NiBir OS: Treasure (Complete..:)...) - Page 4

Beautiful os

Lissy🤗 Main aa gayi apne comments dene..😆🤣

Tune aaj mere posts par comments dia nah toh socha tujhe RG de du apne comments dekar😈

Toh Tune iss OS ki Post Mortum (PM) karke isse 4 hissom main baat lia hai nah toh Main bhi apni comments 4 Parts main hi dungi...😈Shackedd nah??😲 Isliye I always say EXPECT UNEXPECTED frm SARU😈🤣🤣🤣

Title se shuru karthi hu😈 First time jab maine padha yeh title den I felt Y u chose this one den after reading first two updates mujhe patha chal gaya ki Nishu is Kabir's TREASURE jisse voh 13 saal se dhoond raha hai...😳 So👏👏👏👏👏 claps 4 U 4 selecting such a PERFECT title 4 ur OS👍🏼

AB baath karthi hu Updates ki..😉(Lissy I missed U yaar bcz U r the writer who always make PM of NiBir stories..😆🤣 aur bhi bahut saare hai lekin tujh jaisa PM koi nahi kartha 🤣🤣🤣)

Part (a):😳

Honestly bolu mujhe shuru main kuch samaj nahi aaya... I was feeling weired..😕 but jab maine usse do teen baar padha den i realise Wat U want to convey..😃 & Sach bolu toh I really loved the way u said Kabir's state of mind thru Beach Scenario...👏👏👏 Main Daffar thi nah jo pehle samaj nahi payi...🤣🤣🤣

VJ -Little Kabir Convo... Aww... Little Kabir & His cute innocent questionss soo sweett😳

Part (b):

Loved the way U described How Kabir misses his childhood friend Nishu👏👏👏

Their Cute Nok-Jhoks, their fights, their unsaid feelings abt eachother all were excellently presented...👏👏👏

Sometimes he feels like a snail without a shell. It is remarkable how the soft oysters turn their enemy into a gem with their nacre. Or perhaps, the enemy cultures them to develop harder shells and more lustrous shine. He has never come across anybody even remotely like her again. She is such a gem. He wonders how she would have become after growing up and if she would have changed too. Of course, she would not have, he thinks to himself.

@Blue It reflects How much he feel INCOMPLETE without her...😳 Liked how u compared Kabir's State to dat of a Snail without Shell👏👏👏 It indirectly said How Kabira is INCOMPLETE without his Nishu😳👏

The song selection was Excellent again..👏👏👏

Kabir ka Song ki taraf attract hona, Uski feelings while hearing the voice, His intusion, all were superbly penned down👏👏👏

He starts to feel a sudden unusual magnetic pull towards the voice. He feels as if the voice is seeking him - and only him. His life and death and their respective meanings, are only held by the real answer to this torturous game of hide and seek. His heart slowly but steadily catches the rhythm of the song.

The contagious intensity of her voice starts coloring his heart, blood and soul. It begins to drink all his pains away from him that he has carried in his heart for so long. He now feels that he was never separated from his soul-mate - she was always with him. He has to just never let her go. He relives their beautiful innocent memories of childhood, how they met at the colony park, became neighbors-cum-friends, each other's support system, guiding star... And before their innocence could understand their feelings for each other, they became each other's life.

@RED It says us the truth dat NiBir r destined to be Soul Partners by God😳

Part (c):😳

I loved the way Kabira was admiring His Nishu☺️ U explained it so welll👏👏👏 The detailed explanation U gave of Kabir's thoughts while watching Nishu made me Foresee the whole scenario b4 my PC😳👏👏👏 U wrote it so beautifully Lissy👍🏼

The song was adding more beauty to the scene(I was playing it in BG while reading & I was feeling Mesmerised)

When Kabir sang the rest of the song with her & Those lyrics were just too PERFECT 4 his feelings to open up...😳👏👏👏👏

After dat When Nishu open her eyes & Admiring Kabir was another worthful scenario to watch...😳👏👏👏👏 Again I foresee it bcz of ur writing👍🏼 Nishu Blushed ☺️& I smiled...😃

His intense voice bewitches her, the pain evident in it. She begins to feel an intuitive connection but still she couldn't trust her eyes.

@Blue See again its proven dat they r made 4 Eachother..😳 She cud sense the pain in his voice😳 & feels a connection tooo😳

Part (d):😳

NiBir eyelock + Nishu ki Blashhh + Kabir's SOrry for interruption + Nishu's "JOJO" all were soo Overwhelming to read👏👏👏

@PINK The Best Part 13 years of waiting finally came to an END😛

Nisha holds his hand and gives a soulful gaze to him.

Jojo!' she whispers.

Kabir's heart skips a beat. Her gaze tells him a million unsaid words. He becomes so overwhelmed with emotions that he can't decide whether to laugh or to cry! He keeps looking with unmoving eyes at the girl who is as beautiful as thirteen years earlier, inside and outside.

Not able to contain herself anymore, Nisha gets up. Her arms spontaneously wrap around his neck and happy tears roll down her eyes.

I am so proud of you Kabir... I missed you so much...'

I missed you too Nisha... so much...' says Kabir hugging her with all his emotional outbursts, ... But you did not even see me once before you left...'

Aren't you happy to see me now?'

So Nishu ne Kabira ke interview sunke aayi thi usse milne...😉😆🤣

Kabir's K panti which I was missing frm start🤣 I m glad dat U included a small part of it at the end👏👏👏

Their Teasing🤣🤣🤣 Jojo & Tickling🤣🤣🤣

Their Chase..😳 Their Fall...😳 Peacefully siiting together...😳

@Brown Wat A Beautiful End...😳👏👏👏

A wave strikes Nisha's hand and something hard touches her hand. She gives her warmest smile to the rarest of the rare sight.

Kabir, I have to show you something...'

Nisha shows him the gift of the sea - an oyster shell that contained two perfectly round shiny white pearls. Kabir has no words to describe this beautiful evening. He says gazing at his precious gem (a.k.a. Nisha).

BEAUTIFUL OS Lissy...!!!!!!👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Thanks 4 PM😳

Sorry 4 Superlate comments😳

Thank U 4 ur patience in waiting 4 my comments🤗😳

Do Write More🤗 Q ki DMM😳😆🤣

PS:
I wrote my whole comment for the second time😡 as MF crashed🤢 & My Comment got deleted🤔

this is beautiful lily

Thanku for the pm Lily

Thank you Mika, Ammu and Alisha...😊

So I finally had the chance to get to this story and read it. Sorry about the delay Lily! That said, let's get onto the review (you asked for a critical review so be careful, that's what you will get - -sorry if it's too critical 😆)

soorrryyy for commenting late...

Originally posted by: lovely_lady

So I finally had the chance to get to this story and read it. Sorry about the delay Lily! That said, let's get onto the review (you asked for a critical review so be careful, that's what you will get - -sorry if it's too critical 😆)

There was definitely quite a few grammar mistakes. There were times when word tenses did not match and sometimes paragraphs abruptly shifted without any further notice. For example, within part a, when talking about waves and unfinished business, it should've been "keepS bringing." And in the same part, the "it was one such.." line is a good one, but it seems odd, especially when paired with the previous sentence wherein you already seemingly hint at Kabir on the beach. There were a few mistakes like this peppered throughout each part.

That said, they didn't really take away from the flow of your OS or the storyline that much at all. I really enjoyed quite a few paragraphs as the description was wonderful.

And I especially enjoyed the first parts --with Kabir reminiscing on his childhood. That was really wonderful to read. Felt like I was really transported back.

The KN bit was a little cliche (sorry LOL) but nice as well.

All in all, great OS! Very promising! 😊

Originally posted by: RoshniVdian786

soorrryyy for commenting late...

but thus is such Awesome story lilly i loved it...

Tu toh ek dum professional writer k jaise likhti hai!!!

hats off...

Originally posted by: SaruSenan

res🤣