*From To Sathish* - Thread 3 - Page 25

Chapter 78


"Before you can live a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can't change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free."
? Shannon L. Alder


I want more.I want to soar in the skies and among the clouds.I want love,the love that is supposed to make your heart thunder in your chest.I want to be the air.I want to flow in all streams and rivers.I want to dive into the depths and see whales and dolphins and other sea creatures.I want to sing and dance for myself without bothering about anybody thoughts and opinions.I want to touch others and bring love and peace in their minds and bodies.I want to rid this earth of all pollutions.I want all babies to be born healthy.I want heaven on earth and i want to meet god or whoever it is that made all this possible.I want,i want.But i know i cant have all that i want.So i dream all of it and experience it all in my dreams and imaginations.For when i am awake i am mostly dead and only when i truly die will i be free of these bonds.but until then i dream,i live in my dreams and i am thankful for my imagination and i am grateful for my solitude in my mind and in my soul.I am the king in my world and in it there is only love and peace.


JANUS

In ancient Roman religion and myth, Janus is the god of beginnings and transitions, and thereby of gates, doors, doorways, passages and endings. He is usually depicted as having two faces, since he looks to the future and to the past. Janus presided over the beginning and ending of conflict, and hence war and peace. The doors of his temple were open in time of war, and closed to mark the peace.

Like a thick blanket thrown over a small lamp or candle,a silence fell over the room and everybody stared at thenmozhi and azhagan.

Azhagan stayed quiet and just stared at the floor calmly and after a few minutes had passed the murmers,whispers started and just when they were about t break loose into noises of accusations and anger,Kulashekaran pandyan raised his hand and the hall fell quiet again.

The king turned slowly to his side " Azhagan,do you have anything to say or anything to reply to Thenmozhi's declaration of her love."

Azhagan lifted his head and looked at everyone " Yes,it is true.We both are in love."

Maravarman stood up angrily for he felt this as a great insult " Azhagan, i bow my head in respect for your courage and sacrifice for our land.But don't you think that your love is going against what the king wants for this country and moreover the king had already promised her hand to me and this was done with her father's consent and with the knowledge of Thenmozhi herself.How do you justify your actions and proposals of love when she has been already promised to me and isn't that an act of treachery and cowardice to covet another's woman."

Every word of Maravarman was true,legitimate in their origin and they fell on Azhagan like sharp arrows from a bow and all he did was look up quietly at Thenmozhi and his eyes asked her " Do you see what is happening.Didn't i warn you that all this would happen and all this because you could not wait and also forgot to inform me about the kings proposal before we became lovers.All these accusations are cheapening our love and i feel i am being ground to the dust."

Thenmozhi's eyes whispered " Patience for all that we want is not gotten so easily and those who speak now,speak in haste and without the knowledge of who you are and who i am.so patience."

Thenmozhi looked at her king and then at maravarman " My king,my father could you kindly tell everyone here who it was who raised you from the darkness that you were lost in.Could you please tell everyone what i have been doing every morning from the time you can remember me.Please tell everyone so that they can understand our love and also know that it did not begin recently but began its voyage from the time we were born."

Maravarman and everyone included wondered what thenmozhi was going on about and looked at their king.

" Most of you do not know that i nearly died from the stroke from the shock of seeing our royal coronation hall being burnt to the ground.Yet i survived and let me tell you what happened and how i came back."


Rewind,flashback to chapter 33

He wondered " where am i ? I am lost and far away from home and have no idea how to go back.But who am i ? Everything was dark and his mind saw shadows in the darkness.He saw a building on fire and the flames flickered and reached the clouds and he saw himself lying prostrate on the ground at the feet of a mighty king.The flames licked at his feet and he knew he had to save himself or he would die here and only his ashes would remain.From the blazing fire,strode a boy with his curly hair like a black flame and next to him walked a huge lion. The boy reached out with his left hand and effortlessly lifted the man from the flames and the lost man saw the strange markings on the forearm of the boy and as the boy lifted him out of the fire his eyes blazed with a strange light.

Kulashekara pandyan who was lost in the darkness of his mind and pain gasped " i am,i am the king.what has become of my kingdom and people."

He smiled gently and said " rise my king,rise up now Kulashekaran Pandyan.rise now for she beckons you and her tears are my tears and seeing her thus breaks my heart."

Slowly,very slowly his eyes flickered open and they opened to the face of thenmozhi whose eyes brimmed with joy and yet they poured tears and the hot emotions of the young girl bathed kulashekara pandyan's face .

Thenmozhi " you have come back.you have come back."

Thenmozhi screamed at the top of her voice and people came rushing into the room and the queen rushed to the kings side and sat by his side and cupped his face and cried,smiled and tried to speak at the same time.

Kulashekaran tried to speak but found that he could not form words and only spit ran down his chin and he knew then that he had suffered a stroke and that he would never be the same again.But his mind was back and for that he was thankful to god and to the boy who raised him from the darkness that he had lain in.

It was early in the morning and the sun would rise in the east in a few minutes and kulashekaran opened his eyes again and saw two beautiful women sitting next to him.By his right sat Thenmozhi and by his left sat his beloved queen,wife amudhavalli.He smiled and winked at them both with his left eye as if to tell them that he was okay.

Kulashekaran looked at Thenmozhi and tears welled up in his eyes and he turned towards the eastern sky and as if reading his thoughts,Thenmozhi called in the kings personal physician and and guards and they slowly dragged the cot towards the balcony and into light.

The king lay with his head facing the east and the sun came up swiftly and brightly as if to greet him and wish him well.He beckoned with his left eye to thenmozhi and she sat by his side and both watched as the mighty sun rose over his child,the earth.

Kulashekaran closed his eyes and remembered the boy with black curly hair rushing through the flames and the lion that ran besides him and smiled for he knew it was the sign,the sign he had been waiting for and the same time Thenmozhi raised both her hands and making claws with her fingers growled loudly as if she was a lion and pointed to the sun.


END OF FLASHBACK



Everyone were stunned by this story and they slowly realised that the love of azhagan and thenmozhi had started long back and sanity tempered their emotions and even maravarman acknowledged the love and yet he knew that thenmozhi was destined for him and only for him.

Kulashekaran pandyan started laughing in happiness " well this is good news although a bit inconvinient and yet no harm has been done.Now all that remains is crowning Maravarman as the next king and also arranging the marriage of Azhagan and Thenmozhi."

Thenmozhi turned to Azhagan and raised her palms as claws and growled at him and smiled and her eyes spoke " well,everything is settled and i hope you can stop worrying now."

Azhagan looked at the king and everyone else " my king,do you think it is fair and wise to announce maravarmans crowning and also my wedding right now for i have just lost my mother and lost a father like figure who killed himself for justice and for peace.i think we should mourn the passing of Kulothungan cholan and pay our respects to him.i still have yet to finish mourning the loss of my mother and the souls of my people from Perumalvaram.I need time also to think over before accepting the post of the general of our armies for i must confess that right now my heart is not in it for my heart seeks peace and solitude.So i beg your mercy and forgiveness and request you to understand my thoughts."


Thenmozhi stared daggers of anger at Azhagan and stomped out in anger.Everybody remained silent for what azhagan had requested was the right course of action for the time.

King Kulashekaran pandyan " I am going to send a few ministers to Gangaikonda cholapuram with my condolences and a letter expressing our grief.But i am going to do something which will honor the memory of King Kulothungan cholan and that of Avini.I am going to erect two mighty statues at the entrance of our city and they will be the statues of Kulothungan and Avini.They will stand guard over the city and announce for millenium that honor and sacrifice triumph over power,caste,creed and religion.They will proclaim boldly that all that is good and pure can be born in the palace and also in the humble hut of a poor village.By the time Azhagan decides on taking on the post that i have offered and also decides to get married,the statues will be and should be ready for this city is going to enjoy many months of celebrations.

Azhagan stood up and so did Kulashekaran pandyan and both hugged each other tightly and the king knew that as long as azhagan was with him there would be peace in his soul and in the lands.

Azhagan thanked the king and then looked at everybody with a smile and asked them to forgive him for leaving the counsel." All of you know and must have surely felt the anger of a woman at sometime and so i go now to calm and appease her mind."

Azhagan looked at Maravarman " my prince,i beg you to forgive me for causing this confusion and pain in your heart.I had no idea that thenmozhi would be promised to you for then i would have come myself and asked the king for her hand and avoided all this misunderstandings.Please understand this for now and forever i will not be a threat to you or to your crown.Please hold no anger with me or thenmozhi and accept my loyalty and friendship."

Marvarman's eyes filled with tears and his heart melted with emotion and he stood up with folded hands " Azhagan,now i know why my father and king loves you and respects you so much.Now i realise why a mighty king killed himself for you.I accept your hand of friendship and my heart and soul is clear now."

Azhagan bowed to him and quietly left the palace hall and went in search of thenmozhi.

The king,the prince and the ministers all thought the same thing " this is no man,no ordinary man but a god who walks this land.He truly has come from the light and walks in the light."


Even a light gets snuffed out when the darkness it encounters engulfs it totally.There are deadly places in this universe where even light cannot escape from the grips of gravity and those chaotic places are called black holes where all rules of the universe are broken.

A black hole is a place in space where gravity pulls so much that even light can not get out. The gravity is so strong because matter has been squeezed into a tiny space. This can happen when a star is dying. Because no light can get out, people can't see black holes.

"Black holes are the seductive dragons of the universe, outwardly quiescent yet violent at the heart, uncanny, hostile, primeval, emitting a negative radiance that draws all toward them, gobbling up all who come too close. Once having entered the tumultuous orbit of a black hole, nothing can break away from its passionate but fatal embrace. Though cons of teasing play may be granted the doomed, ultimately play turns to prey and all are sucked haplessly brilliantly aglow, true, but oh so briefly so into the fire-breathing maw of oblivion. Black holes, which have no memory, are said to contain the earliest memories of the universe, and the most recent, too, while at the same time obliterating all memory by obliterating all its embodiments. Such paradoxes characterize these strange galactic monsters, for whom creation is destruction, death life, chaos order. And darkness illumination: for, as dragons are also called worms, so black hole are known as wormholes, offering a mystical and intimate pathway to the farthest reaches of the cosmos, thus bring light as they consume it."
Robert Coover, A Child Again

Do you see what i am saying and seeing ? do you see what i am comparing with a black hole ? yes,nothing can compare with a black hole but the dark souls of human beings who think and exist only themselves.


There is no god,no angels but only what is right and what is wrong.Light is present in the happiness of a child that sees its mother.Light is present in the person who is loved and whose soul is full of love.Light is present in sacrifice.Light is present where ever there is good and pure thoughts.

Where is darkness but in a soul where there is no light.Where is darkness but all around us.

Chapter 79

There isn't anything noble about being superior to another person. True nobility is in being superior to the person you once were.---------------Anonymous

One day, Mulla Nasrudin began talking to a man from another town. The man lamented, "I am rich, but I am also sad and miserable. I have taken my money and gone traveling in search of joy-but alas, I have yet to find it."
As the man continued speaking, Nasrudin grabbed the man's bag and ran off with it. The man chased him, and Nasrudin soon ran out of the man's sight. He hid behind a tree, and put the bag in the open road for the man to see.
When the man caught up, he located the bag, and his facial expression immediately turned from distress to joy. As the man danced in celebration of finding his bag, Nasrudin thought to himself, "That's one way to bring joy to a sad man."


Happiness is not determined by what's happening around you, but rather what's happening inside you. Most people depend on others to gain happiness, but the truth is, it always comes from within.


Fire and water

Fire and water
Must have made you their daughter
You've got what it takes
To make a poor man's heart break
A poor man's heart break

song by the rock group Free

The sun was dipping in the west and Azhagan's arrival into her chambers was announced by Thenmozhi's handmaidens and a few of them boldly and brazenly brushed past him and in the process touching him and delicately caressing his arms as they went past giggling and whispering to each other.Thenmozhi stood on the balcony facing the setting sun in the direction of the west and thought to herself if the east would ever meet the west or if the sun could just stay in one place forever.With a sigh that lifted her shoulders she breathed out heavily and turned to face her lover and for the soul she would do anything but give him up.

They stood facing each other and then in unison smiled gently at each other.

Thenmozhi slowly came towards him and standing on her toes,reached out and brought his lips to hers and they both kissed each other hungrily and they stayed like that for a long time.She took his hand and made him sit on a wooden stool and taking a soft,wet cloth slowly rubbed his body and cleansed it from the dust,grime and sweat that came from the journey he had made to the city.Pouring a glass of sweet juice she made him drink it and then slowly kneeled in front of him and looked at him passionately.

'' you look different from the last time i was with you.What has happened ? Are you all right ? Please tell me if i can help you or heal you in any way and even if it means giving my life for you,i will do it if it means you will be better"

Azhagan shook his head and touched her lips with his right hand fingers " stop,please stop saying that you will die for me.Enough blood and enough lives have been lost on my account and due to my presence here among other lives.From my mother,to my dearest friend the lion,the innocent villagers,the king Kulothungan and all the others i have killed with my bare hands,they are taking a toll on my soul and the pain is unbearable.But it is mine to face and it is mine to work out.So,at least you be in peace."

Thenmozhi threw her pretty head back in laughter " stupid man,my dear,dear stupid man.there is no me for me for i am because of you.don't you realise that."

Azhagan's eyes travelled around the lavishly decorated room and his eyes caught ,the silks,the ivory that decorated the walls,the huge cot and soft coverings of the bed " Are you willing to give up all of this and live with me in the village ? "

Thenmozhi " yes,but i might redecorate the village to suit my tastes.There is nothing wrong in luxury and the good things in life, when one has earned it by merit and i am surely not going to be ashamed of living a luxurious life.So i will build a small place there in Perumalvaram and we will make our own kingdom there.But it might be very difficult to do that for both of us will be working in the kings court as advisers and as military officers.So,we need to work and sort those things out."

Azhagan stood up slowly and walked to the edge of the balcony and looked down to see the swirling and murky waters of the Vaigai flow past.the muddy,confused waters made small whirlpools here and there as various currents tugged the water here and there and Azhagan thought and felt his life was being pulled and pushed and being stretched to a breaking point.

Thenmozhi came and stood by him the setting sun caressed their skins with an eerie orange glow.

Using her arms she hoisted herself and sat on the balcony and then threw her legs around him and dragged him closer and hugged him tightly.

" The world is yours for the asking.Forget these kingdoms for you can rule the entire world and become the greatest emperor this world has ever seen or will ever see again.So why are you hesitating.Marry me and make me the happiest person in this world."

She used her thighs to gently stroke his legs and looked at him with passion and lust.

Azhagan " I need time.I need time to understand everything that is being given to me and i need more time understand what it is that i really want.I want you.But i don't want any posts or i don't want to fight any wars,unless our land is being invaded and innocent people's lives are at stake.I still have so much more to see ad learn and there is my master who is waiting for my return and i have promised him i will be back soon.So,i need time."

Thenmozhi's eyes flared green in anger and then they died down " okay,go and do what you have to do.But marry me before the king and then go.Marry me and go as my husband and take all the time you need.But you have to marry me before you go."

Azhagan looked at her with irritation " what is the rush for marriage and why are you putting all these conditions when we both know that we are madly in love with each other.If i marry you then none of our questions will be answered and our minds will not be at rest and that is definitely not the way we should start our life together.You have waited all these years for me and why is it that you find it so difficult to wait a little longer when i am at peace and when all my questions have been answered.Marrying for the sake of marrying is idiotic and stupid.When there are so many tensions between our kingdoms,when so much death and destruction has happened ,the last thing we should be talking about is our marriage."

Thenmozhi looked at him for a long time and Azhagan could see that she was making up her mind about something and that her brain was going through lots of situations and consequences.

A small smile quivered on the lips of Thenmzohi and Azhagan thought they looked like the quivering of the wings a beautiful butterfly and then she gently removed the dhoti like white garment that was wrapped around his waist and each brush of her fingertips on his naked skin sent shivers of pleasure racing through his body.

With a growl and a moan of pleasure he ripped her clothes off and with a single thrust entered her and their bodies were one and the dark of the night brought privacy to the lovers and the cool breeze floating from its lovemaking with the river Vaigai caressed their naked bodies as they made love.

Thenmozhi's body erupted with a green aura but soon it was engulfed by the orange fire that raged brightly from Azhagan's body.

Two bodies,but one mind or two minds but one body.This has been the tempest that has raged and ravaged many a lives, not only of lovers but of all humankind.


Right and wrong

I am right and you are right
Yet we fight day and night
about what is right and what is not right
we fight with all our might
and fight in our minds
even when we are out of sight
Soon my right and your right
becomes a burden and one that breaks
my mind and my soul
so no more right and nothing left to fight
for i go now to walk alone in the night
out of sight and out of your right
so you can rule with all your might

satish

This is my first post from my new house and i hope you like it.

Babu,vegetables and paper boats

"Knowledge and understanding are life?s faithful companions who will never prove untrue to you. For knowledge is your crown, and understanding your staff; and when they are with you, you can possess no greater treasures."
Kahlil Gibran

When i was a child,maybe four or five years old and until my 8th std,i used to stare at flowers.Beautiful flowers and the light green of newly blooming leaves always aroused a curiosity and i used to stare and whisper ' can i be beautiful like you ? can i bloom everyday like you with new skin and color ?

I used to think that i was ugly,unwanted by anyone and that is why i was alone,although the house was full of my cousin sisters,Grandmom and servants.Yet, i always felt i was inside my own bubble,inside my own realm where me and other ugly people lived.I spent more time talking with our one man army of servant,cook,manager,watchman in our man Friday Babu and learnt he also was a lonely man living in his lonely bubble.I used to sit by his side and cut vegetables such as brinjals,tomato,beans and ladies fingers.Cutting ladies finger vegetable was fun and cool for babu used to stick those discarded tops on my forehead and cheeks and i used to run around showing of my prizes until they dried and dropped off.I used to spend whole of saturday and sunday mornings and all holidays walking behind centipedes and trying to chase down squirrels and when tired i used to lie down on the bit of grass behind our house.Staring up into the clouds,i used to whisper to them and also call out loudly to them to carry me on their soft looking beds and pillows.

When the times of rain came,i spent a lot of time in the soft,gooey mud,wondering and amazed at how the hard,dry and hot earth could just melt and start running in dozens of brown rivulets and they ran and joined the road and ran under into their underground realm.I used to squat in the rain watching the rivulets run into the gaping hole that was near our gate and felt moved on seeing my paper boats get crushed,gobbled up and pulled under by the dark depths where i surely knew some demon lay in wait for me and my family.But sometimes,just sometimes,one boat would plunge down yet fight and somehow manage to stay afloat and kept floating until it vanished from my sight and i used to clap,scream in joy on my small victory and felt reborn and vindicated.I did not know what all those emotions and victories meant.But i do now.Life,living,loss,defeat and death is so similar to those tiny paper boats plunging,dragged into the depths of that sewer by those tiny muddy brown rivulets.That one boat,one tiny boat fought and floated on and many,many years later i realise i am that small paper boat and i have fought,floated and still fighting to stay afloat.

Many will not understand the context or the gist of my words but i jest not and i hope that a few will understand what they mean,my thoughts and my words and if it helps to put a few episodes, a few scenes of their lives into context and to better understanding,then that would be nice.Be well.

Thanks for the thoughtful and introspective post.

Although it may feel different writing from a new place...
the readers' connection to your words remains strong and just the same.

Congratulations and wish you and your family a warm welcome into your new home!
May it bless your lives with more inner peace and happiness...
filling it with enriching memories too.

Congratulations and Good Luck Satish on your new home.

Hi people,
I have been busy the past five days shooting for an ad assignment for TVS company.My computer went dead and i just got it back last night.I will start writing the next chapter of Azhagan and Thenmozhi soon and i hope to see you all soon.I wish you all a happy friendship day.Love as always is the answer for most problems that plague this beautiful planet called Mother Earth.Be well.

Chapter 80



Although you like to think that all of your decisions are carefully controlled and thought out, research tells us that most of our everyday decisions are actually subconscious. There is a reason for this though. Every second our brains are bombarded with over 11 millions individual pieces of data and because there is no way we can consciously sift through all of it our subconscious mind, following certain "rules of thumb", helps us out.

I,you,they,them and all of us are different.So much similar and yet so different in so many clear and also subtle ways.Many a times,i have been left surprised at my own reactions and variations while in the middle of a scene.While working on the film VALIYAVAN,in that small role and after a few takes of an imprtant scene,the director called me over and looked at me " Ji,one emotion only in this scene and yet you are showing number of variations and subtleties,with body and with eyes.I am getting confused on what to select,so give all you have and i will use what i want during post production."

I said okay and wondered if he was irritated or just complimenting me and focussed on my work.A few weeks later,while dubbing for my shots he said " wait,your time will come,be patient."

Time.good times,bad times and all that jargon about raasi palan,sagunam sariyillai,astrology are terms and fields that are beyond my intelligence and comprehension.I think good or bad we should rise above it all and remain in a neutral frame of mind.

Right here,right now is my motto and giving it the best i have in the moment is all we can do for we do not know what the next moment is going to bring or do to us.So,staying neutral in our passions and emotions is a great way to live a calm and peaceful life.


Selfish,Selfless is the thin line separating light and dark


Avini came to Azhagan and asked him to take her hand and follow her.Azhagan was happy that his mother could see and was more happy to see her alive.With his eyes full of her,he blindly followed her through the forest and even from there he could see bright lights and hear loud and thunderous noises.Just at the edge of the forest,Avini stopped and pointed her hand towards the lights and noises and Azhagan wondering what she was pointing to and also curious to know what was happening came out of the forest and stepped into the clearing and stood stunned at what lay before him.

An army of more than ten thousand people stood before him and when they saw him they all fell silent and stared at him in hatred .Azhagan stood watching,wondering for he had never seen such a mighty army and then the ten thousand men all lifted their bows and let loose the arrows.For azhagan,the arrows whizzing through the air sounded like the swarming of bees under a new queen buzzing to their new hive.He watched in amazement as thousands of arrows flew unerringly towards him and yet he stood with a gentle smile on his lips.

For the member spain's query if any (Swarming is the process by which a new honey bee colony is formed when the queen bee leaves the colony with a large group of worker bees. In the prime swarm, about 60% of the worker bees leave the original hive location with the old queen. This swarm can contain thousands to tens of thousands of bees. )

He felt his mother's touch as she pulled him back and held his face in her small,delicate arms and whispered " Azhaga,Azhaga,rise now,rise for a great danger looms over you.Rise now and follow your destiny and fulfill the prophecy."


Azhagan opened his eyes and knew it was a dream and yet if felt real.He slowly got up and saw that Thenmzohi was fast asleep and knew the time was just before dawn.His eyes scanned the room and saw another small room nearby and walked towards it and found it led to stairs that descended to a small,private garden.There were shining brass bowls full of water and smaller bowls full of exotic looking pastes and powders.

Azhagan stood and watched and thought " Pengalin koonthalukku iyarkayile manam ullatha allathu " and shook his head " no,that debate resulted in nakeeran getting burnt by the lord and i am not ready to get burnt by Thenmzohi by asking her about it."

Azhagan used the water in the brass container and had a bath and slowly came back to the room and saw that the sun was rising and staring at it,he knew what he had to do.

He stood watching the sun rise and felt the bond between himself and the mighty star and tried to make sense of what it seemed to whisper to him through its rays of light.

" Why,what is this bond with the light and why am i not like others ? " azhagan thought and the answer came with the arms of thenmozhi who hugged him tightly from behind.

" Dont go,please dont go.This is your moment and more importantly our moment of glory.I think and sense that things will not be the same when you come back and i am scared that we will never be together again."

Azhagan pulled her from behind " though my feet and soul take me away from you,my thoughts will be about you and our love.i promise i will come back as soon as possible and after i have found the answers that seem to be plaguing my mind."

The tears from thenmozhi's eyes burnt the skin on his chest and he gently kissed her goodbye and left to the court to say goodbye to the king and the people of perumalvaram.

Azhagan stood at the edge of the city of madurai and his eyes ran over all the people who had followed him from his village. " It is with a very heavy heart that i take leave of you.But there are certain things that i need to do and learn about before i come back and stay forever in our village.Live peacefully for there are enough riches for all of you and for generations to come.Moreover our village is under the personal protection of our kings army and nothing can harm you or our village.So be in peace and live in peace and i will see all of you soon."


The people stood watching the horse carry their son and hero from them and stood until he had disappeared from their sight.


Thenmozhi from her balcony stood watching her lover recede from her sight for a long time and then felt a warmth in her stomach.She bent down and saw a strange orange glow erupt from her midriff and felt the glow and heat spreading all over her body.Her knees shook in fear and then like a mighty blow she knew what the glow was and she ran into her room and taking off her clothes stood naked before the mirror.

The orange glow emanated from her womb and she smiled and then laughed loudly and caressed her stomach gently " It is a boy.It is a boy."

The green light and fire that erupted from her body joined with the orange and thenmozhi straightened and stood tall " my son,you will rule the world even if your father does not want to.You are my purpose.you are my destiny and damn all those who stand in our way for they will surely die."


Thenmozhi steeled herself for what she knew she had to do and knew that the days ahead of her and her son were going to be testing times both of them.


There is an endearing tenderness in the love of a mother to a son that transcends all other affections of the heart. -- Washington Irving

Hi,
Finally got the computer working,internet connection restored and now all that is left is for a new dawn and the quiet hours before a new day when i wake up to absolute silence.That is when my mind is at peace and when my creative juices flow and take shape as new chapters,new thoughts and new words.See you soon with a new chapter.Be well.

Chapter 81

"Ester asked why people are sad."That's simple," says the old man. "They are the prisoners of their personal history. Everyone believes that the main aim in life is to follow a plan. They never ask if that plan is theirs or if it was created by another person. They accumulate experiences, memories, things, other people's ideas, and it is more than they can possibly cope with. And that is why they forget their dreams."? Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

Day dreams,night dreams or just dreams come from a part of our brain which allows us to be what we cannot be,shows a path that we did not see before but most importantly they unite with you with the ones who are not near or just not here and though illusions they make our lives easier than the ones we live in when we are awake.Dreams are your personal realms where you can be what you want to be and cannot be seen and hence cannot be judged for what you are not.

My childhood days were filled with dreams of flight over forests and oceans with my favourite dog mony and in them i walked alone through the dark of the forest,a hunter,gatherer happy in his solitude.They have faded those dreams of my childhood days and today i lay awake many a night waiting for the dreams to come and take me away,far,far away.



Like father,Like son


Azhagan lay under the open night sky with his tired horse gently snoring next to him.He tried counting the shining lights that looked diamonds and pearls and wondered what they were and how far away they were.The whole forest lay still and quiet as if they were at peace with having azhagan in their midst and feeling safe under his protection.

Azhagan's thoughts were of thenmozhi and the politics of the two kingdoms and although things seemed calm,he knew that this was just a stalemate and that the endgame would be totally different." Hundreds of years of fighting and i want peace in my times.if only that is possible."

As his eye lids came together like two lovers meeting after a long time,as his sleep heavy eye lids closed themselves like lips he wondered if his mother would come to him in his dreams and stay with him until dawn.

They came,the tall men with lights surrounding them,they came to azhagan and sat around his fast asleep form.Then from the darkness of the forest came a strange light and the last man joined and sood watching as his son lay sleeping of his dead mother and of the future of the kingdoms.

One moment he was fast asleep and the next moment he was wide awake and he sat up staring at all of them.

" what is it,why do you follow me so and torment my already tormented mind and take away my sleep."

" child,we are here for you for you are our destiny and all that was and all that was promised will be when you are ready.I,we came to be with you for you are lonely and lost without Avini."

Azhagan " your words are always so confusing and frustrating.I have no idea as to what your destiny is or how i am connected to it.I am willing to help you if the situation deserves it.But if you do not trust me and still hide behind those lights,then what does it speak of our relationship and how can their be trust when you hide yourselves from my sight.I can sense great wisdom and great power in all of you and yet you flock to me and follow me.I have to agree that i do feel a sense of bonding and purpose when you all are around me and i feel like i am back with my mother when you are besides me and i wonder whay that is."

All the lights stepped away from azhagan and the brightest light stepped forward and just like that the light vanished and azhagan saw for himself the real form of the man who stood before him.On cue,all the lights surrounding the other forms vanished and they stood tall,mighty and yet very old looking and different looking.

Azhagan calmly looked at them " why the disguises,why the lights to mask your forms."

The leader surprised " are you are not shocked and repulsed with our real identities that is so similar to you and yet so different ?"

Azhagan shook his head " no,i only see the light,the real light that shines brightly in all of you.But come now for let us talk more seriously and in detail of who you all are and who i am ?"

The leader of the lights nodded " soon,very soon for there is a little more of training to be done under you old master and then all will be revealed to you."

Azhagan sighed heavily " so much suspense and mysteries.Well can you at least tell me what those shining lights are in the night sky and why do they come only in the night.Are they gods and angels of the night that watch over all life on this land ? "

The leader smiled " you could say that but all those shining jewels in the night sky are called stars and they are like the one you see and worship everyday."

Azhagan jumped up in excitement " what,they are like our sun which burns and shines so brightly.But why are they so dim and why do they shine so weakly ?

The leader looked at azhagan " they look so weak and dim because they are so far away.and yet they all shine wtih the source and the energy that the one true source has bestowed them with."

Azhagan's eyes filled with curiosity " the source.I recall you mentioning this the first time we met in the forest and i am still not sure what it means.Could you be more specific and clearer on this topic called the source."

The leader smiled gently " child,The source is one and yet many.the easiest way to explain in very simple terms about this power called the source is to talk about how you felt when you were next to Avini and how you still feel when you see her in your dreams."

Azhagan " nothing in this world can compare to how happy and content i feel when i am next to my mother and nothing in this world can compare to the pain i feel now that she is gone.'

The leader " the happiness and the unbearable pain you feel are both from the source an it is the source itself."

Azhagan smiled sadly " how can that be when one is the extreme opposite of the other."

The leader " where does ghee come from ? it comes from the milk of a cow. where does curds come from ? it comes from the milk of a cow. where does butter milk come from ? it comes from the milk of a cow. where does butter come from ? it comes from the milk of a cow.so you see how many forms the mundane milk can take.So to put it is simple terms,the source is the cow and all that comes from the milk is you,me,avini,life and death."


Azhagan felt his head spinning from trying to understand all that was being explained to him.

He looked at the leader of the lights " all this is okay but what is this i feel for thenmozhi and why is it so complicated ?"

The leader stood up and along with him the other men stood up and they all chuckled and exchanged looks with each other.

" that my child is also love and also from the source and yet they are the most confusing things of all that i know of.I wouldn't even dare and begin to answer them for i am as much in the dark as you are about matters of the heart.This is something which you need to face on your own and i am sure you will cross that hurdle when it comes.rest now and always remember that we are with you and are at your beck and call and will come only when you want us to."

Azhagan sat watching them recede into the darkness of the forest and slowly sank back into deep sleep and avini came to him.

Flashback-Chapter 27

Azhagan lay on the leaves with his head on avini's lap and he stared intently at the night sky.The stars were like pearls on a dark maidens skin and they beckoned to him.He smiled to himself and tenderly touched his mothers cheek and said ' mother,what are those white dots in the sky and why do they twinkle so ' ?
Avini running her fingers through her sons curly hair ' they are stars my beautiful one and there is one for each of us.They twinkle for it is their way of telling us that they see everything and will watch over you and me '.

Azhagan tried counting the stars and tiring of it slowly drifted away to a deep sleep.

End of flashback

Time, flowing like a river
Time, beckoning me
Who knows when we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river
To the sea

Goodbye my love, Maybe for forever
Goodbye my love, The tide waits for me
Who knows when we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river (on and on)
To the sea, to the sea

Till it's gone forever
Gone forever
Gone forevermore

Time,a song by the ALAN PARSONS PROJECT