straight-forward person and speak what's on my mind.

So, as mentioned in the previous note, I'm a medical student, done with second year finals and was here with friends for a weeklong trip. I'm 21... well, will be 22 in about seven months. And there is these 21 years of life that I needed to share with you. Don't worry, I'll not go through the whole by narrating day-to-day events, but yeah, the most memorable moments and the life changing events, that I'll share with you.

The first memory that flashed across my find when I thought to share it with you was the one when I was five. There was this black dog that lived across my street. I was the naughty kid among the siblings and my elder sister was always blamed for things I had done. So, one day, I vaguely remember, that I had thrown a stone at the dog from our terrace and that dog had momentarily become a lion. Not in that magical way that I would have loved otherwise, but his behavior. He jumped up, his front legs raised high in air and attacked a passerby. The man was injured and happened to be admitted in hospital for about a month. And for the first time, my sister tried to put the blame on herself, wanting to protect me from our father, as he literally picked up his belt to beat the girl who did that. That day, I had promised myself with two things. That I'll never let my sister to take blame for something that I did, and I'll never let any person suffer such pain. And today, I think I can say wholeheartedly that I did keep my promises. May be, that was the reason, the root, for me to be interested in medical and dreaming about being a doctor.

But all the people who knew me wonder how I have no single quality that a doctor/med student should otherwise posses.

I'm a lazy girl who wakes up one hour prior to her college hour and who doesn't sleep until late night by watching all sorts of movies. While my friends glued into books whenever they find time, I hardly open my books expect for few days during my exams. Well, I'm more like a chatterbox and keeps on talking everything and anything under the sky, without taking break for at least one second, while a med student needed is patience so that they could hear patients out.

By now, you must have understood just how I can't stop speaking... ;)

Well, that's not my fault. Some are born to speak while some are to hear. In our case, I think I'm the one who communicates verbally and I really hope and wish you to do the same with actions, at the least. You know, we do make a good pair ;)

Don't get wrong impression, Suriya. I do stop speaking when I know the other person isn't interested. Otherwise, I wouldn't. I don't know why, being silent without speaking or darkness... I hate that. Silence, though beautiful at times, gives me shiver. Even I do stay silent... whenever I'm upset. But I don't show my weakness to the world, for all it mocks at me or pity me. I loathe pity. May be, that is why I hide myself, burying such situations with my cheerfulness. But if I really want to be silent for a while, Tank Bund is my all-time escapade. You know, I'm from Hyderabad - the Pearl City and just like others; I love the peaceful place, the lap of Buddha.

Okay... I know I'm talking too much without knowing whether you are interested in our little game - not that you have a chance in it. Whether you write back or not, I'll give you my six letters. I'm not about to regret after few years that I didn't meet you or lost the chance of having a life with you, you know... ;) I'll come back to you with the next one. Don't even try to know who I am! That will be cheating, okay. I have a friend here, a ward boy, who will help me hand this letter to you. If, by any chance, you reply back, you can give it to the boy. Not expecting you to write, but hoping and waiting with my eyes glued to you, following you everywhere...

Love you.

Yours

They say they are happy to meet me, the people I met.

"Is there any place that you would like us to go?"

Arnav asked as he pulled the car out of the parking lot of the super market. He had reached the place a good twenty minutes before, having nothing to do in his room, but was shocked to see Khushi waiting for him. It surprised him at the way she reached early. He expected he would meet her for breakfast with the families that would help him watch her behavior, to identify whether there was any change when she was in a crowded room and when she was simply being herself alone or in the presence of one or two people. But when he reached downstairs, his sister had been informing Aman and Kiran regarding Khushi being in a hurry to reach somewhere. It didn't miss Arnav's eyes, the way Kiran looked at Bindu and the silent exchange of words before Kiran fished out his mobile and dialed her number. Arnav would have, in any other moment, laughed at Kiran for being so over-protective for his to-be sister-in-law, but not when he himself felt the same urge - to protect her, to guide her, to do anything to see a smile on her.

"Any place is fine with me."

Arnav smiled at the expected answer. It amazed him as how he was able to understand her and read her silence. Yet, the understanding felt natural. Real. Righteous.

"Okay, I'm tired." He said after a brief pause as he drove along now familiar roads of the city. "And in need to get away from shit life seemed to throw on my way. In a mood to roam around, party and celebrate my new heart break?"

Khushi laughed at his choice of words. "That is incorrigible, Arnav, even for you. So, why is it that you are roaming around with a broken heart? Care to share?"

He stared at her, his eyes boring into hers. Something in her smile said that she genuinely wanted to know his reasons, yet, there was an equal intense in her eyes that seemed to beg him not to speak. It confused him. It always did, the way she looked at him. As if he was silently communicating with two different girls. As if Khushi was hiding an important part of her. And now, he understood why that was. There was this Khushi he knew - funny, jovial and live-in-the-moment pampered girl. And there was this Khushi who was emerging to the surface slowly - the mature, understanding and lonely girl.

"Long story short." He replied, surprising himself with the ease he explained his life to her even before he could understand his actions. "Shona reciprocates my sentiments yet she is in a situation where she is forced to stay away from me."

He watched Khushi staring at him, stunned at his honesty. "She is forced to stay away?" She asked, her voice lower than a whisper. "She said you that she is forced to stay away?" She repeated herself.

Arnav shook his head with a low painful chuckle. "Not exactly with clear words," he replied with much ease as initial surprise and shock were disappeared, replacing them with a strange kind of acceptance - that sharing with her felt the right thing to do. "According to her choice of words, and as much I know about her," he looked at her in the eye as he said, "Shona isn't a girl to take decisions impulsively, Khushi. She is mischievous, yet mature... more than what her age required. May be that is her real problem. A girl who made me fall in love with her personality with her first letter, I'm sure, will not leave the man with whom she promised silently to love and stay with forever."

If his honesty stunned her to silence, his blind trust on his Shona sure did stir something in her, for she turned her head away, her palms fisted in her lap, her eyes closed and her lips parted as if she was urging herself to stay in control. Arnav shook his head, shifting his gaze from her to the road ahead. He was reading too much into her little gestures.

"What are you going to do, Arnav?" She asked as she shifted her position in her seat, looking at him with mild attention.

Arnav took a moment to frame his words before confessing to her. "I'll wait for her, of course." When Khushi didn't buy his answer, he sighed before adding. "I'm not a man to accept defeat without keeping up the fight, Khushi. I understand that she is in a delicate position that it made her take this step. But, I'm not a person to bow my head to fate. If she has her valid reasons for staying away, I have my own valid reasons to stay with her. For one thing, I love her and I can't imagine a life without her. What can be the problem, anyway?" He asked her with a shrug, wanting to hide his helplessness from her. "Nothing is more dangerous or complicated than death itself, Khushi. And death - is something no one can change. So, in my opinion, it is foolishness to let go of our loved ones under any reason other than death."

"And what if the problem is death itself?" He heard her ask, her eyes boring in his as she waited.

In that brief moment, Arnav had seen it. He had seen what he wanted to see and confirm. The helplessness, the weakness and most importantly, the hope to stay, to have a life with the man she loved - every emotion of hers lay naked in her eyes. And Arnav all but wanted to pull her in his arms, sooth her, calm her down and promise her that he would be with her and help her cross her hurdles.

He needed no further confirmation than that. He knew his doubts were no more doubts but a cruel reality of what she was facing.

"That is even more foolish thing to do," he said truthfully, hoping his opinion not only confess her his love for his Shona but also have its desired effect on her and that she would, at least for a minute, think about confessing her own love. "You can't change the life's path, Khushi. And to stop loving or to stay away from that one person you love in fear of parting ways in that way... is something no one should do. It not only proves the person being one coward and selfish, but also kills the loved one a thousand times when he came to know about it."

"What you say is," Khushi stated plainly, "that one has to approach the person and confess that 'I love you but I'm going to die.' Is it all, Arnav? To hope that the person has to lead a happy and better life in his absence is a coward and selfish thing for you?"

"Who are we to decide what makes him have a happy and better life, Khushi?" Arnav demanded, his voice yet maintained low. "It's better to say that rather than someone telling him about it. 'I'm going to die' is far better for the person to hear than 'she's dead', Khushi. Yes, to hope for his better life isn't as selfish as I sounded but give him the honors to decide what his better life is. Don't decide that for him, Khushi. We love them doesn't mean we can hide the truth with which their life is going to be as affected as it is to us."

"So, rhetorically speaking," Khushi demanded him. "If the reason for your Shona to stay away is death, you still want her to confess that to you?"

Arnav flinched at the venomous words she was speaking about his Shona. He wanted to shout at her for even imagining such a situation yet, he couldn't help but feel sorry for her situation. It wasn't Khushi that's speaking; he knew. It was that lost soul who had been fighting with her death that was speaking, demanding him. And he answered with all the honesty he could mutter. "Yes, I would love if she confessed what's really bothering her, Khushi. I know we will not have a chance of forever if that's the case. But the few days that I'll be able to spend with her, I can build a life of forever on our memories. I'm not saying I'll never move on. I might. I might not. I might end up with another girl ten years from now. I might end up living my life with my Shona in our own world our memories build. I'm not sure what my future holds for me. but whatever life she can offer me, I want that all, Khushi. I love her and I love her for who she is. Love isn't a thing that can start when two individuals are healthy and end when one or two of them are weak. Love isn't a thing that can be loved only day. It can't be thrown away during dark periods. Love is unconditional. Love is a promise to stay with each other, whatever may come in their way. Love is... love, Khushi. You have no right to snatch it away from your loved one, just because you can't have a forever with him."

"Stop!"

Arnav looked at her, stunned at the anger her voice bore. It was something he had never seen in her - the anger. And so it took him a moment to understand she did snap at him. He stared at her as she shut her eyes; her breathing itched as her lips pressed tight against each other. He should have guessed her reaction. After all, he had touched the nerve. Yet it stumbled him to see just how much his opinion disturbed her - that shouted just how hopelessly she was in love.

"Stop the car."

She hissed, her voice strangely calm and composed. Arnav stared at her, unable to speak anything, cursing that he might indeed push it farther than he had intended to.

"I said stop the car, Mr. Raizada."

Arnav stopped the car to the side, cursing more as he saw her get down and started walking away in hurry. "f**k," he said aloud now, as he realized where he was. The passerby's on the pedestrian, the couples and group of friends standing by the edge as they were deeply engrossed in their own world, the roadside vendors shouting cheerfully their items - a perfect picturesque of Tank Bund.

"f**k!" He said again as he got down in a swift motion, slamming the car door hard, making his way out as he jogged towards her. He pulled her by her elbow and led her to the nearby bench, ignoring her protests and struggle. "I'm sorry I lashed out." He said, his hands rested on her shoulders as he made her sit calm, their eyes locked as he tried to understand her. "But I'm not sorry for the way I feel about the matter, Khushi."

They stayed in silence, none of them speaking or breaking their gaze away. It was Khushi who looked away when they heard a loud horn from a distance. He circled his arm around her shoulder before she made a move to stand, and pulled her close to him, soothing her elbow as he rubbed up and down, his other hand taking hers as he gently squeezed it. "It doesn't matter, Khushi." He whispered, failed to notice the thick layer of tears in her eyes as she rested her head on his chest, for his eyes stared in to space. He rested his cheek on top of her head just as he felt a sharp tug on his collar, smiled to see her fist his shirt. "There is nothing wrong in wishing to have a life with your loved one. Give a damn about the reasons. You said you love someone... confess it, Khushi. If he reciprocates, that's fine. If he doesn't, well, you will not regret it later that you didn't even try."

"What do you know about me, Arnav?" She asked plainly. "What do you know except for my name?" She looked at him, pushing his hands slightly as she sat properly. "Do you know that my name isn't Khushi to begin with? Do you know what I do for a living? Do you know why love to lead a happy life? Do you know I am not whom you see? Do you know that I have a life which you are unaware about? Do you know whom I love and what's making me stop from confessing?"

Arnav smiled as he held her hands in his. "Your name..." he replied, still smiling. "It is identification for who you are to the world, Khushi. It is not who you are. It is a means one can be related to the person, but a name doesn't speak about the person's character. Everything is the same, Khushi. Ocean, lake, ponds... it refers to water source on different contents but an ocean isn't a name that says what water is. What you do for living... is a means to provide a life that you desire. It is an eternal pleasure. Your love to lead a happy life... that's because you love your life, Khushi. Everyone does. And everyone hides a part of him from the world and will let his loved one see who he really is. I knew you for about three weeks and you had a whole 21 years of life without me, sure, I know nothing about you. The person you love... I have no say in that matter. And for you not confessing it to him... I blame you for that. Tell me, Khushi. Do you think he will leave you if he knew the reason? Do you have so little faith in him and your love?"

"I know he will stay with me, no matter what." Khushi said in a whisper, failing to control threatening tears.

Arnav watched the tear drop making its way from the corner of her eye and his hand rose, his thumb wiping the tear as he smiled. "If one day is all I can have with my Shona," he said truthfully, "I would spend twenty-four hours with her, Khushi. I would roam with her around the world, have lunch and dinner with her, and fulfill our little wishes. I would make sure she never failed to smile in the whole day. And I would make love to her. I would build my forever on that single day. I would kill myself a thousand times to have that one day with her, Khushi..."

He looked at her, cupping her face as he said. "You know whom you love. you know where to find him. You know he reciprocates your sentiments. Grab that day, Khushi. Just close your eyes and grab that day..."

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PS: For those who missed to read 15th and 16th parts in the FF, I reposted them in the thread. You can go to the index page of the FF and click on the links to read these two parts.