Can Abeer be a good husband ? Share your views - Page 9

Originally posted by: malikakas

Originally posted by: sharoon3210

@shruthiravi

Thanks for clearing the doubt. But giving the testimony happens only in movies & shows. But in real life, no one will have time to go to the cops & lodge a complaint in cities like Mumbai. If any one goes to give a complaint, police will keep them in custody & they have to prove their innocence in the court.

For that matter even in Bangalore & other cities, there are so many hit & run cases but only the family members of that victim has to bear it.

Nobody actually cares. At the most that victim is admitted to the hospital.

Originally posted by: -Amri-

I agree, that's the reality. But here, Devki is a lawyer and well-acquainted with the legal processes. I think that spurred her to come forward as a witness.

Originally posted by: -Amri-

So how is that Devki's fault? What can she do is Tayji is a psycho?😕 How could she anticipate that her niece will fall in love with the rich man's nephew?

Originally posted by: shruthiravi

@sharoon I am not debating on other points. But please watch the fb where the accident of fruit vendor happens. Taiji was with her husband in car. Her husband committed the crime of drunken driving and on top of that offense in that state he killed a man. Kuber tells them he has taken care of all witness with money. But bua comes last minute and give testimony. And if you call that action poking nose tomorrow when you need justice there will be no one to help you. Taiji says bus destroyed her life. What about fruit vendor family destroyed by her husband

Originally posted by: cool_kriti

1) I would never try to justify Abeer's past actions but there are a few things that haunt me about his past. 😆 One thing is that I agree Abeer's actions were not justified. But if ABeer was 75% wrong, then Meher was 25% wrong too and nobody sees that.

In a normal marriage I would completely agree with what you are saying. I have no problem saying Meher is wrong when I think she is wrong.

But the difference for me is that this wasn't a normal marriage. Meher never wanted marriage. She told Abeer from the start that she couldn't have a relationship because of her priorities. So if Abeer makes a claim that she wouldn't have to change her priorities by marrying him then the onus is on him to accept her time limitations. She never would've married him otherwise. But the main reason I don't blame Meher is that when she realized Abeer couldn't handle her time limitations as he had promised, she made an effort to change herself first instead of blaming him. She had already quit her job so your argument about Abeer thinking she will neglect her child is moot. Meher was being mahan.. I needed Abeer to be a little mahan too.

You asked why Meher was trying so hard to be the perfect daughter in law. Eloping put her in that position. Abeer pushed for an elopement by promising that she wouldn't have to face any repercussions. But how exactly does that work if they aren't actively ensuring Tayji and KM's sentiments aren't hurt further? It doesn't matter that Km and Tayji had bad intentions because they didn't know that. Any normal parent would be hurt with an elopement so they had to work harder to make amends.

Madvhi told Meher to make it up to Tayji. In front of Abeer, Tayji told Meher that she had wished for a bahu that would allow her and Madhvi to retire. It was Abeer's responsibility to help Meher build a good relationship with Tayji even if it came at the expense of his desires because he knows they have hurt Tayji. Meher wasn't being a good daughter in law all the time-- she let Abeer sweep her away from the mandir leaving his mom/Tayji to be searching for Meher. But what happened? Meher got blamed. At that point, Abeer should've recognized that Meher is subject to a higher standard of responsibility.

If you go back Meher had talked with Madvhi about Abeer's career-- so its not that Meher wasn't thinking of making Abeer's career. But discussing it with Abeer is a delicate topic. They had only been together for 2 weeks at that point (since they were separated the first week).

BTW I think Meher had been completely stupid to give Tayji money to begin with when she already promised it to Bua. But Tayji played her well. Tayji made it seem like it had always been her family's responsibility to provide her with adequate jewelry and Tayji's trick was only to help them fulfil that duty. So Meher couldn't ask for it back. I honestly think Tayji would've made life difficult for any bahu-- look how she burned Madhvi's hand.

2) Only thing I dont like about bua is that she keeps influencing Meher's decision... Like she knows Meher does not like Akshat but still keeps on influencing her decisions... If Abeer can be blamed for taking decision on behalf of Meher then why not bua??

Bua has a far greater right on Meher than Abeer. Bua is Meher's parent who sacrificed her whole life to support Meher. She has a right to advise Meher but she also clearly left the decisions up to Meher. I've never seen Bua force Meher or manipulate her. She doesn't play games like Suman with the Jagran and the sorry cards. Or Abeer and his kidnapping. Whatever she does is straight forward. She told Meher her opinion and then left it up to her. If Meher didn't want to get engaged she didn't have to.

I blame Meher for giving bua and Akshat the wrong impression that she could be interested in spending her life with Akshat. If Meher is going to say she is 80% there then I don't see anything wrong with Bua encouraging it.

3) My point about this discussion is whether a person can be forgiven for a small fault as being immature or not... Yes you read that right - SMALL FAULT... In this world where many men treat women like an object of pleasure, in this world where marital rapes , having affairs are so prominent , a small thing like immaturity does not seem a big fault to my eyes atleast...

You see what Abeer did as small faults. But I feel it started walking a line of emotional abuse. Abeer employs emotional blackmail to get what he wants.

Wikipedia: "Emotional blackmailers use fear, obligation and guilt in their relationships, ensuring that others feel afraid to cross them, obligated to give them their way and swamped by guilt if they resist. Knowing that someone close to them wants love, approval or confirmation of identity and self-esteem, blackmailers may threaten to withhold them or take them away altogether, making the person feel they must earn them by agreement.

The person who is acting in a controlling way often wants something from the other person that is legitimate to want. They may want to feel loved, safe, valuable, appreciated, supported, needed, etc. This is not the problem. The problem is often more a matter of how they are going about getting what they want, or that they are insensitive to others needs in doing so that is troubling - and how others react to all of this.^[1]"

That's my issue. What Abeer did is not the issue its how he reacts to getting what he wants and not getting what he wants. He blackmailed his dad that if you don't let me marry Meher I will leave the house. How did he get Meher to agree to eloping? You will lose me forever.

Abeer not being able to handle the responsibilities is fine but making Meher feel guilty that she ruined his life is different. Throwing the honeymoon tickets in her face and storming off is more than immaturity. And don't tell me Meher didn't try to work through this flaw. Even after he came back she very nicely said please don't do that again. If we have problems lets talk things through. But he kept leaving. If someone keeps doing the same thing how do you work past it?

The worse was he acted like Meher was doing him wrong. When he came back to reconcile-- he tried to guilt her by purposefully drinking too much. He had no guilt for what she went through. She had a valid concern that if we get back together what is going to change but Abeer didn't bother to address her concerns.

Even all that is fine if he had changed. But 8 years later he is the same. When Meher said no he made her feel guilty and called her selfish because he looked after her in the hospital. So what he wants repayment for that? He made her feel obligated to him about the 60lac thing. He kidnapped bua to emotionally manipulate Meher. He even blamed Meher for the ambulance taking Bua away. He even told his father that it was only Km's fault that Meher wasn't with him-- didn't he think his actions played a role?

Trying to emotionally manipulate someone by drinking poison? I can accept someone doing it once in a while but this is a pattern with Abeer. He gets what he wants by manipulating the emotions of someone else. Make them feel guilty or obligated. Abeer even tried to hurt Meher with his wedding card to get her agree. At some point he should've respected her decision.

A lifetime of being manipulated in to doing what someone else wants without them caring about your emotions is a toxic relationship.

For the first time Abeer letting Ishaan go showed me some change because he put Ishaan's need ahead of his own. I wish we had time because I think the show had been planning on going forward with a proper redemption track for Abeer.