Take two - a tangled web they weave! - Page 3

Dear Vasu,

I am so taken with your conscientious fairness that I would grant you most of the things you have written about here. I accept your take on Ovi as that it is yours, and in any case I do not care that much about her anyway.

But I would not grant you all. I do not like Purvi because I do not like people who go about deciding what is best for others - that it inevitably backfires is a separate issue- and in the process completely taking for granted those who care for them beyond all limits. They do not make sacrifices, they make human sacrifices, and then label that bhalayi.

It is like saying that she made a desert and called it peace. The fact is that behind all this tyaag is a deliberate choice she makes each time, the choice of one person or thing over the other because she cares more for the first.

On the hilltop, Purvi chose Archana over Arjun, and her subsequent sophistry in saying she did that for Ovi is hogwash.

Then she chose Sulochana, or rather Sulochana's pavitra ghar, over Onir's career, in fact his life.

As regards Pari, she chose Arjun-Ovis' marriage, based in her own reading of what would happen if the truth came out, over her own maternal instincts, out of a sense of guilt for what she had done to Arjun. But she will never complete the loop and take herself off to Kolkata, leaving them in peace, and if she had, none of this would have happened.

Please do not cite the very ugly golddigger act Archana put on at Punni's saakarpuda, statedly to prove to Sachin that she loves him. The collateral damage ratio there was 4 to1, Manav., Teju, Ovi and even Purvi on the one side, who all lost heavily due to Archana's mahaan tyaag stunt, vs Sachin, who still despised her, who gained. That is a worse collateral damage ratio that for the US troops in Afghanistan.

Archana, Vasu, is no model for anyone to follow, not only during the above incident, and even more so during that awful fake chawl demolition case where she sided with the the fraudulent chawlwallahs against a beloved and very caring husband of several years, who kept on assuring her of his innocence. That Manav did not land in jail for years was pure fluke, as one of the chawlwallahs rediscovered his conscience and retracted the accusation. Archan had testified against Manav already. I lost all respect for her then, and I have never had any ever since.

It is the same with Purvi. If you make sacrifices, you make them and then walk away, You do not hang around and keep interfering in the affairs of the beneficiaries. That is hypocrisy, not tyaag, and the funny thing is that Purvi NEVER, but never acknowledges, even to herself, that she alone is responsible for all that has happened, Hamara decision, my foot!!

I also notice that you have had nothing to say about the way she is treating Onir, both as regards the impact of the professional harakiri she has brought down on him, and even more so about her utter insensitivity during that bedroom scene with Arjun, which was obviously acutely humiliating for him.

The fact is that whatever else Purvi might be, she is NOT a good wife, an ardhangini, in any sense of the term. She is nothing but an endless taker as far as Onir is concerned, and that he is ready and willing to be used changes nothing as far as her ingratitude is concerned. In her place, I would not have been able to sleep at night worrying about what I had done to him, and about what he would do now and how he would cope.

But all that she does , when he is hungry and wants to eat, is to stand next to the window with a face like Job's, moping that she misses Pari. Some wife, this! The duties or a wife are not limited to making good chai and hugging your spouse because you are happy. Forget about the wife part, even as a friend, how is it that she carries on the way she does when he is slowly disintegrating ? He is looking more and more pathetic by the day, but she has no eyes for that.

But I repeat, that is 80% his fault. Kisi bhi aurat ko itna sar pe chadhana nahin chahiye. What Purvi needs is a Mittal-clone for a husband, and she would have come down to earth in a second, and with a resounding thud. What a delightful, if totally imaginary prospect!😉

As for her sacrificing anything for Arjun and/or Onir, why, she sacrificed the first, and is in the process of doing the same demolition job on the second. Sacrifice for them? Yes, if it did not affect her aai, her baba, her aaji, Soham, Teju, Ovi, and possibly Savita, Damodar, Vinod mama, Manju mami, Punni tai, and the household cat as well. I cannot be any clearer than that, can I?

Never mind, you are a very sweet kid and I don't mind your Purvi hang up. Have it by all means if it makes you happy. My son and I never agree on anything much either, and he is not half as polite as you are, my dear!

Shyamala Aunty

PS: As for the periya nattupen comparison, though that belongs in the serials by Lakshmi in the Ananda Vikatan of 50 years ago, and seems to have gone the way of the dodo in India today, where there are very few large families, I would go along with you on it as it was. But, Vasu my dear, surely even you cannot classify what happened to Arjun's life, and the meltdown of Onir's illustrious career, accompanied by strident public condemnation of him wherever he turns, as "All the little inconveniences"? Seriously?

Originally posted by: archis_2013

Aunty, I agree on most parts but in response, I have written the below. Apologies in advance for the length of the email but I have written in all sincerity and I am interested to know your views on the same.

I will not go in detail on Ovi. Good that she has now got a career that will be her main focus, to which she can divert her motives and passion which so far has been Arjun and that has done her no good. However, I will not agree that she has grown as a person and that she has learnt from her mistakes. From the time I have started watching the serial esp after she landed in India, she has always been mean to people and asking her sorries later She is of the types who will not have any remorse in sending off pregnant ladies from their house and in the next opportunity, going and talking to them ever so casually as if nothing happened. I sympathize with her recent pain but nothing more. She may sound more real than other characters but doesn't make her likeable. If I am faced with such characters in real life, I don't know about others, but I will either ignore her or if I cannot, will put her in her place and ask her to take a walk,

But like everyone else, she will grow up or tone down once a) she is more exposed to her work and public relations and b) she herself becomes a mother and be a good one at it. I have (and so will she) some of my shortcomings when I want my child to grow up as a responsible individual. Why else is the child father of man? Ovi is sensible to recognise this.

And on Purvi, I had written in my response to Sowmya. She has to be cured of her interfering business. Yes, she feels that she has now the mantle to do balaayi for her family and has self appointed sacrifice queen of the family now that Archana is not in the vicinity. She has to be cured of all of this , not only for her near and dear but for her own sake as she has landed up on streets now. She has to hear this from Archana followed by a sound thrashing if needed because Purvi will only understand the message from Archana.

What else would you expect from Purvi who has seen how Archana was longing for her family for 18 long years but was willing to go along with Sachin's plans of her divorce with Manav because that is the way she (Archana) could express her love for Sachin? How could Purvi act any different with such an upbringing?

But that she goes around with a moral arrogance and does not recognise her mistakes is being too harsh on Purvi. She did believe that she saw love and vishwas in Ovi's eyes for Arjun (Purvi's monologue) and when she decided to give up Arjun, she strongly believed that the marriage will work out eventually. When she realised what a sorry state Arjun's life has become, she went to the extent of telling Bappa that she cannot be forgiven. When she heard from Ovi how much is the baby is important to her and her married life, she decided to give up the baby for Ovi's sake. That the truth was out and backfired doesn't mean that she is willfully destroying lives.

Yes, Onir and Arjun has been the biggest losers in this game, but a question to you in honesty, if the roles were reversed and if Arjun or Onir had asked her of the same sacrifices, do you think she would have batted an eyelid?

In general, unless one is a true blue sanyaasin, sacrifices will also impact near and dear - both in good or bad ways. Depends on whose views you are taking. For Karl Mark's wife to bury her dead child, she did it gladly as she believed in her husband's cause. But if you are Karl Mark's mother-in-law, you would see with blood in your eyes on what is happening with your daughter.

I have often thought about what is in Purvi that makes me understand her. There are many shades of Purvi we see usually in the eldest daughter-in-law ( 'Peda Kodalu' in telugu/'Mootha naatupen' in tamil) of big families. They tend to go around being the self appointed care taker of the families , even with elders around. They generally tend to do lot of sacrifices and expect their husbands to follow suit all in the name of family's balaayi. They tend to get high-handed at times and lecture you on what is right or wrong. All the little inconveniences irritates the rest of the family but they are also appreciated for the general good that they intend.

Thanks for being patient and reading through all of the above.

Originally posted by: sashashyam

Dear Vasu,

I am so taken with your conscientious fairness that I would grant you most of the things you have written about here. I accept your take on Ovi as that it is yours, and in any case I do not care that much about her anyway.

But I would not grant you all. I do not like Purvi because I do not like people who go about deciding what is best for others - that it inevitably backfires is a separate issue- and in the process completely taking for granted those who care for them beyond all limits. They do not make sacrifices, they make human sacrifices, and then label that bhalayi.

It is like saying that she made a desert and called it peace. The fact is that behind all this tyaag is a deliberate choice she makes each time, the choice of one person or thing over the other because she cares more for the first.

On the hilltop, Purvi chose Archana over Arjun, and her subsequent sophistry in saying she did that for Ovi is hogwash.

Then she chose Sulochana, or rather Sulochana's pavitra ghar, over Onir's career, in fact his life.

As regards Pari, she chose Arjun-Ovis' marriage, based in her own reading of what would happen if the truth came out, over her own maternal instincts, out of a sense of guilt for what she had done to Arjun. But she will never complete the loop and take herself off to Kolkata, leaving them in peace, and if she had, none of this would have happened.

Please do not cite the very ugly golddigger act Archana put on at Punni's saakarpuda, statedly to prove to Sachin that she loves him. The collateral damage ratio there was 4 to1, Manav., Teju, Ovi and even Purvi on the one side, who all lost heavily due to Archana's mahaan tyaag stunt, vs Sachin, who still despised her, who gained. That is a worse collateral damage ratio that for the US troops in Afghanistan.

Archana, Vasu, is no model for anyone to follow, not only during the above incident, and even more so during that awful fake chawl demolition case where she sided with the the fraudulent chawlwallahs against a beloved and very caring husband of several years, who kept on assuring her of his innocence. That Manav did not land in jail for years was pure fluke, as one of the chawlwallahs rediscovered his conscience and retracted the accusation. Archan had testified against Manav already. I lost all respect for her then, and I have never had any ever since.

It is the same with Purvi. If you make sacrifices, you make them and then walk away, You do not hang around and keep interfering in the affairs of the beneficiaries. That is hypocrisy, not tyaag, and the funny thing is that Purvi NEVER, but never acknowledges, even to herself, that she alone is responsible for all that has happened, Hamara decision, my foot!!

I also notice that you have had nothing to say about the way she is treating Onir, both as regards the impact of the professional harakiri she has brought down on him, and even more so about her utter insensitivity during that bedroom scene with Arjun, which was obviously acutely humiliating for him.

The fact is that whatever else Purvi might be, she is NOT a good wife, an ardhangini, in any sense of the term. She is nothing but an endless taker as far as Onir is concerned, and that he is ready and willing to be used changes nothing as far as her ingratitude is concerned. In her place, I would not have been able to sleep at night worrying about what I had done to him, and about what he would do now and how he would cope.

But all that she does , when he is hungry and wants to eat, is to stand next to the window with a face like Job's, moping that she misses Pari. Some wife, this! The duties or a wife are not limited to making good chai and hugging your spouse because you are happy. Forget about the wife part, even as a friend, how is it that she carries on the way she does when he is slowly disintegrating ? He is looking more and more pathetic by the day, but she has no eyes for that.

But I repeat, that is 80% his fault. Kisi bhi aurat ko itna sar pe chadhana nahin chahiye. What Purvi needs is a Mittal-clone for a husband, and she would have come down to earth in a second, and with a resounding thud. What a delightful, if totally imaginary prospect!😉

As for her sacrificing anything for Arjun and/or Onir, why, she sacrificed the first, and is in the process of doing the same demolition job on the second. Sacrifice for them? Yes, if it did not affect her aai, her baba, her aaji, Soham, Teju, Ovi, and possibly Savita, Damodar, Vinod mama, Manju mami, Punni tai, and the household cat as well. I cannot be any clearer than that, can I?

Never mind, you are a very sweet kid and I don't mind your Purvi hang up. Have it by all means if it makes you happy. My son and I never agree on anything much either, and he is not half as polite as you are, my dear!

Shyamala Aunty

Fabulous post Shyamala dear...Loved reading it...Part even made me 😆..

Varsha my dear,

Thanks ever so much for the warm appreciation and the informed moral support. These days, I need all of this that I can get, for I seem to be perennially at odds with the mainstream in the forum and thus only inches away from being tarred and feathered for my outrageous views!😉😉

I wrote elsewhere, perhaps earlier on this very thread, that this conviction of Purvi's that she can never be wrong was not really her fault, for this had been dinned into her head all her life by her aai and her aaji. In Archana's case, the root of the problem was identical, with Sulochana dinning it into her head that she can never be wrong. I had missed out on the tragedy of Soham being solely due to Archana's self-righteous folly, thanks for filling that in.

The irony is that even when Archana, for once, makes a half-hearted attempt to acknowledge her role in that disaster, Manav babbles that it was not Archana's fault but Varsha's! Onir's take on Purvi's having destroyed his career appears to be the same as Manav's with Archana, so Archana and Purvi have one more thing in common, the talent for ending up with such incredibly 'understanding and supportive' husbands.

Like mother, like daughter, and I wonder what Pari will be like as she grows up!

Shyamala

Originally posted by: Dabulls23

Fabulous post Shyamala dear...Loved reading it...Part even made me 😆..

To add to Archana part: Dont forget she trusted herself abt her psycho sister Varsha that she was cured. Did not listen to numerous warnings Manav gave her abt not trusting Soham with her...She still went ahead and snatched Soham out of Manav's hands and gave it to varsha...In turn Varsha kidnapped this 3 yrs young defenseless child...

Common thing between mother Archana and Daughter purvi is when they do with the self righteous thinking and behavior that they are right and can never do wrong..They find people who agree with them on not doing anything wrong...Its Sulo's sanskars and Parvarish both has brought these 2 ladies with scewed and screwed up images of themselves...They cant seem to see the discrepencies between Reality and what they belive it to be..

Your statement of "Kisi bhi aurat ko itna sar pe chadhana nahin chahiye & Purvi should have Mittal clone of a husband" 👏👏👏made me 😆

Sorry to butt in but had to acknowledge a good post..

Vasu,

You are a temptress, you wretched girl, and at this rate I will never get anything else done. So I will at least try to be brief, by my standards.

1) I count Purvi's steadfast attempts to keep out of Arjun's life after she gets him married to Ovi as one of the very few consistent things she does. That was not what I was referring to, but her not sticking to her decision to leave for Kolkata with Onir when she finds that she cannot stay away from the baby. She should have firmly told Sulochana that Onir's work is there and she does not like her husband sitting here as a ghar jamai endlessly, and left. Then none of this would have happened. I was surprised at the old lady doing something so much at odds with tradition; no son in law will hang around his wife's maika like this.

2) I did not mean that Purvi has to lament Onir's fate loudly in front of him. She should have been shown as seriously worried about it by herself in private. They show her crying to Arjun, on the lines mentioned by you, in the court, but then too, I was dismayed by her carrying on like a tragedy queen without speaking up during the hearing, and acknowledging forcefully that it was she who had pushed Onir to effect the baby swap. That would have reinforced what was seen on the DVD, and might have helped reduce the loss of his licence to a limited period.

When he comes down after the verdict, he is visibly shattered, and all she does is to put a tentative hand on his shoulder, like a compassionate stranger. Instead of crying so conspicuously and inappropriately in Arjun's arms. she should have done the same with her husband.

The thing is that while she is grateful to him from time to time, and knows in her head how much she owes to him, she does not feel his suffering under her skin, so to speak. If she had, she would never have sat there on that bed with Arjun, without thinking of how her husband would feel. No, Vasu, you cannot blame that on the CVs. for if you go down that route, it will be like the law of karma, you cannot then either praise or blame any of the characters for any of their doings, good or bad.

As for your fond hope that she will do something to restore Onir's dignity, I am afraid I do not see it being fulfilled. Apart from the fact that the evidence of the baby swap cannot be negated now, this is not the old Purvi, you know, who got Arjun bail despite that being a far more serious charge. She will be bleating to Onir endlessly about how worried she is about Pari, that is all, as he accumulates rejections and runs out of money. He cannot even become a mechanic, poor fellow.

Maybe they intend Onir to commit suicide in desperation, knowing that Arjun will rush in to take care of Mishti, and then the amar premis can be reunited to hosannas from 90% of the forum. No one can blame her, as a widow, for anything, and the rushed marriage to Arjun after Ovi gives him a divorce can be explained away as due to Pari to uski zaroorat hai. If it was me, I could never have lived with myself after that, but this is Purvi, not me, and she will easily convince herself that (a) it was not her fault, and (b) that Pari needs her as a legal mother. So all will be for the best in the best of possible worlds, and I will be spared the unedifying spectacle of Arjun exercising his tear ducts.

I begin to think that this will be the ideal solution, and for Onir as well.Some more of this present set up, and he will begin to feel that he is better off dead. He is not a Manav, who was only a businessman, He is an idealist, and now the stuffing has been knocked out of him due to his being cut off from his passion. The only real losers will be the poor of Kolkata and of the villages he used to visit.

Did I not say brief by my standards? Now, my girl, this is IT. Finis. Don't you dare write another dissertation in response to this and set me off again. Get thee behind me, Satan!

Shyamala Aunty

PS: And don't go on a cat hunt; that was just added for effect.

Originally posted by: archis_2013

Dear Aunty, What a delightful read! My hands were itching the whole day to get the laptop from my daughter's hands and what can I say, the wait for worth it.

No, I wasn't trying to justify Purvi's actions with my rant but just my small attempt at interpreting on what makes her tick.

Let me clarify on two things

a) I have heard about the author Lakshmi and her delightful books but I haven't read any of hers. The only series I could complete in tamil was Kalki's "Ponniyin Selvan" which btw, I love. My take on the elder DILs was purely based on what I have observed in my families. You are right , not in the younger generation but one in mine and before mine (oh god, I do sound so old!). On my maternal side, we are still one big joint family all living under one roof.

And no, the small inconveniences was not in reference to sacrificing boyfriends and babies !! It was just a reference, anyways as my disclaimer said, I said I saw as shades of Purvi. One on-line, two dimensional Purvi is enough for me in my lifetime, thank you.😊

b) and I haven't watched PR before Jan 12. I have watched some scenes that were shown as flashbacks but they were always with the new Manav. So, no idea on Archana's pre-Purvi's life. I have often read in the forum though that Archana and Manav are soul-mates in the show.

On Onir, I have summarised my response below

-> I agree with you that when Purvi deliberated a lot on whether to cheat her aaji (it was not the property, if Purvi had it in her name, she would given it away without second thoughts) vs the secret being out, she only thought of the impact it would have on Ovi's life if that happened. She was never shown thinking of the impact it would have on Onir's career. For Purvi, the biggest concern at that time was Ovi.

Would it have made a difference to the audience if she had done that? She would be seen as not taking Onir for granted but keeping the average Indian audience in mind, she would have appeared even more callous with regards to her husband that she made the decision in spite of that knowledge. If I was the CV and if I had show Purvi making that decision, I would not played that card in the show. (no, thank you, I have an alternate career 😊)

This apart, Purvi made the right decision regarding the house as she knew Punni would get both the house and the secret would have out even if the house was handed over.

-> I agree that Purvi is not shown being 'udaas' for Onir's current state in him losing his career. She mentioned couple of times to Soham (? not sure) and to Arjun that Onir was better off without her (or something to that effect) or not marrying her but not after they have moved into their humble one room shack. But giving her the benefit of doubt (how cannot I ? 😉) - if she breaks down now, Onir will surely be devastated. She has to put up that brave front for his sake. Remember, how Onir was supporting her through out after the baby-swap when many times Purvi was tensed and wanted to reveal the secret to the family? It wasn't because Onir was blind to Purvi's mistakes and trying to cover them up but he had to show that brave front to Purvi otherwise, Purvi being a nervous wreck will not help them to hold the secret a secret any longer. And the secret had to be kept a secret as otherwise, it would not benefit those for whom it was intended in the first place. In my opinion, Purvi is adopting a similar attitude with Onir right now.

However, she should redeem herself in the coming weeks on how she is supporting Onir not by being remorseful ( her tears would always be branded as crocodile's, no matter what) but on how resourceful she is in installing Onir's dignity back. Not by giving Onir her heart (as I still think she is not ready for it) but by putting her heart into making him a man and a respectful one at it.

I just hope the CVs don't give into the pressure of TRPs and Arvi fans (me being one) and do further damage to Purvi's character as they attempted on friday.

p.s: I laughed my head off on how you had listed the priority list for Purvi , complete with the cat (I don't remember seeing one. Sulo doesn't seem like one entertaining a cat ). We poor mortals, struggle even to keep our husband and kids in the priority list but how could Purvi end up with such a long list ! God knows. 😃

Edited by sashashyam - 12 years ago

Originally posted by: ilovedhanjanird

Of course you can call me that :)
And you are Jhanvi Di right ?
And after all the fighting for the love
Ruchi and sunny like each other
Based on what ? Ruchi crying because of punni ?
Then sunny should fall for Purvi :/
And Ovi might have been angry because Purvi was holding her daughter and saying "meri beti" I guess saying it was one thing but seeing was quite another
I am not mad at anyone other than Arjun
This man needs to know what he wants
You want Purvi , fight for her
He has a stronger ground now
They have a baby together
You don't want Ovi
Don't try to put the pieces back together
Di , all shows have illogical contents
But this show crosses all boundaries of illogical situations

Vasu, Shyamala, need to read your posts at leisure before responding. Busy weekend gave me little opportunity to indulge in my favorite past time, PR forum time. Happy Monday!

Originally posted by: archis_2013

Jhanvi, Welcome back. Missed you ..

Not sure if you have seen the episode or my response in one of the threads. But the show has become UNBELIEVABLE for me now.

All I can manage to say in this serene morning is that if this is the modern age treatment of men in name of feminism, I have only my utmost sympathies for the male species and that god grant more sense to my daughters than this.

On hindsight, I should never watch the show in the morning , maybe. The effect seems more dramatic when the mind is fresh. 😆