AN:- Okay so I know there's going to be a lot of angst in the coming episodes, but I decided I should dish out some in advance, y'know, to prepare you guys. Do tell me if you like it. xo
OoO
He said
It wasn't supposed to affect him; he'd made himself promise that, hadn't he?
He felt cold, like his insides had frozen over, like someone had poured icy water all over his heart, and it had settled in the pits of his stomach, sinking sinking sinking . . .
This was bad. He wasn't supposed to care, he'd known the end, he'd known what he'd signed up for, he'd known his marriage with her was a sham.
Crash. He'd broken something.
Running a hand over his face, he took deep breaths to calm himself down. Just when he'd begun to gain back his countenance, he heard her footsteps.
His heart staccatoed in tandem with her steps. He refused to acknowledge her presence, instead bending down to collect the shattered remains of what had once been a very pretty vase.
He felt more than heard her approach to help him, her silence full of concerned questions.
"Main khud kar loonga," he said, hands shaky. Ali's words played in his head like a broken record.
Of course Avni would want to step out of this marriage; she hadn't wanted it. This was a deal, a strategy, a scheme, a farce to accomplish their mission to bring Dayawanti Mehta down and now that they'd done it, now that they'd succeeded, there was no need for them to continue pretending like any of it meant something.
He had no excuse for why he felt like tearing the room apart. He had no excuse for why he felt like he'd been cheated, like all of what he'd felt with her, around her, had been made up in his head. And maybe it had been, maybe Avni hadn't been lying when she'd said that her sole focus was revenge. It was his fault, and only his, for assuming that there existed something tangible between them that both of them could feel.
Maybe Avni wanted to get out their marriage so she could be with Ali.
He needed to leave. He couldn't stand being in the same room as her for a second longer.
He couldn't face her, not yet, not when all he wanted to do was shake her and demand answers for why he wanted something out of their marriage, and why she didn't.
Instead he said, "Tum free ho ab, Avni. Humaara mission poora ho chuka hai. Ab tum jab chaahe tab iss shaadi, aur iss ghar ko chodke jaa sakti ho."
Silence ensued. He didn't know what he expected her to say. He didn't think he'd be able to bear being subjected to gratitude for his words.
Unable to handle the mounting tension in the room, he stepped towards her, in the guise of trying to fetch himself fresh clothes to change into. She looked scared and unsure of herself.
He didn't know what to make of it.
"Neil-" She started cautiously and his face warmed. Had she guessed that he was upset? He didn't want her pity. He didn't want her to know how foolish he had been. He didn't want to hear her apologise for hurting him; if she didn't want to stay, he wanted her gone.
She reached out to touch his arm and he stepped away. He'd said his piece. The decision to stay or leave was hers.
She said
He didn't want her to stay. That much was clear. He'd been upset with her from the moment she'd returned. Had he not wanted her to come back?
She knew their marriage wasn't anything more than a ploy. It was only meant to last until she'd had her justice. And now that she did, he wanted her gone.
It was only fair. What she didn't understand was why he was so skittish. She'd tried to touch his arm, and he'd jumped away like she'd scalded him.
He was upset that she was back. That was the only logical conclusion. He'd expected her to stay with Neela ma and not return home.
Not that Neil's house was home, but it was the closest thing to home that she'd had in the past 15 years.
Not anymore though. Now Neil wanted her gone, and that was simultaneously bewildering and hurtful. He'd never made her feel like she was burdening him so far- so it didn't make sense for him to behave this way now.
Her heart twinged. She had never wanted to be a burden on him. And the past few days- there had been something different between them, something she'd never experienced before in her life, something that excited her and made her insides squirm in a good way. But Neil hadn't felt any of that, apparently, and that made her feel ridiculously stupid.
Neil was only fulfilling his duty to her; he was the most dutiful man she'd known. She wouldn't begrudge him wanting her gone now that he'd delivered his word to her.
He stepped out of the bathroom then, still looking weary and upset. Without a glance in her direction, he walked towards the bed.
She steeled herself. Just because she didn't like it, didn't mean that she wouldn't do what he wanted. But first, she wanted to know.
"Neil, mujhe nahi pata tha tumhe ye marriage-" burden lagti hai.
At least she'd wanted to say that. Neil cut her off before she could finish her sentence.
"Ek deal lagti hai? Haan. Absolutely. But now we're done with the deal. Tum free ho. Main free hoon. Dono apne alag alag raaste jaa sakte hai." He glared at her as if daring her to disagree.
She swallowed the painful lump in her throat. Her eyes had misted over. She didn't understand why his words pricked her as much as they did (she didn't know what she wanted at this point, except for Neil to stop looking upset), but she was going to give him his freedom. She owed him that much.
"Okay. Right. Apne apne raaste."
That got her no response from him.
He still looked upset. She didn't know how to fix it.
"Iss safar mein tumne meri itni help ki, uss sabke liye thank you, Neil," she said hurriedly, trying to salvage the conversation.
He softened at that, but didn't say anything. Avni considered it a win anyway. "Aur tum apne maksad mein bhi kaamyaab ho gaye. Meri friendship bhi jeet li," she continued, a teasing lilt to her voice.
"Really? Tab toh mere do missions successful ho gaye ek hi din mein. Personal record."
He was almost smiling. She wanted to hug him. So she did.
Except that turned out to be a mistake. As she wrapped her arms around him, he stiffened. He didn't want her hugging him. He wanted her gone.
She was ridiculous. She had to leave as soon as she could, because Neil simply didn't want her there.
She pulled back, biting her lips, heart thundering in her chest. She realised just then how much she didn't want to leave, how much she didn't want him to want her to leave.
"I'm sorry-" she started, not entirely sure what she was apologizing for, but he shook his head, jaw set.
"Never mind," he said, and stormed out of the room.
Avni did mind; she minded the fact that he was upset with her for coming back, she minded that he didn't want her in his house anymore, she minded that they were never going to be the Avni and Neil they'd been only a few days ago. But she forbore to tell him any of this.
Instead, she rubbed the tears out of her eyes and resolved to leave the very next morning.
OoO
Anupamaa
