Originally posted by: kshre25
@koolsaadhu, i was really struck by your words in the past post about brother and sister relationship. It made me wonder about cousins who get married. I know it accepted in India but still. You bring up pretty good points of the state of mind of people and how relationships are viewed. I guess I don't really have much to say, except interesting point.
I guess i'm deeply affected by this because i just found out two of my first cousins (who are also first cousins) got married to each other. I know its the accepted type of relationship but i can't seem to understand how you tie rakhi one year and do karva chauth the next. or in maharashtrian's case like me bhaubeej one year and padwa the next. I'm just completely disgusted because i cannot understand how you mentally or physically change that state of mind from brother to husband.
I always thought in India relationships are highly valued and limits aren't crossed physically or mentally. Plus dont' we create a relationship, whether is brother sister etc in India with each person passing by, like in the way we address them for respect. Then how are these borders crossed or how can they be crossed.
Shravani had called Manav jeth then how can you mentally or physically change that? How would it work for anyone?
Kshre25 ..................Marraige among cousins is not uncommon.............it has been accepted by our ancestors since historical times ............not just in Indian society , even by Foreign cultures .
However ........I wish to make something clear here . Hindus ...........and specifically Maharashtrians .........the caste shown in PAvitra Rishta do not permit marraige between first cousins . For instance the children of two brothers [ having the same last name] CANNOT marry . But the children of a brother and a sister can marry ...............as the sister does not have the same last name after her marraige . It is a common tradition in Maharastrian families to promise the maternal uncle's daughter as a bride for the boy in his thread ceremony at his age of eight years !
The marraige among cousins is always in the maternal section , never in the paternal . First cousins r regarded as almost real siblings , sharing genetically same blood and last name ...............so marraige among them is considered as incestuous by Maharashtrian culture . The sister's child can marry her brother's child and vice versa . Again , a sister's child cannot marry her sister's child ............i dont know the reason for this but there it is .
The reasons for this were scientific , with immense research done by our brilliant ancestors regarding genes, blood group matches and genetically produced diseases resulting from the wrong matches. Marrying first cousins often leads to birth of retarded children . Some cultures allow it , but Hindus frown on it .
All that aside ............what utterly shocks me is how Manav can even think of marrying Shravani as this brother sister bond is basically a mental thing . EVen if one is not exactly tying rakhis , if one has viewed the girl in a brotherly way , thinking in any other way is simply unacceptable . The marraige gets affected on All levels . The physical relationship is either bad or almost non existent in such cases as neither of the two can bear the thought of touching each other ..........it is repulsive to them . The child growing up in this marraige never really sees a father and mother and has totally wrong concepts about what a marraige shud be when his own chance to get married comes .
Why should a young girl who has made the mistake of getting pregnant early on in her life pay so much for that mistake ? Why shud she have a life devoid of passion , sex , emotional involvment with a man , other children , or if at all there is some sex in the marraige ............guilt wrought sex or repulsive sex for the rest of her life ? Simply coz she got impregnated before marraige ..........for the sake of a nameless society or peer pressure ? This is like the life widows were forced to live in Hindu society pre independence ............following rigid scriptural rules that were not comprehended properly . Other options r there ............giving birth to the child elsewhere and starting life all over , finding a nice guy who will accept the child and be her companion too , giving up the child for adoption if one wants to pursue a career . But locking the girl forcefully in a marraige with someone far below her in every aspect ,moreover a brother figure or Father figure to her is UNACCEPTABLE although it is constantly shown in serials and it does happen in occasional cases as the mental trauma and agony of such a relationship is unimaginable . The Jeth relation is one in which the younger brothers wife touches the Jeths feet , respecting him like a father figure . It is the relation that Savita has with Kaka...........see how respectful it is , she pulls her sari end over her chest and calls him DADA ...........meaning elder brother . Will Savita ever marry Kaka if Damodar dies ?
If Manav feels so much responsible for his younger bro , no problem ...........show the guts of offering to accept Shravani as the younger bahu of the house by declarng to people they had a secret marraige [ she and Sachin] and that irrespective of what society says he will look out for her and the child forever if Shravani wants it that way only . If Shravani wants to remarry in future Manav shud say she will get his blessing . He shud even make it a condition to Archana if that marraige ever works and she returns that now things have changed and if she is ready to accept this responsibility alongwith him..........of looking out for Shravni IF she ever needs them , along with Vandu , Kaka and his parents which already r his responsibilities .................he has a change in his life now , of being there for his brothers child if ever the need arises and his brother's wife calls out to him ...........his wife better understand that now , as things r not the way they were when she left the house .
But Manav doesnt have the guts or acumen to break rigid unfair societal rules . When Savita demanded jewels from Sulochna his way of dealing with it was not to put his foot down inspite of stupid aRCHU'S INSIPID PROMISE and telling his mom to back off AT ONCE as dowry demands r a legal crime , but he chose to buy one himself secretly and tell his greedy mom it was from his mother in law . Similiarly , he doesnt have guts to take a stand and support Shravni by simply being what he is.............her brother in law for LIFE . To shut society's mouth he will marry her , make both of them miserable , his idiotic mother happy , and morally abuse the brother sister relation that he mentally had with her . This is not the character of a strong lead at all but of one who succumbs to societal pressures even more than weak women .
