When I watched HS and Imart's story my heart ached for him. But this episode made me feel far worse for some reason. It really hit me hard.
A New Side to Babes
The episode began with Babita triumphantly telling Minnie that she had made HS realize his mistake, and that he had realized that if he hurt Babita, he would lose her. When would she realize her mistake?
Babita was now sure that he didn't want to lose her or remove her from his life the way Ashok had. Did the same not apply to her?
Minnie quietly listened to her mother's comparisons of both men, her insecurities clearly visible to her daughter. She now realized the full extent of the pain her mother had inflicted upon HS while still being so clueless about what she had done. Babita was convinced that HS had dropped his ego and in doing so, had proved his love for her, but she had missed the whole point. HS did not have any ego issues with respect to apologizing. Sure, he had expected that just as he had overlooked and forgiven Babita's mistakes, she would too but he had understood that it was not to be. He realized that she was not so easy going or quick to forget, and that she wanted him to bend as she tested his love, and her demeaning his affections and testing his love hurt his pride immensely. He still passed the test with flying colors from whichever point of view you looked at it, but in scoring him, Babita had failed her own test. Yet she had no idea that they were both operating at different levels and viewed their relationship and the idea of love quite differently. It was not HS, but Babita who had been hiding behind her ego.
His apology had convinced Babita that HS indeed loved her a lot, and she was so overjoyed that she failed to notice Minnie's expression. One that mirrored the hurt her father must have felt. Babita did not see the tears in her daughter's eyes, nor did she see her turn to the side to wipe them, just as HS had done. The similarity between father and daughter in this regard could not have been more striking. They had both been hurt by what Babita had done, but in their usual protectiveness and walking-on-eggshells mode, they did not express their hurt or allow Babita to see it. As discussed on the forum, this is a very bad behavioral pattern that both father-daughter need to correct, because it was not healthy to sweep things under the rug every time or to bottle up emotions for fear of hurting the person who had hurt you.
Minnie had just seen a side to her mother that she had not expected or experienced before and it made her realize that there were some aspects to her mother's nature that she had yet to discover. After their previous tiff when she had challenged her mother that her ego was the reason for wanting to leave the haveli, she can now connect the dots to this incident and see that Babita does indeed have massive ego issues, which could cause her destroy her own project.
And this.... this is what bothered me so much. Babita was treating HS and their relationship as another project, instead of a living, breathing, human being with emotions and insecurities of his own.
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Bittersweet Poison
Elsewhere, HS sat in the silence of the police station, agonizing over what he had just been through. The dignified Babita he had loved from a distance, who had seemed unattainable until recently, on a closer look appeared to have let her ego rule her common sense, to the point where she had insulted his immense love for her. All that glitters is not gold, could not have been truer in this case. He had always known she had ego issues, had known the source of her insecurities, but had not expected that they would have resulted in her using his own emotions as ammunition against him.
Lala walked in to find him deep in thought, curious as to why he was back at work despite taking time off. He reminded HS of the two gifts that were pending, which alarmed him further.
Ek gift dena bhaari padh gaya, ib dusra na de paonga main.
Oh sir saab, kitne kanjoos ho ji aap. Itna chhota sa dil hai aapka?
Haan, tere sir saab ka itna sa hi dil hai, he said, gesturing with this hands. Isko bohot pyaar se sambhaal ke rakha tha, lekin aaj aise lag raha hai jaise ke andar hi andar kuch mar gaya.
My heart broke at his words and his shrinking hand gesture.
He had indeed locked his pain away for so long and had done his best to protect his fragile heart from further injury. I remember the scene between Lala and him after Ashok left, in which he had indicated that he did not have the patience or the strength to take another major blow. He had somehow endured the loss of Imarti, but would not be able to take another loss.
The woman he had asked to share his life with, to whom he had handed over his heart and now his pushtaini haveli, was still unable to trust the depth of his love for her. Had he not been tested enough over the months, had he not through words and actions demonstrated that he was here to stay?
I think the fact that all this happened on the day of the proposal is what pained him even more. It was as if he too had just fleetingly experienced the rays of the sun before it hid behind the clouds again, bringing some darkness back in his life.
Upon further probing by Lala, HS proceeded to expose the source of his concern. Babita was not a simple woman, straightforward woman. She had a huge ego, one that would put her love at risk.
Ussi pyar ko bachane ke khatir Hanuman Singh ne apna ego daon pe laga diya, apne ahem ko pee gaya.
His ego was not hurt by saying sorry, but by having to accept that the woman he loved could do this to him. It was to save that very love that HS had decided to put his ego on the line, to swallow his pride, to overcome the hurt she had caused by testing his love in that way.
Tu to jaanta hai, tere sir saab ne aise hi prem karna seekha hai.
HS' love was as deep as the oceans, it would withstand all storms and upheavals, but would not waver. It was all or nothing, but his lady love did not feel the same way about him, she did not view their relationship in the same way. HS had to face the fact that Babita had not gone the distance that he had in their imbalanced relationship. Imarti and he had shared an all consuming, selfless, no holds barred kind of love, but his relationship with Babita was not the same. He would have to adapt, and handle things with care, because he felt Babita had neither the experience nor the maturity to deal with the complexities of her past baggage.
He had already seen that she left when he had needed her, because her ego had come first and and today she had issued an ultimatum, placed a condition on the future of their relationship. HS felt that her ego would blind her to her faults or to the delicate nature of their relationship and had the power to destroy their relationship, even at the expense of causing her own self pain. It would not take her a moment to let her ego take precedence over all else. He was afraid of losing her to her ego, with the knowledge that it would only take one instance that outweighed all his sacrifices of his ego for her to leave.
She had not yet moved on from her past, far from it in fact. She had internalized a lot of her pain and frustration for so long and had found some sort of outlet today, with HS bearing the brunt of it. He understood that she was still hurting about the past on some level, that she was still struggling to let go. But isn't that what we often do, unleash our anger and hurt on the people we are close to, even if they may not have been the cause of it?
HS was wise enough to understand that he would need to be patient and show maturity by understanding where she was coming from. He would have to drink the poison that she would spew over time, otherwise it would destroy everything in her surrounding, including her.
Yaar bhagwaan thodi na hoon main, devta na hoon, insaan hoon.
Ib itna zeher apne kanth mein rakhoonga to jiyunga kaise?
He was willing to go the distance if he had to, but was afraid that his very human limitations would make it difficult to endure. Lord Shiva had done it as Neelkantha, but he was a mere mortal with his own flaws and weaknesses who could only handle so much. Was it fair to expect him to drink this poison, and survive it where Lord Shiva himself had battled, and had to be rescued by Parvati? HS did not see a Parvati in sight at that moment, and once again felt the burden of fighting for this relationship on his own. This was a nice throwback to the scene where she talked about amrit manthan and then later when she said she didn't want to get married yet but would want to experience all the flavors in life. As her lover and to-be-husband, he would experience them with her. No one said it was going to always be pleasant.
There was a lot of pain and worry in HS' eyes as his future seemed uncertain to him, the glow of the proposal worn off before the day had ended. I have said a few times that one of his biggest flaws is his over-protectiveness towards Babita, which prevents him from expressing his feelings and his hurt to her, and he ends up making decisions on her behalf, which Lala had warned him against in episode 183. Bottling all this up just makes things toxic and the poison he swallows is likely to poison his entire being and/or seep out in the form of his bitterness or frustration at some point and harm the very woman he is trying to protect. He needs to let Babita decide for herself how to handle his outbursts or his expression of pain or disappointment at her actions, rather than shielding her all the time. It is not healthy for either of them not to communicate things in a timely manner as the more it festers the more it strips them of happiness.
He had tears in his eyes, knowing that Babita was still holding his previous words against him. She had not started this new journey with a clean slate but wanted to move on by making him ask for forgiveness. Imati's breath was mixed with his and here he didn't want to breathe the same air as her because he felt suffocated.
This scene deserves mighty applause for many reasons. One, it puts a hole in the deification of MLs on screen, depicts them as the mere mortals they are with their own insecurities. They are going to make mistakes, and have moments of weaknesses, they are going to hurt themselves and others, will cry tears of frustration and angst, will have scars that run deep that may never heal, and will have to fight a new battle against their pride and emotions every single day. The constant struggle to overcome obstacles will take a toll on them, so we must not expect perfection of them. Men like HS are heroes not because they have super powers, endless patience, or the answers to everything. They are heroes because they know their weaknesses and are willing to put themselves out there despite the civil wars between their hearts and minds.
Two, it breaks stereotypes in showing that men do feel pain too and can be just as sensitive as women are. Their social conditioning unfortunately teaches them not to show their emotions or shed tears, which makes them feel suffocated. This is surely detrimental to their mental and emotional well-being. I am glad they showed him talking about his sensitive heart with Lala, and even better, they showed that there are men like Lala who are there to listen, to understand the struggles that their (male) friends feel. He has also been raised in the same society with the same conditioning I mentioned before, has seen HS go through some of the toughest moments of his life, and can offer constant moral support as his friend. He is probably the only one who can calm HS down because HS has given him that right. I am glad Lala and HS have each other. and I know if Lala were ever in trouble, HS would be there for him and even give his life for him without a second thought. I wanted to hug Lala for his depth of understanding in this scene and I do hope we get to see this bond tested one day.
Three, a person must make his or her own decisions when choosing a life partner, and if you go into a relationship knowing about the major hurdles ahead of time, then you must have the conviction to stand by your partner no matter what, with the understanding that there will be peaks and troughs. Today, HS acknowledged this, as well his own fears about not always being able to handle the turbulence ahead, but that did not break his resolve to be the partner that Babita needed him to be. It saddened me that he had such a heavy heart, not at all the spirit with which he should be marrying Babita. He needed to clear things with her or wait to get married until things were resolved, otherwise he will self-destruct someday. It should not sound like a suicide mission.
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Dear Diary
Sitting on the balcony, Minnie reflected upon the day's events, looking at things from both parents' perspective. Minnie was mature for her age, had seen a lot in recent times that had made her grow up quicker than she should have. She had always been sensitive to other people and their emotions, especially to Babita's and had often taken them at face value. There had been a lot of ups and downs that she had to deal with on the spot, but it was only now, with the stability she felt as a child because of HS, when things were slowing down a bit, that she had the time to really analyze events and emotions. In the past, she had looked at things mainly from her mother's point of view, but now that she understood her father better, she could not help but consider his too. The two people she loved most were in a situation of conflict and she did not know how to feel about not being able to automatically side with her mother this time, whom she claimed was her best friend.
Here, I would point out that Minnie's notion of 'best friend' needs to be reviewed. She considered Babita her best friend, but I would rather say that she was Babita's best friend. Yes, she shared a lot of things with her mother, but her mother had not always been there for her, neither as a friend, nor as a parent when it came to her emotional needs. Until recently, she had to be Babita's mother and had to hide things that a child should not hide from a parent. It was only when HS came into her life that she found an adult who she could trust and look to for guidance, who had the maturity to understand her and wisdom to correct her ways. Today, she could not turn to him since the matter involved him too, so she resorted to sharing her feelings with her diary, starting off with saying her mother was her best friend, as if to justify her need to write to the diary about her mother instead of sharing her feelings directly with Babita. Her mother had gone down a path she could not follow, it was beyond reach and level of maturity to deal with. Minnie also realized that she could not solve all her problems, that grown ups had to deal with their issues themselves.
I don't know if Minnie had always written in her diary as a child, at least I don't remember seeing this, but on a day like this she penned the jumbled thoughts in her head in order to make sense of them. Perhaps putting them on paper would help ease some of her internal turmoil and see things better. She was suddenly faced with the prospect of seeing her mother in a different light, especially the size and impact of her ego. She had subconsciously picked up on it in previous incidents, but had never taken stock of it until today, when it had reared its ugly head in front of her.
She had previously expected that once her damsel-in-distress mother found her hero, her prince charming, he would rescue her from the demons of her past with Ashok, sweep her off her feet and they would live happily ever after, just like in fairy tales. That was not quite was happening of late. Right from the beginning she had compared HS and Ashok, and their respective behavior towards her and her mother. The more vile Ashok seemed, the more HS' words and actions appeared in stark contrast. Ashok had been the black and Babita the white. That concept no longer seemed to hold. If she were to compare her parents, then HS appeared white, but did that mean Babita was black? No, that could not be. There was a spectrum and today her mother's ego put her on the dark gray end.
Poonam's words echoed in her mind, and all the recent incidents helped Minnie connect the dots but increased her worry. Would her mother's ego put cracks in her relationship with HS? Would she destroy her own project this time too?
Alarmed by this very thought, she furiously crossed out what she had written in her diary, almost afraid that once written down, her concerns would become tangible, tempting fate to make them come true. She ripped out the page from her diary, as if it were no longer part of her collection of thoughts, as if to erase the incident and the emotion that had prompted her to write everything down. She threw away the crumpled piece of paper, took a deep breath to calm herself down, and resolved to write anew with positive thoughts, going back to focusing solely on her mother and her happiness again. She was back to feeling entitled on behalf of her mother, dreaming about her happiness, and their picture-perfect little family that she had described when she first confronted him about the audio
The imagery was interesting here. The page of your diary may be removed, but what you wrote on it leaves behind an impression on the following pages. Similarly, we may try to pretend as if certain events in our lives never happened or try and ignore them, but they still leave an impression on our hearts and minds.
But when you ink positive thoughts over those impressions, then perhaps the pages of your diary have a new story to tell, as in real life? The last time Minnie had ripped a page from her diary, she had "hid" it by submerging it in the water jug, yet the ink had spread into the water and the various colors had opened her eyes to the possibility of pyar ke rang in her mother's life. Minnie wanted to ignore "the truth" for now and think positive. She would let her trust in HS take care of some of her concerns. She was going to enjoy the moment, as though by writing about future events with hope, she would will them to happen the way she dreamed they would.
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Most Gorgeous Girl
The next morning, Babita was selecting clothes for herself but her eyes searched for HS. Minnie understood and went to call him just as he was about to leave for work. As an indulgent father HS wanted Minnie to choose a dhain lehenga. She was the most gorgeous girl and she must look the best. He looked at her with so much fatherly love and admiration as he said:
Dekh, tu na, most gorgeous girl hai, manne pata hai.
Lekin phir bhi na, tu sab se achha dhain wala jo ho na, woh lehenga choli waisa hi tu pasand karna.
Tu sab mein sab mein aisi lagni chahiye ekdum se bilkul sabse badiya.
This was a very interesting point to note. I can speak from experience observing some men who raise daughters. Suddenly as a parent, they become aware of all the little girly things, choosing clothes, hair accessories and with age, make up, jewelry, etc. HS hasn't had the chance, he was not there as Minnie was growing up, and now with the festivities coming up he would be faced with such things. Where previously he had never commented on what she wore, today, as a father he was expressing his wish to see his daughter outshine everyone else.
He did, however, feel uncomfortable at the idea of choosing clothes for her, since he had no clue about all these ladies' matters, telling her to ask Babita to choose for her.
On hearing that Babita herself was sulking and unable to choose, his curiosity was piqued. Even after Minnie told him Babita was looking for his opinion, HS seemed reluctant to join in. It was sad to see him that way, avoiding his lady love and not interested in going to her.
Minnie told him she knew what had happened, but requested him to not take her mother's words to heart. Her mother had not meant to hurt him deliberately but Minnie did not know the full story.
Her mother was not always mature, and she did not always know was she was doing. For now she needed HS and Minnie was requesting him to support her mother. She was on his team, together they would work things out and help Babita get the happiness she deserved.
Aniruddh was excellent portraying HS' expression changing from reluctance to one where his eyes were brimming with love and admiration for the maturity and positivity his daughter was exuding. She may not know the details but she understood he was hurting. She wanted him to put that aside and of course he could never turn her down. At one point he would have to turn her down though, especially where it went against his principles or self-respect.
Sunn, tu sach mein most gorgeous girl hai mhaari, overcome with emotion that he tried to hide from her by putting his sunglasses on. As she dashed back inside, he removed them to reveal his concern and hesitation.
What about HS' happiness regarding this wedding? Minnie had not focused on it but will have to at some point. I loved HS even more for his ability to put his feelings aside and do what it took to make his daughter happy.
As Babita tried on various materials, there was a role reversal as HS tapped the spoon on the cutlery holder to indicate his approval or disapproval. That was a first for him, and it was telling that where it had previously been HS who would ask the questions and Babita would respond this way, now Babita was asking the questions, and he responded this way, going all silent. Minnie had written in her diary that she wanted her mother to bloom, but in the process HS had started withering. I hated seeing him all subdued, but at least he was trying to be there for Babita, openly admiring her as she tried on various chunaris, extremely liking her in the magenta one. I love the nod that he gave when she put that on.
HS had decided not to give Babita the chunari he had bought for her, but in a way he had ended up gifting her a few chunaris of his choice, if you know what I mean. Minnie was extremely pleased as this also ticked off another box in her list of things that would make her mother's fairy tale come true. I found it strange that there was so much preparation going on without a wedding date even being discussed.
The kids teased Khatri's choice of band baja baraat soundtrack, and opted for Ankhon ki gustakhiyan. Not that it was suitable for a wedding but Minnie was still in her fairy tale world. Her choice of soundtrack was ironic in that it was indeed the ankhon ki gustakhiyan that had helped their parents form a bond. Minnie wanted nothing but the best for her mother, no matter what the cost (literally). In all this dhoom dhaam, the sound of HS and his heart would be unheard.
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Pre-cap
Khatri was his usual mocking self, what more could you expect from him? The wedding would be incomplete without his taunts.
PS, finally decided to post this. The episode deserved a deeper analysis. Thanks for your patience in reading this, and to all the silent readers, I would love it if you hit Like (if you did like it, that is). I know many of you have requested me to resume writing, so it would be nice to know that you are reading my posts. It is very motivating, especially since I have been feeling down the last couple of weeks with events on the show and the challenges the team and the PH have been facing.
Vasudha
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