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Hello people! Time for part 59. Before we start this part, let me remind you that Archana thinks that Manav cheated her in multiple ways, but has always been confused about his caring nature and goodness. Enjoy!!!
Part 59
A cool breeze blew sedately that night. The storm had stopped and everywhere the brown leaves were rustling about. It was as if the ghost of the remains had suddenly come out to haunt.
Dressed in her yellow caftan, Archana stood silently at the window, listening to the occasional chirping of a cricket. A deep frown was in place on her pretty forehead, as she thought deeply.
"Why aren't you asleep Archu?" a soft voice called out. Archana turned. It was her Aai, walking towards her with wobbly steps with a glass of milk. She looked at Vaishali who was snoring on the bed. "Vaishali has gone to sleep, why haven't you gone to sleep till now."
Archana sighed. "I can't sleep." she said. "Thoughts are reeling in and out of my head."
"Is it cos of the divorce?" asked Sulochana Aai, concerned. "You are appearing disturbed ever since you have come back. Did.. did Manav say something nasty??"
Archana gave a weak smile. "If he had something nasty, it would have given me more relief I think. At least I wouldn't have been in this state..."
Sulochana Aai looked worried. "Archu what happened?"
"You won't understand Aai..."
"Then help me understand." said her Aai. She pulled her to the edge of the bed, where they both sat and talked in low voices in the night of the lamp. "Tell me what is wrong."
Archana looked uncomfortable. "Its about Manav."
"What about him?"
"I'm thinking if I have been a little hasty about judging him..."
"Archu," her mother said, shocked. "You made the best decision after analysing that your marriage wasn't going anywhere. It was a most sensible, practical decision. After all that Manav has done, he really doesn't deserve you..."
Archana was quiet. Sulochana Aai prodded her. "Now speak up you..."
She looked up uncomfortably. "Aai till today, I was always confused about Manav. It seemed to me that he had two different identities- one, of a loving and innocent, honest man, and the other, of a repulsive, disgusting man. And all this bcos the story of his past, Ajit's accusations, Shravani's confession, everything- they didn't GEL with the behavior I had witnessed- caring for me, loving me, speaking up for me, everything. The only explanation for this was that Manav had put up an act of a good man to win over me till the physical act was done, and then he would leave me, since he had never stuck to one girl in the past too, Shravani included. But now I think, I was wrong. THESE TWO IDENTITIES EXIST IN THE SAME PERSON. The cheat in Manav is no lie. The caring Manav is no lie either."
Sulochana seemed shocked. "What are you..."
"Aai, the world is not a chess board." Archana said, looking squarely at her. "There is never completely white or black. There are always shades of grey. Its the same with life. And same with Manav."
"Archu..."
"We need to start from the past first Aai." said Archana, more animated now, trying to concentrate. "Just imagine- a young boy works in a filthy, sweaty garage in the most jovial years of his life, squanders away his everything only for his family. He does not go to school, does not take risks with his job, does not even take a loan for himself- all bcos he dotes on his family, takes loans for them, and is the sole breadwinner. In all this, he completely neglects his own groW*H. He becomes one amongst the masses- a semi-educated mechanic, working in impoverished conditions in others garages, with people just like him, or worse than him. Others around him get educated, get good jobs, get married- he doesn't. His life revolves like a wheel in a well for 15 years. Slowly he turns lonely. His family is no help to him. An alcoholic father who only has time for theatre but never for household problems, a shouting, bumbling, abusive mother who only speaks money all the time and fights with the chawl women, a lazy brother who looks down upon him, and teenage siblings who live in a different world of their own- they love him, but they are too much into their own worlds- they cannot fulfill the void in his life. It is a common habit Aai, in such conditions, men resort to escape mechanisms. His father resorted to alcohol as his escape mechanism in life. He resorted to brothels."
Sulochana Aai's eyes widened but she didn't say anything.
Archana continued. "So, as I see it- he didn't have any hopes with life. He didn't expect to get married well, since he knew that no decent girl from a good family would want to marry him- given his modest job and conditions. What he would have to suffice to eventually, would always be the quarrelsome, loud girls in his chawl- just like his Aai, but very different from his own quiet persona. And so the interest waned, and the brothel visits continued, which unfortunately never gave him what he had always wanted- EMOTIONAL SATISFACTION. He never got the EMOTIONAL BONDING, and the void was as before. He tried to get into a relationship with Shravani, his friend, only to back out later, since the situation was still the same. He was never okay, until I came into his life."
"Archu bas!" said Sulochana indignantly. "You are unnecesarily cooking up a tale in your head about Manav. There is no such angle in his story. That man is a virile, cheap character nothing else. Don't try to justify him unnecessarily."
"I'm not trying to justify him Aai." protested Archana. "And I'm not cooking up a story. I'm just trying to combine both- the truths that have placed in front of us by Ajit, and his behavior that I have always witnessed. I shall prove it to you that what I'm saying is right."
"But Archu..."
"MANAV WAS ALWAYS LONELY AAI!!!" said Archana. "Always! This was the only connecting link between the two extremely opposite images we saw till date. He said it today in Siddhant's office that he is going back to his 'lonely life'. And that's not all Aai. Once before also Manav had said all this to me... I remember very well... it was the night before we were going on our honeymoon."
*flashback begins*
(courtesy part 29)
"We have to get up early tomorrow. The bus is at 11, you wanted to meet your parents right, so?"
He stopped in his tracks. Archana was sitting on the bed and smiling at him. "What?"
"Nothing," she said. "You know Manav, I had never thought this day would come. You came in what was probably the worst phase of my life. And after that everything changed. Even I changed to an extent- from a gawky girl caught in the confines of her home- slowly opening up to society, facing people- my job, my friends, my new attitude to life- I owe you everything!"
"No you don't," said Manav sitting next to her, a hand on her cheek. "Husband-wife never owe each other anything. Tomorrow, who knows a situation will arise when I may need you very badly- at that time, you will be there na, to support me? It is as simple as that. And there are countless ways in which you have changed me too."
"Like????"
"Like..um.."Manav thought hard. "Like.. at first, I was a very mechanical mechanic leading a very mechanical sort of life- eat, work and sleep- that's it. Now I am enjoying myself. You see, my people were always in a world of their own- Aai, Baba, Sachin, Vedant-Vandita- everyone. So I was kind of lonely. And I didn't like it."
****flashback ends****
Archana still seemed to be in a trance. "I somehow fit the type of person he wanted to be with Aai- emotionally as well as physically. And that is why he made all moves to be with me. And..."
"Hold on." said Sulochana Aai. "He never tried to make any legitimate moves towards you. Proves that his intentions were always wrong."
"That is where you are wrong Aai!!!" Archana said triumphantly. "He did make a legitimate move- he wrote me a love letter, remember? He had proposed me for marriage!"
Sulochana Aai went red. Yes, it was true. Manav had indeed written a love letter, a little filmy though it was, to Archu, she thought.
"But that was after the brothel accident..."
"Yes Aai." said Archana, remembering the night at the brothel. "He had broken off my marriage prospects to Satish. Probably cos he knew that he stood no chance against Satish considering his credentials and his past- a fact that proved to be true when you rejected him outrightly when he made a legitimate move by trying to speak to me directly, when he wrote the love letter. After the brothel encounter Aai, we had begun to bond, especially when he stopped me from almost commiting suicide. He started talking to me and often helped me out as well, genuinely trying to think well of me, encouraging me for job and school. But the situation was still the same- he had no routes to starting a new life afresh. You gave preference to Varun when he talked to you about marriage, reaffirming faith in his belief that no parents would give him their daughter's hand in marriage, considering his below modest credentials. Add to it that now he had a stigma of a past that he could not erase, even if he wanted to- an unforgivable, inescapable past. And that was when he made another desperate move- he broke my engagement with Varun."
Sulochana Aai waited patiently for her to finish. "Are you done Archu?" she asked. "Bcos I think I need to remind you that his sorry story does not lessen the magnitude of the evils he has done."
"It definitely does not, Aai." said Archana quickly. "On no account do I intend to justify his actions. They were wrong and will always be wrong. All I'm trying to point out, is that, sometimes, just a report of who did the wrong is not enough. Sometimes why the wrong was done is the most important question, and it is this which we never looked into- that Manav was driven into brothels first due to his loneliness, and later committed grave mistakes since he could not erase his past, but wanted to marry a girl he genuinely admired. We cannot forgive his actions, or justify his brothel frequenting habits, but we can understand his loneliness can't we?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, Aai," said Archu, hesitating, "There is never ONE uniform definition of 'goodness' or 'character'. Everyone has different perceptions of it. And sometimes according to situations, this definition changes. For example: A doctor, who is highly respected by his patients for his invaluable service, may vent out all his frustration after tiring, day long work on his family (an escape mechanism called displacement). So much, that he may be hated by his own children for being a bad father to them, but maybe blessed by the whole world for saving them from pain. So is he a good man or an evil one? In a reverse situation, a thief may steal from rich people's homes to feed his ill, hungry family. Here he is commiting sins FOR THEM, in a day and age when people leave their ailing parents to fend for themselves. The people may curse him, but his family members will bless him. So is he good or evil?"
Sulochana was completely stupefied. She had no answers to these questions.
Archana started speaking by herself. "Aai, as I see things, Manav is a good hearted man who dotes on his family and made lots of sacrifices for them. But at the same time, he reverted to the wrong track in life owing to loneliness, and when he wanted to get back, he simply couldn't. He couldn't erase the past, nor could he change himself. So he decided to get the girl he loved by manipulation. Does that make him sinister? For us, maybe yes. For many others- Not necessarily. Bcos for many people, he is the epitome of family values and sacrifice. A good son, an excellent brother, a gentle caring human being, a religious person, the sort of person who does penance by serving the poor cos he got angry with Bappa when his garage caught fire. He even actually tried to reform himself for MY SAKE Aai. Remember how much he tried to blend into our family- protesting against dowry, giving us money when in need, helping us find Vaishali. But overall Aai, do his acts make him EVIL? Or does it make him completely characterless? Bcos I always thought that its not just your virginity, or your sexual habits, or any one particular action that defines character- its your deeds in toto- good and bad. All the countless beggars whom he has helped till date bless him inspite of not knowing anything about him. And even though he has committed grave wrongdoings, again and again, repeatedly, he tried to be good to us as well Aai. He would have reformed himself if I hadn't left him... I'm sure..."
"Hold it right there, Archu!" said Sulochana suddenly. She clutched Archana's arm. "What rubbish are you speaking? This emotional bonding and love you are speaking of is nothing!!! Its a farce!!! If he loved you, he wouldn't have trapped you in that brothel. He wouldn't have let you be humiliated. Who or what gave you the impression that he was emotionally involved and wouldn't have dumped you for sure after getting what he wanted..???"
"I'm positive of everything!!!" said Archana, trying her best not to scream. "Aai, I was with him in ONE room and ONE bed for 15 nights. And he never touched me. I knew that he wanted me, but he shied and bumbled and looked away nervously making micro attempts, but didn't cross his limits. Give me one reason why he didn't do it? Why not in Mahabaleshwar as well, when I was so emotionally vulnerable? Do you think I'm a little child Aai? Do you think I can't recognise passion? I do. But Manav shocked me with his impeccable control. If he wanted me, he would have deflowered me the very first night, irrespective of whether I was comfortable or not. One really cannot expect a man of his class to have liberal ideas towards women, even highly educated men often do not display such thoughtfulness. Manav DID, and gave me TIME. And he waited for me patiently, making slow advances all the while. Truth is Aai, after the marriage, it was never about what HE wanted. It was always about what I wanted. Manav's love and emotions were always more on the EMOTIONAL plane, not on the PHYSICAL plane. He tried to bond emotionally with me first, and was happy when I responded." Here she paused as she remembered how he had kept his head on her lap and talked out about his inferiority complexes one day.
"Aai, you say there is no bonding from his side, that he doesn't care. Give me one good reason why he still fought like a madman, going by the fact that he has got practically nothing in this marriage. The only thing he accomplished in the last 4 months was an emotional connection with me- one that he had never got from any other woman. And yet he used to be so happy in all these 4 months- he always had a smile on his face even though we were living separately. And see the difference now!! He needed me more desperately than anything else, Aai. Yet when he came to know that I want this divorce badly, he did not trap me more, but let go of me. This is the truth as I see it now.He has made grave mistakes, that is true, but he is not necessarily evil, I think. He even tried to make up for whatever wrong he did- by trying to be good to all of us, and..."
Sulochana shook Archana's shoulder. "You have gone MAD!!!" she said, her voice rising a little and her breath quickening. For a minute, Archana thought her Aai was going to get an asthma attack. She controlled herself remarkably though. "Get into bed." she barked. "Right now. And don't think about this nonsense anymore." She switched off the nightlamp before Archana could say another word and marched off the room.
Archana felt uneasy. Maybe she had done the wrong thing by confiding to her mother, she thought. There was still something that she had felt, but hadn't said. Such people needed to be helped, not discarded. She had nearly divorced him, and now he was lonely again. Would he go back to those same infamous lanes, back to the past from which he had tried to escape by starting a new life with her? He needed help. But who could help Manav? His family? Tarun? She hoped so. Or...
Or..
Or..
Or would he simply get lower in the pit???
As she lay on her bed, she thought of everything she had discussed with her Aai, wondering if there was more to the person called Manav Deshmukh than could meet one's eye.
***********
In another room, Sulochana Aai tossed and turned. The inevitable had happened. Her emotional and soft-hearted daughter was now trying to see the good points of her devilish husband. Much worse, she was actually reconsidering her very sane decision. Oh Bappa!- muttered Sulochana again and again at Archu's gullibility. She was innocent and felt everyone thought like her. But her habit of seeing the world through rose coloured glasses could harm her now. She dreaded what would happen if Archana went back to Manav thinking that she could reform him. Men never changed for anyone, Sulochana knew by experience and wisdom. But her Archu would get stuck in the marriage. God knows what that Manav would do to her.. no no!
She checked herself from thinking bad. She would talk to Archu about it, she decided.
************
Archana was late the next morning. She had gone to sleep very late, she overslept the next morning, she couldn't give Manju her tea in bed, and Manju was very annoyed with her. As she hurried along the house getting Punni ready, she could hear her Dada-Vahini talking about her.
"How much should we ask for as alimony?" asked Manju, her eyes shining with glee. "Is there an upper limit?"
"I have no idea of such things." said Vinod, least interested, getting ready for his job. But Manju didn't leave the topic. "I think we should ask him back all that we have spent on Archu's wedding. After all, he tricked us in the wedding. And we should ask him for cash as well... and..."
She was surprised to see Archu standing at the doorway, holding Punni's water bottle. "What happened?" she asked curtly.
Archana hesitated. "I don't want alimony." she said slowly. "I don't want anything from him at all."
Manjusha stared at her open-mouthedly. "Are you mad? He has cost so much of monetary loss to the family- 2.5 lakhs went into the wedding- all from Baba's pension and Vinod's savings. At least this much amount must be given back. Arey tomorrow if you decide to get married again, then how will we arrange for more money? Is it only you in this house? There are 2 more sisters and my own daughter as well."
The thought of remarriage shocked Archu. She couldn't say a single word.
"Manju.." Vinod started angrily. But Manjusha turned on him. "I'm not doing it for myself. I'm doing it for this house. And for Archu. Shouldn't she have some security in life? Aai has said that Archu shall continue studies, but who will pay for it? Us? Why should we pay for her misfortunes in life? How long are we supposed to bear her??"
Vinod looked uncomfortably at Archana, who looked close to tears. "Archu, my tiffin please." Archana smiled a weak smile and walked out.
"Manju you are too much!" he said angrily. "Why are you making Archu feel that she is a burden on us? Couldn't you explain about alimony in a better way? Huh!" Manju made a face. She hated it when Vinod scolded her cos of his family members. "Enough nonsense has occured cos of your sister. Now if she doesn't take alimony and expects us to bear our expenses, I won't tolerate it."
Vinod walked outside. Archana was readying his tiffin. "Don't take offence at what Manju said." he said in a small voice. "But see Archu, don't be emotional in such matters. We will never leave you. But at some point, justice has to be done here. You need some security in life as well. Alimony is a legal right. There is nothing wrong in taking money from a soon to be divorced husband. Think about it."
Archana nodded. "Will Manav be able to pay?"
"I don't know. He said he would sort some matters and let us know."
**************
Manav came out of his bedroom, ready to go to work. His head was bent, eyes were red, and he still looked down in the dumps. The family looked at him intently. Savita asked them slowly to behave normally and concentrated on serving him breakfast "Going to the garage han beta?"
Manav shook his head. "I'm going to the hospital. I banged my head yesterday at court. Its my second injury. I should be careful. The doctor will probably advise an X-ray."
"Good good." said Savita cautiously. "After that?"
"After that I have go to bank. I need to solve the problem of instalments."
"Okay okay." said Savita. Sachin touched Manav's hand. "Don't worry Dada, things will get better from here, you'll see. Even I'm going to meet Sweety's Dad. We want to get married as soon as possible. Two weeks, maybe."
Manav managed a weak smile, trying to hide his doubts. "Sachin are you sure.."
"Dead sure Dada. Let's not start the debate again please."
Manav kept quiet. Now that he hadn't been able to save his own marriage and had been let down by the girl he loved, he felt he was no one to advise others on the issue of marriages and how to choose a life partner.. He tried to talk to Vedant Vandita instead. They replied back, telling him about school and games. "Dada, is Vahini never going to return now?" Vandita asked in a small voice. Manav nodded sadly.
Vedant-Vandita looked perturbed. "Should we try and speak to her as well???"
"How many times have I told you, don't speak in adults affairs. You are kids- behave like kids." said Savita angrily. Both of them immediately fell silent.
"What will you give me for Rakhi Dada?" asked Vandita, a while later. "Whatever you want." he replied back with a small smile. His Baba was nowhere to be seen. He had been broken by the news of divorce and had drunk a lot. Now he was probably asleep somewhere, and would return when he woke up. If not, Manav would have go and look for him.
He was eating when he suddenly saw Shravani enter the house. It was the first time she had come in front of him since their dreaded confrontation. "What are you doing here?" he got up angrily. "Hadn't I asked you not to show me your face?"
She didn't say anything, but instead stood rolling her eyes. Savita Aai came in from the kitchen. "I called her." she said. "Shravani, come in. We will sit in the bedroom and talk."
Shravani gave Manav a victorious smile. Savita went near Manav. He immediately started complaining. "Aai how could you..."
"She and Girishji have done a lot for this house." said Savita Aai curtly. "More than your Archana ever did for us. So it is not possible for me to hate her. You don't want to talk to her, okay. But don't impose on others. Go and eat your breakfast."
"I'm done with my breakfast." said Manav. He wore his slippers and left the house.
Savita sighed. It would be difficult to convince Manav for Shravani, she thought. But she would do it. Last night, he had asked forgiveness for not listening to her, and had said that he would always listen to her advice. And Shravani was a good learner. She would teach her how to win Manav over Girishji was already in the pocket. And Archana would be gone in a few days.
The stage was set, thought Savita, rubbing her hands contentedly.
****************
Huffing and puffing, Archana somehow managed to get inside the local just as it started moving. She heaved a sigh of relief as she leant against the wall of the general compartment. Moments later, she composed herself as she looked about for a seat. Her eyes darted all over the compartment, until they finally rested on Manav.
He was sitting quietly with an open file on his lap, assembling papers. But how different he looked. His shoulders which were always broad and straight were drooping today. His face looked lost and thoughtful. He was straining his eyes trying to read. Again and again he would adjust the bandage on his head, which seemed to be new. The arm sling had gone. Every few minutes he would press the tips of his fingers on the sides of his head.
She was staring intently at him, feeling miserable, when suddenly he looked up and noticed her. He shifted uncomfortably and was about to get up when the man sitting next to him got up. "Aap baithiye, my station has come. Go quickly else someone else will take your place." he told her. Archana thanked him, and hesitating a little, went and sat next to Manav. He did not look at her and continued re-arranging his file. She, on the other hand, tried again and again to peek at him. She coughed a little for attention, feeling dismayed when he displayed no emotion at all.
"Are you ill?" she asked finally, unable to hold herself. He looked up at her with shock, unable to believe that she was speaking to him. He appeared amazed that she had spoken. She appeared very cautious and controlled, pointing to the doctor's prescription among his papers.
"No." he said shortly. He turned to his papers.
"Prescription...??"
"Routine checkup." He didn't feel the need to elaborate.
She fell silent. She looked at him again and again, hoping he would say something, cos the silence was very uncomfortable for both of them. Talking was so much easier.
"How is everyone at home?" she tried again
"Fine."
"How are they taking all this?"
"Okay."
"I understand that it must be very difficult," she continued. "You probably hate me for it too, but Manav, there was no way things could have continued and..."
"Archana," he said, suddenly turning towards her. She was shocked by the sudden change in his voice. "Did I say anything to you? No na? Then why are you giving explanations to me? I understand absolutely everything, and I know that anyone in your and your parents place would have done the same thing. I don't blame you for anything."
Archana was shocked for a minute. She didn't know what to say. "I just felt.. well.. I just thought.. I..."
"I know." he said firmly. "I know you are a very sensitive person and you feel bad even for 'down-trodden' 'hate-worthy' people like me. But I seriously don't need this. Just leave me alone and I will be okay."
He started getting up. "Manav please..."
"My station is here." he said shortly. He went and stood near the gate and got down at the next station. She looked from the window to see if he would turn, but he did not, even though he did stop for a while with his back to the train. Finally he walked away.
She felt dismayed as he walked away and the crowded compartment suddenly felt lonely and empty. She looked outside the window for a while, and then her gaze fell on a paper on the floor of the compartment. It had fallen from Manav's file. She picked it up before anyone could step on it and glanced at it. It seemed to be a loan document from Octave International Financial Corporation. She remembered the station where Manav had got down- the bank was in that area only.
It seemed that he had gone to the bank. She needed to return the paper lest he fell into trouble. She took out her cell phone and was then reminded of the fact that she didn't have 'her husband's' cell no. - he had told her days ago that he had lost his cell, and she hadn't bothered even to take down his new no.
She felt very embarassed, and knew that she would have no answer if Manav asked her why she had not called him up- he would have waited at the station for her. But she had no other option now, except to get down at the next station, take a local back and get to the bank to return the paper to Manav.
One more encounter with Manav, she sighed. The one that had occured few minutes back hadn't been so pleasant. Manav seemed anxious to get away from her, and had clearly behaved detached, whereas till yesterday he was running aroung her trying to convince her. Such a sudden change felt weird to her. He seemed to have suddenly shrunk into a shell, trying to behave like a stranger, and she could not identify this Manav at all. She knew what he had said was right, but she didn't know why she had been drawn to him and still felt sad to see such behavior on his part. She had made quite a fool of herself, she thought. She would have to conduct herself better in the future- for her and for his sake- so that they could move on peacefully. She strengthened her heart. She would meet him, quietly give him the paper and leave. And then she would meet him straight on the divorce hearing day.
Archana exhaled deeply and nodded to herself. Heart filled with anxiety and a little disappointment, she got down at the next station to meet Manav at the bank.
********XXX********
Okay, so this part was a little ajeeb, you might think. Waiting for comments and feedback as always.
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