Bichhde abhi to ham bas kal parson
Jioongi main kaise, is haal mein barson
Maut na aayi teri yaad kyon aayi
Hay lambi judai
Chaar dinon ka pyaar ho rabba
Badi lambi judai, lambi judai
Honthon pe aaye meri jaan duhai
Hay lambi judai
Chaar dinon ka pyaar ho rabba
Badi lambi judai, lambi judai
And as I listen to this women cry her weeping heart in vain…telling not just about few moments….but the entire story of wats stored in it……my heart weeps along with it…..for I stand today right along where she stands..
Why is it that time plays such an important role in our lives??? Why is it that if it can have the capabilities to heal wounds…..it can also be the very reason behind those wounds??? Its not even been a day or 2 yet and I already feel the stretch of my gut as if someone is mercilessly pulling it out of me….I am trying to the extreme best of my strengths to not walk along the pathways where I can smell her essence and feel the emptiness she left behind……to let my heart creep its way beyond my mind and allow it to rewind back to the days n moments of togetherness that time had poured in my share……to look beyond this gap of darkness n hallowness that none other but once again time has forced upon me………but ohhh!!!!!...Its killing…..its just too killing!!!! Why is time so cruel…so insensitive…..so injustified???? What harm did I do to time that I am being put to this severity of imprisonment…where not just my body…but my heart…my soul….my entire being is exiled from the pink fluffy bubbles of rainbow…..where I cant breath the freshness of blossoming spring flowers in this garden of love??
Love ….I heard was painingly beautiful………but I did not know that love also means walking on stones of fire n drowning urself in that pool of fire b4 the "r" of redemption can even be attained. The moment Appy's voice rang the siren of Navya's departure in my ears……I knew no roads to tranquility..neither did I have the diligence to address any social norms...rules n governmental policies…..I only understood the one language called "Navya" and I leaped each n every boundary possible to atleast just get a final glimpse of her if nothing b4 I let her free from myself for a period of time that's no different to 6 centuries…and look at the cruelty of time again…the moment I spotted her…..she was stepping out of the train by my side as if she was taking a step out of my heart and I experience a strange drop of my nerves….as if all my defences….all my strengths was being taken on a ride along with her……I walked away while she bid her comforting goodbyes to her family n began to watch her from afar just inhaling her presence in front of my eyes and I thot that wud suffice the hunger of my toggled heart beats ….Huh…..How wrong I was…
As I saw her slowly but hesitantly stepping back into the train cubby….I realized the utter sadness on her face and searching eye that kept looking back….at all directions and words or voices did not have to take the trouble in telling me how she yearned to see me yet again….. maybe to reassure that I am going to be fine!! That moment was pristine……I blocked my brains from doing any calculation n simply let my heart lead my way but I suppose….even my heart gave away all it defences that moment I saw her wet face soaked in pure water mixed with salty pearls dripping from her eyes. I wanted to say so much…..hear so much….but I suppose silence took command n put a curfew on words from both of us. Her eyes communicated with mine and weird it may sound……but my heart heard all her unspoken words:
"Wat do I say to u Anant…..sorry or thank you….hello or goodbye??This is not wat I wanted…trust me….but time as not left me with any choice…I have to go…but I cannot go until I know u will be fine….Tell me you will be ok….that me u will spend the next few weeks with the same smiling face that I captured n locked within myself to take with me as my only solace….Tell me u will not sulk n cry but instead will smile softly while u reminisce our moments of togetherness ….Tell me that I don't have to worry about u n be serene at the assurance that u will take care of urself...I am asking a lot from u I know….but most of all I want to say sorry for not being there when u prolly will yearn for me the most…..thank you for all the wonderful treasure of memories u have bestowed upon me in this short span of time that I know will give its distinct shine even amongst the close ones I am on my way to encounter….hello…for coming into my life with all the beauties of life enveloped in petals of red roses n breathing into me warmth of the sunshine and glow of the colorful world and lastly…….goodbye for I leave u with a portion of myself….my beating heart entrusting that u will pamper n protect it from all that's evil just as I want u to do to urself….Smile Anant….as I m about to embark on a physical journey that maybe without u but reiterates that the journey our hearts n souls embarked on months back….still proclaims Togetherness…"
She wanted a smile from me …she wanted my input of togetherness as she embarked this new hurdle of our journey but she forgot that togetherness meant to do everything together….and so how cud she expect me to smoothly walk on her instructions when she was not going to reciprocate the same and so this time I had to spell out the togetherness….and ask from her my rights in this togetherness. It wasn't going to be easy….for her….for me…..but there is that only one thing that remained constant even in this departure of hers…..and that was our togetherness!!!!!!
I watched defenseless as the train slowly began to detach me once again from myself….and she looked so vulnerably at me exposing her weeping heart thru her eyes…….my heart was dying a slow death and the sounds of my shattering heart echoed so loudly in my ears that the whistles of the departing train seemed muted in front of it……Time was at its cruel best for it did not even let me say to her:
"Bon Voyage My Love"😭
Anant signing off..
24/08/11
Rab Raakha,
Shilpa🤗
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