Patiala Babes Rewatch: Episodes 2 & 3 - Ashok Comes Home - Page 3

Babita didn’t fail Mini. Ashok and her grand parents failed Mini. Babita gave Mini love, care, attention, freedom and raised her to be a confident girl in whatever capacity she could. Babita didn’t have the choice and freedom in that house to stand up to herself. Mini could because that was her “fathers house” and those were her grandparents and her aunt. If Babita did stand up against Lovely, Beeji would have sided with Lovely as they did during wedding time when Babita did stand up to Lovely. Mini didn’t even go through a fraction of what Babita went through in those 17 years. . Babita filled the void of a father in Mini’s life, she played both roles. When Mini says you should have stood up for yourself, she is only victim blaming Babita. She gave clean chits to Khuranas saying “in-laws aise hi hote hai” and to Lovely saying “dil ki buri nahi hai”. At the end, even after seeing what her mother went through, Mini also failed to understand her mother in a way.

Have you all heard of the story where a big elephant has been tied by a weak rope all his life does not even try to break away from the rope because the elephant thinks of it as impossible even though it's not?

It's the same here. Can she leave? Is she capable of doing that? Yes. But to her that's an unachievable/impossible thing.

And when she tries to seek comfort of love that doesn't exist, it makes sense too, those thoughts even though khayali pulaao, are probably only thing that's comforting her. This reminds me of one story I learned in my school days.

A man from India who was a migrant in Africa, was terminally ill. He has a big family to support in India, a son who is about to go to school. A daughter about to get married. He wrote to his family about his health. And they were broken. They wrote him back about how helpless they're going to be if something happens to him. Unfortunately, by the time letter arrived, he was dead. His business partner has to inform the family about his death. He read that latter and decided to hide about the death. He wrote them back saying that because of some accident man has lost his hands so he is writing on the behalf of the man and sends some money. He kept exchanging letters pretending to be the dead person and years passes by and life is normal again. One day when he came back to his room and he saw a young man sitting there. The young man asked for the partner who died years ago. The man informed the boy that the said person died years ago. The young man then pulled out few letters and man realizes that those letters are written by him and he finally informs the young man about his father's death.

I don't remember all the details but moral of the story was that the family was hanging onto a person who ceased to exist, their hope was false, but at the end of the day that false hope gave them strength to live. Hope is a big thing.

Originally posted by: Sakurablossom

Have you all heard of the story where a big elephant has been tied by a weak rope all his life does not even try to break away from the rope because the elephant thinks of it as impossible even though it's not?

It's the same here. Can she leave? Is she capable of doing that? Yes. But to her that's an unachievable/impossible thing.

And when she tries to seek comfort of love that doesn't exist, it makes sense too, those thoughts even though khayali pulaao, are probably only thing that's comforting her. This reminds me of one story I learned in my school days.

A man from India who was a migrant in Africa, was terminally ill. He has a big family to support in India, a son who is about to go to school. A daughter about to get married. He wrote to his family about his health. And they were broken. They wrote him back about how helpless they're going to be if something happens to him. Unfortunately, by the time letter arrived, he was dead. His business partner has to inform the family about his death. He read that latter and decided to hide about the death. He wrote them back saying that because of some accident man has lost his hands so he is writing on the behalf of the man and sends some money. He kept exchanging letters pretending to be the dead person and years passes by and life is normal again. One day when he came back to his room and he saw a young man sitting there. The young man asked for the partner who died years ago. The man informed the boy that the said person died years ago. The young man then pulled out few letters and man realizes that those letters are written by him and he finally informs the young man about his father's death.

I don't remember all the details but moral of the story was that the family was hanging onto a person who ceased to exist, their hope was false, but at the end of the day that false hope gave them strength to live. Hope is a big thing.

That story, just wow... I witnessed once the reverse case, man working a round, not able to visit home because of visa issues. Family not telling him his father passed away for 5 years, until he got home, because no one oone could tell him the bad news.

Babita could have left if even Pinku has supported her a bit. But with Saroj around, that wasn't possible too. BTW why didn't Pinku and Saroj let her sign those papers while she was still married? Would Khuranas have intervened?

Originally posted by: _Reka_

That story, just wow... I witnessed once the reverse case, man working a round, not able to visit home because of visa issues. Family not telling him his father passed away for 5 years, until he got home, because no one oone could tell him the bad news.

Babita could have left if even Pinku has supported her a bit. But with Saroj around, that wasn't possible too. BTW why didn't Pinku and Saroj let her sign those papers while she was still married? Would Khuranas have intervened?

Possible. I think babita's parents made that will after her marriage. Later on Pinku got married. Her parents died after that. Saroj and Pinku then came to know about it and decided to hide the matter as they didn't want to lose their home.

Originally posted by: LoveInAutumn26

Loved the write-up, Gur. Absolutely beautiful and loved your thoughts on this.

This is the Lovely that I was introduced to, and she was extremely vile and vicious towards Babita. So, when Mini and Dadu-Beeji try to justify Lovely's behavior by saying "Lovely dil ki buri nahi hai", it ticked me off, esp. Mini justifying that (when she knows better). Like EFF that shit. She is definitely dil ki buri, dil ki na buri people don't say the shit that she did to Babita.

When watching these episodes, you realize how lonely Babita must have been in those 17 long years. Its very easy to be like, well she should have gone with Ashok. First she didn't have a choice when the husband himself never initiated it, even if he did, you think Beeji being the way she is, would have not emotionally blackmailed them to stay back. And, Babita not standing up against Lovely, I totally understand because everyone in that house would have eaten her alive, barring Sukhi and Dadu, but they wouldn't be able to stand up to defend her either. She truly only had Mini to call her own in that house.

They never mention this in the show, but I bet if Babita's parents were alive, she would have left Ashok way sooner, as I reckon, Babita's parents died when Mini was a baby. She had no where to go and no support, and where will she take a little Mini and go where. She had no one. No friends. If she was in touch with Poonam, she would have someone to confide in. We always blame the victim. When Mini accused Babita of not standing up for herself, this is the exact reason why I was so pissed at her.

Thank you!

Honestly, I can never forgive nor forget Minnie claiming Lovely to be good at heart. Fck that bullshit. She simply said that so that she can have the last say in the argument. For her to easily dismiss the seventeen years of hell Babita had to live through makes me sick. Her victim blaming disgusted me then and it does so now.

People forget that it's not easy at all. It pissed me off when Naeem Bi said this to Babita as well. Babita didn't even have a job. How the hell was she supposed to go to work and take care of a little Minnie? Sure, she would have gone back to her maternal home, but we all saw how Saroj was quick to kick her out, and here Minnie was a teenager. To think she would have let Babita stay behind with a baby or toddler Minnie is ridiculous. First, finding a suitable home to live in, and then daycare / sending Minnie to school, finding a job and working the long hours, picking Minnie up, cooking meals and doing all the chores as well - she would have been exhausted beyond imagination. Not to mention, her having to hear society's taunts. She's strong, but not so strong that she can take in people's harsh words 24/7. Even she has a tolerance limit and there's no way she would have dropped that kind of heavy baggage onto a little Minnie.

Even for her leaving with Ashok, yes she could have, but Ashok could have said something as well. Heck, more than her, in this household, he should have the more power / authority to demand something for himself. It's his fault for not speaking up. If not for Babita, he could have at least said something for Minnie.

If Babita's parents were alive, I don't know if she would have left for a long period. I have this feeling that they would have sent her back just to save face in society. Her father may have supported her, but I don't think her mother would have.

Originally posted by: LoveInAutumn26

Reason for Ashok and Babita's marriage failing:

1) Beeji - For not letting Mini and Babita go to London for her own selfish reasons.

2) Ashok - For not being able to stand his ground against his parents, esp. his mom and demand that he take his wife with him.

3) Ashok - For not returning back to India after initial years of living in London. Why did he not try to start business (like he did with Meeta) in India?

4) Ashok - For being a coward and having an extramarital affair. Also, for hiding it from Babita for 10 years. If he had let Babita know the first time he cheated on her, at least the poor woman would be out of this torturous marriage within few years itself, and wouldn't have to tolerate it for 17 long years.

5) Babita's Parents - For getting their daughter married at the tender age of 18 to a guy she barely knows. Again, not standing up for their daughter, or not being able to advise her to go with Ashok when he first left for London.

5) Dadu - For not standing up for Babita and telling her to go live with Ashok.

And Finally

6) Babita - only for being delusional and actually starting to believe that her long-distance marriage was a normal thing.

But, if she didn't have to go through all that she went through, she would have never met Hanuman. Even if Ashok didn't cheat on Babita and they finally were able to live together after 17 years of being in long-distance, I don't think she would have received the same kind of love and respect or even close to it that she received from Hanuman, from Ashok.

Agree with all of this.

If Ashok had decided to come back home for good, I doubt his relationship would have gained any sort of normalcy. Beeji and Lovely would have constantly hogged him, and Lovely's taunts on Babita's sexual life would have increased even more. Minnie would have been insistent on wanting to pursue her photography career, and while that's admirable, I don't know if they would have had the finances to fund for it. Then there's the matter of adjusting. Ashok lived in London for seventeen whole years. He's been exposed to a whole different culture and had to adapt to those to survive. Would he have been able to leave those aside and re-integrate into Indian society? The biggest issue would have been about privacy. Babita, having served her in-laws her whole life, would also have had to learn how to balance her life in having a husband around. Could she speak up about wanting to spend some alone time with him? Or simply wanting to share a meal or a cup of tea with him in solitude and not with everyone else breathing down their neck? Or the little things of wanting to dress herself up for him, or wishing he buy her small gifts to show his appreciation or love? Or would she have continued to suppress that side of her, fearing of being shamed again?

Originally posted by: Jiarao

Lovely write up Gur..🤗. I have a doubt regarding Ashok bringing doll for Mini. In his letter to HS, he said he would send gift for her every birthday. Even if he didn't know her likes/dislikes or how old she is, he must have known she is growing up. Wouldn't a common man however estranged he might be from his child will know grown up people don't play with dolls?

Thanks Jia! 🤗

Yeahh, I really don't understand it either. Even if he hadn't spoken to her directly, surely he must know that twelve year old girls don't play with dolls. For that matter, what did he send her every year for her birthday? I'm sure they must have been something generic. To show him being so out of touch with his own child really highlighted Minnie's comment about him feeling like a stranger. He's her father, he must know these little things. If he doesn't, then he's not really much of a parent.

It also juxtaposes what Naeem Bi said to HS on his wedding day. He knows the major stuff about her, but what about the little day to day things? In that context, HS still knows a lot more than Ashok does, and is even more of a father to her than Ashok ever could be. HS knew about her passion for photography and gifted her a camera. He knows about her being highly intelligent and helped her get admission. He knows about her being a black belt in karate and helped her train for her competition. Then there's obviously all the big stuff, but the main point is that Ashok had the birth right and seventeen whole years to know her daughter but he chose not to. HS only had a few months on his hand, and yet he knew her inside out. It all comes down to effort really, and more than Ashok, HS put more effort into being her father.

Even post the burning of the letter, Ashok could have reached out to Minnie if he wanted to. Whether it's a simple birthday wish on a social media platform, or actually calling her and wanting to catch up - he could have done it. Otherwise, his words of having a right to keep a relationship with Minnie fails in an epic manner and it just comes as being drama for the sake of drama. In those five years, it was still HS calling her, and keeping her in the loop of what's going on in their little family. Him informing her about baby Arya, about Babita constantly missing her, about him wanting her to come home. Even in their long distance, he still continued to do a lot more than Ashok.

At this point, I don't even know what angle they were trying to reach with the letter because it's pointless now. We can clearly see that HS is Minnie's father. There's no other way about it.

Originally posted by: naq5

i think this was ashoks visit after 5 years. before 5 years maybe he did come regularly and was in some tune with minis age and what gifts he could give her. babita did say that little mini waited for the birthday gift ashok sent her

Yes, and it's easier to buy gifts for toddlers and little children versus teenagers. But if he came five years ago, that would mean he came when Minnie was twelve years old. Did he still buy her Barbies at that age?

In however much time he spent with her, did he not know about some of her interests? Her excitement about wanting to learn and see London, ya kuch bhi?

Originally posted by: naq5

@ bold well they had an EMI to pay off for the house loan. so for that he was forced to stay there & earn. Also lovely and sukhi really did nothing to earn instead spent off dadus savings in starting up business and failing in them and they had a lot of more nakhras like wanting an AC etc etc. So basically ashoks earnings had to take care of 6 people in the house.

rest of the things are quite the reason why babita HS marriage broke.

Beeji is an extremely selfish person. It is shown that she was selfish for only her children but she really dint think about ashok too. They all wanted to live lavishly on his earnings yet she dint think that how he would be living there all alone with no one to share life with and send babita and mini to london. instead she kept them here only so that he would come and visit them to meet them at least. she was selfish only for herself. She did not even think that mini has to live without her father

Babitas parents were the main reason. i would have wanted to know more about them as to when they passed away and why they dint support babita. It would clear out so many things. But HS back story had more details about his parents than Babitas back story had about her parents. Babita wasnt actually given a proper back story other than her married life.

@bold - Do you mean why Babita and Ashok's marriage broke?

Originally posted by: asmaanixx

@bold - Do you mean why Babita and Ashok's marriage broke?

Oh yes Typo error . babita HS are typed more often so the mistake