"Congratulations Meher! You're pregnant" the doctor smiled.
And I go numb all of a sudden.
"Meher" the doctor brings me back.
"Thanks" i smile feebly and leave.
Its been a month since abeer left my house. Things haven't been same since then. He no more irritated me. He no more roamed around me all day. He no more was able to meet my eyes. He was guilty. Guilty for something that was not his fault. I was equally a part of it. The night we gave in all our desires. The night which weakened us. The night we made love after 8 years. And he blamed himself. He said sorry a million times. And then he left. Leaving me alone. AGAIN.
He maintained a distance from me since then. He didn't want to hurt me anymore. I knew he was hurt too. I had seen him crying to Nissar about how he had hurt me, broken my trust. But i never consoled him. Never told him, it was fine that they made a mistake. Never let him know, that i did not regret.Why? i don't know.
I was feeling unwell from last couple of days. I thought its just the bad food. But when things didn't change, i consulted a doctor. And this was what i got to know. I was pregnant. I did not know how i was feeling. Happy? Shocked? Disgusted? Sad. I seriously don't know.
I was standing exactly where i was 8 years back.With my pregnancy report in my hand and not knowing whom to share the news with. How to feel. Exactly what i feel today.Tears make way through my eyes as i think about all this.
I could not tell this to my family. Not that they won't understand me. But i feel i betrayed them. They will blame Abeer. And as i said, it was not his fault. I needed some to think how to handle the situation. I take a leave from office which lasts 3 days.
Next morning i enter my office. My eyes are searching for him. I finally spotted him in his room. He said a formal Hi and resumed his work. First time since i got the news i felt sad. Sad because i couldn't share it with him. For the second time. I couldn't control and tears rushed out. I don't know if he even noticed. I leave from there.
I sat in my cabin. Tears flowing silently. There was a knock. It was him. And that moment i knew he had seen me cry. He asked permission to come in. So not Abeer Malhotra. But as i told, things had changed. I let him in. And act as if nothing happened and was fine.
"Are you ok Meher" he asks
"Yeah! perfectly fine.. why?" i act as if nothing happened.
"You look tensed"
"Nahi .. just work related stress" i lie.
"You were crying" he says looking into my eyes.
I did not say anything.
"Is it me?" he asks.
"No Abeer. I am fine" i fake a smile.
He smiles too.
"Okay" he says and leaves.
I feel shattered. I should have told him. He deserves to know. This baby is his too. He still cares. But. He will feel guilty again. I don't want to force him into anything. I cannot tell him.
It is evening. I feel dizzy. I ask Rati about Abeer. She tells me that he left early today. I pick up my phone.Then keep it down.I need to do this. i encourage myself and dial his number.
"Hello" he says.
"Are you busy?"
"Not really! what happened?"
"I want to meet you. Can you pick me up from office"
"15 mins" he hangs up.
He asks me where should we go. I don't have an answer. He drives to the lake point. The place which has witnessed our love story. I sigh. This is going to be tough.
"Are you alright meher?" he asks
I look into his eyes. i see concern for me.
"Is something bothering you? Is it me"
I just nod in a no. And then. I start sobbing. He gets all tensed.
"Kya hua Meher? Tell me..What happened" he cups my face.
I hug him.
"It was not your fault Abeer. Why do you blame yourself. I was equally a part of it. Please don't don't do this to yourself." i say.
He hugs me back.
"What happened tell me.. what is bothering you"
I was again confused. I just couldn't tell him. I tried to tell, but word didn't come out. I finally decide not to tell him and give him more pain.
I come out of the hug.
"Just nothing Abeer.. I was just feeling a little low. Sorry i disturbed you. And i just remembered, i need to reach home, Maa called me early today.
He was staring at me. Not really convinced on what i said. But he did not ask again.
We reach his car. He opens the door for me and goes to the drivers seat. And then i collapse.
He shouts my name. Thats the last thing i remember.
...
To be continued
Jodha Akbar
Anupamaa
