She didn't believe in marriage, she didn't believe in love.
Love was nothing but pain. It was hurt, it was suffering.
Not that she didn't believe people could love. She believed when Ayesha ma said she truly loved Ashish Mehta. She believed when Neela ma said she truly loved Ashish Mehta. She believed when Neel said he truly loved Juhi. She believed when Ali said he loved his mystery girl.
People were capable of love. She just didn't believe she was capable of having love and a stable marriage in her life.
So when Neel gave her an out, she happily took it. She had fallen into this marriage because of her need to keep her brother in a reaching distance. She didn't want to be a burden on Neel, and she didn't want the marriage to be a burden for her. Not that Neel treated her like his wife, or she her husband, but to the outside world they were married, and with that came responsibilities.
But sometimes, with all the responsibilities came a weird feeling. A feeling she couldn't describe. A feeling that was like a thorn pricking her heart whenever Neel talked to Rhea. Not that she cared. Oh no. He could do whatever he wanted. Not that she doubted him either. She knew he didn't love Rhea. He had looked into her eyes and told her himself, even before the marriage. But there was this uneasiness.
What if he was going to be happier with Rhea? He didn't laugh with her like he did with Rhea. When he did laugh, it was because of her own stupidity and silliness, so that didn't count. That laugh wasn't even the same laugh as the boisterious laugh he had with Rhea. That laugh was a low chuckle, that came with a teasing glint and a lip bite. A laugh he sent her way when she got some food left on her face. A laugh he left when she was the one who lost the bet. A laugh he shared when he saved her from her own clumsiness. A laugh he released when he called her an ajooba, or a chaali. A laugh that usually disappeared within seconds, before his feelings of professionalism and perhaps his memories of betrayal seeped back in.
It hurt. She didn't know why. Maybe because she really did respect Neel, she really did think of him as a friend. That friend was gone now. Or he never was there. She didn't know anymore.All she knew was a part of wanted to go up to Neel, stop Neel from grasping Rhea's arm as he laughed at some joke she said, and make him laugh at her own.
But she couldn't because she had no right to. So she stood alone, and watched from afar. Watching his laughter and hoping he doesn't catch her smiling at seeing a happy him.
She hoped after the 3 months until this farce of a marriage was over, he'd stay smiling and laughing like this the whole time...as a single tear fell from her own eye.
Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
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