CHAPTER 12
"If you have assimilated 5 ideas and made your life and character,then you have more education than any man who has got by heart a whole library" - Swami Vivekananda
To grow up in india is to grow up with mythical figures and legends from epics.There are many who study one thing and then do something else which is totally irrelevant to their education.But there are some stories and heroes we never get to out grow and they come with you till the end.Rama,lakshmana,hanuman,arjuna,bheema and most importantly abhimanyu.From the first time we know god for who he is and sit staring at him and start listening to stories about them through ramayana,mahabaharata,bhagwatham and bhagwad gita.we invariably imbibe their qualities and knowingly or unknowingly they become our gurus.Today i have faint recollection of the mughal dynasty,sher shah suri and hemu but i know pretty well the events that took place in ramayana and mahabharata.Some of us become rama,some become the loving lakshmana and very few become hanuman,the friend,follower and totally devoted soul to one goal and that for him was rama.But there are times when i see my reflection in the mirror and i see rama,lakshmana,hanuman and importantly ravana staring back at me.I smile and they smile saying heaven and hell are right there in your soul.rama or ravana are right there in your choices.Oh these tough choices torment for they are the yardstick with which we can,should judge our daily lives.To be ravana is to listen to your brain,hormones and chemicals but to be rama is to listen to the whispers of your soul where the ultimate judge sits watching and judging your every move.Pity that the whispers of rama get drowned by the screams and roars of ravana,the rakshasa
Ties that bind may sometimes become complicated knots
Aaakarah chhaadyamaanopi na shakyo vinigoohitum
Balaaddhi vivrunotyeva bhaavamantargatam nrunaam
6.17.64
One's innermost thoughts and emotions reflect on one's physical appearance which it is difficult to cover up however one may try to do it. Such changes in one's physical appearance forcefully expose such innermost emotions and thoughts.
The lack of sleep was starting to tell on his mind and starting to show to the outside world.Many brushed it off as saying that the strain of governing the state was an unbearable burden and even more tougher when a king has to rule with absolute honesty.for even a small mistake by his staff reflects on him.But dhana knew that the time of reckoning had come and now that people had started to unnecessarily rake up the buried story,he knew that the digging would surely throw muck on his spotless life and character.
Dhana picked up his mobile and called the only person whom he trusted with his soul and with his life but most importantly his character which he was eagerly,aggressively and arrogantly wanted to protect.Even a great man like dhana had a weakness and that was his ego about his actions which he thought were above and beyond reproach.But what i feel and what you feel is totally dfferent.I could say one thing an if you take it out of context and give it your own meaning,then what i have said is now totally different and misunderstood.This childish aspect of dhana to protect his honor was like karna not being able to refuse if anything was asked of him and giving away his life and protection to inira even though he knew it was going to be the end of him.
Balaji picked up the phone and said "hi dhana".dhana told him about his nightmares and how the woman kept haunting him and that now in his nightmares there were other women in the background calling his name and torturing him.Balaji listened to him patiently and said "dhana,both of us know that the woman who is haunting you is arjuns sister who committed suicide.And only you,me and arjun knew that she committed suicide because you rejected her advances.Now because you are such a noble soul that one incident has been haunting you and torturing you ever since.Honestly we both tried talking to arjun who swore vengeance on you for not only losing the elections but also losing his sister,to whom he was very attached to.But it didnt work out for he remained angry although his parents understood that you or me were not responsible for their daughters death.So take some sleeping,get some good sleep and please stop worrying about things which dont matter anymore."
Dhana "well,now there seems to be a new and additional problem with a journalist sniffing around that story and although i have explained to her politely not to rake old and sad news,she is just not getting the message and i am lost on how to handle her.As the chief minister i just cannot get involved with these kind of problems for then other dailies will start and we will have a full blown controversy on our hands.I dont trust anybody else and am not willing to talk about this to even my most loyal ministers."
Balaji thought about what dhana had just said and asked what he must do.dhana " i dont know,maybe you should come back to chennai and find out what quietly what is happening or who is plotting against me.for this to happen now after all these years is more than just a coincidence and we know and dont believe in coincidences."
Now that dhana had asked him to come to chennai,there was nothing more to think or ponder about the issue for balaji knew that he could never refuse his friend,not even if his life was at stake.Balaj " ok dhana,i will see you tomorrow and we will work out how to go about solving this problem.Now that you are the chief minister,i doubt we can meet either at your residence or my house without anyone noticing.so what do we do or where do we meet."
Dhana thought for a second and said " there is a house on ECR,about which nobody knows about and i inherited it from my uncle who lives in thanjavur.He has willed it to me,but it is still in his name and nobody but me and my family know about it.I will message you the address and also get the house ready before you get there."Then he paused for a second and softly said "thanks balaji".
Balaji laughed and said " what is this new habit of saying thanks.I am your friend and will be your friend until my last breath and will do anything for you and you never ever have to thank me.See you in chennai."
The sun had set over the west and in its orange death,flames started lighting up here and there in the plantation by workers who settled in for the night around the fire.Balaji poured himself a glass of rum and stood by the window watching the air slowly become heavy and foggy with the smoke adding to it.He tried to recollect and think who would want to hurt dhana or who would stand to gain by ruining his reputation.But the memory was like the thick fog settling over the plantations,which spread like a green carpet for miles and miles,sloping over hills and valleys.Taking a sip from his glass balaji stood by the window,straining his ears for the folks songs which would carry from the people gathered around the campfires.But someone far away seemed to know the ache in his heart and started lamenting his favourite song from a kannada film MUNGARU MALE.
Mungaru Maleye,Yenu ninna Hanigala Leele
Bhuvi Kenne Tumba, Mugilu Surida Muttina Gurutu
Nanna Yedeya Tumba, Avalu Banda Hejjeya Gurutu
Hejje Gejjeyaa Savi Saddu, Premanadavoo
Yede Mugilinalli, Rangu challi Nintalu Avalu
Baredu Hesara Kamanabillu, Yenu Modeyoo
Oh the first Monsoon Rain..What magic have your drops done
The cheeks of the earth are filled with marks of pearl-like raindrops the sky showered
My heart is full of, the footsteps of her arrival
The sweet sound of her anklets, the tune of love
In the sky of my heart, she sprinkled color and just stood there
Her name written like a rainbow, ah what a spell
Slowly,the tears trickled down balaji cheeks and his thoughts went to her,back to college,back to the only woman he had ever loved,who was no more.He smiled and wiped his tears away and as usual buried his love and her memories deep,deep in his soul for only he and she knew what their love was.And as usual she came in his dreams,running,hiding behind the trees and her chuckle,oh the sound of it.Balaji slept with her every night in his dreams and far off in chennai she came again to torment dhana in his dreams and nightmares.
"I think that love is stronger than habits or circumstances. I think it is possible to keep yourself for someone for a long time, and still remember why you were waiting when she comes at last... I would enter your sleep if I could, and guard you there, and slay the thing that hounds you, as I would if it had the courage to face me in fair daylight. But I cannot come in unless you dream of me." Peter S. Beagle, The Last Unicorn
She had lain awake in his dreams.She had come alive in his nightmares.She wanted justice.She wanted acknowledgement.Buried secrets were being dug out of their graves and those that had laid underground would finally see the light of the day.Stories would change and things will never be the same again.