*From To Sathish* - Thread 3 - Page 76

Redemption-157


"One day you meet someone and for some inexplicable reason, you feel more connected to this stranger than anyone else--closer to them than your closest family. Perhaps this person carries within them an angel--one sent to you for some higher purpose; to teach you an important lesson or to keep you safe during a perilous time. What you must do is trust in them--even if they come hand in hand with pain or suffering--the reason for their presence will become clear in due time."

Though here is a word of warning,you may grow to love this person but remember they are not yours to keep. Their purpose isn't to save you but to show you how to save yourself. And once this is fulfilled; the halo lifts and the angel leaves their body as the person exits your life.
They will be a stranger to you once more.? Lang Leav, Love & Misadventure


Faith,magic,love and Redemption

Having bathed and feeling much fresher and cleaner with the robes of the monks covering him,Rudran gazed at the little food that was placed for him on the table and looked at the chief monk.

'Bhante,i was under the impression that all buddhists are pure and strict vegetarians and yet here i see dried fish on my plate along with rice and vegetables.'

' child,dietary habits vary with each sect and we belong to the Theravada sect of Buddhism in which we are allowed to eat whatever that pleases us but as long as we don't kill them.These sparse amounts of fish and chicken are given to us by some of the tribals who live nearby and we by ourselves don't fish or hunt lives.Most of us who are here belong to the same area and forest and are directly related to all the forest dwellers who live quietly and secretly shunning the outside world.They come once every three days and lay their offerings of rice,fruits,vegetables and dried fish at out door and that is how this monastery has survived for nearly 500 years,secretly and under the radar of other monasteries.'

Rudran slowly ate the food that was offered to him and then feeling a sudden pang of guilt looked at Buddha ' sorry my friend,i totally forgot about you.please come sit near me and let us share what has been offered.'

Buddha smiled and whispered in rudran's soul ' don't worry about me for my spirit and being works on a different energy and principle and if needed so can you.But more of that for later for now you need to eat and gather your energy and learn about your roots and your ancestors.'

Rudran turned to the old monk ' teacher,you mentioned about the great "Luang Pu Thuat" and that he lived about 500 years ago and that he performed miracles.well,seeing him in person after many centuries is a miracle by itself for the only other person who was raised from the dead was " Lazarus" and that act was by the very son of God himself.But this "Luang Pu Thuat" met me and drove me in a vehicle and walked with me through the forest.Even for such a holy and powerful monk such as him,that sounds a very tall order indeed.For a layman like me,i find that totally hard to believe although i must admit that the past few weeks have been a magical and mystery ride.Please,how is all this possible and what is really going on?'

The monk sighed ' son,every life on earth that was,is and will ever be is governed by its genes and its DNA.But when we rise from the lower forms of life to that of actual higher class of animals such as birds,reptiles and mammals we find that it is their brains that are the governing factor in how long each life survives.But to make it more simple,a human being through various known and secret techniques of meditation and yoga can control his brain and its secretions and thus controlling his Genes and DNA that start to die off.It really is just a delaying process of the ultimate and inevitable end called death.But coming to the great master " Luang Pu Thuat" something else gave him that energy and that something was that pendant that now lies on your chest.'

Rudran slowly removed the pendant and closely examined it and soon found vague markings that resembled a certain portion of the night sky.

' Who gave this pendant to that great master and why?'

The old monk shrugged ' I know who but i have no clue as to why but i can fathom the answer and that is that the great master deserved it.'

Rudran smiled ' come on,answer the question please,who?'

'Legend has it that the miracles done by " Luang Pu Thuat" started sometime during his latter part of years and then he disappeared and he came here and established a new monastery.This is the time when the story of this monastery starts and it began with the great master and the holy mother,the Bhikshuni called Thenmozhi.'

Rudran's lips mouthed the word Thenmozhi and he looked at the old monk ' the same lady again and again.But what i don't understand is what a lady from the pandyan kingdom is doing here and how she made her way to this land across this mighty sea.'

The old monk stood up ' for that you need to go into the holy mothers resting place and i am sorry to say that,one can enter only if the door opens by its own wish.After the great master Luang Pu Thuat.none are alive who have been into the holy mothers cave and it is a walk that you have to take by yourself.Come,i will lead you there.'

Rudran stood up ' about time that we got to the bottom of all this mystery and legend.'

Seeing the giant cat still lying in the floor, ' you are not coming?'

Buddha the tiger ' no,this moment is for you and for you alone and it is something only you can know and understand.'

Rudran followed the chief monk and the rest of the monks followed them both but at a distance.Soon they came to another flight of stairs and the chief monk pointed to them ' son,these steps lead up to the home of the Holy mother and you have to climb them all by yourself.'

Taking a deep breath,Rudran placed his foot on the first step and the visions came in a burst of energy and the sudden burst of light in his brain shook him to his core and he placed his hands on both sides of the rock that covered the steps and held himself as vision after vision hit him and Rudran saw everything and as his feet moved up the stairs,his mind was transported to another time,to another world and to the time of Azhagan and Thenmozhi.The battlefield lay before him and Rudran stood watching as history unfolded before his eyes and mind.History lay before him as a great,unknown and a forgotten story opened its pages and thus it begins.

I am Thenmozhi.I am also called the Holy mother and these are my final moments of my life as the next life beckons me.

Where once was light
Now darkness falls
Where once was love
Love is no more

Don't say -- goodbye
Don't say -- I didn't try...

These tears i cry
Are falling rain
And i will weep
For i am so alone
I am lost!
I can never go home

the song of Gollum from the film The Two towers,second part of The lord of the rings.

Just before the story of Thenmozhi begins,i thought it would help to go back to where it starts although it is the end of the last story.Funny one ending and a new beginning.Sometimes,it is nice to recollect the past and freshen our memories and thoughts of the characters that came and went and of those that still linger on.


The boy who went into the dark and came back with light

Everyone saw everything that happened and thought it happened in a split second for azhagan it was like in slow motion.He absorbed Thenmozhis thought and Rajendra cholans intentions and he moved just as they moved.Yet,in that one instant,in that one moment,in that micro second he knew he had to save malar for more than her it was the new life that he wanted to protect.He wanted to protect the new life,not because it was his but it was innocent and had nothing to do with what was happening outside its mothers womb.

Azhagan moved,moved as fast as light,faster than the arrow from thenmozhis bow and he reached malar as the arrow reached them.He took the arrow in his bare chest and it plunged deep into his body ( instantly fatal to an ordinary man).In the next second azhagan raced towards kulashekaran pandyan but he was too late to stop all the arrows.

The first arrow hit kulashekaran in his right arm (not fatal),the second hit him in his chest( fatal but still minutes before life ebbed out),the third hit him in his neck( fatal as blood pumped out of the carotid artery) and the fourth hit Azhagan in the back ( fatal for an ordinary mortal).

Kulashekaran screamed in pain and in anger at the betrayal and azhagan roared in anger at both thenmozhi and rajendra cholan.

Rajendra cholan reached for his trumpet and blew a note signalling to the rest of the army to charge and kill Azhagan.

Thousands of soldiers ran towards the group brandishing spears and swords.

Maravarman pandyan stood frozen in shock seeing his brother and his king lying on the ground mortally wounded and then his heart raced as his body pumped adrenaline and his limbs moved fast,really fast an in one movement he unsheathed his sword and in the same fluid movement he chopped rajendra cholans head clean off his body.It flew dripping blood still not knowing it was dead and his brain still focused and thinking of azhagan.

The arms still held the trumpet with which he had signalled his army to attack azhagan and his people.

All this happened in under 30 seconds and now the poison hit azhagan and he roared in pain and then the beast was unleashed.The flames leapt out and the whole place lit up like the face of the sun,brighter than the sun as azhagan's body fought against the poison that was eating into his body.


The skies thundered and everyone looked up into the overcast clouds as a huge shadow fell over the battle ground and the clouds roared mightily and then the clouds cleared as if they were swept away by a broom.

It hung in the skies,a huge machine with weird lights flashing and everyone wondered how it hung there motionless and then they realised that the gods were descending from the skies,at least that is how it looked for all those who were not aware of what the machine was or who came out of it as it landed softly on the ground.

The machine landed and the doors slid open and strange lights came rushing out of the doors.everyone stood frozen in fear,shock and in awe and the huge army of rajendra cholan stopped itself in its tracks.

One light rushed towards into the blazing roaring lights that Azhagan was throwing all around and it was getting hotter and intense by the passing second.

Nothing happened for a minute and then slowly the lights and fire slowly died down and in the middle stood a weakened Azhagan and holding him was the form in the light.Slowly the forms covering the light vanished and everyone saw a strange looking creature that looked like a human being but it was not for there were many differences.This being was tall and very slim and with a slightly greenish tinge to its skin.

Azhagan looked at the being next to him " father,you were late.You are always late."

Azhagan shrugged the arms that was holding him up and slowly stumbled towards kulashkekaran pandyan who lay dying on the ground.

Malar held the wound in his neck tightly shut with her palms and yet it the blood kept pumping out.

Azhagan gently took him in his lap and both warriors looked at each other with tears in their eyes.

Azhagan whispered softly " my king,my lord,my father, i have failed you.Please forgive me."

Kulashekaran pandyan coughed blood and gently touched azhagan's cheek " my child,you have not failed me but have gifted me a great honor.You have given me a chance to be born again and die again here in your lap.I can now go with my head raised before my ancestors and proclaim that i have won back their honor that they had lost so many centuries ago.I die happy,bleeding as a king and a warrior should do and i die in your arms.this is the greatest gift my god has bestowed upon me.I see you are different from us but know this that there is only thing that binds all of us even if our forms,creed,races are different and that is love and that is light.You are the brightest light.I love you"

Azhagan roared his tears and roared his anger as he held the dead kings body in his arms.the pain he felt was unbearable for it reminded him of he had held his mother as she died in his arms.His mighty body shuddered in grief and then the flames roared out and raced out of his body and formed a cocoon around him.

He stood with the dead kings body in his arms and then the flames exploded and the body was turned to ashes.

Azhagan stood quietly and then slowly turned towards thenmozhi and his face thundered as anger and rage blazed in both eyes.

Thenmozhi whimpered first and then she screamed in pain and collapsed inside the chariot.

Maravarman pandyan tried to run to her help but Azhagan held him and asked him to stay still.Maravarman pandyan did not know what to do but listen for it looked like azhagan would have burnt him to ashes if he had not done so.

The screams from thenmozhi split the air and Azhagan slowly walked towards thenmozhis chariot and gently lifted the baby that she had delivered.Bright orange flames leapt out of the new borns body and swiftly azhagan walked towards malar and gave his hand and gently raised her.

She held his arm and slowly they started walking towards the machine that had landed near them.

Azhagan stopped near Maravarman pandyan " My king,i hope you rule wisely as kulashekaran pandyan did.unite the lands and treat everyone as your own.Make us proud and be worthy of all those who have sacrificed themselves for this moment.I will return one day."

Azhagan and malar slowly walked into the machine with the baby gently cradled in his left arm and he was amazed to see the new born had the same markings as he did.

Azhagan whispered " Kulashekaran,you will be called Kulashekaran pandyan."

The machine slowly lifted itself off from the ground and silently rose higher and higher and vanished into the skies.

Redemption-158

enge vazhkai thodangum, adhu enge evvidham mudiyum,
idhuthaan paadhai idhuthaan payanam, enbadhu yaarukum theriyadhu
paadhaiyellam maarivarum, payanam mudindhuvidhum,
maarudhalai purindhukondal, mayakam thelindhuvidhum

ninaipathellam nadandhuvittal deivam edhumillai,
nadandhadhaye ninaithirindhal, amaidhi endrumillai





Fallen

She stood frozen as did everyone around her and wide eyed in fear Thenmozhi watched as Azhagan walked towards her.His face looked like it was carved of the hardest stone,not a glimmer of emotion in his eyes and not a shiver of muscle in his face.She desperately threw all her senses to read his mind but strangely encountered a wall that was impenetrable.He stood before her and she thought he was going to say something and then he reached for her womb and Thenmozhi knew what he was going to do and she in desperation she tried to muster all her strength to fight back but he was not the same anymore and she knew that she had fallen and he had risen,really risen.The light that radiated from his body was blinding and for the first time,Thenmozhi recoiled from it as if it was setting her body in fire and burning her.She watched both the loves of her life going away from her and she could do nothing but cry,cry a river of tears for what had been a once beautiful and heavenly love and what was now the depths of hell.


Thenmozhi with tears pouring like waterfalls from her eyes stretched her hand towards the sky as she saw the lights of the space ship rise with just a murmur,taking it with her two halves of one soul.She screamed in pain as she knew that both her new born son and the love of her life Azhagan were going away and she knew that she would never,ever see them again.Seeing the lights of the spaceship starting to vanish from sight,She felt the light of her soul start to blink out and die and knew that something was breaking and dying inside her.

Thenmozhi screamed in pain and confusion and with the blood of her childbirth still soaking her clothes,ran across the battle ground in sheer madness and desperation and she ran in vain on ground chasing the ship that had flown towards the stars and finally collapsed in fatigue and drifted away into a deep,unconscious sleep.

She did not know and would never know it but he came and slowly got down from his chariot and knelt near her broken and grief stricken form.

Maravarman pandyan felt as if his heart was breaking in two.He gently took a soft cloth that was tucked in his waist and wiped the face of thenmozhi and gently kissed her forehead " my dear Thenmozhi,i would give my life away to see you happy again.I would stand in a burning fire to get you what you want but here i am with you and my heart is as broken as you.My love for you has not diminished a bit and i love you more now in your pain and suffering.'

Maravarman gently lifted Thenmozhi's body in his strong arms and carried her to his chariot,cradling her close to his chest and drove back to the city of Madurai.

Just like that history changed her clothes and wore the new splendid clothes of the mighty Pandyan army.Like dust in the wind,the chola empire broke up and vanished from light into darkness.

The crowning of Maravarman pandyan as the new king was a very low key affair for people were heart broken and grieving for their late king Kulashekaran pandyan.

Thenmozhi lay in a coma for fourteen days and yet her lips often mumbled " azhagan,azhagan" and her parents Nikantan and pavalam never left her side and nursed her with love and affection.

The palace physicians who were exclusively in the service of the royal family were all asked to care for Thenmozhi and though they did their best,many knew that the woman was beyond their help and reach and the oldest and wisest physician stood before the king Maravarman pandyan " Mighty king,the sickness that holds Thenmozhi is of her soul and mind and not of the body and hence beyond our capabilities.This is a state that she has to rise from on her own accord and there is nothing we can do for her.'

Maravarman pandyan nodded in understanding ' So,she is physically fine and well?'

After they all had left,the new king stood in the gathering darkness sad,lost and not knowing what to do and how to help Thenmozhi.

On the thirteenth night,pavalam told her that it would be a good idea to carry the cot in which Thenmozhi lay to the balcony and let the light of the early rising sun fall on her for as a child,she had always run to the balcony to see the morning sun and did the same as a grown up.

Nikantan nodded " Yes,that is a good idea for he came from the east and has risen back to the stars from where his journey started and maybe the light of the sun might just bring our child back to us.'


It was dark,grey and cloudy and the sun lay hidden as her past life and love lay hidden from Thenmozhi and her two parents stood by her bedside watching the eastern horizon,hoping for some miracle and praying for their daughter's recovery.

Then the eastern sky began to brighten and slowly,very slowly the dark clouds began to disappear and the burning,blazing orange of the sun started to raise its head and in a sudden burst peeked over the clouds and covered the land.

The light first reached the feet of the stricken and unconscious Thenmzohi and they touched her,caressed her and slowly the light began to bathe her body and a soft groan escaped her lips and then the light passed over her body and touched her cheeks and suddenly her eyes opened and gazed into the sun.

The light whispered ' Rise thenmozhi,rise now.Shed the past and rise to redemption and follow the path that will beckon you for you are now needed elsewhere.'

Thenmozhi whispered ' i have fallen into darkness and into a deep chasm.How will i climb out and rise into the light when i am so lost?'

The blazing light whispered ' You will know for you still are the child of the stars.You will know for you still carry the light inside you and you just have to reach and touch it and know why you are here and what your purpose is.'

With numbing pain in her soul ' when will i see my son? when will i see him?' and the questions remained unanswered and the sadness threatened to take her life and yet she knew she had to go on.

Taking a deep breath,Thenmozhi used her hands to raise herself up and both her parents rushed to her side and hugged her.



"Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation."

Redemption-159

"There are two kinds of guilt: the kind that drowns you until you're useless, and the kind that fires your soul to purpose." Sabaa Tahir, An Ember in the Ashes

I have a secret room,my safe place buried deep in my mind and it is the only place of real solitude and it is there i run to and lose myself in its dark corridors.I have to admit that i have always found solace in my safe place while i sat there and worked on my actions,guilt and its effects.Guilt and being ashamed always stem from action and worse inaction.But in this world and life that runs at such a great speed,Inaction can be laughed off by saying " well,maybe next time i will try to do better,next time i will try to intervene,maybe next time i will be there at the right time so that i can be able to do something etc."

But in certain situations where you know you have wronged a person,hurt someone knowingly and with full knowledge of the effects,you are overwhelmed with a sense of guilt that drowns your soul in sorrow and you suffer willingly the consequences,maybe even more than the person whom you have wronged.This is the path of a good person,a kind soul and this is the way that all of us should lead our lives.But then life is just not black and white and the lines between them are blurred in grey and other unknown colors.How each of one of recognises these lines and boundaries and how well we negotiate them is up to each individual.But there is only one balance and that is good and bad.


Cry me a river

The sun was still rising,lingering low on the eastern horizon with its gentle warmth and pastel colors of orange,pink and yellow.

Thenmozhi stared at it as if it was the face of Azhagan and faced her lover,captor,winner,judge,jury and executioner.

She turned to her parents ' I need a few minutes for myself,to calmly think of what was,what is and what will be.Please,grant me this time alone with this beautiful morning sun.'

After they had left,she turned to the sun ' i loved,really loved and fought to protect what i though was mine and mine alone.But now i know better and understand that such powerful things like love and life is something that flows and ebbs like the tide and it cannot be contained or prisoned in one soul.I erred,i fell and now i see where i went wrong and where my life took the wrong path into darkness.Please forgive me and my actions that have led you and my child far away from me.All i wish is that i can see you just once and tell you how sorry i am.I will flow with the tide and go where it goes and will exist where it takes me to.But i promise you this,i will not fall again,never and i will lay my life down if it comes to that.As you rise everyday,i too will rise with your light and i will live my redemption.'

She heard the strong and yet gentle steps of the king Maravarman pandyan behind her and waited for him to come to her side.

Maravarman pandyan sat next to her and gently grasped both her shoulders ' just seeing you like this gives me so much happiness and joy.My chest which felt constricted by a huge weight is now free to breathe again.Thenmozhi,my sweet thenmozhi,it is going to be okay now.The Cholas have been defeated and now i am the king of both the kingdoms and you will be the queen of this land.It is the title you were born and groomed to wear and you will make a great and wise queen and i will be the happiest man in this world.'

Thenmozhi smiled and her tears ran over her dried lips and she gazed at the king with her beautiful almond eyes
' you beautiful man,mighty king,those are the most beautiful words that could fall in a woman's ears and yet i am not that woman for you deserve a far better person to be your wife and to rule the kingdom as your queen.I am as you see another mans wife and have already borne and delivered his child.This new era of our pandyan legacy should not start with a stained history such as me and you and the people deserve much better.'

Maravarman pandyan nodded and with a brave smile ' true,so i will give up my rights to the throne and then you and me can go away and live a quiet life in some far off village.I would rather be the king of your heart than the king of the pandyan lands.'

Thenmozhi took both his strong palms and kissed them gently ' My king,i am lost and i lie in darkness and i have to find my way out of it and i am not ready for anything else nor do i have the strength for it.'

Thenmozhi's father Nikantan who was also the minister for Maravarman pandyan softly whispered ' My lord,it is time to go the temple for the priests are waiting for your arrival and they and more importantly the gods cannot be made to wait.'

Maravarman pandyan looked at the sad form of thenmozhi ' we will talk more later.Get well and regain your original strength and then we will discuss the future of us and the kingdom.'

Thenmozhi sat alone as the sun started to rise on its journey across skies and over land and she thought of her life and where the new journey was going to take her,but hopefully far from here she thought to herself.

"There is no such thing in the world as a "self-made man" or a "self-made woman". We've received so much from so many for so long that we can't even keep count. But, simply because we can't keep count, doesn't mean we discount." Sharad Vivek Sagar

Bear whispers and brown eyes

I was about three or four and it was the time when i was living in bangalore with my parents and the world then was very different.This was the time before television and films and radio were the only source of entertainment.Though the odd circus and occasional coming of street performers of cheap tricks and gymnasts who did somersaults and pretty much did nothing else kept my world entertained,apart from the poverty of our lower middle class life and to top it my fathers drunken ways and the non stop beating of my mother for money for booze and gambling.

Gypsies with monkeys,dressed in cheap and shiny clothes who rolled over for 5 paisa and 10 paisa and the regular snake man with his mangoose that kept attacking the snake which had been defanged or had its mouth stitched up also passed as entertainment.

But one day,a north indian man came along with a black bear which was wearing a silk waist coat and its snout was muzzled.I was having my usual breakfast,the food of the mundane,idlis covered with sugar and ghee and taking my small bowl of breakfast,i ran to the courtyard door to see what all the noise was all about and was stunned to see a bear standing and trying to dance to the tunes of the man who held it by a chain.

Totally fascinated,i stood watching the bear and soon everyone dispersed bored and eager to get back to the duties that beckon every morning.I stood staring at the bear and then both our eyes met and locked.

Both our brown eyes met and we spoke to each other and i offered it one idli that was covered with sugar and ghee and the man took it and fed it to the bear,probably thinking he was saving money that would otherwise go towards its rationed meal.I watched with a smile as the bear nibbled at my offering and then spent great time licking its long and sharp claws.

I felt the flicker,a twinge of something in my soul and i knew it was something called happiness.It was something similar to the times when my dad,sober and calm brought home cream biscuits and chocolates after a good game at the cards table.

The brown eyes of that bear has stayed with me and it whispered to me as it went away to its life of captivity ' both of us are captives,but hang on and don't lose that thing called love and the feeling to protect and defend,even in the worst of situations.stay the same,even if your soul is lame and don't sell yourself to name and fame.'

I do this and keep on doing this.Yesterday,i started writing Redemption chapter 160 and as always i had the knot,the seed of what the chapter was going to be.If you have noticed,then you would have seen that in this story titled Redemption,i did not take time to write a prologue and an epilogue and mostly even avoided adding quotes to start and to end the chapter.Maybe, the story was moving so fast and it practically wrote itself and hence there was no need for much of my own personal thoughts on the subject on hand and the chapters direction.

But since thenmozhi has arrived and stepped back in again in our current story,i felt or rather Thenmozhi felt that the title redemption is actually about her and only her.So,i started chapter 160 with a flashback story of mine,an episode from the childhood days of yours humbly and damn it,the article and the words ran away from me.Nothing else to do but start all over again.

But touching on bear whispers and brown eyes,i want you all to stop and ponder on that moment when kutty satish offered his meager breakfast to the Captive bear and what that connection did to his mind and how it touched his soul.These quotes explain it all.

For it is in giving that we receive " Saint Francis of Assisi

Making money is a happiness; making other people happy is a superhappiness " Nobel Peace Prize receipient Muhammad Yunus

There is a Chinese saying that goes: "If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody." For centuries, the greatest thinkers have suggested the same thing: Happiness is found in helping others.


What is this happiness that we feel when we help others with a kind word,a loving glance,a timely financial help,blood donation,organ donation or just a polite " hello,good morning,have a good day"

Why don't i feel that way when i am watching a good film or reading a good book.I don't even feel that same happiness when i go to a temple.

Something is going on in our minds and there is some wiring,plumbing that we are totally unaware of and yet we draw from that source,knowingly and unknowingly.

This was the seed for chapter 160 and as you know,an article bloomed out of it but not the chapter.

I will see you all very soon.Be well.

Thank you spain.As always and for the past decade,your thoughts and views have been immensely helpful and motivating.