Aik Sitam Aur(Thread 5) Usama Khan, Anmol Baloch (ARY) - Page 59

Let me say this how balanced Aik Sitam aur threads are without any negativity, no fights. We have our share of roast sessions, some powerful conversations, discussing all the characters with different views, fun off screen shipping, drooling over male and female lead., discussing other shows. Just love it.

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

it is complicated. so I remember vaguely this movie from the 70s about this woman who goes to work and all the issues that happen at home. this was probably early when more women were joining the workforce. so she struggles with setting boundaries with her boss, trying to manage her housework as well as fighting with her egoistic husband. she quits because she is so stressed. but then her husband is forced to come around because they are financially strapped. he ends up having to tone down his ego and tells her to go to work while he takes care of home. it ended with both being rather miserable. basically he was miserable that he had failed as a man to be able to provide for the home and she felt miserable because she actually didn't want to work and wanted to be housewife. so it was an interesting take but it was also a reminder that ultimately this is about feelings. many of these women-men struggles are really about feeling wanted, feeling needed and feeling like they have done the role that society expects of them.

I will be honest -- I have no idea what on earth people mean when they say these new age words like "patriachy" -- from my experience, every culture, every tribe, the equation changes and it is far more complex and it isn't necessarily comparable. there are certain communities where the women have no voice but a blanket word like patriachy just doesn't sit right with me.

so let me explain -- I had this conversation with a coworker once and he came a from a community that would have been termed patriachal. however, the picture was far more complex. he said he made no decisions at home -- that was all his mom or his elder sister or wife. so there was a huge tug of war between these 3 women and his job was to stay put and watch. he didn't feel like he had a voice or say even though for name sake, he was the head of the house. so he argued that people have such a wrong perception of his culture when they don't realize how much power these women have.

more thoughts on another post.... let me go get my tea! 😊

I will start with the word “patriarchy “. It means in my opinion rules set up. As an example the US constitution- written by all men that didn’t even allow women to vote. Women rebelled, marched and were allowed right to vote. You then have the current Roe v Wade where set of Justice majority of them men decided whether a woman has a right to choose or not.

A society where scale of balance is uneven and leans more in favour of a man is patriarchal - be in mindset of one individual or a community. In India marital rape is not a criminal offence as it is not even considered a rape. In Canada healthcare doesn’t benefit females equally and workplace inequality is very obvious.

Of course there will be homes which prefers a woman’s perspective over a man or a place where man is sidelined. Both are wrong as it should be about balance. You want to stay single - your choice, you want to marry - your choice, you want same sex relationship- your choice, you want to divorce- your choice, you want a child - your choice, and you want an abortion - your choice. This would be ideal but not everyone agrees with this and I don’t expect that they should but when one set makes up rules for other gender to follow that in my mind is patriarchal or matriarchal.

So yes in essence every society has its patriarchal and matriarchal element but it’s more visible in middle east and South Asia where choice is taken away.

Originally posted by: spnfan

I don't know his drama with his first 2 wives but my insta feed was filled with his 3rd wife drama. He literally married an 18-19yr old girl. I guess she is younger than his children. Then showed her off like some kind of trophy to the public. I guess they even posted some gross photos together.

Then something happened and he divorced her or she left him or something and they started throwing dirt at one another. He called her a prostitute and leaked some of her private chats or pics. Then she went one step ahead and posted his nude videos.

Then he died and everyone is blaming that he died because the girl leaked his private videos. They are blaming a 19yr old girl for ruining the life of a 50yr old guy.

Sure she was in the wrong but he wasn't a saint either.

Some male celebs like Feroze Khan is blaming feminism for this.

I think only farhan saeed had the audacity to say that people shouldn't troll the girl over his death.

ONG this Aamir seems like a character. Good on Farhan for taking a stand and good on the girl for standing her ground.

I will have to read about it I don’t know who he was. Why do people do that I don’t know.

Originally posted by: Renee.Clare

Let me say this how balanced Aik Sitam aur threads are without any negativity, no fights. We have our share of roast sessions, some powerful conversations, discussing all the characters with different views, fun off screen shipping, drooling over male and female lead., discussing other shows. Just love it.

I love this thread and I love hearing other perspectives. It is honestly enlightening to hear about other cultures and mindset. Really cool to hear about Priya’s and Mango’s views 😊👍👍

Originally posted by: vibha28

ONG this Aamir seems like a character. Good on Farhan for taking a stand and good on the girl for standing her ground.

I will have to read about it I don’t know who he was. Why do people do that I don’t know.

I think his 3rd wife wasn't exactly in the right and was an attention seeker but then she was barely an adult when she got married off to a 50somthing guy. Cannot really blame it on her entirely.

Farhan Saeed seems to be the very few guys that actually come off as progressive.

Originally posted by: vibha28

This is an excellent take - thank you for shedding the light. Again I look at it from my western mindset.

The opposites are so stark isn’t? Here if you don’t work that means you need help and support. Girl or guy they are supposed to be independent. So it’s interesting that other side of the coin is majority don’t work and are housewives.

So it all comes back to the patriarchal society where rules are men made and women basically just says okay and those who do question it gets labeled as bad or unworthy?

(sorry to quote again but just making it easier for reference for myself to collect my thoughts)

so not sure if you are aware of this data -- basically after every economic revolution where more women joined the workforce, you had rising number of divorces. this happens everywhere in the world. so after WWII, the number of divorces dramatically rose. basically all these women were brought in to work in factories as part of their patriotic duty as the men were fighting away. then the men came back and the women were expected to go back home. however, having access to money and being able to make financial choices for yourself means that you are no longer willing to tolerate certain BS. the pushback means more relationship breakdowns and more divorces. also there is a spike in divorces after every financial recession. whenever there is large scale layoffs and men are unemployed, home can become a battleground. he feels like he has failed and she may feel that he is not doing enough -- conflict leading to divorce.

with my experience, most people whether men or women hate being questioned. it is why social media is so freaking toxic and some fans are absurd. no one is allowed to have a different view and immediately are labeled as something. very few people are able to sit and hear each other out. that is what happens in some of these communities, the working women having her own opinion is seen as a problem. she is seen as disturbing the status quo. ultimately, it is not the men who have the problem but rather the women -- the mother-in-law and sister -- who are the ruling authority in the house. so a different take is seen as declaration of war and her working is used as a label to bring her down and take down her opinion.

that said, in many ITV dramas, there will be women characters who are working and instead much of the drama is about how to have a work life balance while battling the status quo at home.

Originally posted by: spnfan

I think his 3rd wife wasn't exactly in the right and was an attention seeker but then she was barely an adult when she got married off to a 50somthing guy. Cannot really blame it on her entirely.

Farhan Saeed seems to be the very few guys that actually come off as progressive.

To blame a young girl for an old man’s death is horrible. Maybe they were both wrong but he died on his own unless she killed him then that would be wrong.

Farhan is very progressive he is also very honest and a no nonsense type man. I do like him for his views.

Originally posted by: vibha28

I will start with the word “patriarchy “. It means in my opinion rules set up. As an example the US constitution- written by all men that didn’t even allow women to vote. Women rebelled, marched and were allowed right to vote. You then have the current Roe v Wade where set of Justice majority of them men decided whether a woman has a right to choose or not.

A society where scale of balance is uneven and leans more in favour of a man is patriarchal - be in mindset of one individual or a community. In India marital rape is not a criminal offence as it is not even considered a rape. In Canada healthcare doesn’t benefit females equally and workplace inequality is very obvious.

Of course there will be homes which prefers a woman’s perspective over a man or a place where man is sidelined. Both are wrong as it should be about balance. You want to stay single - your choice, you want to marry - your choice, you want same sex relationship- your choice, you want to divorce- your choice, you want a child - your choice, and you want an abortion - your choice. This would be ideal but not everyone agrees with this and I don’t expect that they should but when one set makes up rules for other gender to follow that in my mind is patriarchal or matriarchal.

So yes in essence every society has its patriarchal and matriarchal element but it’s more visible in middle east and South Asia where choice is taken away.

I was surprised at the fact that Indian constitution is way more pro-women than US constitution.

I have read somewhere that it was illegal to breast feed a child in public in some states in the US until few years ago. I don't know if it's true or not but i grew up seeing women breast feed on buses in a conservative society like Kerala.

Also abortion laws in India are way more lenient and the woman don't even need the permission of the husband if she wants an abortion. There is a Malayalam movie called Sara's where the girl didn't want a child and the doctor instead of emotionally manipulating her( which we see in a lot of movies and dramas) just simply told her, her rights over her body. He said if it's not planned then she can abort it and she don't even need her husband's permission according to Indian laws.

Originally posted by: vibha28

I love this thread and I love hearing other perspectives. It is honestly enlightening to hear about other cultures and mindset. Really cool to hear about Priya’s and Mango’s views 😊👍👍

I am having lots of fun with these conversations ❤️❤️

in many forums, I tend to be lone ranger because my view is neither here nor there. as my manager once said, "everyone will be saying left or right and she will come in say southwest and leave the conversation and we are all freaking confused." 🤣🤣🤣

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

I am having lots of fun with these conversations ❤️❤️

in many forums, I tend to be lone ranger because my view is neither here nor there. as my manager once said, "everyone will be saying left or right and she will come in say southwest and leave the conversation and we are all freaking confused." 🤣🤣🤣

i absolutely love your point of views. I love how you come with different examples to explain certain things. I wont lie, when i used to silently visit the first thread of ASA, i was super impressed with your posts. One of the reasons i could not stop initiating conversations in the ASA thread. Thank you ♥