LIFE HAPPENS
PART 3
After an afternoon full of humiliation, a round of Gunjan's rant concerning her newly acquired kindle, bui's account of Mayank's childhood and perfection, a plate full scrumptious fattening finger-licking kachoris- right out of kaki's pan, another round of Gunjan's rant about how good the kindle is and what a great human being Mayank is, an annoying phone call by Dia, followed by a set of bui's admonishments, a much needed relaxing bath and exactly two churidaars, five shalwar suits and three dresses what exactly do I get. Yes. A sari! Why don't you accept it Nupur Bhushan, it's not really in you to show any resilience to bui's whimsical suggestions which she so forcefully imposes.
What exactly was she thinking? I, NUPUR BHUSHAN- THE NUPUR BHUSHAN, who can hardly walk ten steps without tripping- read my humiliating fall in front of Mayank this afternoon-, who has been unanimously agreed upon as the trip-and-slip lady of the nation by all, and as bui herself says is the epitome of clumsiness with a big fat C, am expected to handle a sari all evening long! That too, in the presence of Shrimaan Einstein of India. How very ridiculous. Why don't you just die Nupur? Saving yourself the stress of living as well as the others.
I understand that Shilpa aunty would be bubbling with happiness at Mayank's return but that doesn't mean that she has to make it miserable for others. I mean she is a nice lady and all but how wonderful it had been if she wouldn't have Mayank for a son. I am sure it's all Shukla sir's doing, warna toh a sensible person like Shilpa aunty cannot come up with absurd ideas like throwing a party for Mayank's return. I mean wasn't it obvious enough. Jab gaya that toh ana toh tha hi- but how I wish otherwise. I can so imagine Shukla sir suggesting, "Baba aaye hain toh celebration toh banti hai." Add an evil potato grin to go with the picture and there you have it. Ta Da! Mystery solved. Case closed. The brain behind the plot to ruin Nupur Bhushan's life is revealed.
Main toh jati bhi nahi, but yeh Dia bhi na. She had enough courage left in her, considering what happened this afternoon; to call me up and force me to show up for tonight's dinner. How in anybody's freaking seven lives is it possible for someone to force Nupur into doing something- well barring bui of course, and that puppy dog look of Gunjan. I tell you this girl Dia is a gifted child when it comes to blabbering nonstop. So much so that I had to agree to her wishes only so that I can spare my ear the pains. Haye Dia only if you would have been the quieter one out of the two. But I guess living with Mayank does that to you. You know, like acquire this habit of speaking even when nobody is interested in listening. It actually all makes sense. If the poor soul hadn't developed this Mayank-infested disease of chattering nonstop, then it would have been very much possible that she die out of quietness living with Mayank. But just think of it. If she hadn't been like this then she would have sat in silent obedience and I would have rambled on and on in front of her, without a break. Woh sunti jati or main bolti jati, boltu jati, bolti jati...
"Koi zaroorat nahi hai! Larkiyon ko chup hi rehna chahiye. And now go and get dressed without wasting a minute Nupur. I want to see you downstairs within 15 minutes and in that sari. It's decided, no if's and buts." Oh freaking aalu kachoris. Ducks to avoid a flying chappal, and there comes another one. Nupur dives behind the sofa and successfully avoids the other one as she lands painfully hard on her bum and bui leaves banging the door behind her. Bui-0, Nupur-2. Nupur won the match.
I seriously don't understand, yeh bui har jagah kaise pohonch jati hain? Aur kya timing hai. Haye bechare phupa ji. How does he put up with her temper and mood swings?
"Itne bechare bhi nahi hain woh. Now go and get dressed Nupur. That too without a word."
Yeh bui phir aagayeen. But Nupur you seriously need to keep your thoughts to yourself and for heaven's sake, STOP. THINKING. ALOUD. Duniya walon ke liye nahi toh apne liye tujhe yeh karna parega Nupur. I really am left with no stamina to earn anymore wrath from bui for the day.
So here I am, wrapped in this horrible sari- but I must say the colour is nice, turquoise with golden work and all, it looks quite nice. But still, remember Nupur a sari can never be good for you. So it's still horrible. Anyways, so here I am, wrapped up in this horrible sari, sitting beside Gunjan- on that note why exactly isn't she forced to put up with the calamitous experience of wearing a sari? But what can one say, bui toh is bui. Nobody can tell what's going on in her mind.
Yeah so here I am, wrapped in this horrible sari, sitting beside Gunjan- note that she is donning a much more comfortable and less embarrassment prone churidaar- in Phupa ji's car! Yes freaking right. I mean who goes to a neighbour's house in a car? But oh the mighty mind of super-intelligent bui. As I said no one can even come close to discerning what is going on in that head of hers. Haye bechare phupa ji.
"NUPUR!!"
God why do I have to think aloud in bui's presence. And to add it, are Gunjan's glare and phupaji's knowing smile. He can so relate to me. Hay"no not again.
Anyways, so bui was suddenly enlightened with this ridiculously absurd revelation that it would look better if we go to our neighbour's house in a car. How very practical. I mean I could have easily managed to walk to shilpa aunty's house. Even in a sari! It feels awkward to go to a place in a car, where all my childhood I have been going jumping over the wall. But bui or un ke intelligent ideas. And remember, bui never suggests anything. Idea agaya toh implement hoga. I guess she isn't confident that I will manage not to embarrass myself and her in a sari. Well it was her idea to begin with. Magar bui itna bhi bharosa nahi kiya? If it would have been Mayank in my place, then toh she would have beamed happily without a care, as she would have seen him frolicking around in sari. Provided that Mayank would never really attempt wearing a sari. At least I am daring enough.
But I am all set and have a foolproof plan to avoid any embarrassment and bui's wrath.
Revising Nupur Bhushan's Checklist for tonight's dinner:
- Do not move around too much. Even if Dia persuades and avoid Gunjan's puppy dog's look at all costs.
- Speak as less as possible, and especially about Phupa ji. In fact don't even think about him. He doesn't exist for tonight.
- Same goes for Mayank. Neither speak about him or to him- which is very less likely to happen but still. DONOT even consider standing within ten metre radius of his presence. In fact, just don't talk to anyone. Even Dia.
- Have as much biryani as you can. I tell you, Gaurav chacha, Shilpa aunty's cook, makes the most delicious biryani. I can even put up with Mayank's glare for a plateful of his biryani. And not to forget, this will be the only remotely interesting task you can engage yourself with tonight. So keep yourself busy in eating biryani.
- And last but the most important, DONOT RESPOND TO SUMITRA AUNTY NO MATTER WHAT.
Sumitra aunty is this common acquaintance of bui and Shilpa aunty who cannot stop harping about her now America-return, all-rounder daughter Ria. Ria is to her as Mayank is to bui. And she even compares her to me, that too in bui's presence. So no matter what she says, don't respond to either chalti-phirti-makeup-ki-dukaan Sumitra aunty or that obnoxious Ria, now that she is back from America. Ria and Mayank, two perfect humans, made for each other. Why can't they both marry each other and leave for America, or Europe, or Timbaktu for all I care, for good. Now that I remember they were even dating in high school. Hah! Perfect high school love story.
But why do I even care? I have it all planned out for tonight and Nupur Bhushan is ready to save the day. To shukla sir, sumitra aunty, Ria and newly thought of prospective Ria ke piya Mayank, here I come.
Cricket
