soham - Page 4

Dear Kools, very sensibly put and written in a very reasonable tone, appreciate that. My responses to your purple post are in cool (Kool) blue 😉 and quotes from your prior post are in red. 😊

Sherma asked a question . I am not quoting her exactly here but the gist of that question was should Purvi fall in this matter . She herself believes 'no' . But she opened a topic by which she invited opinions on this matter . Most of the opinions believed since she has good intentions and since she is Archana's daughter she has this right , that age has nothing to do with it . I don't . This was even shown in the pre cap ...Purvi saying determinedly that he will have to accept like it or not . So where does the question of pre judging Purvi come in ? There are posts all over the forum predicting how Ovi will scheme and force Purvi to get married and thats in the future and the pre cap has not even been shown . Yet i don't say they are prejudging or jumping the gun bcoz

they are formulating their opinions on Ovi's track record . Here even the precap is shown and a topic has been opened on that subject . Everyone gave their opinion on it . Shouldn't I have the right to advance my views too ? In my opinion an opposite opinion should not be termed as 'judging ' . All are judging only are they not ?

When I said we should not be in a hurry to judge Purvi, I was not saying one should not express opinions or answer Sherna's question, it was in response to what I believed was your assumption that Purvi would "force" things upon Soham. I am quoting here from your prior post, "If having good intentions and relation makes it a license to take decisions on behalf of someone and force them down someone's throats"

What is Purvi's track record ? She meddles with good intentions . Because of that she either creates enemies [ Punni ] or destroys someone's life .[ Arjun].

I want to say something about the adoption issue here . My thoughts on it .

The character who makes an issue about her adopted status is Purvi herself . This has resulted bcoz Sulochana and Archana have constantly imbibed in her with tears and dialogues that she has fulfilled the void in Archana's life and given her a reason to live inspite of her bio children being far far away . This has resulted in a strong sense of obligation in Purvi ...the obligation sense being so strong that she feels that even her personal happiness should be relegated to her mother's well being , This feeling comes from a profound feeling of 'ehsaan' or obligation ...that had this woman not been there , god knows what would have happened to an orphan child like me . I owe her everything . Her happiness should come before my personal happiness . Always .

Now whether this is good or bad is up to the viewers to decide . Some may feel this sense of obligation is simply wonderful . I feel that an elder should warn her that to make Archana happy she has no right to destroy the life of other people like poor Arjun . I have not seen any elder telling her this in this serial . I have seen group hugs and tears and praising of her 'tyaag' but how dangerous this tendency is no one has told her .

Her awareness of her adopted status and the strong sense of obligation is what this serial is about .

I agree. Purvi has an overwhelming sense of obligation, gratitude, which is almost a burden that stunts her own personal aspirations and happiness. I am not sure if this can be blamed entirely on Archana or partially on Archana and Sulo and partially on Purvi's own perception of the debt she owes her mother.

Now for some facts . Like it or not , there will always be a difference between adopted kids and biological kids . The difference won't be in the way the parents bring them up if they are as nice as Manav and Archana . The difference will be in the way the child perceives his or her position in that house after being told of the adoption . We have already seen this behavioural difference in Purvi compared to Ovi Teju ...this constant awareness that she is adopted . She may be a lot of things but she is aware of some hard core facts .

I would have said the very same thing about Teju or Ovi for talking to Arjun so directly in front of DK . Here the question of adopted or bio does not come ...its simply Indian protocol . One does not talk to a new damad that way in front of the samdhi .

Also , her adoption is different . It is rather unusual . It was done in the absence of the father , without his consent or permission . She has not grown in a family with both set of parents with the bio children ...she has been adopted by one parent and will always be Archana's daughter more .

If she has been constantly told that she has a dad and a family somewhere out there i fault Archana for it . For all she knew , Manav could have married or lived with another woman and had children by her . To feed the child such lies and encourage her to daydream about the perfect family is highly dangerous .

These r facts shown in this serial . This unusual adoption and this sense of obligation is what this serial is about and I am afraid her adopted status will often be flung in her face bcoz often she crosses bounds .

If her adopted status keeps getting flung in her face in the serial, I would find that offensive as she is Archana's daughter and she has been raised thinking Archana's bio family is her family, she has as a child been molded to believe that Manav is her Baba and that Archana's kids are her siblings.

I am quoting from your prior post again:

While Purvi who was adopted has led a secure sheltered life he has grown up in Bihar among vicious thugs

What his bio sisters feel is entirely their business as they themselves had life changing experiences

As an adopted sister she can perhaps be more neutral and perhaps the friendly olive branch he needs if eVer he needs someone to talk to but thats it

She should know her limits . If Ovi and Teju talk to their dad , she should at the most voice her opinion to Archana but thats it

I would have said same thing about Teju if she had not given Soham space and sung Archana's glories in front of him . This is not about her adopted or bio children ...this is about space and Soham who is a tortured soul needs it .

Archana may have been a wonderful mother to Purvi but she was a very bad mother to Soham . I am of the few who holds her even more responsible than Varsha for his fate . If Varsha needs jailing and mental treatment Archana deserves ostracization from her son . She truly wasn't there for him . Purvi is incapable of seeing anything from anyone;s POV except hers . Teju is capable of seeing the others pov if she puts her mind to it .

Manav has accepted her as his daughter . He was even ready to pay 3 crores of his money for her . If Archana brought her up to quench her thirst for her missing bio children , Manav accepted her inspite of the fact that she was adopted without his knowledge , in her youth , such was his love for Archana . I find his acceptance maganimous ...more than Archana's .

Manav accepting Purvi is commendable but if he did it for Archana and for the debt he owes Archana (monetary, affections, etc that she was deprived of because of his mother's doings and his unknowingly) that has nothing to do with how Purvi ought to feel about him. I would not want her to be burdened further by the fact that the man she has worshipped as her father has now accepted her only to please her mom. This will double her debt towards him and the debt she feels towards her mother will increase a thousand fold if she comes to know that it is only because of her lovable mother that her dad has accepted her.

Regarding some carry her blood while Purvi carries the famous or infamous sanskaars ...i have said many times that Ovi has the same one man woman complexthat Archana had . It is an amazing thing . Soham and Teju have Savita's fighting spirit . Purvi unfortunately has been moulded in her sanskaars and the destruction of Arjun Kirloskar is only the beginning .

Her adopted status has nothing to do with her decorum . I have never liked it . She has none in my opinion . Even if Teju or Ovi had behaved like that i would have said the same thing . There r matters and some of them are highly volatile and Soham's issue is one . She is inviting her adopted staus to be flung on her face if she meddles in it albeit with good intentions . Her strange unusual adoption is a fact and she should be aware of it before interfering in issues like Soham or what Arjun should feel about him . I don't think facts r either fair or unfair .

This is not about her addressing Manav as Baba or the two brothers as Dadas. It is about this awareness that she should have . She has it but she has it for the wrong reasons . Teju and Ovi will never be neutral about this issue . She can . Again a fact .

No i don't agree that all 3 should have same reactions to his existence at all . In fact that would be highly unreal .

I never said all 3 should have the same reaction. Quoting my prior post here "I have no problems with Ovi or Teju not accepting Soham, it is their prerogative, selfish or otherwise" If you are referring to my "All three sisters learned about Soham's existence at approximately the same time and should have the same respect/love/care/concern for him as the other" that did not refer to their reactions but to what I perceived was implied in your, " As an adopted sister she can perhaps be more neutral and perhaps the friendly olive branch he needs if eVer he needs someone to talk to but thats it" meaning Purvi has less of a right to feel for Soham especially since you mentioned "She should know her limits . If Ovi and Teju talk to their dad , she should at the most voice her opinion to Archana but thats it . This Punni tayi and Soham dada and Sachu dada and Manav Baba is just too much"

Stability has nothing to do with richness . The twins have been uprooted from a developed country and told to make a life in a third world country . They lived in a palatial home used to butlers but are forced to live in a chawl ...the basic of basics in that country and watch their mom fill waters at common taps ...a concept unheard of in Canada . Purvi has faced no such changes . These changes r unsettling and i do believe they r far more unstable than Purvi .

As for the stability issue, yes, richness has nothing to do with it but all other things being equal, a stable home, loving adults around (sans one missing parent in both instances) money probably did make it easier for the twins than for Purvi.

Originally posted by: ambolove

It's the age old nature VS nurture argument, just like the age old Purvi VS Ovi argument. All I want to say is Nurture comes first. Regardless of whoever your biological parents are, your REAL parents are the ones that brought you up. I'm not replying to anyone in particular and I also know I am off topic but for Purvi, Archana IS her mother, so why should 'adopted' and 'biological come into it? Archana put the effort in to bring her daughter up, whereas all biological means is having intercourse and passing on your genes to another human being, I mean so what? Anyone can do that!! One night of passion and that's it, your pregnant without much effort, even 14 year old girls can do that!What the problem is Soham's upbringing and the family problems surrounding it. I believe that Varsha did indeed nurture Soham and therefore first and foremost he should stay with her, the problem however is Balan. I don't think he would have ever nurtured a child and infact looks like he forced Soham into a life of crime and Varsha into a life of 'perfect housewife' physically and verbally abusing her.Soham and Varsha need to get as far away from Balan as possible. They can't turn a blind eye to the fact the Archana is 'related'.

I understand that when Archana handed over Soham to Varsha, she had in fact counted on Varsha to stay close by so she could have a hand in Soham's childhood.

Varsha needs to give her the right to love Soham.

So Varsha will be the mother and Archana can still bond with Soham, giving him the same love that was snatched from him.

Why should Nature VS Nurture be a problem? For Soham, he now has an extended family and that means more love.

Isn't that the best thing in the world? To be surrounded by family who love you so much. So why should suddenly having more family be a problem?

The problem is the fact that he is 22 years old and they can't suddenly expect him to move in with them and forget about the woman who nurtured him.

Maybe forgive and forget is in order for Varsha, they should take her back to the home that she belongs to, not just Soham, because Varsha is also a family member. Why should she be living with a man that she has not married?

Originally posted by: koolsadhu1000

Even I am perplexed by some posts .

Nobody here has said that adopted children are not human or aliens or hatched .

It has been merely said that Purvi's unusual adoption is a fact .

Bounds have to be observed by all children ...biological or adopted . Why adopted children should not observe them puzzles me . Does being adopted give a free license to cross bounds . Do good intentions give one a free license to do anything . Puzzling . These rules apply to the biological kids too . They apply to all period .

I can respect that some members come from mixed adoptive families and speak from experience . But that does not mean that other members speak from ignorance or guessing . They may be working in adoption centers for all one knows . Their relatives may have adopted children or they may have seen varied reactions from close quarters .

People do fling the adopted status in face . All are not nice like Archana and Manav . Some can be quite nasty when aroused . Manju was . Soham might snap or Teju if preached to might . People other than one's matured parents are quite uncontrollable.

One should not take undue advantage of the adopted status either . If Soham wants to remain angry with his parents for not being able to protect him from the kidnapping or being shot at [ which is unreasonable as Manav had literally no alternative] it is strictly between him and his parents and he will come around but with his own judgment eventually .

An 18 year old who has not led one fourth of the life he has , with no life experience except a biased gratitude towards the mother for her adoption is the last person to preach to him about the glory of her mother . Sorry . Just being stable does not enable you to lecture to the unstable . Maturity also counts . And in my opinion Purvi lacks it .

In my opinion Teju , Ovi and Purvi should not judge him at all but stay out of his equation with his parents . They can have mixed reactions to his existence and life but no they cannot be expected to understand him . If Teju has witnessed him holding a gun to her other's head Ovi made it clear that she cannot forgive a person who pumped two bullets in Arjun's body . Why they should accept him bcoz of their stability beats me .

Nobody is denying the legal rights of the adopted here . But this is not a legal issue . It is an emotional one and if boundaries are crossed that fact will be flung is my prediction . She is simply asking for it .

I even called Teju judgmental in one of my posts . I can fully understand where she is coming from but I say the same thing i say for Purvi ...lacks maturity . If one feels blindly her mom is the best the other hates him as he is a gunda .

The children Ovi Teju were not brought up on hate and anger . Their mom had really given them up . Their grandma disliked their mom but she had not told them about the missing brother at all . Their anger towards their mom was fully justifiable .

Purvi may have been nurtured with love but a very wrong concept of values or 'sanskaars' has been drilled in her head . Let us see what she does in the future . Thats why i said the destruction of Arjun Kirloskar is only the beginning .

Lastly Archana may look lovely but her deeds are anything but lovely and I for one don't consider her a lovely person at all . She is in my opinion a most foolish and dangerous person with the lovely face of an angel .