*Trigger warning: death.
I know we have a happy ShiVi phase, but I felt like writing something apart from mush and deep conversations, and came up with this. Something I've been wanting to write for a very long time, but didn't have the heart to.
My heart still aches from writing this, so it's not proof read.
Would love to read your opinions on this piece!
P.S Me Before You is my painstakingly favourite film.
Also, this piece is inspired by the song Dos Orugitas from Encanto, where the song speaks about two caterpillars falling in love before having to let go of one another.
Linking it below, do listen to it before you read the drabble below.
....
Raavi walked into the hospital room, for what felt like the nth time in the day, with a bottle of water and a plate of food for Shiva, who was chilling on his hospital bed. He flashed his smile that made her melt everytime, even though she knew he felt weak.
But this time, she knew she'd probably be seeing that smile for the last time, after what the doctor said.
"Hey." She set her belongings on the table beside his bed, and sat down next to him, eyes red from all the crying outside the room.
"Hi." Shiva smiled cheekily, holding her hand, and all Raavi could think was how she'd never feel this warmth again.
Her lips quivered, as her tears resurfaced and trailed down her cheek, hands holding on tightly to his, her last hope.
"Hey, hey." He said softly, and she shifted closer to him, her feet tucked under her as he scooched over to make place for her. "Stop crying."
"I can't. I can't, Shiva." Raavi sniffled, wiping her tears with the side of her palm. "It hurts. Please don't go."
"Aye my chipkali, look at me." Shiva kept his hand on her cheek, wiping away her tears as she looked at him, the pain in her eyes hurting him more than he knew.
"You knew this was going to happen, didn't you? Don't hurt yourself like this." He said, and she bit her lip, refusing to let her sobs escape, her tears betraying her.
"I like living in denial, okay? What will you do about it?" Raavi complained, making him chuckle.
All she could wonder was, how was he so brave, so happy.
"Nothing. Nothing at all, my love." Shiva smiled, and she hated how her heart was cracking a bit more, by the minute.
Raavi leaned forward, kissing his forehead, his cheeks his nose and rested her forehead against his, her tears leaving her cheek and reaching his.
"Mat jaa na, please. Please." She pleaded, kissing his lips once and then again, tasting her tears against his lips.
"Tujhe lagta hai mere liye ye aasaan hai, the thought of leaving you alone? It's not, chipkali. It's really not." He caressed her cheek with his thumb, tilting his head up to kiss her again. "But I want to go a happy man, my love. Do me a favour?"
"Anything. Anything for you, bhoothnath." Raavi whispered, because it was true. She'd give him anything he wanted, anything at all.
"Stop crying. Wipe your tears. I don't like the thought of you crying when I'm not there to wipe your tears away. For my sake, chipkali?"
Raavi sat up straight, her doe-like eyes filled with unshed tears, looking at her husband, with all the courage and love she could muster.
That's all he asked for. For her tears to cease, when he was the one giving them to her. It should have been easy, but it wasn't. Not for one second.
But she looked at him again, and knew she'd do anything to see him happy. All she wanted was to see him happy, happier than they had been in the last few years, figuring out life and exploring the world together, side by side.
So Raavi turned around, wiped away every single tear in her eyes, silently willing herself to not cry anymore. She didn't want to hurt him more than he had been. She just wanted a few happy moments with him.
Moments she wanted to cherish and add to her core memories of being with Shiva. So that she could come back to them, whenever she missed him.
And when she turned back around, she gave him the brightest smile she could muster, so that he could make a core memory for himself.
"That's my girl." Shiva whispered, entwining his fingers with hers. He could see that her eyes were red, and she was trying so hard to keep it together. For him. Only for him.
"I know, mai bohot acchi hoon. Itni bhi tareef mat kar." She joked, and he chuckled.
"I want to tell you something, and don't interrupt me, alright?" Shiva croaked, and Raavi nodded.
"I wanted to grow old with you. But, I guess that plan is out of the window. So, listen to me. I want you to live. Be that stupid, annoying bandariya that I fell in love with, annoy the hell out of the people of Somnath with your never-ending stories of our love, go on that trip to Australia you've always wanted to go and eat those disgusting hot dogs from a cart. But most importantly, promise me one thing? I want you to find love again. And-"
"I won't stop loving you, you absolute moron." Raavi slapped his arm, at the verge of tears already.
"IF and when you find love again, don't be guilty. You deserve to be happy. Don't worry about our families, just listen to your heart, okay? Don't feel guilty, and don't sit to think 'what would Shiva say?' because you know what I would."
"I love you, darling. So much that I want you to be happy when I'm gone. I have not regretted one moment that I've spent with you. I have cherished every single memory I've made with you, all the times I made love to you, all the times we sat under the starry night sky and just talked until the sun coloured the sky in its hues. I don't think I've loved anyone more than I have loved you, and I will cherish you wherever I am, even if we are miles apart."
"Because," Shiva held her hand, the same tears he asked her to stop shedding, making way down his cheeks, "You are scored on my heart, my chipkali. Ever since I've met you, so many years ago, with your ridiculously chipku behaviour, your toothy smile, your terrible jokes, and your complete inability to hide anything you felt. I don't want you to get sad thinking about me. Just live well. Just live. Because I'll be there every step of the way, my love."
Raavi's heart cried out for him. The thought of not being able to see him everyday, his stupid jokes, his anger that would melt the moment he saw her, killed her. She was going to miss him, he was a part of her life ever since she understood what people meant.
"Tu," Raavi croaked, her eyes red with emotion, swallowing all the emotions that clogged up her throat, because she promised him she wouldn't cry, "Tu pehle khud bolta hai ro mat, and then make me cry. This is not fair, bhoothnath. Not done."
"Everything is fair in love and war, meri jaan." Shiva smiled, and Raavi hugged his hand to her chest, her chin rating on their clasped hands.
"We were supposed to have babies together." She whispered, closing her eyes not wanting him to see the pain she was in. "3 squishy babies and one puppy. We were going to have babies."
"I'm sorry, Raavi. Bas ye ek vaada nahi nibha paaya. Next time, I promise." Shiva looked at her, and she knew he was right. Because Shiva Pandya never breaks promises. "But you can still adopt a baby, and name her Shivina or something, meri yaad mein."
"I don't like that name. Shiva, you have bad choices. I like Aashna. It means hope. And you, my love, are my hope."
Shiva reached out to caress her neck, tugging her closer and kissing her, he wanted her know he'll always love her. "Anything you want, Raavi. Anything you want."
"Shiva. I want to go to sleep in your arms tonight." Raavi wished he wouldn't ask her why, her last thread of hope ready to snap.
"Come here." Shiva pulled her into his arms, knowing how much she needed this. She was his strong chipkali, he was going to miss her.
Raavi rested her head where she could hear his steady heartbeat, as his arms tightly held her to himself, her body and mind seeking the warmth she always looked forward to.
They laid like that for God knows how long, Shiva dropping kisses to her head and Raavi pressing kisses to his chest, both not wanting this to end.
"I love you so much, Shiva. So much."
"I love you, Raavi. You are my everything."
And as his heartbeat dwindled and faded away, Raavi let all the piled up emotions in her chest escape, her hands clutching onto his shirt, his arms still around her as she sobbed into his chest, sobbed until she couldn't anymore, because she knew;
He wouldn't be there to wipe them away. She kept her end of the promise, hoping he'd keep up the end of his.
Bigg Boss 19
Bade Achhe Lagte Hain
