ShivYaFF- see pg4 for last post here for those interested :) - Page 3

"Oh God..." Aargh... stop! Shivam swung his arm out to his side, underestimating his own strength when he flung the whirring, buzzing and painfully loud alarm clock clear across the floor before it clattered silent somewhere. He wasn't even sure if it was his own voice he had heard, the sound cracked and raspy as he tried to swallow what non-existent saliva was in his mouth. Oh God... need water... he moaned inwardly, the hammering from inside his skull very present now that he was no longer blissfully unconscious. He reluctantly opened his eyes, one squinting and the other closed, not wanting to let in any light into his corneas when he realised that he would have to if he wanted that tempting glass of water left conveniently by his bedside table, along with the strip of headache pills. Wait... the realisation slowly started to manifest; he shouldn't even be in his bed... he shouldn't even be upstairs! He shot up, regretting it immediately as the dizzy nausea made him lean back down on his elbows... his bare elbows. Come to think of it, he was sure he didn't have any damned clothes on apart from his boxers and his body felt like it had gone three rounds with a professional wrestler. Oh shit... did I...? He twisted his head to look to his other side, half afraid and half hopeful that he would find her lying next to him; from how badly his head hurt, he was obviously hung over and he wouldn't have been surprised if he had wandered upstairs, drunk out of his mind and slipped into bed with her. In all honesty, he wasn't entirely sure he hadn't. What if he had and she had left? But then how did it explain his clothes? He squeezed his eyes shut and brought his arm instinctively to the back of his neck and still leaning on his elbows as his thick shoulder muscles ached. Already he didn't want to breathe or think as the heart ache came back full force, pinching viciously at every cell in his body at the whole f**ked up mess that had led to his drunken state. The alcohol had been his temporary and not completely effective friend and the tomorrow that he had been terrified to see, was here already. He was glad in a way that he felt so physically ill, he could f**king well bask in that whilst his breaking heart tried to vie for his attention. Well his useless, pointless, broken and shattered heart damn well had his attention now... she already had his real heart. The carcass beating in his chest right now was an imposter he wished would disintegrate to dust.

He groaned as he remembered the brawl he had ended up in with those two lowlifes; however, beyond that he remembered little and only flashes of images that hovered just on the periphery of his mind before disappearing completely out of view as soon as he tried too hard to look at them. He hoped or maybe not, depending on what had happened thereafter, that the memories would come back to him in due time. Shivam slipped his hand round to the side of his neck, flinching back at the alien texture he found stuck to him before touching it gingerly again. Is... that a bandage? He wondered, eyeing the water on the table again. He needed to get up and look at himself because as good as it felt to be out of those f**king clothes, he felt clean... too clean for a man who had been rolling around in the dirt and the blood of his enemies in the night. And the bandage meant that someone had tended to him. He swallowed two headache tablets with the entire glass of water before getting up and taking it with him, trying to ignore the swirling room until he was stood infront of the tall mirror. He had been cleaned up, all the cuts and bruises free of dirt and any extraneous blood that would have clotted all over him had it been left there. His neck was accessorized by a clean white bandage, taped neatly over the knife wound and there was another smaller plaster over the spot on his head that was hurting the most and close to his hairline. He had to lift his heavy, muscled shoulders to shift the soft spikes of his hair up to inspect it. Indeed his clothes had been taken off and when he checked in the hamper he found them there, along with the bloody and dirty swabs of cotton and a cut up, bloody shirt in the waste basket next to it. It was Riya... it had to be. If it had been his mother she would have woken him up, screamed at him, possibly given him another slap and maybe cleaned him up. Other than Riya, there was no one else who would have done this. And the fact that he was ninety percent naked also was a fairly decent indicator that it wasn't his mother; he was sure she would have either forced him to take his trousers off himself or simply left them on for him to wake up in. And with that realization his body instantly reacted to the image of Riya unbuttoning his shirt and jeans, her hands all over him as she pulled them off. He just had to have been be f**king unconscious, hadn't he? He thought irritably and almost petulantly to himself, wishing that he could have at least been half awake whilst she touched him and took care of him. And then he instantly wondered where she was... and hoped, prayed, begged god infact that maybe, just maybe she hadn't left yet. Maybe he could convince her to stay?... to... to guilt her into staying another month at least until they could complete the Action Corp presentation together. Yes... maybe it would be just the right excuse he needed to keep her here just a little longer? It was the only thing he could think of that might work without letting her onto him. And so Shivam felt a tiny sliver of hope reach into his heart, his legs already moving swiftly to the bathroom before filling his glass another seven times to wash the alcohol out of his system quicker before he took a refreshing shower. He was grateful not for the first time that the new automatic shower had been installed... it had been an upgrade he had intended for a while now and even if it ran on solar power reserves more than electricity, the water would sometimes be so pleasantly hot that it steamed. It was perfect for after his workouts or a particularly stressful day... or times like this when it was as close to a cure for a hangover as any.

He practically flew down the stairs, his eyes everywhere as he searched for her as inconspicuously as he could. The usual Dadi-Chanda pair were nowhere to be seen and he knew his mother was still in the family washroom and so he blustered about to the bottom of the stairs and let his eyes settle on her place in the corner. His heart dropped when he didn't find her there when he realised suddenly that he hadn't even checked the kitchen and so without slowing down he took large strides and almost stopped dead when he saw her, his heart hammering like a woodpecker against his ribcage. He swallowed and looked away for a moment, unable to look her in the eye or let her see how terrified he had just been to not find her in here. She was behind the cooking counter, the smell of something so pleasant infusing the air that his stomach growled loudly. He dared to look at her again, taking in the way she had roughly pinned her hair up, small wisps sticking out at odd and right angles making him want to walk up to her and pull each one into his palm as he kissed her until he damned well stopped breathing. Shivam could see the exhaustion etched all over her still beautiful and make-up free face; she was wearing a pretty, soft cream, button-down top and her dark blue jeans hugging her curves like a second skin and he had to drag his eyes away from the sweetest, prettiest, miracle he had ever seen. His heart soared and his lower abs ached as he forced himself to take deep breaths in at just the knowledge that she hadn't left him alone in this hellhole; as selfish as that thought was, he thanked every deity in existence for finding her here. It seemed that she had obviously changed her mind from leaving and there was no f**king way that all the angels and demons and gods from all the heavens and in all of hell could compel him to say a damned thing about it. He would rip his damned throat out before even broaching the subject and so he remained silent, only swallowing and looking from her to the floor and back again before she finally spoke and gave him sweet reprieve from the tension between them.

He watched as she raised a pretty eyebrow before dropping it again, the small gesture endearing to him, "I... can imagine... your head must be banging now after you drank last night..." even though he suspected she knew, he was still surprised at her admission because he really didn't remember a damn thing since he had entered the house and now he felt an uneasy coil wind down his back as he wondered what the hell might have happened last night. He was sure he could vaguely remember smelling her signature jasmine scent, feeling like he was cocooned in it, but he couldn't be quite reach the memory. "I've cooked you some food... aloo parathas, spinach, dhal and some chicken. I... I didn't make it too spicy, your stomach needs some simple food to settle it. So..." she swallowed, seemingly unable to look back into what he knew was his own intense gaze as he fell in love with her right then and there as if for the first time again. No... much more than the first time; he was sure he was falling in love with her more and more each day since they had married. "So...eat it... don't eat it... But its here for you..." her voice was soft, inflecting on her last word and lilting even, like a soothing balm to his ears and almost sending him into a stupor hazy enough for him to want to walk up to her and bury his face into her chest. It would be the most f**king perfect place in all of existence to place his head, especially right now as his brain continued to pound. He didn't say anything, still afraid that her next words would allude to her now leaving Shanti Sadan and so he kept his mouth shut, watching only as she walked towards him, around him and out into the communal living room.

He looked down to his own abdomen when the gurgling sound resonated from within, his stomach twisting now in hunger after not having eaten a full meal in what felt like days now. The alcohol felt like it had singed the inside of his stomach, making it feel raw and nauseous and honestly, a fresh and fluffy aloo paratha sounded like heaven right now. He had stopped indulging in the starchy carbohydrate since taking better care of his body and had missed the comfort food when particularly stressed. Shivam didn't have the strength to pretend he didn't want to eat her parathas, knowing how well she had seemed to master that particular recipe since she had found out it was his favourite food. If anything, and he would never admit this to his mother, he preferred her doughy mixture as she added the extra fresh methi and only a touch of spice to the pillowy cloud of goodness. His stomach grumbled yet again, even as his heart felt infinitely lighter compared to the emotional horrors of the previous night and he found the barest of smiles on his face when he started to scoop the juicy, vibrant green mixture of spinach into the paratha before rolling it up.

He had already munched his way through half of it as he stepped outside of the kitchen; however, when he saw her round frame approaching him, he forced down the still un-chewed food in his mouth and hid the other half of his roll behind his back lest she see it. One look at what and whose food he was eating and he wouldn't just get an earful; he was sure Riya would end up paying for it yet again. He wouldn't be letting that happen. He knew his mother was aware of him even if she outright refused to look directly at him, her anger still evident all over her normally placid features. The memories of how she had spoken and behaved last night at Riya's expense came forefront in his mind and he couldn't stop the dark cloud from surrounding him again; he couldn't stop thinking of the way she had boorishly pulled on Riya's arm, knowing full well that she was injured and all for the excuse of getting her out of his room. The alarming transformation in his mother's personality over the last few months and especially recently had started to shift something in him that even now he couldn't quite decipher and yet whatever it was, he knew it wasn't a good thing. Not for either of them. Not wanting to contemplate such things in the physical state he was in at present, he simply waited for her to walk straight up to him before she passed him by without a glance or a word and blustered into the kitchen behind him. He thanked the unseen forces of the universe that she was angry enough that she wouldn't see the obvious cuts and scrapes all over him. He swung his hidden arm forward and made his way towards the stairs, glad that he had managed to avoid confrontation so early in the morning when that too was dashed to pieces. "Ohhh! Shshivvaaamm! My pota! What happened to you?! What happened to your face? Ohh Kushia! Kushiaaa! Look at this here! Your son has completely lost his mind! First the cigarette and now this!" Shivam looked at her like she had suddenly sprouted an extra head even as his jaw cemented into stone at yet another f**king drama that was in the throws of unfolding about him like a whirlwind. It was then that he felt her hand, knowing instinctively that it was her when the still rolled up paratha hidden to his side was practically pick-pocketed out of his hand in the space of seconds. He glanced at Riya's retreating back for a moment before looking back to dadi's glowering eyes at her, obviously having not the faintest clue at what had in actuality just transpired right infront of her. God... even now his wife was protecting him; he couldn't even f**king eat her food in peace and out in the open without creating a damned scene and now she was hiding it from everyone. It was such a f**king insult to her and yet still she cared. "EH! You keep your distance from him! Yes! I'm looking at you, you imposter! Keep away or I will chop that hand off if you bring it near him again! This modern woman, ehh, she's too much..." Dadi shook her head at her in disgust and hatred before magically morphing her features to an overdramatic concern for her grandson. He didn't know what the hell she was talking about when she spoke of the cigarette, it was the first time he had heard mention of it; she must have been insane to think that he would poison his lungs with the black tar that stuff produced, especially knowing how health conscious he was! He had tried it once or twice maybe in the experimental phase of his youth; it might have become an addiction if he had kept the friends that had encouraged it, but as it turned out he didn't and he hadn't even liked the things to begin with. He still had friends who smoked and he didn't exactly begrudge them for it, but it didn't mean he had ever felt the need to cave in to their demands of him to join them. So whatever the f**k she had found wasn't his. In all honesty he wouldn't have been in the least surprised if it was Chanda's; that woman was so sickly sweet every f**king day that he was sure there were some unseemly shadows lurking under the surface. Her constant fawning and pandering and prostrating herself to dadi was completely unrealistic and ridiculous no matter how damned grateful she was to not be on the streets. He noted absent-mindedly as his mother flitted and fluttered about him, moving and waving about in agitated distress as she touched his arms and face. "What happened to you!? Shivam! My ladla... Hsss... beta what did you do huh? You're cut everywhere..." he watched her face morph from fear, to concern, to anger and back again as she checked him up and down, looking from him to Riya when her voice started to tremble yet again and the unmistakable look on Riya's face told him everything he needed to know. Of course she was supposed to be the sacrificial lamb yet again; it didn't f**king matter that he had obviously made the choice to beat a bunch of assholes black and blue and that she hadn't a damned clue about it... somehow it would always be her fault in this house. These four walls he had somehow survived all these years would eventually eat her alive... change her. Why couldn't she understand that this was the only way he save her? He remained quiet for a moment as his mother turned her wrath on her yet again, "You are to be blamed for this! Do you know what you are doing to him, huh?! Do you know he is smoking and now on top of that you have driven him to get into fights!! Aren't you ashamed of yourself you horrible girl! What good are you?! Tell me!!?" she screamed the last and obviously intentional rhetorical question; however, when Riya answered her in dignified quietude, Shivam felt his heart swell. He needed and wanted her to speak up for herself, not just because he had to maintain at least a modicum of the facade he had initially endeavored upon meaning that he would be unable to stand up for her each and every time, but because in a family of thrashing sharks, she needed to remain being a human being; cool-headed and vastly more intelligent. "Mumm-" he watched her face drop again when his mother pointed a trembling finger at her, "Don't you dare call me your Mummyji. Don't you dare. You are nothing for me, do you understand? I. Have. Given. Chanda. The right to call me Mummyji, not you!" Shivam felt the nausea punching him in the gut again and this time it had nothing to do with the hangover. "Mummyji... I'm sorry to have to ignore you, but I wont call you by any other name. You are my mother-in-law if nothing else... As for Shivam... he is responsible for whatever he did to himself. Just as Preeti was responsible for leaving her own wedding. I can't monitor their every movements, but if you blame me anyway then there's nothing more I can say..." Shivam watched her look calmly and softly into his mother's eyes, not even a shred of aggression or anger in her countenance as she simply spoke the truth. He was proud of her for explaining that he was responsible for his own actions, for saying that every one in this family was responsible for themselves. She wasn't the damned Srivastav sacrificial lamb and the more she reminded people of that and kept her head high, the prouder he was of her. That was the woman he had fallen helplessly in love with; that was the woman he had hoped would be an example that his family could live up to. God... she was like a queen, her head held up even in the face of such disdainfulness. He knew she was holding back; his wife had more fire in her than that and yet she seemed to be biting her tongue in respect for his mother's still growing rage. "You are responsible! For everything that has gone wrong in this family! He is so stressed that he has to go out of his own house and do God only knows what in the streets. And do you know why he is stressed?! Because of you! I can't wait for you to leave!! It will never come soon enough" Shivam closed his eyes, rubbing his forehead for a moment with his right thumb and forefinger; he flinched when he touched the wound close to his hairline and hidden by his hair. That's it... I've listened to enough of this shit. "Ma... enough... please" was all he said as his words effected a total silence around him. He raised his palm before she continued on voicing her shock at him for telling her to keep quiet. "She's right. I went out for a walk last night and I got mugged and attacked by two men... that's all. Ok? It happens; it was my own stupid fault. And where is the cigarette you found? Show it to me" He clenched his jaw, his head banging so viciously that he was sure it was exploding in there; he waited as patiently as he could before dadi procured it out of somewhere from her sari as though she had been carrying it around like the sole evidence that would lead to his f**king conviction and subsequent death sentence. He took it from her, not paying attention to her grumbling or his mother's hate-filled scowls at Riya. When he lifted it up to the light and inspected it closely he saw it plain as day, the faint but unmistakable pink imprint of a pair of lips around the crumpled white filter around the crushed tobacco. "Here... take it back. Unless I've started wearing lipstick in the past couple of days Ma, this isn't mine. I don't smoke..." he shook his head as she frowned and looked closer at it before looking at Riya again. No. No f**king way. You have to be kidding God. He breathed out knowing what was coming as his head swam again in mild light-headedness; really, he should have known that that too would have been her fault somehow. "So it wasn't enough that you forced yourself here Riya, huh? Now you're smoking. You're very modern huh? Very modern... Chi... you disgust me" He didn't bother waiting for Riya to defend herself having lost any and all semblance of patience; he was still hungry and needing to get to work on time and wishing more than anything that he could drag his wife into a quiet, private corner and just kiss her mouth until he lost his damned brain on the floor somewhere. She didn't need this f**king shit after the last forty-eight hours and he could feel the atmosphere in Shanti Sadan change from a simmering thunder storm to an outright f**king level five tornado. "Ma!" he stalked up to Chanda, never taking his eyes from his mother before he roughly wrapped his hand around the woman's wrist and almost dragged her reluctant gait towards the center of the impending storm. "Here... do you see this person? This is a woman, Ma. She wears lipstick. And upstairs..." he let go of her wrist wanting to wipe the feel of her off on his trousers and pointed vaguely in the direction of Nandu and Preeti's room, "is another woman who wears lipstick. And yes, Riya wears lipstick too... so before you start pointing fingers at her for everything that happens in this house, make sure other people aren't already taking advantage of you and lying to you" he shook his head again as his mother started to speak and he cut her off with the gesture, "Ive known Riya for three years. Two of those years were before marriage... and I have never seen her smoke. She cant even stop coughing if someone smokes in the same room as her" he tried to break it down, remembering a time when he had had to open every window in the stuffy and toxic hall when one of the managers had insisted on smoking at least three cigarettes in succession. Riya had hacked so hard that he had noticed her even before he had ever spoken to her, remembering how gorgeous he had thought her even then. He had given her his bottle of unopened water as she smiled shyly and sweetly at him, thanking him for it with a chocolate bar at the end of their training as he noticed Bunty rolling her eyes and it had only been long after, that he had understood why. His beautiful, cute wife had had a crush on him for longer than even he had imagined and every time he thought of it his heart beat faster, his throat ached and he simply needed to hold her, cuddle her and breathe her in. Shivam continued on even as the memories floated through him, "I haven't known Chanda for more than a week or two and neither have you. And Preeti... who even understands Preeti anymore? She's lost her mind since being forced to marry Nandu, so who knows Ma? Who knows who this thing belongs to" he looked at it in his mother's hands before staring at Chanda, her own face shrinking away from him in a look that only made him suspect her more. His end goal might have been to get Riya out of Shanti Sadan in five months time, but he was not allowing anyone to make up outright lies about her. He knew he was skating on thin ice; Riya would no doubt feel confusion at his supporting her and no matter how terrified he had been at not finding her in the house this morning, he didn't want her finding out the truth of his feelings for her. And so he had talked about Preeti, insinuating that any female could have been smoking. For all he knew, dadi was the culprit; she could have easily burnt the end off, wrapping her own lipstick-smeared lips on the f**king thing before wiping it off her face. He wouldn't put anything past this woman after the way she had framed Riya and god only knew what else he still didn't know about. He might not be head of an entire family but he damned well wasn't a f**king idiot either! "Listen Ma, I'm already late, I need to get going. No... listen..." he shook his head at her, "I can't talk about this anymore. My head is banging and I've already told you that thing isn't mine or Riya's. So think what you like, but I'm going... I'll see you all later" he had cut his mother off abruptly when he saw that she was about to protest, almost feeling like maybe he shouldn't have cut Riya off from work for an entire week to live with these people twenty-four hours a day. He hoped she would at least go and visit her father; surround herself by people who actually gave a damn about her, at least whilst her shoulder was healing. But she would have to come back in the evening though, he thought as an after-thought, not even being able to bare the thought of her being far from him when he was in the house. Before he could start to contemplate what the hell would actually happen to him when she did leave, his chest hurting all over again, he shoved the thought aside and simply thanked the gods above that she was here, now, after the disaster of last night's events. He picked up the lunch that was packed away for him, now seeming to miraculously sit on the table by the front door after Riya had disappeared into the kitchen for a moment and he wondered if maybe she had packed him some more food as his belly growled yet again. And all despite the way he had humiliated her and told her to never again pack him food only yesterday in the office. If there were any angels on the planet, he was sure with every cell in his body that he was married to one.

He hadn't even taken a step out of the front door when he heard her voice, cold and menacingly slow, "And Sshi-vamm...?" when he turned to look at her, she was sat on her swing with one leg characteristically folded under the other as she spread herself like the f**king Queen Mother of India. "You pushed me, ehh? For this snake in the grass? Someone will have to pay for your sin, mark my words... I never forget these things, ehh... And if my Ragwah finds out... I will see how you will push me then" she tilted her head from side to side, smiling coldly as she did so and Shivam maintained his gaze on her, not even the least bit phased by her threat to him. No... what worried him was the way she said that 'someone' would have to pay, for who the f**k else could she have meant but Riya? It actually scared him to know just how evil this woman could be to her. His father would do one or both of two things; he would slap him for daring to protect his wife against his Mother Goddess or kick him out of Shanti Sadan entirely. The former wouldn't be of any surprise to him and the latter would in all truth relieve him of holding his damned tongue all in the name of protecting his mother. Who knew? Maybe if he did get kicked out, his mother would have no choice but to learn to fend for herself. However, until he truly was left with no other choice, he couldn't think of any other way than to stay and take care of her when it should have been his father who took on that mantle instead. Shivam didn't bother saying anything in return, knowing that she would simply find yet another snarky retort and the whole damned circuit of vitriol would be never ending between them. She could do what the hell she liked but if she touched a hair on Riya's head again, she would be introduced to a whole other grandson and he really didn't think she or anyone else would approve.

Without bothering to take her blessings, he simply bunched the plastic bag in his fist, turned around and walked out of the house.

*

Riya watched him retreating out into the light of the normal world outside of the walls of Shanti Sadan, her eyes tracing the silhouette of his strong broad shoulders and the taper of his back into the most perfect behind she had ever seen. She closed her eyes, feeling both a bubbling emotional whorl of heart ache and love just for the simple fact that she missed him. Yes, he had been stood there only moments ago, especially after she had taken the paratha out of his hand before he would have been crucified for eating her food so openly or at all. But the vacuous bleakness in her heart and belly lay more in the fact that she hadn't been able to touch him, to wrap her arms around his lean hips and bury her face into his chest before he left her here. She was hurting and confused and not knowing what the hell to think anymore; on the one hand he had not allowed Mummyji to lay the blame at her feet for something she hadn't even had any proof for and on the other she knew, that if he truly loved her he would have outright denied that it had been her at all. The feelings that had suffocated her when he had walked out of the bedroom last night, leaving her to believe that she would never see him again now suddenly punched a hole through her chest. She walked away, unable to renew eye contact with her mother-in-law or dadi and made her way towards the back of the house as she stared unblinkingly at the slovenly dug up hole in the distance. She let her tears fall unwatched and privately, simply missing the love and warmth of her husband in her vulnerable and lonely, splintered heart.

*

Shivam knew he was a moderately intelligent man and somewhere in the back of his mind as he stared at the joke infront of him, he knew that clenching and grinding his jaw so much wasn't exactly a good thing. If he carried on like this he was sure that by the time he reached his forties his damned jaw will have either fallen out or crumbled to bits. Is this guy f**king kidding me right now? He thought beyond irritated as Akash had comfortably sat himself to the left side of him against his desk, dragging a spare chair to sit on. "Sir, Shivam..." he cleared his throat, "may I call you Shivam?" Shivam simply glared his answer at him, willing the look he gave him to shrivel his insides if at all possible and wishing that he would leave him the f**k alone. He had been thinking of Riya... again; his mind circling her even more when in her absence at work. "Alright... Sir it is..." he coughed again and Shivam couldn't stop the furious frown now contorting his features, fantasizing about punching him hard enough that it would dislodge his vocal cords. "Look... Sir... I'm talking to you man to man. Not... not as a colleague... just one person to another. I...I want you to know that I didn't intend to step on your toes yesterday" Shivam simply raised an eyebrow at him, the gesture prompting him to get the f**k on with it, "You must know... that I heard... that you and Riya are in the middle of divorce proceedings..." Akash... you conniving asshole... this should be good... he thought. Shivam leaned back in his chair, keeping his features level as he folded his thick and hard arms over his chest, simply waiting for the idiot infront of him to finish so he could slam his fist into his mouth. Akash shifted in his seat, his own shoulders hardening as he placed his arms on his superior's desk before pulling back again, "She's a... a nice girl, Sir. I mean... I really like her, as a friend" Shivam narrowed his eyes before he rushed in the 'friend' addendum, "The thing is... if you really are divorcing her then... maybe you need to let her move on, you know? Let her be happy... with someone else maybe. It makes sense right? One man's trash is another man's wife... you know the saying about the treasure?"

Shivam clamped his jaw shut so hard that his gums ached as Akash laughed at his own f**cking stupid attempt at a joke when he realised he had just insulted him and Riya as his face dropped. "Anyway... what Im saying is that there are men... out there... who would give an arm to be with a woman like her. She's beautiful, she intelligent, she's...she's... she's..." Shivam stopped listening after the word inteligent, when the red mist of what could only be termed rage had blocked out his ears from the man's inane drivelling. How about I f**king well rip your arm off right now and shove it down your throat? However, Shivam didn't speak, too afraid that if he made his voice work he would most likely roar like a rabid beast and hurl the man right through the flimsy wall to his right. He was seriously considering having him replaced, but he knew that he would be unable to act on it since Gupta had already done him a favour by ordering Riya off work for the week. He wouldn't likely do him another. More than desperately needing to teach Akash a lesson for what he had just said, Shivam knew he needed to keep his damned head screwed on and try his best to ignore his own Neanderthal, possessive hormones for his wife as he itched to pound the man's face in. At least for now. If he was serious about owning his own business and being his own boss one day then he couldn't afford to lose his head; having no one to be answerable to sounded more appealing than he could have ever imagined because if he had been his own boss at present, Akash's f**king head would be lodged in the wall next to him. Owing to the fact that that wasn't the case at present, Shivam simply glared at Akash until he looked away first as his own voice rumbled out the warning, "Just focus on your damned job, Akash, instead of other people's affairs. I don't particularly give a shit what she told you about our relationship and it's none of my business anyway, neither do I give a shit about what rumours are circulating... but keep talking to her instead of doing your job and I promise you that you can go and have another interesting chat with Gupta too. Got it?" he gravelled out, feeling both betrayed by and angry with Riya all over again for the way she had supported this loser. He was sure now that Riya had divulged their personal affairs to him and it hurt knowing that she would just talk to anyone about what was going on with them. And of all the people to confide in, she spoke to Akash? He almost panicked when he wondered what it meant... why would any woman confide in another man unless she felt safe with him? Shivam bit the inside of his cheek before he was tempted to grab him by the cuff of his shirt and spit a warning in his face to keep the hell away from his wife, however, he only found himself grinding out his words, "Akash, get the hell out of my sight alright? Whoever the f**k she wants is up to her, not either one of us" Even as he said the words his chest twisted painfully, hating himself for ever having let her slip so far from his hands that he was left wondering if she was falling in love with another man. She had shunned him in favour of Akash, twice. She had spoken in anger about marrying this loser. Was it really so inconceivable for him to come to the conclusion that maybe more was going on than he realised? Shivam watched as Akash retreated back to his own relatively safer corner, wanting nothing more than to go home and confront her, to ask her once and for all if she loved him or not. But he knew the truth in his heart of hearts... that if she didn't love him she wouldn't have come back to Shanti Sadan in the first place to endure the hell she was in. And yet... and yet he was pushing her so far that she had been less than a hair's breadth from leaving him last night... could it be that she was finally realizing that she deserved to be treated the way Akash so obviously wanted to treat her?

Hours passed by like grains of sand in an hourglass, slow and fast all at the same time as his self-destructive emotions roiled within him. He had long ago let the jealousy eat away at him, tortuous nibble by nibble until he felt sick and ill and so green with it that he probably could have ripped out his entire scalp by the end of the day, having spent the unending hours barking and yapping at his colleagues until they all scuttled back home early. He hadn't been able to touch the food she had packed for him; every time he looked at the tiffins he replayed her hot, desperate kisses all over his lips as she licked and sucked at him giving him like for like... and then the image would morph into an ugly view of Akash's smug f**king smirk as she stood infront of him, protecting him like some kind of lioness. The whole thing made him sick. Not to mention that he was sick most of all with himself; he selfishly wouldn't allow her close to his heart and neither did he want anyone else to ever, ever touch her. She was his god damn it! He, Shivam, was married to her... her husband... and this asshole thought he could just sweep the f**k in and take over?! Shivam had left for work in a foul mood and it seemed it had indeed been possible to end the day in a worse yet state than how he had started it; he practically slammed closed the outer door to the Sunhara Enterprises building on the dwindling bustle of the street, not giving a damn at the strange looks he was getting as his fist tightened around the plastic bag of untouched food.

*

"Here" he clenched his square jaw trying not to roar as he looked at her face, innocent and wide eyed and so f**king sweet that his teeth ached from the sight of her, "take this damned food back Riya" He dumped the bag infront of her as she stood alone in the kitchen by the window; he breathed in and out, shallow and angry at her and himself and Akash and the whole f**king world, "I didn't ask you to pack this. And I didn't ask you to clean me up last night, you had no right, got it?" He lifted his arm, bunching up his shoulder muscles until they practically tremored in his anger before yanking so hard on his hair that he had to close his eyes with the pain. He knew he was being unfair; what f**king right did he have to be jealous when there were people trying to marry him off to another woman right under her nose? And yet the feeling bit at him, stinging and grating; he couldn't bare that she was merely thinking of that asshole as a friend, let alone talking to him. It galled him that Akash was so easy going without a damned care in the world whilst he was a constant knot of tension and volatility having infinitely more to worry about than f**king statistic audits, "You know what? You don't have to keep taking care of me, ok? I don't need you, so just keep your stuff to yourself, Riya. If you're so damned interested in looking after someone then why don't you go and give this to your new friend, Akash. I'm sure he'll fall on his damned happy, smiley, permanently gormless face just to get a smile from you, huh? But then he seems to get those for free anyway!" he watched himself wave his arm in the air like a mad man, as if he was watching his own nervous breakdown from out of his own body, "Just stay the hell away from me Riya, don't concern yourself with my stomach being empty or full, it shouldn't bother you anymore" Shivam bit out in his jealousy, his eyes unable to stop tracing her pretty lips and the gentle crease between her brows as she frowned at him in surprise and hurt and confusion at his sudden tirade at her. He was sure... he was so damned sure that if she threw herself at him right this moment he would have slammed them into the back of the kitchen door until his mouth and hands had physically welded themselves to her. He wanted her, to shake her into making Akash leave her the f**k alone and to bite that same full lip she was chewing on right now until he made her yelp out loud in pain before he licked it better and bit her again. Instead he swallowed back the rage and lust and need and turned on his heel and straight out of the kitchen and up to his room to sulk for the rest of the night without having eaten anything but half a roll of her paratha that morning.

Only one hour later he found himself quickly dragging her into the empty and rarely used reception room to the rear of the house whilst there hadn't been anyone else around, almost pushing her into the wall as he dangled the white plastic bag of food he had bought for her the night before. "What the hell is this?" he kept his voice low even if he was unable to mask away the intensity and the anger that hadn't really simmered down since stomping his way up the stairs earlier. After he had paced back and forth in his room, hating himself for yelling at her even as he wanted to go back downstairs and shout at her some more for this whole f**king Akash nightmare, he had found the food laid out and untouched by his night table. His anger had boiled over into rage yet again, spiking his blood pressure through the roof until he had accidentally popped the buttons off of his shirt whilst changing into a simple t-shirt. She had gone without a decent plate of food for at least three days and he damn well wasn't going to put up with her idiotic stubbornness anymore! "Do you think I bought this for you so you could leave it to rot in my room?" She looked at him in a kind of quiet compliance, as though she innately knew that this was definitely not the time to put up a fight, "No Shivam... I just... I wasn't hungry. I couldn't eat..."

Riya couldn't help the emotion that overcame her, remembering how her heart had wrenched itself apart the moment he had turned his back to her and walked away yesterday. The entire incident was still too raw to not make her want to bawl her eyes out and so she bit on her lip hard, welcoming the physical pain before she made an idiot of herself and cried right here. His eyes followed the movement, darkening again like last time and making her release her lip as it so obviously irritated him. He was so beyond exhausted and angry that she couldn't make this about her; he obviously needed to get it out of his system because whatever had happened at work had been eating away at him for hours now. If she couldn't soothe him in some way then she was likely to shut him up with a kiss and she really didn't think that would go down very well with him somehow, especially as she looked into his deepening and adorably moody scowl. I wish I could just hold him... he looks shattered... his anger barely registered; concern and worry only in her heart even if she had held back the tears in the kitchen again after the way he had refused her cooking. She had been so relieved in the day, knowing that he had eaten her food for breakfast and taken the packed lunch to work that when he slid the untouched dishes back to her in the late afternoon, her heart sank into the floor. "You weren't hungry? Really? After three days of eating nothing, you weren't hungry?" she couldn't mistake the sarcasm and bitterness in his voice as he moved a step closer to her, less than a foot apart from one another as he tried to keep his voice down. She shook her head from side to side, not wanting to speak up or explain why as he glared at her. "Riya I don't even know what to say to you. Do you want to pass out and create a scene? Is that it?" she felt the sting of his words bite at her, tears coming now without her control over them and she could feel the tendrils of anger every time he accused her of looking for attention. She swallowed back the hurt and levelled her gaze at his handsomely rugged face even in his anger, "No Shivam, I don't want to create a scene. If you're going to force me to say it then I will. I was crying, alright? I was crying and if I touched that food I would have thrown it all up... so please just stop bullying me! What is wrong with you? Why are you so angry with me for not eating when you say you don't care about me?" She forced herself to stop, a small tear escaping from her eye before she pushed herself back into the wall and just wishing he would leave her alone now. It wasn't as if he was the only one who was hungry and exhausted; but she wasn't running about growling at people like a bear with a thorn in its paw! "I don't care. You're going to finish this today and frankly Riya, if you don't then I'm not touching a grain of rice for the next three days from this point onwards. You love me so much right? Then eat the damned food and show me I didn't waste my time running around like an idiot looking for this stuff for you!" Even she had her limits; now feeling the weakness in her enervated muscles, she let her own anger lend her the energy she needed and snatched the bag out of his hands, "Fine! Are you happy now?! I'll eat your stupid food - that I didn't ask for by the way- later! In my corner and when I'm allowed to!" she practically spat her own sarcastic words out, now fed-up of his self-indulgent temper tantrum. When his face darkened and he took another step closer to her, she felt her body react to his heat and scent, his dark green and black t-shirt fitting him perfectly around his lean and muscular frame. "No. You wont wait another hour for it to go off, understood? Eat it now or don't bother eating it at all... and if you don't Riya then sit and be happy while I starve for the three next days. Go... now" Riya huffed out, tempted to teach him a lesson by refusing the food and forcing him to follow through with his threat and make him suffer and starve for the way he was talking to her; she glared at his own narrowed eyes, wanting desperately to smack him over his chest for being such an animal. She didn't know what the hell had got into him, yelling and grumbling at her literally since the minute he came home. What had she even done but pack him some food for the day?! It wasn't as though she hadn't done it before and yet here he was acting like she had thrown out all his belongings and set them on fire! You big grumpy, miserable bear! "Fine" she grated out, stepping forward and shoving past him so hard that he had had no choice but to step back.

***

Please read Part Five F for continuation

(NOTE: So this is Part FIVE - F - As USUAL, please consider my warning and don't read further if you do NOT want to read content that is of a sexual nature, contains very sexually explicit language and situations as well as adult language, particularly in my characters' soliloquies.)



PART FIVE F (please read Part Five E before continuing)

An entire week had percolated in exactly this tone, vacillating from glaring and staring at each other from across the room to verbal insult matches to the occasional heated look at one another of an entirely different nature after physically bumping into one another every now and again. Today was her first day back at work; he had been watching her throughout the week, checking her movements to confirm to himself that she really had mostly healed from her burns. Being satisfied that she was fit to go back he had waited for her this particular morning, ready to give her a lift instead of allowing her to sit in a rickshaw for another hour or so; at least the motorbike could weave in and out of traffic. He wouldn't admit to himself that he simply craved her closeness, even secretly hoping that she would wrap her arms around his waist for the duration of the journey. When she had come down after her morning shower, he hadn't been able to take his eyes off her, only taking his fill when she wasn't aware of it; the multiple pretty paper-thin layers of her nylon skirt fluttering about her legs like a butterfly's wings around her. His eyes magnetized to her top, the light material contouring over the curves of her body and making him swallow. Great... her first day back and she dresses like a damned fairy. He couldn't take his eyes off her; she had left her hair loose and long against her back, the silken tresses practically begging him to caress and touch. God... it had been too f**king long since he had actually kissed her again. He needed it like he needed blood in his veins and honestly he would even go without that if he could just touch her again. Yes, he decided, she really needed to get on the motorbike with him. The entire week had been a f**king escapade in trying to ignore his hormones, the testosterone pummelling through him making him want to roar at her like an irritable bear even as he wanted to tear the damned clothes off of her body and sup on her like she was his first and last meal. To say that he was on edge and frustrated on multiple levels was like calling the sun a damned light bulb.

He waited for her to step out into the light of the early morning, already straddling himself over the powerful engine of his machine as he fiddled with the new sleeker modular helmet he had purchased for himself last week. His previous one had been so outdated he had felt like an old man in it; at least this new one was a polished black, designed to be sleek and stylish with a dark tinted and sweeping visor and was perfect for urban riding. Shivam slid it on, bending his head slightly as he stared intently at his wife and noted her throat moving as she swallowed hard at the sight of him straddling the engine. He waited until she walked past, his hand shooting out and pulling her back to his line of sight, "Where are you going?" he asked her in as level a voice as he could manage considering he was already f**king hard for her at six in the morning. Shivam shook his head at himself, the movement barely noticeable as he took in a deep breath and marvelled at what this woman did to his libido. "I'm taking a rickshaw, Shivam, what else would I be doing?" already the sniping and irritability had started between them and he felt his adrenaline spike, not knowing anymore if it damned well turned him on, made him furious or somehow did both to his completely confused hormones. "Get on the bike, Riya" he almost barked out but censored himself before they started something right infront of the house. He watched her large brown eyes narrow at him as her lips parted, "Are you crazy? No... you go your way and I'll go mine... Rickshaw! Bhaiya! Stop please..." she had yanked her arm out of his hand, already making her way towards one of the rickety contraptions when Shivam easily hopped off the bike, the hard muscles of his thighs giving him flexible movement around and off the machine. He walked at his normal pace, his natural speed faster than hers by far and his own angry scowl painting his features. Like it or not, you're getting on that damned bike! He was already yelling at her in his head, this absolutely not being a good sign of things to come. Just as she put one foot on the step up to the carriage, he wrapped his hand around her slender waist and yanked her down until she practically fell on top of him, his both arms now holding her steady and against his heaving chest until she whacked him one on his right pectoral infront of the bystanders. He couldn't help but let his mouth hang in shock now that he lifted his tinted visor, knowing that the onlookers were just as shocked that she had dared to hit a man in public and in this part of town and no less, her own husband. He bit the inside of his cheek, too afraid that he would start grinning from ear to ear at her confidence before leaning close into her face and staring into the rich ochre brown of her eyes, "If you don't come with me now, I'm going to hurl you over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes in the middle of the street. It's upto you..." he raised a thick, deadly serious eyebrow at her, confident that she would give in to defeat and just follow him like the good wife he expected her to be right now. However, as was usual with his little firecracker, things didn't always go his way. "Really? I don't believe you Shivam, ok? Go ahead... do it... you've never do- Aagh! Oh! Shivam! Shivam!! Put me down NOW!! Shivam please... pleeease! Everyone is looking! Shivammyskirt!" She screamed the last words in close succession of each other, the wind picking up and taking her skirt along with it. He clenched his jaw, slapping his large right hand directly over her ass to stop her billowing skirt from blowing all over the place and giving the whole of Mughal Sarai a world class view of her very sexy behind. "Shivam!!! Get your hand off!!" he felt her hammer blow after blow on the boulders of muscle on his back, feeling more like she was massaging him with two tiny rubber mallets instead, "I either keep my hand there or your pretty butt can be advertised to Old Man Bankim who's looking really happy right now..." He felt her smack him again then, making him grin no matter how hard he might have tried to hide it even if he could feel the wisps of anger tickle at the periphery, "Nonono!... Don't take your hand off. Please!" She begged him this time, quickly changing her tune; it took him all of forty seconds to walk them to his bike, swing her back upright and standing her next to him. "So? Are you going to get on or what?" he kept his voice calm and collected, knowing how much it would drive her completely insane as though nothing had just happened. "I really hate you sometimes!" she hissed at him in her lowered voice, her face so becomingly flush and pink that he wanted to bite her cheeks right then and there. "Is that all? Only sometimes? Come on... get-" she yanked her hand out of his hold again, shrugging him off in her misery before straddling herself on his bike and his already hot thoughts turned hotter and darker all at the same time. She was wearing a skirt, on his bike like that and no matter how much he tried to shake it from his brain it stuck like hot glue. "I'll get on myself!" she snapped out again even as he positioned himself infront of her, the fit between them snug and close. When she pulled away from him, shuffling herself as far back as she could he snapped back, "Riya stop it. Move forward or you'll fall off" He felt her pinch the back of his arm, his muscle flinching at the unexpected sting of pain even as he tried not to bark louder at her. Fine. Have it your way princess. Lets see how long you can ride like this. He turned the ignition on without saying another word, kicked the choke and shifted the bike into gear before turning into the road. He could feel her knees behind him, his senses honed to where their bodies connected and being infinitely unsatisfied with what little he could feel of her, he decided to shake the ride up a little bit. As soon as they reached the busier roads, Shivam purposefully veered into the potholes and cracks in the tarmac, making the bike jostle so violently that she had given up on her stubbornness and shifted closer to him. When she refused to wrap her arms around him, he aimed for the bigger pot holes, swerving a little even as he maintained full control of what he was doing and he couldn't help the small smile on his face when he finally felt her shoot her arms out and wrap them tightly around his body before trying to pinch at his abs for his obvious and purposeful jostling. The only problem was that his wife wouldn't find any fat to pinch, his abs were hard and unforgiving and if she wanted to hurt him the only way she could really it do was bite him. And if she bit him he was sure he would probably come right there and then... so all in all, he surmised that there wasn't much she could do about it. He groaned out loud when he felt her breasts push into his hard back, the sound of the engine beneath them and the ambient traffic noise completely hiding his voice from her.

Almost twenty short minutes later, they found themselves parking in one of the allocated spaces to the employees and staff of Sunhara Enterprises. Shivam slid off his front seat smoothly and elegantly whilst he watched his wife struggle with the swathes of material of her skirt, now tangled in one of the peddles. Coming to the conclusion that should her face get any pinker with embarrassment she might turn into a lychee, he slipped his helmet off, ran his hands through his tousled hair and bent down to her foot. Shivam looked up to her and stared until she stopped flustering about like a trapped animal, "Are you finished flapping about like a crazed mongoose? Are you going to let me help or would you prefer to just rip your skirt off and walk in with your knickers on show?" When she simply stared at him as though sharp and pointy daggers were coming out of her eyes even as she flushed pink, he took it as a yes to his help. Shivam wrapped his hand around her ankle, lifting her skirt up her smooth calves and slid his palm upwards ever so slightly; his lower belly ached at the silky feel of her and tightened further when he felt her shiver and flinch at his touch. He didn't look up, knowing that if he found that look in her eyes no matter how angry she was with him, he would more than likely slide his damned hand all the way up to her inner thighs and touch her just there until she turned into a quivering mess. He pulled gently at the layers of skirt, now wrapped and wound around the peddle after the wind had whipped it about before he dislodged it free. "There... Her Highness can get the hell off my bike now and do whatever she likes" he smiled tightly up at her, feeling nothing but the coiling and uncoiling arousal in his entire body as he watched her slide off without even a nod of thanks to him and fluttered her way into the building ahead.

She peeked up at him from just above the top of her computer screen, the action repeated for possibly the seven thousandth time since the moment she had realised she was crazy in love with him almost three years ago. Riya squirmed in her seat, the apex between her thighs wet and achy from just his hot, deliciously rough hand over her ankle and calf and the feel of his hard body in her arms on the bike. She couldn't stop thinking about it, breathing in and out as though he had put his lips on her ankle instead of just his hands; she hadn't wanted to wrap her arms around his hard, large body or press her breasts into his back as though that was where she belonged. And why? Because she knew the moment she did, she would turn into putty in his hands. And what was she doing now instead of catching up on a week's worth of missed work and a pile of documents in her cubbyhole? She was staring at him like a lovesick adolescent... except her thoughts were so inappropriate that she was sure her face was burning up right here in the office. She was still furious with him; what kind of a Neanderthal put his hand on his wife's behind infront of the whole village to see?! His hot hand felt like it was branded on her ass and she was mortified when she realised she had wanted him to... to caress her... there. Oh God... what is wrong with me?! Riya shook her head, accidentally swallowing whole the boiled sweet that she had been sucking on and forcing herself to remember how mad she was at him. And he was carrying me like a bag of... what did he call me?... Potatoes. He compared me to potatoes. And of course, how could she forget the crazed mongoose reference? She narrowed her eyes at him then, willing him to glance her way just once so she could stare ice into his soul for how he had humiliated her. However, when he did in fact glance at her almost magically on command, she found to her abject horror that her face had heated all the way down to her toes. He stared coolly at her, his gaze constant and confident and unwavering in comparison to her own flushing face as it tightened her womb into a pot of melting need; it was only when he looked away again that she realised that she needed to actually breathe before she turned blue.

After passing Bunty the Ingredients list for the new brand of soaps, she noticed Akash approaching her with a happy smile on his face and raising his palm up briefly in greeting. Her nerves hitched up; she looked from him to Shivam, knowing that the two men simply didn't like each other and remembering the odd way in which Shivam had seemed to make references to her befriending the man recently. She was convinced it wasn't jealousy, considering that he had been pushing her away for months now... not to mention that he must have heard about his engagement by now and so truly the whole thing confounded her. If Shivam wanted to be a big grumpy child about it then that was his business. "Riya! Welcome back! " he smiled and she returned the gesture, "You look more like yourself... I hope you're feeling better?" Riya pointed to a chair to offer him a seat for a few minutes after he greeted Bunty. "Hello Akash... I'm feeling much better, thank you. Even better than before actually..." she wasn't exactly lying, but what she hadn't realised was how much her job had been keeping her sanity in check whilst living at Shanti Sadan. Having gone a week without it and then the increasing maelstrom of energy between her and Shivam had eventually started making her lose her mind. "In that case... if you're up for it, will you help me put some posters up? They're the new ads that we're supposed to be promoting, but the boss wants us to know them off by heart so we have to look at them all day... what do you say?" She thought about it for a moment, having already been sat motionless for over two hours, she felt she could do with the movement and so she agreed.

*

Shivam watched her from his somewhat quieter corner; after last week's debacle and his foul mood in the office, the rest of the staff had been giving him a wide berth for days now. His eyes trailed from her waist and up to her back and shoulders as she reached up to the uppermost railing, almost but not quite standing on her tip toes as her fingers tried to grab for the stray nail. Riya I swear to god... if you fall I'll kill you myself... Shivam grit his teeth, all paperwork still in his hands now temporarily destitute when he shoved it aside; his eyes swung back to the hovering asshole just by her left, his hand already outstretched and ready to help if she slipped. He was sure that bas***d had roped her into pinning up the posters with him and now he was standing guard, like some personal man slave at her every beck and call as she asked for a poster or a nail in turn. His heart nearly dropped into his belly when he watched her wobble, using the wall itself as leverage to steady herself before continuing as though her husband wasn't sitting on a knife-edge as he watched her from behind. Almost fifteen minutes later, Shivam still having not put pen to paper, the inevitable happened and he watched in complete impotence as Riya reached that little bit too further up and came careening down from the stool. Even before he had reached her, her knight in shining amour, Akash, had to his utterly sickening horror caught her in mid-air, his arms wrapped around her waist and under her knees. Shivam felt the bile rise in his gullet, already stalking towards them as the man stared wide eyed like a damned donkey at his wife. "Get your f**king hands off her now" he leaned into him from behind, grounding out each deadly word as though it had been chiselled in the hardest stone even as he looked down into Riya's shocked eyes as she tried to push away from Akash's chest. Within seconds the man had dropped her, so inelegantly that she stumbled slightly as Shivam steadied her with his hand on her elbow. She shrugged him off, staring at him like he was a complete stranger, her voice back to cold and angry as she fixed her top again. "Don't worry Shivam... I don't need you just as much as you don't need me, remember? And you don't need to get angry with him. I probably would have fallen and broken my arm if he hadn't caught me..." Her words were like torture vices around his heart when she walked up to him then, her scent and warmth and hair in his face as she bent her neck back and looked up to him, so close to him that what she said next could only have been for his ears, "Just stay away from me..." Shivam felt the verbal punch in his gut and chest worse than she could have ever done even if she had used an iron sledge. His breath stopped and he simply looked down at her, his earlier words to her now thrown back in his face to tear him apart from the inside out. So... this was what it felt like to be her when he spoke to her like that... like she was stamping all over his damned chest with pointy stilettos over and over again until there was only a bloody mess left. Shivam looked away, unable to reconcile the two and knowing that even if he had shunned her he had never done it in favour of another woman and that was what truly hurt more than anything. That for the third time in two measly weeks she had protected Akash from him. Even his inner dialogue had come to a standstill, unable to even respond to her curt and firm refusal of his attentions whilst she welcomed that man's hands all over her instead. He didn't think he could be mistaken anymore; it seemed that he had pushed her so far away that she had developed feelings for another man. His throat and chest hurt, looking back and forth into her eyes wishing he could just tell her... just explain why he couldn't wrap her in his arms and love her the way she deserved. He felt the pain wind its way into the back of his eyes, threatening to show itself through the tears he refused to spill even now. She was right... it seemed that she didn't need him; she would end up having to beat other guys off with a stick and he would just be a terrible mistake she had once made. Shivam swallowed back the barbed lump of sadness in his throat, the heartache seemingly always present no matter what he did or didn't do. "You know Riya..." he looked away from her eyes then, his voice soft and gentle and avoiding the look of her own reaction to the sudden change in him, "you're right... I'm sorry. I wont bother you again... just..." he looked back at her, a thin layer of moisture threatening to become more as he took in every plane and shadow over her now concerned face, "I'm just sorry, ok? It's a habit... I didn't want him... I mean, listen...forget it. You're right, that's all that matters. Your life is yours..." Shivam looked away then, not knowing what else to say anymore as his heart broke into splinters so small that they may as well have been dust by now. He turned around, already walking away and hearing her call back to him, "Shivam... Sh-shivam..." he didn't stop to hear the rest of it, knowing that at this stage it would be pointless if she had grown to care for someone who in all reality treated her with a f**k load more respect than he did. After that incident he hadn't the courage to look at her again and so he kept himself to himself for the rest of the day, burying his head in the mathematics of the statistics and the piles of mock audits he had to complete; not even giving Akash the extra work to help him get through it sooner. If they wanted to sit and laugh and talk together, then it seemed that he was no one important to interfere and so he kept himself from her, not looking up from his work or even able to hear her, heart broken and so tired of it all that he didn't know how much longer he could keep doing this.

Almost five and a half hours later he found himself making triple copies for the following week's sales pitches with the smaller businesses around the town. The office was basically empty as he had decided to work overtime, assuming that Riya would have received a lift home from Bunty or even Akash if she had so wished. His eyes hurt and his head ached and he had missed her the entire day even though she had only been a few meters stationed from him. She had approached him twice, asking first for a copy of a template he knew she had on her own computer as did all members of staff and then again when she had asked him to help her figure out how to use a particular feature on the updated version of Microsoft Excel. Each time he had refrained from looking at her, truly not knowing how to wade in such waters when he was in love with a woman whom he knew deserved a better man than him. If she had decided that Akash was that man, then no matter how much he loathed him or any other guy... he was f**ked. His heart may as well have been a tennis ball shoved into a batting cage, slammed with slog after slog until it shrivelled up and bled out. It was then as he frowned at the rasping hurt in his ribcage that he was jolted into a shocked stillness. He looked down, a pair of arms wrapped so tightly around his chest as the very familiar hands fisted at his t-shirt. Even being deep in a coma couldn't have numbed him to the feel of her completely plastered against his back, her shorter stature causing her body to push sensually into his ass as she clung to him as though she were holding on to life itself. He remained still, not knowing what to do or say and not even able to push her away as the relief simply stunned him into stillness; he couldn't mistake the wedding ring he had slipped onto her finger as her hands grabbed onto him. When he felt her rub her face against his back, the slight wetness seeping through onto his skin through his top, he knew that she was crying as quietly as she could. "I'm s-sorry... please d-don't push m-me away today Sh-shivam..." he felt the wetness spread, the movement of her face rubbing over him and the feel of her stuck to him like glue making him close his eyes in blissful relief after her earlier frostiness toward him. God... feels so, so good baby... was all he could think as his breathing deepened and his heart cracked a tiny little bit to let her light in. "I didn't m-mean it... I was angry... I love you... more than you could ever imagine..." Shivam didn't realise when the tear had dropped onto his cheek at her sweet words, and yet he hadn't moved his own arms and hands to encase hers the way he ached to. The whole f**king fake act would all come crumbling down if he touched her right now and so he remained perfectly still, simply allowing her to hold him when in truth he was allowing himself to be held. He needed her... he needed this at least. "Please hold me?... Please Sh-shivam... just for a minute? I promise I wont ask again..." Shivam bit into his lip, another tear falling down his face at the words a wife should never, ever have to ask her husband or to promise him. She should never have to beg him to hold her close, to cuddle her and make her feel safe in his arms and she damn well shouldn't be promising to never ask for his love again! Just the thought of it made him sick to his stomach with himself and he couldn't even tell her that it was himself that he was so f**king angry with. He lifted his arm and wiped the wetness from his face before committing the sin of dislodging her gently from him and turning to her. He masked away the self-cannibalizing pain, offering her only a level and dispassionate gaze as he took in her tear stained face. It didn't look like this was the first time she had cried today. "Riya... you should go home... it's getting late. Go while it's still light out..." was all he could offer and his heart snapped clean in half when the frown came over her brow, her shoulders shaking gently as she cried openly infront of him at his unsaid refusal to touch her back. He bit his tongue, so hard that he could taste the iron in his blood as he watched his perfect wife fall apart because of him yet again. "Riya... please, just go home..." was all he repeated before she looked up to him, wiped her tears and offered him a soft, trembling smile that spoke about her unending love for him just as much as it spoke of the irreversible sin he had just committed. If there was a hell, he was sure there was a special place there reserved just for him for the pain he had caused her, even for the pain he was causing himself. He swallowed back his own nausea, watching her nod once in defeat before turning away from him and walking out of the photocopy room. It would be hours until he returned home, pummelling and smashing out his rage and pain and pure self-hatred into the punching bag at the gym; if he could have sweated out the blood from his beating heart he would have. And yet it seemed his fate was to watch as his soulmate fell apart right before his eyes... and all because of him.

*

"Come on yaar! Smile!" Bunty pointed both fingers in the air, moving up and down as she wiggled her hips gently with a grin plastered on her face in one of her more bizarre mini dances, "We're going on a field trip today! Finally. That boss of ours is so stingy, you know? I can't believe its take him this long!" Riya looked into the mirror, tying up her hair into as neat a bun as she could so she could keep it out of her face; she couldn't smile remembering the way he had refused to even place a hand on her in the photocopy room yesterday evening. She had been utterly miserable from the moment he had apologised to her after she had fell; she had cried once at her own desk hidden by the computer and again in the ladies washroom where they both now stood infront of the long mirror. They hadn't spoken since then and she had helped it along in her own way by keeping well out of his way at Shanti Sadan. She missed him and it was hurting her missing him so much all the time without any reprieve and yet he seemed fine without her... there was nothing she could do about it and so Bunty would not be getting a smile. At least not any genuine ones today; everything just hurt too much. "Bunty, we're not in school... it's not a field trip. It's a team building exercise... they're popular within organisations now. Helping to build stronger work ethic or whatever..." She didn't really care for it today, the last thing she wanted was to interact with other human beings and especially Akash since it always turned Shivam into a testy bear when the man even came near her and yet still she refused to put it down to jealousy and rather to pure male pride. He couldn't be so jealous if he wouldn't even hold her for one stupid minute, could he.

"Come on! Everyone settle down and gather round... let's act like adults. We don't need to be giggling like school children just because we're in a park... yes, closer in..." Riya turned her head slightly, looking at Shivam to her far right as that Divya hovered about him as usual, making her want to yank on the woman's hair until she cried and moved the hell away from her husband. He didn't look back in her direction; if anything he didn't even seem to give a damn that the manager was speaking as he looked away and far into the distance. She felt a hard nudge in her side, "Stop it!" Bunty hissed and whispered, "you're staring at him again... look, just try and enjoy one day, ok? That's all. If you keep looking at him like a lost puppy Riya, then you're doing all the work for him... let him come to you if he wants you..." Riya frowned, knowing that she was making sense even if her heart bucked against playing stupid mind games with him. She didn't want to pretend to be this or that, she just wanted to feel her stupid feelings and be in love with him... yes it made her look foolish, but now she had to try and "get" his attention? She didn't want his attention if it didn't come from his heart in the first place. It was the whole reason she was forcing herself to stay at Shanti Sadan... in time she would know if he would truly want her or not, at least in the time they had left under the same roof together. Mr. Gupta had already rambled on about the work group learning to work as a unit, about trusting one another, respecting each other's differences and being cohesive as they worked towards a task. It all sounded completely ridiculous when he was the one who encouraged so much competition and hitting targets amongst his staff that it completely contradicted his little team building plan.

"Now the fun part! I want each of you to find a partner and get into pairs..." Riya couldn't help but immediately let her eyes seek him out, the mild panic coursing through her as she wondered if Shivam would pair himself with Divya or some other girl; however, when she tried to find him he was no where to be seen amidst the moving throng of thirty or so staff. "Well... now I know you don't want to pair with me. How nice of you..." Bunty chuckled at her for a moment having followed her gaze, "I'm joking, Riya. Smile. I know you're looking for your anti-lover boy... wait I think I see... no, that's not him..." Riya scowled at her for a second before she found the boss stood next to her, along with Shivam, Divya, Akash and another who's name she couldn't remember, her eyes drinking him in as though they had been parched of sunlight for the last month. "You six... you're mixing it up today. Bunty and Riya, you already pair up in everything so find different partners today. And Riya and Shivam... you definitely don't need to get to know each other better... so you can't pair up together either... ok? Come on, quickly..." her heart sank like a blob of gelatinous goo in her belly, looking at Divya's heavily made-up eyes already flirting with Shivam; he didn't seem to notice as he still wouldn't look at the rest of the group. "Shivam? Would you like to pair up? I don't think we have before..." Why can't she just get lost with Akash for godsakes! Riya felt the pout coming, her heart rate soaring as she waited for his response. Except he managed to completely surprise everyone after he took one intense look at Riya, for the first time having looked at anyone in the group before tearing his eyes away again. "No thanks, Divya. If Bunty doesn't mind, I'll pair up with her. Let Riya and Akash pair up and you can go with Mahesh..." Riya watched him raise an eyebrow at Bunty, obviously waiting for her to agree when her friend shrugged, looked back at her in utter confusion before turning away and leaving her with a man she didn't even want to look at right now, never mind interact with. Yes he seemed to be a good person and a friendly guy and even if he was engaged, one might have thought that he seemed a little too interested in her at times... but she had noticed he spoke to many people like that, not just her... and now for whatever inexplicable and completely infuriating reason, her own husband had shoved her with him and it was obvious he had done it on purpose. She couldn't even swap with Divya, the woman having already dragged Mahesh off onto the grass. Ugh! I just want to get this stupid day over and done with! She silently fumed, missing him even more after that one, (it took just one!), look that he gave her. As if his eyes had undressed her and scolded her all at the same time; her whole body seemed to want to be drawn into him and she was sure if they had been alone in that moment she would have lost her marbles and wrapped herself around him again. Whether he liked it or not. She felt like pulling her own hair out as Akash smiled at her, too happy for her liking when she was in such a horrid mood.

"So! Here is your task... you can all see infront of you some tent pitching gear and of course the tent itself. As well as two blindfolds! Each of you will put on the blindfold and work together to figure out what each piece of equipment is until you have pitched the tent... that's why we showed you the video earlier for those of you who haven't done it before. The pair to put up and pitch their tent first will win a free meal at the new restaurant opened in town, Arjun's Rasoi. And the rest of you get a freebie bag of Sunhara products" Riya felt like flinging her blindfold in the air and stomping back to the office by herself. She didn't want to sit blindfolded with Akash, she wanted and should have been sat blindfolded with her stupid, pig-headed, grouchy husband! "Come on Akash... lets just get this over with as soon as possible..." she ground the words out, irritated when he simply smiled back at her and nodded, "That's the spirit Riya! Let's win this thing!" and she followed him, wondering now if maybe Shivam was just a little bit right... maybe he was too happy all the time. She looked back at Shivam, a detached smile on his face as both he and Bunty were passing the equipment to each other, already blindfolded. She couldn't help her body's reaction when she stared at him openly; somehow that stupid blindfold making him look a hundred times sexier as it only highlighted the square line of his jaw and the way his stubble swept down his throat... even making his lips fuller, more sensual. It's not fair! Stupid bloody Gupta! She shouted petulantly for a moment in her head like a three year old, irritated that it was Bunty next to him and not her and feeling out of control as her body just wouldn't stop aching at the sight of him. Just watching his throat move up and down as he swallowed was making her want to smack him and suffocate him with her breasts all at the same time! She blushed furiously at her own completely insane, unhinged and out of control aroused thoughts, losing Akash for a minute as she just stood like a statue-still hurricane transfixed on her husband. Fine. I'll show you! You just sit there and smile Shivam... I'll show you how much I can smile too! She bristled in anger at him for daring to be even a little bit happy after the way he had just shafted her with Akash. Maybe just this one time she would take Bunty's advice and play him at his own game. He wanted to lump her with another man? Fine. Then he could sit there and listen to her enjoy herself even if she wanted to pull all her hair out and make him eat it! If he thought he had got one over on her, then he really didn't know her at all.

*

He grit his teeth again, hearing her giggle musically somewhere towards his front and left yet again at whatever Akash had said to her. Great f**king idea idiot... I had to force them together didn't I... he thought to himself feeling bitter regret at giving in to his stubborn jealous anger as he now listened to them have a ball of a time. He was still sulking in his jealousy, hating that that f**ker Gupta had forced them to pair up separately when he would have much preferred brushing his hands against Riya's than against Bunty's who was more like a sister in his head than anything else. After her initial cold front toward him, they had settled into a sort of rhythm and eventually she cracked a few jokes here and there in her usual chirpy and carefree way, making him smile every now and again and then of course he would hear her, so happy in the high sun that he kept dropping the equipment Bunty was passing to him. "Shivam! Will you concentrate... I don't even know what I gave you just now..." He ground his jaw again, hearing a sliver of the conversation between Riya and Akash and feeling his blood boil. "Akash!" she was chuckling girlishly, the laugh coming out of her mouth not even sounding like her, "that's not a peg... it's just a spanner..." she laughed again as the dickhead joined her, What kind of a moron can't even tell the difference between a spanner and a peg anyway?, "Riya... you're amazing you know that? You know exactly what you're doing...I think Shivam did me a favour here..." Shivam felt the rage marinade in his veins, dropping the heap of whatever crap he had in his hands and pulling off his blindfold. He'd had enough; he didn't want to win this idiotic thing, he didn't even want to be here and he definitely didn't want to listen to them compliment each other like a couple of damned girls gushing at each other as they braided each other's hair. He yanked the thing away from his face and simply sat there with his knees spread wide and digging into the grass. His favourite black jeans stretched over the muscles of his thighs, black and white t-shirt fitted snugly over his defined body and the blindfold scrunched tightly in his right hand as he stared daggers at them, wishing he could just yank her up and shove his tongue into her mouth right infront of the entire f**king park, never mind just Akash. Instead Shivam shifted up onto his feet, the strong muscles of his legs giving him an elegant and smooth rise as Bunty patted about the grass in search for him when Gupta yelled out. "Our first disqualification! Bunty and Shivam are out of the running!" It's not the f**king Olympics asshole... Shivam swallowed hard and looked away, not even bothering to apologise to Bunty when she took her own blindfold off and scowled angrily at him before shouting to his retreating back, "Thanks a lot Shivam! Great team work there! Ugh! Why did I have to get stuck with him?!"

*

She pulled away quickly, not at all liking their hands brushing occasionally as she tried to speed up their progress and finish off with it once and for all. He was as usual in good spirits, except it all came to naught when her every sense and thought was honed in on him sitting behind her. She had forced the smiles and laughs out, making sure she elevated her voice more than usual so she could show him how little his stunt to shove her with Akash had bothered her. And she had continued the facade, feeling increasingly agitated and not enjoying herself at all when she heard the disqualification announcement. Her face dropped and what minuscule interest there had been at pitching the tent had taken a permanent dive off a ragged cliff. Not wanting to seem obvious about it, she sped up her movements, practically bossing a more serious Akash about now as she snapped at him once or twice to use his common sense and hammer the pegs in instead of using his feet to do it and somehow as she rushed about, her only goal to get to Shivam, they had finished within only a handful of minutes. "We have our winners! Riya and Akash! Congratulations! Well done... you did an excellent job and seemed to have fun with it too!" Riya had already pulled off her blindfold, her eyes searching around the staff before she spotted someone in the far distance, sitting by the edge of the small pond with his long legs half bent and crossed at the ankles, arms loosely hanging around and over his knees. She flinched when she heard their names together, hating the sound of it and not even bothering to smile as Akash took the silly gold-coloured plastic trophy.

Her friend bumped her from the side, an unhappy look on her face too even as she patted her back in congratulations. "Yaar... you cant even do team building with him... never mind being married to him!" she whispered the last part in her ear after-which Riya scowled back at her for saying it in the first place.

Her heart fluttered about in her chest as the butterflies descended into her belly on approaching him, this being her body's usual reaction when she was near him these days especially. As though they had just met and not been married to each other for close to a year. She let her eyes wander over his broad shoulders and back, wishing she could just sit down behind him and lean herself against him... even kiss his skin where his neck was exposed. She almost jumped when he clipped the question out abruptly, surprised that he had sensed her at all, "What do you want?" She swallowed back her nerves and walked around him, lowering her knees onto the grass and clasping her hands on her thighs before she started fidgeting. His hair wafted lazily in the gentle breeze, three-day stubble thinly carpeted over his masculine jaw and her fingers and mouth aching to touch him and taste him there. His mouth was a straight line, lips so full and sensual that it was all she could look at before dragging her eyes up to his own black pools. "Why did you stop?" she asked softly, "Because I wanted to. And it's none of your business" his voice remained cool and detached and yet she noted the way his throat moved up and down as his eyes swept over her own lips. He looked angry, upset... fed-up... and she wanted to soothe it all away if he would just let her; why did they have to keep swinging from being so angry at each other to the obvious looks of concern they shared? Why was this all so confusing? Couldn't he just stop giving her mixed signals and be clear about what he wanted? "Are you ok?... I mean..." she trailed off when his signature scowl returned, his eyes narrowing and piercing into her soul where he belonged. "I just told you it's none of your business. You should go back to Akash before he starts dragging his damned tongue on the ground waiting for you. And yeah, Congratulations on your cozy dinner with him" with those parting words his eyes had shifted behind her before looking at her again, he got up, easily pistoning himself up with the obvious solid musculature of his arms and legs; the boulders in his shoulders shifting under the fitted t-shirt and now already stalking away from her in his natural swagger. Even now her throat ached at the mere sight of him; his signature scent of spice and ocean had filled her lungs and just looking at how strong and warm and big he was had made her want to shuffle onto his lap and wrap her legs around him. Her face reddened, her stomach scattered about in her chest whilst her heart beat in her throat at just the mental image of it. However, when she heard Akash's voice from behind her she realised then why Shivam had looked in that direction with the darkness in his eyes; she inwardly cursed, not understanding why he had to follow her here when she had obviously been having a private conversation with her husband. Just as she was about to tell him to give her some space, she had turned around at his welcome and found him holding two ice creams that he must have bought from the nearby van, holding one out to her with yet another cheerful smile on his face.

"Please have it? I got the guy to put chocolate sauce on especially for you..." he shoved it towards her for the third time now and so she took it, not even in the least feeling like eating it after the way Shivam had just stomped off with her heart yet again. He was so angry with her all the time! It was getting to the point that every time she saw his scowl come over his face, she wanted nothing more than to stalk up to him, grab a fistful of his hair until she forced his head down to hers and bit him all over his ridiculously sexy lips until she made him wince with it. That would give him something else to scowl about for a change.

"Thanks Akash, this was nice of you... but umm... I think Mr. Gupta is waving to you to go over there..." she told the little fib wanting to get rid of him for just long enough so she could decide what to do with the ice cream. When he turned away and wandered off with a spring in his step, she looked around and spied a few children playing cricket in a dusty patch. Perfect, she thought as she made her way towards them and quickly gave the ice cream to the first child she came across before making her way back to the group.

It appeared that in her absence mostly everyone had completed their tents; there were one or two that looked like a pile of crumpled plastic or a squished pyramid and yet none of it interested her. She looked for him again, not able to find him and so distracted in needing to see him just one more time that she didn't even notice Bunty already talking to her. "... are you listening to me? Honestly Riya... your husband ruined it... can you believe we came second to last?? And that was only because the girl in the last team threw up all over her team-mate just before they put the last peg in. Can't even put up a simple tent without that man getting moody. How can you stand it yaar? I'm sure he wasn't this bad before you got married" Somehow Bunty's words had taken Riya down a completely different path of thought; if anything, she couldn't stop the hot flush coming over her when she thought about what he looked like when he got agitated or moody. The way his entire body would tense, eyes darkening like they did when he looked at her like that... like she was his to do with what he liked. Of course, she wouldn't be telling Bunty that in a million years... "He didn't have much sleep this week... and he's not been eating Bunty..." was the only excuse she could give her, even if it might have been partly true. Bunty raised her eyebrows and grimaced then, "If that's the reason then he must be a vampire, not sleeping, not eating... I'm telling you yaar, he's like this all the time at work. He's even worse when you're at work too. You know... I can't believe I'm saying this... but maybe you should quit to make our lives easier..." Bunty shook her head in amusement obviously joking at the last part as Riya's face heated again with the mental image of her husband sucking on her throat, "Then he wouldn't be snapping at everyone all the time. He's like a depressed ogre when you're at work... do you know that?" she continued grumbling. It hurt her to know that she upset him so much just by her presence and yet he would do things like putting ointment on her skin or buying her food. Riya looked at her friend, knowing that if she didn't try and shut her up now then it would never end, "Will you stop now? You lost... get over it..." she rolled her eyes at her in an attempt to mask the arousal she was feeling only moments before, just from thinking about him. She felt a presence behind her, almost hoping that it just might be Shivam when Akash's face came into view, placing a hand on her shoulder for just a second before pulling away again; Riya frowned and looked at him, however, her unhappy gesture was obviously lost on him when he was already smiling at Bunty. "You won't believe how quickly she pitched that tent Bunty... how did you do it so fast Riya, huh? I couldn't keep up with you... it was amazing!" Riya couldn't help but offer a genuine smile of gratitude even if she was still miffed that he had put his hand on her shoulder again; if he did it again she would have to speak to him about it, because it just wasn't necessary... not to mention that she hadn't seen him do that to Bunty or at least not as much. Riya answered nevertheless, looking from one friend to the other, "I learnt it from my cousin on my Papa's side. If that boy is anything like my Dadi-Bua, then he knows his stuff. She made all her grandchildren learn how to survive outdoors in the jungle after she herself ended up getting lost once when she was little. But then... I don't know where she thinks someone will find a tent all ready and folded up for someone to find in case they got lost" they chuckled at that, Bunty rolling her eyes and chirping in, "Never mind the tent, if Dadi-Bua got lost in the jungle the animals would be afraid of her" Riya smiled, always a feeling of warmth when she thought of her. "She's an amazing woman, you know... Very confident and strong..." Riya added, when Bunty nodded her head in agreement, "Yes... will I ever escape the name Ghunty?" all three laughed at that as Riya remembered her incessant teasing to her friend... maybe sometimes going a little over the top, but Bunty had taken it in her stride and laughed it off as was her usual nature. Akash spoke then, folding his arms infront of him as he rocked on his heels, "Well... now I know where you get if from Riya..." he smiled at her and Riya noted the meaningful look Bunty gave her from behind, having no idea in the least what exactly it was that she was meaning with that very look. "Right... well I should probably go. Vinay wanted to talk about something... so I'll see you tomorrow at the office?" He asked Riya, seeming to forget about Bunty before he quickly looked at her too. Riya nodded and they all said their goodbyes; only minutes later did Bunty hook her arm in hers and start talking again. "You know... if he wasn't engaged already I would tell you to think about Akash" Riya frowned at her, not having a clue what she could be alluding to. "What do you mean "think" about Akash?" she asked, not wanting to think of him at all at present so she could just find Shivam and at least see him with her two eyes to know that he was alright. "You know... don't bite my head off... but think about him as a potential-" Riya pulled her arm free of Bunty, her breathing already coming shallow in her sudden aggravation at her friend's incessant need to dump on the one person she loved more than anyone in the whole world. "Bunty! Will you just stop? How many times do I have to tell you?! I'm in love with Shivam, ok? I can't think of anyone else but him. I don't want to. Everytime I look at him my heart starts beating like its trying to get out... so will you please stop being so weird and talking about Akash. He's getting engaged anyway and even if he wasn't, I don't care. He's just a friend, a co-worker, that's it and that's all it will ever be!" She stopped when Bunty held up both hands in defence, her eyes and mouth open wide as Riya's muscles sported a fine tremor with the intensity of her emotions. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry... calm down... breathe... ok?" even now she was mocking her and she was glad at least that her mini melt down hadn't resulted in another falling out with her best friend... but really, she was asking for it if she wouldn't just stop hounding her with it all. She lowered her arms slowly even as she continued talking, "I didn't mean to turn you into Kali Ma... just... calm down ok? I got the message loud and clear... Shivam is the only man for you. Maybe that's a good thing... you've started foaming at the mouth just like him when you get angry, you obviously belong together..." Bunty rolled her eyes then and Riya simply couldn't help but soften when she found the reference and comparison to him somewhat amusing; trust her friend to turn her emotional road rage into a literal walk in the park, her arm now tucked back into hers as they carried on walking towards the rest of the group.

*

Please read Part Five G for continuation

He had leaned himself against the rough bark of the mango tree, the handful of odd, small and shrivelled mangos hanging as low and as miserable as his heart after the tree had already bore its fruit; what remained now were the rejects, not very unlike himself. He hadn't taken his eyes off her, the pretty soft yellow skirt she wore wrapping around her body is the gentle breeze and her hair sitting atop her head like a cute little cupcake that he had ached to undo the moment he had seen her that morning in the office. There was no motorbike ride today; when he had made his way out of the house he had learned that she had already left earlier on a rickshaw, no doubt still in an attempt to avoid him after he had refused to hold her last night. He had come home, still dripping in sweat and in his workout gear as the damned water supply had been stopped; if it had been his gym, he would have ensured a back-up water tank at least for such a scenario. When he had nearly walked into her, his lower belly had tightened at the look on her face... shy and agitated and lushly aroused if the pinkness in her cheeks was anything to go by. He knew that look... he had seen it and relished it and learnt to understand what it meant in the months after their marriage. But how she could have found him attractive looking like that, fresh sweat dripping everywhere and hair plastered and swept over his brow like he just taken a dunk in the pool was beyond him. He had taken his shower after, his cock rock hard and refusing to just f**king leave him alone even as he ended up tossing and turning in the bed that still held the scent of her... the light, floral perfume she wore to bed every night. He had been so f**king tempted to wrap his palm around himself and just for once allow himself the release he needed. But he hadn't... he couldn't, knowing how much he had hurt her only hours before and so he had forced himself to suffer an angry erection that just wouldn't quit, the only thing making it finally go was the sweet oblivion that took him over in the form of sleep. But of course... he had woken up with the thing practically staring back up at him, mocking him in his misery as he had looked down at himself, engorged and so f**king pink he swore he was turning blue with the amount of blood that had pooled in his dick. He had indulged himself for all of five seconds, wrapping his hand around himself and squeezing until he felt a fraction of relief before taking his hand away and cursing words that even the devil himself would have blushed at. He was miserable, heart broken, so f**king sexually frustrated that he was sure his own dick hated him more than he hated himself and he missed her. He missed her so damned much... and he was going insane with it.

Now he watched her, possessively, heatedly... angrily... and with a hundred and one different, equally intense emotions as his hand fisted at the way Akash touched her even for a second. He hadn't missed the drawn-out frown on her face when she looked at the man, not even ashamed that he felt relieved that she hadn't seemed happy with him. However, she had taken his damned ice cream and when she had walked off towards the children with the cone in her hands he had looked away, not wanting to watch her pretty tongue lick the cream when it should have been f**king well licking him. He knew it was insane and slightly unhinged, jealous that she would take his ice-cream when she hadn't even touched the food he had bought her two nights ago and yet even then he couldn't blame her. Hadn't she said? She had been crying and no doubt because of everything that had transpired that night and the words they had exchanged. He had dared her to leave and she had caved in to his assholery and gave in to him. Was it any f**king wonder she had lost her appetite? He could hardly complain when he had spent the night drinking himself into such a damned stupor that he couldn't even remember his beyond sexy wife taking his pants off! And yet still... he wanted to pound Akash's face in before ripping that ice-cream right out of her hands and shoving it back down Akash's throat until he damned well choked to death on it. He honestly hadn't known that he was capable of such violent thought and even actions if he was pushed to it... and yet here he was; another man just had to look at her funny and his testosterone levels shot through the f**king stratosphere. When she had sat down next to him, skirts aflutter around them both as the edge of her lace just touched his jeans he had wanted to pull on it... wrap his palms around it and pull until she came with it and straight onto his lap. He had been angrier in that moment as he stared at the one lily in the pond, having just heard Akash fawn all over how amazing she was... Of course she's amazing you f**king donkey. What the hell would you even know about her? She's perfect. He repeated the same thoughts as before, glad now that Akash was walking the hell away from her even though he was irritated at the smile he had just seemed to pull out of her. He did feel like a f**king reject; glowering in the shadows in the shade of an ancient tree like some kind of monstrous Phantom of the Opera spying on the woman he loved... and her friends laughing and joking with each other and making her smile. He should have been the one making her smile. His heart ached so hard that it reached into his throat. He should be the one, stood behind her, arms wrapped snugly around her waist and his head on her shoulder as she leaned back into him. Not f**king Akash with his big hairy hooves all over her! He almost growled out, shifting from one leg to the other as he continued leaning his shoulder and hip into the now biting bark, wondering how she would feel if he had brought her here and kissed her and slid his hands over her contours under the low hanging leaves hidden from the world. Well... it wasn't going to f**king happen... ever. He must have been a damned dictator or psycho in his past life if this was his penance, because whatever he was going through now, even hell itself couldn't compete with it.

*

"Papa... Papa, I'm coming home, ok? Just... just promise me you will stay there... don't worry about any-..." she trailed off, wiping the tears from her eyes and trying not to break down and cry, "Aray... beta... why are you worrying, huh? Come on now... don't cry, huh? I'm fine... I promise. It was just some chest pain beta... I might have pulled a muscle while reaching on the shelf... that Bunty, I don't know what kind of mouth that girl has, worrying you like this..." His soft and gentle voice broke the dam and she sobbed out a soft cry into the receiver of the house phone, having not thought twice to call him when the battery on her mobile had died. She clamped her mouth shut with her other hand, not wanting to worry him because of her inability to control her emotions. Bunty had called her briefly on her mobile, getting only part way through the conversation before it cut off and told her that her Papa had suffered a health scare. She had found him clutching his chest and sat hunched at the kitchen table, trying to take slow breaths of air into his lungs before she called the doctor. As it turned out, the doctor had indeed given him a clean bill of health and she had made him repeat what the professional had said nearly five times; the sharp pain that had made him so breathless was nothing more than an intense muscle cramp around his ribcage. Even then, she was shaken... scared and feeling guilty and ashamed all over again after she had told him to leave Shanti Sadan with the police he had brought with him. She knew he had long forgiven her, being the most amazing father in the whole world and knowing his daughter better than any father could know a daughter. Knowing that she had panicked and hadn't been able to bear seeing Shivam locked up. "I'm s-sorry P-papa... listen... I'm coming h-home tonight, ok? I-" Even as she was trying desperately to hold back her tears, she quickly clamped her hand over the receiver so no sound would reach his ears after the rude interruption. "Eh?! What do you think you're doing using our phone? Give me that! Put it down now... come on... down..." Dadi's sari moved about her like a mini whirlwind, her slightly wrinkled arm shooting out and ripping the phone out of Riya's hand. She slammed it so hard back into its cradle that she jumped, tears of both sadness and now anger flowing down her own face.

"Here... call Papaji... give him this, his doctor probably already gave it to him but in case he didn't... this might help. Its safe for people with heart issues..." Riya had fisted her hand to stop herself from shouting at dadi for cutting off an important call, ready to throw a wad of Rs100 bills in her face if her phone bill was so damned important to her when she heard his voice, gentle and low and behind her. When she turned around and looked directly up into his soulful and sad eyes in the first time in over four days since the team building outing, he was already holding out his mobile phone to her along with a particularly expensive muscular pain ointment that she was familiar with from when she had sprained her ankle. "Keep the phone if you need to. I'll get another..." was all he left her with, tears now unimpeded down her face at what he had just done for her; in the space of seconds he had the ability to wipe out every harsh and cruel and callous word he had said to her, simply by feeling her pain. And yet... still she knew that it didn't mean anything... it didn't mean he wanted her back. It just meant that he was the most beautiful man in the world to her. She took it from his open hand, too emotional to speak and swallowed her thanks, his eyes staring at her throat before looking back at dadi. "Give him his phone back right now. He might have lost his mind, ehhh, but I still have my faculties with me. Your crocodile tears are nothing for me... give it to me and run back to your Papaji. You see what is happening with your Papaji now, ehh? After he insulted me and my Ragwah... he is paying for his sins...ehh" She felt the wall of unabashed anger raise from the ground up then, fully ready to hurl insult after insult at the evil witch infront of her who hadn't a particle of compassion in her desiccated heart; however, just as she took a step forward, she felt a strong arm move infront of her, brushing her slightly before he stood between them. "It's my phone to give, dadi... she can do what she likes with it" she looked up to the back of his head, shaking gently from side to side as he looked down to his dadi. "I might not love her enough to stay married to her dadi... but Papaji has a right to protect her if he thinks she is in trouble. It doesn't matter what any of us think... he is still her Papa. If it is a sin to protect your child, then you have committed the same sin, dadi. So please... you don't need to insult another parent for just doing their duty. If someone insulted you infront of Papaji, he wouldn't spare them... so try and at least have the same feeling for someone else's parent... no matter how much you might hate them" Riya broke down then, shoulders heaving at the overwhelming gratitude and love and respect in her heart for the way he had stood up not for her, but for her father who couldn't even defend himself as dadi had insulted him. His first words might still be cutting into her soul... but what he had said was nothing new; what he had said after that, was what made her respect him no matter how much he pushed her away. "So now the pota is preaching to the dadi what is right and wrong, ehh?" Riya heard dadi's voice tremble, sounding like she was on the brink of tears as she no doubt started her manipulative emotional drama again, "You are not my Ragwah's son... I'm telling you..." she saw her point a shaky finger towards Shivam from what she could make out around his tall and broad frame. "My Ragwah would never speak to me like this... and you think you have the right? Amit is more Ragwah's son than you are! I am gravely insulted today... gravely insulted. When I tell your Papaji you can speak to him like this too then, ehh. You can-" She sensed him move then, abruptly ignoring dadi in mid-speech when he turned his back to her, now looking into her own eyes even if he wouldn't come closer or touch her; Riya forced back her silent tears and stopped crying, looking back up to him as he waited patiently, "You should go and look after Papaji... he'll be glad to see you. If you need something for him, let me know..." and with a look of sadness and concern in his own eyes, not a trace of the animosity usually sent her way and completely ignoring the woman who had just been insulting him, he left her there to look at the deathly stare of Dadiji.

"Now beta... come on now... stop Riya... this isn't good for you, huh? Enough crying now..." he made a soothing tst-ing sound with his tongue, caressing the top of her head like only a loving dad could. "I-I can't Papa... I'm so sorry..." she felt her voice pitch and lengthen as she cried into his shoulder, leaning into him slightly as she lost all strength, her tears sapping and leaking out almost every ounce of pain and heart ache she had suffered in the last few months and yet even then she held back, unable to burden him any more than this. "Sshh...shsh..shshh..." she felt him lift her head back up, looking into her eyes with such kindness and such gentleness that she wanted to tell him he really wasn't helping her to stop crying by looking at her like that. She didn't deserve such a father; the only man who had stood by her side through literally everything in her life from the moment she had been born to this very second and even after she had hurt him, he held her safe in his arms. "Listen to me Riya..." his voice shook then, "I can't listen to you cry like this...hmm? Please... come on, sit down... wipe your tears.." even as he said it, he raised a tissue to her cheeks and blotted them away as soothingly as his words had calmed her. "Sit here... I will make you some nice, hot ginger tea, hm?" Riya wiped her eyes completely dry, squaring her shoulders and already trying to straighten herself, "No Papa... you will do no such thing... sit here and I will make it..." He smiled at her, almost smirking in amusement when he raised his arms at her, "I'm the Papa in this relationship, not you. Now sit... I haven't made my daughter even one cup of tea since a long time. Afterwards, I promise you can boss me around... but let me make one cup of tea..." he gave her such a pleading look as he asked that she had really been left with no choice than to acquiesce, already pointing a finger at him across the distance of the kitchen, "Alright... but just this once Papa and then you do what I tell you... deal?" He looked up, chuckled out loud and nodded, "Deal beta... you haven't changed..."

"Please forgive me Papa... I'm s-sorry..." she had taken a sip of the deliciously spicy ginger tea, warming her insides like a hug that transcended time and space, the kind of cup of tea that only her father could make with his hands and infused with love. "Riyaaa... how many times do I have to tell you? I understand... I do. I know you love him... I know you didn't want to see him get into to trouble, but I'm your Papa, my job is to protect you. Even from someone you love... that's why dads exist..." he smiled warmly at her, trying to make a small joke as she wiped her tears again. It was the first time she had been able to apologise face-to-face, having only spoken to him multiple times on the phone since the sour incident and apologising until he eventually scolded her to stop. "Papa... I know you think I'm crazy for staying there... but I promise you, if after five months nothing changes then... then I will come home. That's all I want Papa... I don't want to be the person who gave up before the last minute, I-I w-wont be able to...to live with myself... I l-love him too much..." she lost control again, letting her tears flow until she found the strength to gather herself back together. Her father placed a hand over hers, squeezing lightly before letting go and looking into her eyes, "The sin he has committed... what he has done to you... I cant forgive him" she watched him swallow back his own pain as his eyes watered, "but... but if somehow... somehow he comes back to you, then I wont get in your way beta... you are my little dove, you always will be... if I could take you far, far away from here to start a new life... to make you happy again, to find you a man who deserves you, I would. But I can't control you, I can't choose your life for you... I can never be like those people..." She nodded at him as he shook his head, wishing she could explain that things with Shivam weren't quite as black and white as he might have thought. If his behaviour had been confusing to her, then her father would have been even more perplexed and even possibly suspecting him insane. But she knew better... she knew that there was some piece of the puzzle that she was yet to decipher and she could only hope she would before her time was up.

After having asked at least three hundred questions on her living arrangements; where she slept, what she ate, how much sleep she got, if she was too cold or too hot, if she had enough clothes and money, how they treated her and the like, as well as her having to gently skew most if not all of her answers, they now munched on the bhajis he had bought in the market earlier in the morning. "So... you still haven't told me who this Chanda girl is..." Riya looked at him in surprise, already silently chastising herself for keeping it from him when she should have known better; the rumours in this small town spread faster than the plague. She shook her head as nonchalantly as she could, not wanting to alarm him and raise his hackles at the mention of a woman who could potentially be her replacement. She doubted it... Shivam seemed to be too suspicious of her... but it didn't mean that he wouldn't want someone else one day. She quashed the thought, too painful to contemplate infront of her dad especially since she had just been balling her eyes out intermittently for almost the last two hours. "Oh ... Chanda? She's a distant relative of Shivam's Phuphaji... I think Buaji found her homeless and on the streets... so she took her in and then she ended up living with us because there wasn't any room in her house at the Railway Colony..." Her father raised his eyebrows for a moment before frowning, "Well... why was she on the streets if she already has family? Didn't she try to find Ashok Bhaiya or any of his other relatives?" Riya swallowed, silently impressed that her own dad was able to make such a connection and conclusion when the people who were sheltering Chanda hadn't been able to. Except for Shivam... Shivam had questioned her origins so clearly and yet still no one had tried to establish who she truly was. She shook her head, lying again so as to get him off the topic once and for all, "I think she lived far away Papa... she mustn't have had Phuphaji's phone number and decided to try and find him here... maybe that's how she found Buaji... anyway... it doesn't matter, people will spread all sorts of rumours. She's just another Shanti Sadan inmate there..." she tried to crack the joke, happy with herself that she actually made him grin from ear to ear. Once upon a time she might have had great respect for that family, owing to the fact that they were her husband's family and that they mattered to him. But she could only stomach their cruelty so much; the only soft spot she might have had in any shape or form apart from Shivam was Mummyji and Papaji and that truly was because if nothing else, they had brought Shivam into this world. They had given birth to the man who made her feel as bright as the sun from just his smile alone and for that alone, she would be grateful to them. However, it didn't mean that she had to respect them or even love them... she could only understand their hate up to a point until it had simply turned cruel and unnecessary and so yes, she made a joke to put a smile on her father's face.

*

Shivam tapped his fingers irritably on the dining table as he scooted as far away from her as he could; ever since Riya had left to take care of Papaji almost three days ago, both his mother and dadi had been practically dropping Chanda into his lap every chance they could. Now as he sat directly opposite his father in what felt like the first time in weeks, he chomped frustratedly on the roti Chanda had made and gave her a tight and polite smile as his mother gushed over it. It was the first time he had seen her smile in months; a genuine smile that reached into her soul and yet it only turned to sourness in his own gut knowing full well that that very smile was there for one reason only. That the woman he loved was presently absent. "What have you been doing with yourself, hm? I hear you haven't been eating with the family... your Ma cooks and cleans for you and you can't be bothered to eat at the table, hm?" His father nodded his head at him even as he chewed on his food, his voice slow and his tone lethargic and listless as was usual for him. It didn't seem to matter if he had a full night's sleep or if he had missed work for whatever reason, always he spoke as though he wanted to crawl back into a cave and sleep for another decade. By now Shivam had become so used to it, attributing the feature to simply being a part of his personality than anything really to do with his long working hours. "I've been busy Papa... working longer shifts and taking on more responsibilities... by the time I come home I've lost my appetite..." His father looked pointedly at him, the too familiar look tightening his belly at the usual comparisons he had had to bear most of his life. "And did you get a promotion for these extra responsibilities? Hmm? Do you get money to do all these longer hours or are you giving them charity, hm?" Shivam pushed his plate away, having completely lost what little appetite he had to begin with and decided that he may aswell prepare himself for another verbal degradation by his father... afterall, it was their usual Father-Son interactions; their relationship wouldn't be complete without it.

"No Papa... I didn't get a promotion. I do the extra work for the experience... hopefully it will look good on my CV and-" He interrupted him, not surprising Shivam in the least; wasn't Ragwah his dadi's son in the end anyway? He smirked unpleasantly at Shivam before looking to dadi in their cooperative derision at him as she nodded too, "Hopefully? This generation... I'm telling you Ma, I don't even know what to say. My only son is living on the salary of hope" Shivam bit his tongue through the lie he had just spoken; there was no f**king way he was going to let on to them that he was now earning more. First, they had taken all of Riya's salary without even bothering with the courtesy of asking her directly and using him as the damned scapegoat, even before that, dadi had made it her life's mission to make every member of the Srivastav family sit at her feet and beg for coins every time they needed money. It didn't seem to f**king matter that they were the ones earning the salary. The only person who had any respect in this house was his father and even then his dadi gave what her son earned all away to her daughter. Well... he wasn't a damned imbecile to be handing over his every last penny. He had received three promotions so far and yet as far as dadi was concerned, his paycheck hadn't changed in three years; the extra cash he earned was kept in a savings account with a reputable bank that Riya herself had opened for both of them, the money accruing month by month and safely away from dadi's and bua's greedy eyes. He hadn't dipped into it since making deposits and yet even then he hadn't questioned his wife to this day as to whether she used it or not; it belonged to both of them and only them as far as he was concerned. Eventually he would use that same money to open up his gym, or at least that was currently the plan unless Riya needed it more. If his father had anything to say about it when that time came, he would cross that bridge when he came to it. "Ehh... are you listening Shivam? Your Papa knows what he is talking about. Look at my Amit, hmm? He doesn't go around working for free" she laughed deep and thickly, "he holds two, three jobs earning his way... not handing out free labour to people... ehh? Do you think your company is your Dadaji or something that you will work for free for them, ehh?" Shivam grit his teeth, his damned back hurting now after the way he had pulled the middle latissimus dorsi muscle in his back having pummelled his frustration out into the harder and tougher free-standing punching bag at the gym. To say that he had been missing her was the understatement of the century; staring at the door when he was home and expecting her to walk in at any time and when she didn't by the time midnight came around, he would drag his body upstairs and toss and turn for another damned night, wondering what she was upto... and envying her reprieve from this f**king insanitarium. He hoped Papaji was alright; he knew the man loathed him and he respected him greatly for it, even loved him for it... as far as he was concerned, any father worth his salt would want to rip his heart out and eat it for breakfast after what he had done to her. If there was any other man in this world who loved her even a fraction more than he did, it was Papaji... and for that he would always have his eternal respect and gratitude for being a dad to her and not just the title that came with it, not just the basic duties of putting a roof over her head and food in her mouth. No... Riya's father knew her, understood her. He put her first above all else. "Ahh... Ma, why are you wasting your breath, huh? He isn't even listening... heyy! Are you listening?! Pay attention to your dadi... she has more wisdom in her than all of us put together... I'm telling you..." He kept his mouth shut, knowing all too well what would happen if he dared to voice an individual opinion of his own; his father turned to his mother, her face already dropping at his anger and disappointment, "Do you see your son, hmm? You brought him up like this... pampering him, spoiling him... learn something from Sarla, I'm telling you Malkine... before it's too late..." Shivam sat up taller, straightening the muscles in his back and simply looked at his mother's quiet, sad face and it was then that he remembered why he had made the f**king insane and tortuous decision to let Riya fade from this life. It wasn't just for his mother... no... she had made her choice to follow dadi to the ends of the earth; she was as much part of her own destruction as dadi and bua were. But Riya? If Riya stayed here, he would see her slowly transform into the current image of his own mother. Broken, without a voice of her own and so miserable that she would have to delude herself into thinking that her mother-in-law's high-handedness was just her way of showing love. Dadi was slowly turning his own mother into a younger version of herself and if his wife remained here, she would end up living the life his mother had and he realised then that he would rather die without the one he loved than expose her to this bullshit. It was for that look on his mother's face, the evidence of her life up to this point in time that he renewed his decision to let the other half of his free-spirited heart go forever. And yet right now he honestly wondered what the f**k was the point of him being here; even now he didn't stand up to his father, wishing he could just spit the whole damned thing out once and for all and tell him what he really thought. Except he never did. If he did, his own mother would probably disown him; it wasn't exactly a secret that she put his father first in all things. And yet still he was held prisoner to love her and care for her like any son would. In a cage I have the key to... he reminded himself quietly, looking away from his mother and trying to drown out the murmuring voices of his father and dadi. At least dadi hadn't informed him of his behaviour with her over two days ago or the way he had pushed her off of Riya, at least not yet and he counted small blessings, simply wanting to get as far away from the table as possible.

"Sh-shivamji..." he turned to his right to look at Chanda then, waiting for her to finish batting her eyelashes innocently at him as though he was a f**king idiot, as though he bought the damned fake act, "I made you some aloo parathas..." she made a show of swallowing her words before continuing on, "especially for you... won't you try them?" No Chandaji, why don't you lay them at dadi's feet instead... he thought uncharitably, simply smiling at her and patting his flat stomach absently, "Thank you, but no Chandaji. I ate a rich breakfast and I don't eat aloo parathas anymore... not unless they're made the way I like them. Now... I hope you don't mind but I have to go and do some work..." He stood up half way through speaking, looking at his father's surprised and laughing face even if he knew it was at his expense, "Aray... look at this. Now he is working from home without pay. Aray... tst-tst... leave it Ma... he will do what he wants to do. Here this lovely girl is cooking for him and he wants to hide in his room..." Shivam swiped his hand through his hair, still stood up and feeling like he was about to say something he was going to regret... and so he did it anyway. "You know what Papaji? I don't need Chanda to feed me. The only food I need to eat is cooked by Ma, my didis or Riya... not a woman I barely know..." he clamped his jaw shut as his father's face darkened so dangerously he wasn't sure when was the last time he had spoken back to him in such a way, but he would be damned to hell if he hadn't set him straight at least on this. He didn't think that his response was even all that unreasonable, but living in a family like this, it would be sacrilege to even breathe without an elder's permission. Hadn't he damned well told Riya that himself? And still she had underestimated his words and this was the f**king result. What the hell did his father think of himself? That he could just shelter any random girl and his son would go trailing after her like a desperate dog for scraps of food!? Did he forget that he was married? Didn't he have at least any damned respect for that relationship, that by all accounts was still valid and legal?! He knew he was snowballing into rage in his head, the stress of the last few days now catching up to him and feeling like he hadn't seen Riya's beautiful face and life-giving smile in weeks instead of only days; he heard his father's uncharacteristically harder voice as he tried to fit his square son into a round hole until he damned well fit to his satisfaction. To hell with what he needed, to hell with his children's needs! "What is wrong with you? Since when do you have the himmat to talk to me like this? Mind yourself beta, don't think I am your Ma that I will let you speak like this. You're behaving as if I told you to marry Chanda. Or did I say to just sit quietly and eat her food? Listen, I'm telling you again... I trust Amma's judgement and if she says you should get re-married then I agree with her. I don't know anything about Chanda, but Riya was a mistake that I made by giving you my consent to marry... but you signed divorce papers and you will have to re-marry again to someone eventually, on this I agree. You're young, you still have time..." Shivam simply walked behind his chair then, sliding it neatly back under the table as his controlled movements belied the raging storm underneath. He looked at everyone, each in turn before settling back on his father in cold silence, "You all wanted me to divorce Riya. Papaji... you found out last and still you didn't come to me to talk to me and convince me to tear up those papers, so I can assume you wanted it too. You all stood quietly by as I signed those papers. I did it. Now the woman I married is living on the floor of this house like an animal and you told me to sit quietly and put up with it. I did. She eats last, at the end of the day, while we sit and laugh and joke at the table stuffing ourselves with dish after dish. You asked me to join you. I tried and I couldn't. You want me to say it again to you? I will. I don't love her. I don't want her back. I don't see a future where we are together again. She doesn't belong here, she never did" he shook his head, his heart atrophying completely as he uttered the sacrilegious mantra that he had learnt to spit out time and time again; words that he had wished were actual knives hacking at his heart until it stopped, and yet he continued on the show. "I've done everything. There is only one thing I won't do, ever again. And if you have a problem with that, then I can't help you... this is the price we all have to pay for breaking this marriage. I wont give you grandchildren. Because I wont be bringing another bahu into this family" Because she will always be my wife and the other half of my heart no matter what f**king papers we signed... because none of us deserve her... he thought in-between his physical words, his chest having tightened so severely that he felt sick. "My didis are married, the responsibility of giving you grandchildren lies at their feet now" He swallowed hard, watching his mother break down into tears and his dadi's face drop so far down that he was sure it would hit the floor any minute; Preeti and Nandu kept wisely quiet and his father looked somewhat taken back by his son's audacity. "I signed the papers. I'm leaving her. But I wont sign my soul away for anyone by marrying another woman... if your priority was grandchildren then you should have all thought twice ab-" His father stood up so swiftly that his chair nearly fell back, voice now booming with uncharacteristic rage that he was more familiar with in his younger days, "SHIVAM!! Enough! How dare you speak like this! Is this why we raised you? So you could live like a hermit? What good are you if you don't get married and have children of your own? What is the point of you being here, eh? How dare you dictate to us whether you will have children or not under my roof... listen... watch yourself before I give you one tight slap infront of everyone here. I know a lot has happened, but I wont allow you to speak like this infront of Ammaji. I don't even know what good you are anymore!" he bellowed before shoving his chair further back and having walked so fast that he was already at the bottom of the stairs.

Just as Shivam was about to make his own exit, not in the least inclined to apologise or coddle his mother to convince her to stop crying, he stopped mid-stride when dadi called him back, her voice hard and menacing. "Aray Bullet-Raja... come back here. I haven't finished with you yet" Shivam closed his eyes, his head hurting yet again and took a deep breath in before turning back round, "I will say this to you... if you love your Ma as much as you say you do, you will re-marry. Chanda is here... she is a good girl... you wont get better than her, I'm telling you. She will be the blessing of this family. She has already made my Khushia happy, ehh. Anyway... leave it for now. You and your Papaji are angry right now... but you will see that we are right when you get lonely and see other people having children. You will see, ehh... then you will be begging us to marry you. But Chanda... hsss... Chanda wont be here forever. And your Ma, nah... she likes her very, very much. Am I right or not, Khushia?" Shivam didn't have the willpower to look at his mother's nodding face, rather choosing to stare black singed holes into the floor beneath his feet as he kept his mouth shut. The less he spoke, the less chance of his throttling her to death right here and now on the floor and so the sooner it would be that he could just f**king leave. "Anyway... ah... leave it, at least for now" it dawned on him somewhere in the back of his mind that this was his dadi's twisted way of soothing his anger, by emotionally blackmailing him yet again with his mother as her weapon. Well not this f**king time you old hag... you'll get the shock of your life when I refuse to marry even ten f**king years down the line... "Now that this mod-dern Riya has left us in peace, we have decided to go to the Maa Patneshwari temple in Patna. Chanda, Preetiya and I will be staying with Ragwha's older cousins there...ehh..." Shivam looked up then when he heard his mother's voice interrupting dadi. "And I am leaving to go visit my Bhaiya... see what you will do by yourself here, huh. I will see who will cook and clean for you when I'm n-not here! Nandu! You behave more like my son than this man does... you are coming with me" she bit out angrily even as her profuse tears fell down her face in fat drops. And God forgive him... but he actually felt relieved that she was leaving for a few days. Strangely, however, he realised that dadi wasn't kicking up a fuss over her daughter-in-law's sudden departure, almost looking smug at her decision to leave. He kept his mouth shut, neither appeasing his mother's obvious attempt at attention from him, possibly even hoping that he would beg her not to go or promise her the world, including Riya's heart on a platter. Well, he wasn't going to give her any of those things. If she thought she could somehow manipulate him by leaving home for a while and letting him, a grown f**king man, fend for himself, then she was sorely mistaken. Just because his mother and the women in this house traditionally did the housework didn't mean he was a f**king imbecile and didn't know how to cook and clean for himself, even if the food didn't always taste as good. He waited for dadi to continue, as she obviously expected him to beg his mother to stay and when he didn't she frowned, opened and closed her mouth for a moment in confusion at his mother and then continued on, "A-and...errr... your Ma is also leaving with Nandu to visit your mama in Allahabad for a few days... and your Papa will be on another long distance journey to a town near Delhi. So... you will be left in charge of Shanti Sadan, ehh. And Shshivamm...I have no choice but to trust you to take control while we are gone... Ehh?"

His head swung up in surprise, not having expected that in the least. In all honesty he was even more surprised that dadi hadn't decided to leave the keys with Bua or that she hadn't decided to leave Chanda behind with him; he would have dumped her straight on bua's doorstep or any relative's doorstep than stay anywhere alone with her! It would be the first time in his entire life that he would be left the f**k alone, to be himself and just be able to breathe without someone constantly in his face. His surprise eclipsed his earlier anger and now all he could think about was the wasted opportunity... if he and Riya were still... Oh God... I'd eat her alive... he swallowed back the regret now gnashing away at him and stamping all thought of that down into the depths of his psyche. There was no f**king point thinking about what could have been; he wasn't going to get this chance again and was going to damned well be thankful that at least he would be by himself for... how many days did she say? Without even censoring himself he asked the question in too buoyant a tone, "How many days will you all be gone?... I mean... so I have an idea..." Dadi narrowed her eyes at him, tilting her head from side to side with a deriding smile, "Ehhh... you see this Khusssiyaa? Look how eager he is for us all to leave... he didn't even ask why we are all going, he only wants to know how long we will be gone, ehh..." Shivam mentally smacked himself over the head for not watching his tone, now masking a forced and fake look of apology on his face as he frowned at her, "No dadiji... it's nothing like that. I just wanted to know... so I don't stay at work too late in the evenings. I should be here to take care of Shanti Sadan when you're not here... if I know when you're back I can work late that day..." he knew the excuse was a little shaky, however, when a look of concern came over her face he realised she had bought his bald-faced lie. It was everything like that; he couldn't wait for them to all just leave him the hell alone for a few days. And if Riya came back early... well... he wasn't sure he would be able to trust himself around her... but either way it was a moot point. She wouldn't be leaving Papaji for a few days yet, he was sure of it; by the time the rest of the family returned back home, he suspected so would she at more or less the same time. "Ehh.. you are right... I'm warning you Bullet-Raja... don't come home late ehh? If anything happens to this house I'll drop dead, I'm telling you..." You promise Dadiji?? He silently ground out the arctic question, wishing she really would just do this entire family a favour and join Dada in the next life to torment a set of other new souls. "No... no.. I promise you dadi, I will take special care of the house. Don't worry about anything, I'll call you every day to let you know everything is fine, huh? You just... relax and enjoy yourself, you all deserve to have a bit of fun..." He smiled broadly at them all except for his irate mother, feeling not a particle of warmth in his heart and hoping it simply looked convincing enough that they would just leave for a few days without changing their minds at the last minute.

"Well... alright then. But if anything happens, you call me straight away... this Riya is too busy taking care of that man... so I'm not worried about her coming back. But mark my words Ssshi-vam, don't even think about calling her back here... I have eyes everywhere in this town..." she trailed off, her eyes narrowed into hard slits before she laughed again, as though she had just told the funniest joke and creating an awkward and bizarre atmosphere. Whatever dadi. You can take your damned "eyes" and shove it up your ass... he thought viciously and hatefully at the woman who had made Riya bleed, knowing full well that she had already been in agony. He would never forget what this woman had put her through, month after month. And truly he hated himself even more for letting it happen, even if it had been for Riya's own good. If he had loathed her before all of this, he was sure that he now abhorred and hated her with every particle of his being until his skin crawled with it.

*

The following morning each party left in succession; first his mother and Nandu had boarded the train without so much as a goodbye with the discounted tickets his father had procured for them and then followed by his sister, dadi and Chanda on the opposite side of the railway line heading east to Patna. He sat, now almost five hours later having worked conscientiously through the particularly long office hours after having stared at Riya's empty desk more than a few dozen times throughout the day. He sat now, weary and missing her with his phone in his hands. He stared at the blank black-mirrored screen before putting it down on his bed and to his side again. He had been contemplating texting her for at least an hour now, having not heard from her once since she had left and having long ago felt irritated and hurt that she hadn't even texted to say hello. Or at least inform him that Papaji was well. Of course, he couldn't deny the fact that neither had he contacted her. He picked up the sleek rectangle again, swiping it open and touching her name with his thumb until a blinking cursor stared at him, waiting for him to write something. He swallowed and typed.

I miss you. Please come home... I love you |

Shivam simply stared feeling empty and alone at what he had typed, his finger already hovering over the backspace button when he decided to just erase the words, staring at them half way.

I miss you. Please com |

He deleted the entire thing, starting all over again as he held his breath, the emotion overtaking him.

I can't live without you and I think I'm going insane. Please just come home and scream at me, hit me. Anything. I need you back baby... what the hell do I do? I'm afraid for Ma... but I don't know how I can let you go. Everything hurts. All the time. I wish I could just run away with you, not have to worry about anyone. I never said this to you... but you're my whole world Riya. My ma is my ma... I love her because she's my ma. But you... I fell so completely in love with you and now...now I... why did this have to happen? God I miss you. Do you have any idea how much? I feel like I'm suffocating without you. How am I supposed to live like this for the rest of my life? Watching you move on, away from me. Please... please don't be in love with Akash... I'll die inside if you are. Please don't fall in love with someone else... I'm a selfish bas***d... I need you to love only me even when I'm hurting you. Every time you cry I feel like throwing myself into a hole. I cant bear it. I get angry and I want you to stop because its like thorns in my heart. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you ever met a loser like me. I'm sorry I ruined your life when just one smile from you is enough to fix mine. I'm already dying inside without you. I miss you. I miss you. I love you. I need you. I want you back, right now, in my arms, kissing you, caressing you. Those three small words will never describe just how much I miss you. I love you baby. My heart. My soulmate. The most beaut |

Shivam stopped typing, he closed his eyes, his silent tears falling down his face so unimpeded for the first time in the hours before sleep as his chest caved in on itself without mercy. If ever he had succumbed to the clawing, rasping pain in his chest it was at night, under the cover of darkness as he buried his face into his pillow and bit into his lip until it nearly bled. He clamped his jaw shut, hard enough to cause pain and opened his eyes again before coming out of his New Message screen completely, automatically deleting the outpouring of his heart that would never reach her.

He stood up, already wiping his eyes and made his way to his shower and stripping off his jeans and t-shirt until he stood naked under the hot stream of water, wishing that it could wash away the pain in his belly and chest just so he could breathe again.

*

She couldn't take it anymore as she forced down a grumble, frowning at Bunty now as her father neatly re-arranged her paperwork into what may as well have been total disarray. She had spent the entire night going through the key points she would be delivering in the Action Corp presentation, placing each sheet just so for her future reference and Papa had decimated it all in less than a minute. "Papa! What are you doing?" she heard herself whine at him, the sound so unfamiliar having never used that tone in Shanti Sadan, at least not with anyone other than Shivam at a time when he had wanted her. "It took me all night to arrange those! Can't you just sit down quietly somewhere? You're supposed to be unwell... not pottering about the house like a mad man!" she scolded him gently, even if he only looked once at her before offering a nonsensical shrug. "You've been married for one year and still you're a messy child... look at this here... what is in this mug, huh?" she huffed and yanked away the mug of sweetened coffee she had made herself in the single digit hours of the morning, her attempt at keeping herself busy and to not think about Shivam in her too small bed. She preferred the floor if she could be closer to him and she knew how insane that thought was, but she just did. Already two and half days back at Mathur House and they were testing each other's patience like old times. "Paaapaaa... leave it! Just... just tidy around this area..." she whined again in close defeat, elongating the word 'Papa' when he started to jumble up all the pens she needed as highlighters before shoving them into a container. Bunty pulled her aside then, speaking softly enough that her father wouldn't hear, "Riya... I think maybe Anupam Uncle is driving you more insane that your dadi-saas is. He seems full of energy today..." Riya looked at him, whipping about the house as though someone had clicked a couple of fresh batteries into him since this morning. She had had to call in for Carer's Leave in order to take care of him and by some strange miracle even though she had fully expected an earful from Mr. Gupta, he had been exceptionally understanding, offering her what time she needed off just as he had when he forced her to take a week's leave to recuperate from her burns. However, now as she watched him, she highly doubted that he had suffered genuine chest pains to begin with! He seemed to be perfectly fine whilst she had spent every waking minute wondering what he was doing, where he was or what he had eaten and even if he had eaten as he seemed to have lost his appetite as much as she had these days. Whereas, Papaji had practically shoved the food down her throat, forcing her to eat every morsel of food that he had insisted on plating her and accusing her of losing too much weight as he did so. She had to admit, that even though she didn't have the stomach for the food, she had felt more full of energy than usual.

"I think you're right Bunty... look at him... now he's brushing the floor, again. He already did it this morning..." she spoke back just as softly, wondering now if her presence was actually doing him more harm than good as he cleaned up after her. Maybe it was time to go back to Shanti Sadan... back home to Shivam? Even though she had appreciated the silence and peace, the lack of constant barbs and insults and mocking laughter strewn her way... she had missed him more than she could have imagined. Sleeping in her bed had only reminded her of the time he had snuck by to the house in the middle of the night; she, meeting him outside and plastering her body to his after having not seen him for so long. She hadn't been able to stop staring at the window opposite her bed as she lay in the dark, her ears twitching everytime she thought she heard a motorcycle engine before she would berate herself for even thinking that he would even be thinking of her, let alone having clandestine midnight meetings with her. She had attempted to text him once, just to let him know that Papa was alright, especially after the medicine he had given her to pass on to him and the way he had supported him against dadi and her insults. However, when the 'Message Sent Failure' came up on her screen and she had tried once more only to receive the same message again, she had decided to give up and just let things be. If he had wanted to hear from her then he would have contacted her himself and so she stayed quiet, not wanting to bother him when he so clearly didn't want to hear from her.

Almost an hour later and her small bag packed, she sat opposite him on the sofa; Bunty had left only half an hour ago to allow them some time to say their goodbyes. "Beta... are you sure you want to go back? I know I've been nagging at you... but-" Riya shook her head tst-ing at him for even thinking that was the reason she was leaving. "Papa... now why would you think that, huh? You have been nagging me since I was a little girl, I would have left a long time ago if that was the reason..." she smiled at him, joking and making him shake his own head at her cheekiness. "No Papa... I think after seeing you these past few days, you seem happy, healthy. This is how I want you to remain. I wanted to make sure someone was here to look after you if you were feeling weak, but you are being your own self... I ... I have to go back Papa. I don't know how much trouble they will give me when I try to enter the house" she shook her head, genuinely worried now that she would have to drag that lawyer back to their front door. "If you are well, then I should go back Papa... please tell me you understand?" He looked down for a moment before looking at her again, "I do. I know they too are your family, beta. Just... look after yourself, alright? Call me if you need anything... I mean it Riya, don't forget that your Papa is here, do you understand me?" She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders before pecking him on his forehead and hugging him for a moment, "Pakka Papaji... I will never, ever forget that you are here..." And with those last few exchanged words, she left her paternal home after the sun had already set as the first stars started to just twinkle through the inky blue canopy above her head. She hopped onto a rickshaw decorated with unusual purple and yellow tinsel and made her way towards Shanti Sadan, the slow contraption taking almost another hour to get home.

*

"Thank you Bhaiya... here, keep the rest..." she gave him at least Rs20 above his asking price, now wanting only to get safely back in the house as the darkness of night spread, as well as being grateful that he had brought her back safely. She didn't make a habit of travelling late at night; however, her father had known the driver for years now, even having visited his family and so he had asked him especially to drop her off safely and in one piece. As she approached the house her eyes naturally sought out his black motorcycle, her heart already beating fast just knowing that he was so close to her in after what felt like an eternity. However, she couldn't help the frown come over her brow when she noted the windows seemed darker than usual even though some of the lights were lit from within. She fished out her small bunch of keys from her handbag, hearing the soft tinkle of metal on metal as she searched for the large key to the door infront of her; if she knocked and they refused to open, then it would be ten times harder to get back in. At least this way she could come in by herself as trouble-free as possible and so she hoped that they hadn't bolted the door from the inside instead of just locking it with their own set of keys; afterall, it wasn't so late that they would have all gone to sleep. She inserted it, letting it click into place and turned it clockwise until she felt the inner tumbler rotate, now pushing gently with her other hand and praying that the somewhat heavy door opened.

Thank God... She gave a small prayer of thanks when she walked in, her sandaled feet quiet against the polished concrete floor and closed the door behind her as she made sure not to bang it and alert the entire family... and yet still, it seemed all too quiet. "Hello...?" she called softly, turning her head around her dim surroundings to find any sign of life; when no one responded she swallowed the sliver of rising panic bubbling up her throat. Oh God... what if they abandoned this place and left without me? Ugh... don't be stupid you idiot! His bike is outside, all their stuff is in here. Dadi would rather chew her own leg off than leave everything behind... She took a deep breath in, her own logical thoughts now calming her even if she was still confused at the silence. Maybe... maybe she just needed to find Shivam and ask him what was going on. He wouldn't want to see her, she was sure of it... especially this late at night when he was probably exhausted and fast asleep... but she couldn't just sit here and wait around. What if something had happened?? It also dawned on her that she hadn't checked upstairs yet... maybe there were all gathered in someone's room following another Shanti Sadan drama, who knew? Riya pulled on her button-down top, tugging on the snug hem of her jeans around her hips when she started her way upstairs; she stopped for a moment, her hand on the railing now sliding over the familiar feel of the material draped over the bannister. She picked it up, not caring if anyone walked in on her at this moment after having missed him like there hadn't been blood in her veins since she left this place. Her belly ached and her chest fluttered as she picked up his leather jacket, holding it flush against her mouth and nose and breathing in his signature scent of the vast ocean and the heady, sensual musk until her eyes watered with the emotion of it. God... she missed the way he smelled... as though his scent alone had the power to blast open her ribcage for the whole world to see her heart beating for him. Riya buried her face in the lining, biting her lip gently and wishing she could steal this little piece of him away; wishing that she could slide her own arms into it and wrap it around her body. She would pretend it was him, holding her, wrapping himself around her and drowning her in his essence. Riya let the small drops of fluid from her eyes seep into the material, becoming one with it in some small way. I miss you Shivam... I wish... she breathed out, leaving her wish unformed and lifted her face from this little part of him before looking up the staircase and holding his jacket to her aching chest as though it were more precious than diamonds themselves.

She made her way slowly up one step after the other, not wanting to rush her arrival as she held onto his now warm jacket, the leather having insulated her own body heat against her chest. It was as though... in some small, infinitesimal way he was keeping her warm. All too soon she found herself at the top of the stairs, looking from left to right and seeing no lights on in any of the rooms save for on the landing and a dim light emanating from his own room. He must have put the small lamp on... she mused to herself, wondering if maybe he really had fallen asleep or that maybe the whole family had turned in early for whatever reason. She walked straight to his room, the door only slightly ajar from its frame when she heard it. A sound unlike any other she had heard before, a sound she was sure was coming from him even as it curled around her like a hot, trembling vice of pleasant shivers over her skin. She swallowed, biting her lip nervously and placed the tips of her fingers against the grainy wood of the door, giving it the tiniest push until it opened just enough that she could see him. In the time it took for instant and eternity to smash together, she felt her legs almost give way when she leaned her hand against the frame, the door opening wider, her lower belly aching and winding around her womb so tightly that the pain would have been almost unbearable had she not felt the immediate flooding of her own juices. Her eyes glued to him, lying flat on his back... one solid forearm over his eyes as his other arm moved in rhythm, lower down his tall body. Her own muscles clenched in every direction as she heard his breathing; heavy, laboured and making her so damn hot she started breathing just as heavily. He bit into his full bottom lip, a soft groan emanating from a mouth made for kissing as the lump in his throat moved up and down from the arousal he was swallowing back. She wouldn't have been able to stop her eyes from moving down his lean, muscular body if her life had depended on it. His grey shirt was unbuttoned open, revealing each plane of chiselled muscle along his torso from his hard pectorals to the defined mesh of his abs before coming to a taper at his hips and there, as Riya swallowed what saliva had pooled in her mouth, was the opening of his black jeans, unbuttoned and pushed down his hips just enough. Oh... G-g-god... what... ohgod... oh my god... her brain short-circuited, staring at his large right hand wrapped around his cock, the organ so big and so...so hard that she bit her lip almost sharply enough to stop the whimper from her own mouth escaping. His palm fisted around himself, hips bucking slightly as his tongue flicked over his lip for a moment before being replaced by his teeth again, "Oh... God... Riya..." he breathed out heavily, his breath coming out tremulously and with such restrained need that her heart nearly stopped. She stared at the man before her, transfixed and so completely turned on that her breasts ached and swelled the moment her name fell from his lips. Me... he's thinking of me... Shivam... she thought absently, unable to stop looking at the way his hand pistoned and pumped achingly slowly over himself, the hard length of him pink and pooling with so much blood at the mushroomed head that she found herseflf licking her lips... both horrified and aroused beyond belief at her own desire to taste him there. Her husband was touching himself, making himself so damned excited at the thought of her that she didn't think anything could have turned her on more. She found her hands moving of their own accord, caressing lightly, hesitantly over her own aching breast as she spied on him from the doorway, needing to give herself some kind of relief as she watched him pleasure himself with her as his muse. Her body was too wound up and tense and desperate for his touch and the exquisite sound of his deep and aroused masculine voice, for her to not touch herself. Her fingers dug into the frame of the door, her other hand moving lightly over herself until she brushed her own swollen breast needing more than anything for him to knead and touch her there. Her own breathing came out in silent, shallow gasps trying with every particle of her being to draw as little attention to herself as possible. She let herself watch the changes coming over his square, stubbled jawline just below where his arm covered his face... the way he bit into his lip and sucked the air into his lungs making her press her thighs together. She didn't even know a woman could get this wet... this turned on from watching a man touch himself like this. Her man... Her husband. He moaned deeply again as his voice gravelled out, fisting himself so hard that she wondered how it didn't hurt; her eyes drank in the tiny little bead of pre-cum pooling at the tip of his head as his hips bucked upwards again in his need for relief, "Oh God... baby... Riya... f**k... suck it.. please..." Her jaw dropped open, the whimper so close to escaping the painful tightening of muscles around her chest and womb and up and down her thighs, all coalescing as her pussy throbbed like a damned heart was beating there instead. She couldn't believe what she had just heard; the filthy, dirty and utterly sexy words he had uttered in his desperation for her. Her hand dropped with a mind of its own, sliding into the hem of her own jeans until she felt herself over her panties... the soft material now soaking wet. She inserted the tips of her fingers, imagining herself doing exactly as he had just commanded as she listened to the hot, wet and needy sounds he was making with his incredible body and mouth... driving her completely insane with every second of it and making her want to please him in any way he needed her. Oh... God. Shivam... Shivam please... I need you... Riya closed her fluttering eyelids for a moment, chewing on her own lips as her mouth was desperate to taste his... letting her fingers slip closer until their tips brushed over the soaking entrance to her womanhood and it was then as the lightning spark of pure bliss made her thighs tremble, her fingers caressing over her swollen and wet nub as she imagined his hands petting her there instead, that she whimpered out loud. The needy feminine sound was so alien, so heady and sexual and dripped with such pure arousal that her eyes flew open, her voice stunning them both into stillness as his arm flew off his face in the space of seconds and his black eyes detonated against her own. She couldn't even swallow, the shock of being caught touching herself to the sight of him touching himself making her entire face and neck flood with unadulterated shame and guilt and embarrassment. He would hate her! He would hate her and be revolted with her more than he could have hated anyone in all his life! She sobbed out once in utter shock, knowing... just knowing that it was all over; he would never, ever want her after this disgusting thing she had just done to herself! He stayed his dark, serious and hard eyes on her own, flicking down to her hand hidden under her jeans so wantonly before darkening impossibly more as he bore holes straight into her own eyes again. Riya yanked her hand out, dropping his jacket and whimpering now in a level of humiliation she hadn't even thought existed; shame-filled tears springing to her eyes and pushing herself out of the doorway leaving her husband staring after her, statue still with his hand still fisted around the most glorious erection she hadn't even been able to fantasise about until this very moment.

Riya flew down the concrete stairs, embarrassed tears streaming down her face as she swiped at them angrily, furious with herself for being so shameless infront of him. For succumbing to the overpowering need that had been eating away at her for months, watching him from afar, feeling his lips and tasting his sweet saliva and bucking herself into his touch every time he had touched, kissed, licked and caressed her. How the hell else was she meant to react and behave when the man she was completely in love with, so desperately attracted to, had just been panting like a beast, making himself hard and all because of her?!! How else was she supposed to react for godsakes!! She sobbed out again, not knowing where the hell she was supposed to hide her face so late in the night. Not knowing how she was ever, ever going to be able to look him in the eye again. Its over! It's all over!! She sobbed out a harsh and pained cry, sprinting so fast to the door that led to the back yard that she couldn't care less if she tripped and cracked her head open. It would be more merciful than looking at the revulsion on his face! She ran like the wind, onwards to the only place outside of the house that she could hide herself from him without exposing herself to the dangers that lurked on the streets. She ran down the three small steps, running now across the long and narrow back yard of Shanti Sadan... one of the few larger houses that had been built with the extra land in the railway colonies, and she hid behind a wall half-built with giant, pale grey concrete bricks. Riya slammed her back against the wall facing away from the house, squeezing her eyes shut and slowly sliding down the length of the wall as she let out one small sob after the other feeling like the most vile and abominable woman on the planet. Instead of turning away and giving him his privacy, what had she done?! She had stood there like a damned pervert, getting horny and touching herself right out in the open!! It didn't matter if no one behind her would have seen! It didn't matter that the stupid house had seemed quiet and empty! She shouldn't have been watching him, spying on him from the shadows. He's g-going to h-hate me...! she let her shoulders shake with her soft sobs in the pitch blackness around her, now having slid all the way to the floor as her knees bent infront of her and having buried her head into her folded arms. I'm not going back in there... I can't go back in... she thought, feeling nauseated at just imagining what he must be thinking of her right now and so Riya stayed statue still, not moving an inch from her hidden position until almost three hours later and well past the midnight hour.

She bit her lip, shivering now from the cold and feeling even more dejected and ashamed knowing that Shivam hadn't come out to look for her or even call out her name. Her eyes had accustomed themselves to the black night around her, the goosebumps all over her chilled skin making her feel like a plucked ostrich with her head still buried in the sand so he wouldn't have to look at her face. Her back hurt and her stomach grumbled so loudly that she flinched in the dark, wondering if the lizards in the dark were more afraid of her than she of them. She squeezed herself away from one miniature reptile scuttling on her far left, cringing away at its horrendous beady eyes when she finally caved in to her childhood fear of the creatures and pushed off against the wall. Riya shivered again, this time from her skin crawling as she feared one of them would drop on her shoulder and so she stepped away from the wall, shaking herself like a crazy woman in the middle of the backyard to dislodge any of the little horrors that might have dropped on her without her knowledge. Please let him be asleep... please God... I'm just asking you this one thing... her head popped over the short wall, eyes looking at the now blacked out windows in the distance as she let out a sigh of relief; he must have turned out the lights having gone to sleep, only the dim wall sconce lit by the back door winking at her. She frowned for a moment, not remembering whether it had been lit after she had ran, almost sure that it hadn't when she had nearly stumbled on the last step from the door. Riya shrugged it off, simply grateful that all the lights were finally out so she could skulk back to her little corner of the house and wake herself at least two hours earlier so she could avoid him completely in the morning and camp out the front steps to Sunhara Enterprises if she had to. But there was no way she was going to look him in the eye now; how could she? She had surely ruined everything. Riya wiped away another angry tear, determined now to stop crying and just face the fate she had carved out for herself... this time she truly had no one to blame but herself.

She closed the door behind her as quiet as a mouse and walked round the corner towards the kitchen and out to the communal lounging area when she stopped dead in her tracks. The light was so dim and soft that she hadn't seen it pool into the narrow corridor from whence she had just emerged and there sat at the dining table was her now fully clothed husband, looking at her as though he had fully expected her to walk in that way. He simply stared at her, not one emotion or another evident over his level features as he let his eyes settle on her, not even giving her the chance to backtrack her way back into the rear yard and bury her head in a vat of wet concrete until she just died there. No, she was stuck, as though super-glued to him if only by his steady gaze like a fluffy, utterly useless rabbit facing the big bad wolf. She was sure her voice wouldn't work even if there was no way in hell that she would even attempt to speak to him right now... after what she had seen him doing only hours ago... God... after what he had seen her doing. She felt her face flush hard before emptying itself of the blood pooled there, her body not knowing how the hell to react when he just sat there leaning back in the chair... his thighs parted and thick, strong arms folded over his chest. She looked away from him, staring now at the piles of paperwork, pens and assortment of hardback and paperback books spread around him as though a library had thrown up on the dining table. And she realised that he hadn't gone to bed at all; he had been sat here, studying and working as he waited up for her. Riya chewed on her lip, twisting her hands infront of her and unable to look at him when she heard his voice echo through the room to her; the sound of his deep gravel making her insides contract and expand in pleasure and terror all at the same time in her fear of what he would say to her. "You look pale Riya. Is everything alright? Maybe you saw something you shouldn't have... out there" he spoke so slowly, so nonchalantly as though nothing had happened upstairs that her mouth dropped open little by little, not knowing how in the hell she was supposed to respond. Firstly, he wasn't looking at her like she was a cockroach... and secondly, he wasn't saying a word about what had happened, at least not yet. She stayed on her guard, having not missed the way he added the last part to the last sentence he just spoke, almost mocking her or teasing her with the humiliation of it all. Riya swallowed hard, frowning for a moment before her voice managed to make some kind of sound... but of course it had to make her look completely retarded. "Er...mm...I- ah... no. Yes.. . I mean..."

*

It must have been the hottest, sexiest f**king thing that could have happened to him. His entire body had literally been on the brink of climaxing when he had heard her soft, incredible, insanely feminine whimper. If she hadn't have been his wife, he might have felt a morsel of shame and guilt at exposing himself like that to her, even if unknowingly. But he didn't. Not even a little bit. She was his. His wife... his female, his baby... just his. Every inch of him was for her to see and the moment he had snapped his eyes open, seeing her own fused to his hand pumping away at himself, he had felt the heated pressure already building and out of his control. The flushed, hot look all over her face from watching him jerk himself off like some kind of animal in heat had made an already painfully hard erection transform into f**king steel under her gaze. He hadn't even been able to run after her; after seeing what she had been doing to herself as she watched him? He had already been too far gone, his mind conjuring up hot images of her pretty mouth wrapped around him. It was a fantasy that lived solely in his head; something he could never and would never have asked her to do... but it was his f**king mind, if he wanted her mouth all over him in his fantasies then it was his damned right. Just seeing her biting into her lips just after he had uttered the words that should have made her run screaming in the opposite direction to him, had sent him right over the f**king edge, making him come hard all over himself at just the thought of her so damned turned on for him. He had ended up in some kind of excruciating place where he had wanted to jump up and run after her and yet the exquisite pain and pleasure that his body had been begging him to release kept him rooted to the bed, fisting at himself so f**king hard that he didn't think he had ever felt so turned on in his entire life. All because his wife had been watching him. And all of this had happened within seconds of her twisting away and running off without him. It had taken him only moments to clean himself up and sprint after her, stopping short when he realised she wasn't running out of the front door but towards the relatively safer back yard. He hadn't been able to catch his breath, the arousal still thick and heavy in his every muscle making him want to run after her and eat her alive on the damned soil if he had to. Except he hadn't; the doubts had settled in his mind then from the way she had run from him. He had assumed that she was embarrassed but when the realization hit him that she might have been revolted by him instead, he stayed back... choosing to wait for her to come in and gauge her reaction to him. If she threw a sharp rock at his face then he would know... and if not... then he would have his fun with her for running out on him like that. For leaving him mid-orgasm and having teased him with what she was doing with that hand of hers to within an inch of his life.

And so he sat now, the same jacket she had dropped outside the room draped over the arm of his chair and he stared at her without giving away the roiling need bubbling away under the surface. So far she hadn't spat at him or hurled any hard objects in his face and so he had had to conclude that she wasn't angry with him... at least he hoped so. He bit back a groan when his eyes magnetized to her small teeth chewing on her lip, It should be me biting that lip baby... making you squirm for what you did to me... he thought darkly and possessively before offering a tight and short smile and deciding to drive her completely into confusion by bypassing the only hot topic in both the forefront of their minds. "If you're hungry, there's food in the kitchen. If not... you should probably take a shower... you look like a wet mouse that's been rolling around in the dirt..." he let the insult hang there, his eyes hungrily moving over her adorably messy hair as though he himself had pulled and tousled it whilst feasting on that sexy heart-shaped mouth of hers. Especially her upper lip... God... that lip alone was the stuff of his darkest fantasies when left to his own thoughts. He drank her in, feeling like he hadn't seen her in weeks instead of just days as he watched her fiddle with her hands and the start of what could only be irritation coming over her face. He loved it; every part of her, her every emotion, her every reaction to him even if she sometimes made him want to spank her over his damned knee with her stubbornness. It was all he could do to not walk up to her and pull her against him after undergoing the damned Spanish inquisition from his entire family only last night. He needed to hold her, feel her heat and bury his face into her neck until he trembled with the bliss of it. Seeing her now, the cute look of disdain on her face looking back at him as though she had been a naughty girl caught with her hand in the cookie jar... God... he wanted to lick those fingers; those same fingers that had been hidden under her jeans.

Shivam swallowed hard, narrowing his eyes in an attempt to mask his aching arousal at the thought he was currently torturing himself with. He didn't even realise he was staring at her so intensely until she opened her mouth and raised her shoulders in a nervous gesture as though she had been a very bad, bad girl and didn't know what explanation to give for her behaviour even as she bristled at his insult. He had been on edge, irritable and hurting and aching, missing her and thinking of holding her as he lay in his bed after having turned off most of the lights in the house. As he had lay in the half-darkness of their bedroom, he had reached to fish out the two photos from their album that he kept folded safely and hidden away in his wallet. He had been staring at one of the photos he had taken of her only three months after the ceremony as she leaned into the very same window frame in their bedroom. Her hair was down and she was biting her lip shyly, a smile on her face as one hand played absently with the windchimes that had no doubt been tinkling in the breeze. Shivam remembered that moment in crystal clarity each time he lost himself in that image of her. He had forced her to stand there, needing to keep a photo of her with him... a photo of her where she wasn't plastered with make-up or heavy, thick sarees. No... that photo had been taken at night when the rest of the house had been asleep and after he had pulled her towards him in bed, leaving a lingering kiss on her neck just the once when he felt her shiver beneath him and within seconds scuttling away from under him and to that very same window. Every time he had tried to kiss her or just brush his lips over her skin lightly he had felt the repressed need in her even if she ran away from him each time. He hadn't planned on taking the photo in that moment, simply spying the camera sat conveniently on the side table before he made her smile at him, his own lips lifting at the corner at her adorable shyness. He had been frustrated... or at least what lay beneath his belt had been painfully frustrated, however, he always let her pull back, let her take her time until he hoped she would want him the way he wanted her.

But now... after the hellish nightmare they had endured both together and apart, he didn't give a f**k. She wanted him; in all the months they had been married, neither of them had kissed and touched each other the way they had in the last four weeks put together. He knew she wanted him and he couldn't hold back any longer. If she had seen what she did to him... the effect she had on him, then so be it. Pushing her away so she could escape this nightmare was one thing... but he was a f**king human being for f**ksake... not a damned robot that his hormones weren't sending him over the edge every time he simply scented her. He felt out of control, in heat and so desperately ready to touch her and do the things to her that he should have done shortly after their wedding... and the fact that he had ignored those urges for so damned long was revealing itself in the way he was falling the f**k apart now. He wanted his wife in the most carnal, most visceral, most elemental way a man could want a woman and he wasn't damned well ashamed of it and he didn't want her to be either.

"Im not hungry. Thank you. I'll just.. go and have a shower..." she cut through his thoughts, finally seeming able to make that gorgeous, now more confident voice of hers work now that he had pushed her buttons and compared her to a wet rodent, even if she was a most adorable, incredibly sexy little wet mouse in his eyes. His thoughts darkened, wondering if she was wet in other ways too when he quickly snapped himself out of it and jammed his jaw tighter shut. Shivam stood up then, his own sudden movement making her flinch a little as she already took a step back from him; he walked around the table, approaching her slowly lest she smack him over the head or flit away again from him until he was standing over her and breathing in as calmly and deeply as he could considering how f**king sexy she smelled right now. Shivam shoved both hands into his pockets, long legs parted and simply stared at her for a long moment before leaning forward until his lips were only millimetres away from her right ear. He spoke low and soft, making sure not to accidentally brush against her and feeling the fine tremor of her body even without their physical contact, as the air itself around them seemed to warp, "Make sure you lock the door. You don't want anyone wandering in by mistake..." Shivam heard the softest whimper, so small that he wondered if he had imagined it and realised he hadn't when he tilted his head and watched her swallow, her eyes closed shut and the trembling breath coming out through her lips. He moved back, easily, smoothly and as silently as a panther and training his eyes on her the whole time before turning around and walking back to his chair. If he wasn't f**king careful he would end up in the same tortuous situation he..or she... had found himself earlier; he swallowed, his dick hard again as though he hadn't just orgasmed hard for his wife only a few hours ago and sat himself back down as he watched her practically run up the stairs and as far away from his scorching gaze as possible. And so when he found her stomping back down again only minutes later, her beautiful flushed face staring pointy daggers at him and interrupting his still heated thoughts, he was surprised to say the least. He watched her continue to stomp angrily, arms swinging at her either side until she came to a standstill at the end of the dining table, staring at him and flushing even deeper as she tried to catch her breath from whatever emotions was wracking through her as she slapped both palms on the table, "You know what Shivam? I might look like some smelly old wet rat to you but at least I... I... I don't do things, ok! At least I... hmph!... at least I don't sit around with my pants down! And...and-and... whatever it was that you were doing, you demented animal! I might be some soggy wet ugly rodent to you but at least Im not a pig!" his eyes widened as he watched the angry, frustrated tears spring from her eyes before she swiped them away harshly, the rough movement pulling at her pretty pink cheeks for a moment before huffing out again at him. He could see her almost tremble as she plucked up the courage to speak the words and yet he felt his own reaction coalescing now... a darker feeling of anger and lust, both at her as well as himself. She had the f**king cheek to call him a demented animal when she had her damned fingers up inside her while watching him?! Was she f**king insane? Did she actually forget that little detail?! Shivam couldn't help his eyes and face darkening, her back already turned and clomping back up the stairs this time in her self-righteous indignation at him. As if he had been the only f**king one touching himself after she literally just contradicted her actions! You don't do things? Then what the holy f**k were your fingers doing in your damned panties Riya, huh? He bristled and raged to himself now, not knowing where the hell she thought she had the right to judge him when she had been having her own little party in his doorway!

*

Riya slammed the door to the washroom so hard that it rattled for a moment; she had had enough of his stupid, horrible insults when he was the one acting like some crazed beast!! How dare he! How dare he compare me to a rat when... when I was upset and... and mortified!! God... why am I even in love with this person? Why?! Riya yanked and tore at her clothes that were admittedly filthy and wet, slinging them into the corner as if she was slugging a baseball bat against his head and hurling her sandals at the other wall until they fell miserably to the floor. You big oaf! You horrible, mean, MISERABLE big baboon! As if it hadn't been enough that he had caught her, after having found him like that? Now he had to be mean about it too?! Well no, he could go to hell, she wasn't his personal punch-line for every joke that ever existed! Riya reached up, roughly flicking the shower switch on and waited for the water to heat up until she walked into the hot spray. She almost groaned out in relief, the steam filling her lungs and the hot rivulets of water warming her muscles and bones from the outside in after having sat in the cold and dirt for almost three hours because of that stupid man that she was seriously considering dumping herself right about now. She let the water flood over her hair, plastering it to her forehead and flowing down in streams over her closed eyes and face, over her still traitorous aching breasts and all the way down her thighs and feet until every inch of her was warm again even if she wanted to pinch him and hit him so hard that he yelped out. It was then, as she combed her hands through her hair and swept it back that she opened her eyes and gasped out every particle of air that was in her lungs when she found him staring at her like an angry and towering black wolf in the corner... and it was then that she was pretty sure she was having a heart attack as he started to stalk up to her.

*

It had taken him less than five minutes to get himself together and follow her up the stairs; having already decided that he was going to teach her a damned lesson she wouldn't soon forget. Let's see how you damned well like it Mrs Shivam Srivastav... he had ground out silently, ascending the stairs two steps at a time until he had stopped infront of the washroom door in the bedroom. And it was precisely how he found himself staring at his very wet, very naked wife under the hot jets of water at this present moment. He didn't let his gaze waver, his dick already harder than steel as his eyes took her in whilst she squirmed and plastered herself against the tiled wall behind her, her forearms squashed against her breasts and crossing her glossy caramel thighs in an attempt to hide from him as her mouth opened and closed in soft gasps of shock. "Shivam... Sh-shivam... W-what are you doing?!" he narrowed his eyes as she stuttered and shouted at him, her voice pitching high and femininely towards the end of her useless attempt to stop him, eyes wide like Bambi caught in his net. Too f**king late baby... he thought angrily, lustfully and even then in love with her as he stalked up to her like a predator after his cornered prey. Shivam towered over her, already wrapping his palms around her skin and grabbing her wrists apart until he was leaning his hands over hers into the wall behind them, keeping her locked, completely exposed and without anywhere to run to. He moved in closer, breathing ragged and thick as he inserted his right leg still covered in his now soaked jeans in-between her legs, splaying them out until his hard thigh was pressing into her naked pussy. He almost moaned out when he felt her tremble against him, obviously fighting her own body's natural instincts to mate with him as much as she looked like she wanted to bite his face off. Shivam leaned in, his own hair and face and entire body now joining hers as he was drenched and soaked from head to toe, the hot water already plastering his boxers under his jeans to his already sensitive manhood. He grit his teeth at the sensation, feeling the softness between her thighs as he pressed deeper into her. His voice was like gravel and melted sand, hot and rough and smooth like liquid glass all at the same time; as though it could lull her into submission before he struck for the kill. "How do you like your privacy invaded, huh?... How do you like being watched?... How does it feel baby? Hm?" He couldn't help the fine tremor running through him; he absently rubbed the stubble over his jaw against her own achingly softer one, breathing hard and getting harder than he had even thought possible as she offered another whimper as his reward.

Riya felt like her heart was about to explode, her entire body trembling so violently that her breathing mimicked it, blowing small, hot puffs of air all over him as the tips of her naked breasts brushed against his sopping t-shirt each time. She was mortified, shaking and so aroused that she couldn't even tell if the wetness between her legs was water or her own juices readying her body for him. She bit into her lip, not knowing if she should be plastering her body further into the wall or deeper into him when she felt him push her legs further apart as he dug his hips and solid thigh into her aching pussy like a man possessed and... Oh dear God in heaven... and the same cock she had been staring at only hours ago, making her let out a whimper to... what? To beg? To beg for him to stop... or to ask for more... so much more? Her fingers ached to touch him as he kept them imprisoned against the wall and yet her teeth and mouth fantasised about biting him, making him hurt until his face contorted with it and she could see the rage there and then she would just bite him harder. The fury running through her own veins spiked up her adrenaline to dangerous levels, making the arousal more acute, more honed and out of control now. She wanted to beat on his damned chest even as he kissed and thrust his tongue in her mouth. She wanted to dance a maelstrom of sex and hate and love and lust with him, right here, right now and God help her she didn't know how to stop the thoughts, the aching need for him. His face was drenched, water droplets falling from his straight nose and those lips that were so full and sensual as he stared into her own eyes with such intensity it made her traitorous womb contract painfully. He looked so incredible, black hair spiking and plastered to his forehead in odd angles, stubble just dark enough to make her want to lick him there, kiss him, bite him like a mad woman. He would deserve it if she made him yelp out and she didn't care if it gave her a rush. She would do it again with victory in her eyes! Stupid ape!

Shivam narrowed his eyes at her, seeing the change in her face as she herself seemed unable to keep up with her own roiling emotions... lust then anger then rage then a heady mix of arousal and love that he simply couldn't have missed even if he had been damned well blind. Her body shivered under his, eyes lingering over his own lips angrily and then wantonly before staring into his own black pools, looking at him then as she did when she worried for him or cared for his injuries... when she was in love with him. She couldn't keep up with herself and he was glad, it was exactly where he wanted her; confused, needing him to come closer as much as she wanted to punch his lights out. It was driving him insane. His heavy breathing hadn't abated, not when he was leaning into her slippery, soft and warm body in their small enclosure; Shivam pushed into her again, his chest just pressing into the hard pebbles of her nipples and resisted the temptation to dart his tongue out and lick her lips, instead making his gravelly voice work, "You keep saying you hate me. Well guess what? I hate you more" and with that he leaned fully in then, pressing his hard chest into her soft, supple breasts, his lips coming close enough to bite her bottom lip hard before sucking on it. He groaned out, sucking harder and knowing that he was bruising her flesh causing her some pain. What he had expected was her own teeth biting him back, except she didn't... no, she bucked straight back into him, her own hips and the sweet, soft place of that incredibly beautiful pussy pushing into him even harder as she moaned into his mouth. Shivam swallowed, pulling back and not giving her the satisfaction of more. He looked into her own manic eyes now, staring back into his back and forth and already pissed off with him for pulling away even if she still looked like she would hit him if only he would let those wrists of hers go. Well no f**king way; she was trapped here until his say so. "That's how much I f**king hate you right now Riya" he ground out, referring to the hard bruising of her lips that he had just served her; he couldn't hold back, needing to demonstrate just how much more he hated her. Shivam released her left wrist, the tense muscles of his biceps and down his back bunching and he reached to behind her neck before grabbing a fist full of her hair roughly enough that it stopped her from attacking him with her now free hand. He pulled on her scalp just enough without hurting her, bringing her face up and so close to his own mouth as he bent his face deeper into hers, wet bodies plastered together still, their lips only just brushing as each spark detonated between them on contact. "Do you want me to tell you that you've ruined my life?? Hm?" he nipped at the side of her lips again, his teeth sinking over the sensitive flesh for just a fraction of a second before pulling away; he growled out before speaking once more, his chest spinning now into oblivion, "That marrying you was the biggest f**king mistake of my life? Huh? Is that what you want to hear?" Shivam hadn't broken contact with her own lips, his eyes staring into her own widened ones before he bit her again, hard and rough and animalistic before swiping his tongue over the now very pink flesh. Her whimpers each time he bit and nipped driving him deeper into insanity. He swallowed back the torrent of lust careening around in him at the sweet taste of her; he could feel her trembling now, her own tongue darting out to where he bit and licked her as he saw the pain in her eyes, the water masking her tears no doubt as she still stared at him with lust and anger and hurt. And love. No matter what else she was feeling, that was always there in her eyes.

Riya swallowed back the words he had just spoken, as though having simply uttered them had lodged in her throat instead of in his own. Each time he sliced her heart open with his voice, he made her body sing with his mouth over hers, or more precisely his teeth biting into her and pulling out an unbearable mix of pleasure and pain and need and confusing her emotions into everything that made no sense. She was trembling... she could feel how out of control she was, her every muscle humming and dancing to his tunes as she instinctively bucked into him, still wanting to hit him as badly as she wanted him to kiss her properly for godsakes! He just kept biting her, teasing her to death, being cruel and mean with his words only to suck on her lips until it just hurt before pulling away, leaving her bereft of him. She wanted his tongue and his saliva and his mouth all over and in hers... not this incessant biting that was making her crazy!! She was inexplicably turned on, somehow reacting to his scathing words in a way she wouldn't have imagined, in a way that excited her as much as it hurt her and she wanted to destroy him and eat him and lick him and taste him all at once until she was satiated with his pleasure and pain. Her hands trembled, reaching her free arm inbetween them and to his chest and fisting at his t-shirt even if she hadn't meant to... needing to grab him somehow, to grasp at a part of him whilst he did what the hell he wanted with her body. Was she hurt? Furious, aroused? Ready to rip his clothes off and rub herself all over him like his female in mating season? She didn't know; all of the above maybe... but right now she needed him to just kiss her goddammit, before she screamed!

Shivam fisted her hair harder in his palm, shoving her entire body up into his chest and plastered even harder against the length of his body until his face was right in hers, lips touching, skin brushing all over each other and still he hadn't kissed her. He wouldn't. He wouldn't let her have the damned satisfaction! The deep, rough timber of his voice vibrated from his throat and over her wet lips, "You're driving me f**king insane, do you that?" he bunched her hair harder, almost snarling against her own mouth as she licked her lips, whimpering softly at him and he couldn't have stopped his body and hips and his damned hard-on bucking straight into her belly and by God almighty he knew she felt it. How could she not have when he was practically already inside her with the force of the pressure? He could feel her belly trembling against his cock, through his thick jeans and reverberating through his entire body as she sucked the air into her lungs and seemed to try not to pass out from the feel of him jutting into her. The way she trembled only served to tease him, moved through and over his already hyper sensitive organ making it quite a challenge not to f**king blow his load right there in his f**king trousers and against his wife. He felt himself losing control, his hand flinching over her other wrist, wanting to caress his thumb over the sensitive skin of the inside of her wrist and stopping himself before he did; this wasn't about f**king tenderness and sweet words. Shivam kept talking, lips still moving against hers and pulling back every single time she moved into him, teasing her with it until she understood her place, "You come into this house, force yourself on this family" he nipped her upper lip hard when he uttered the word 'force' before pulling back again, "my own mother has left because of you... leaving us alone" he tilted his head, eyes still boring into hers before dipping down again and nipping the bottom corner of her trembling, swollen lips and pulling back again even as she whimpered desperately into him for more. His voice had surely deepened, hardened, thick with arousal, "You think just because I signed those f**king papers that my dick suddenly stops working, huh? You think I'm some innocent boy who doesn't think about f**king a woman? Hm? Touching her?" he nipped again, pulling away, "kissing her? Her damned lips all over me, hm?" he dug his hard cock further into her, feeling the inner muscles in her womb trembling and out of control even through the layers of their skin and his clothes, "You think those f**king papers mean I don't think about f**king you? Hm? How long Riya? How long have we been man and wife?... What the hell do you think I am, huh? A toy soldier that I don't want to f**k you until I can't even see anymore?!" His breathing was haywire, not knowing if he was supposed to be sucking air into his lungs or exhaling it out anymore, only reacting to the carnal look in her own eyes at his dark, intensely raw words.

Riya lost control then; she couldn't swallow any harder, her rhythm of breathing so out of whack that she couldn't care less if she suffocated right here. Each word dripping from his full, angry mouth as his eyes blackened even more as though he had touched her, dug his fingers into her instead of simply using words. She couldn't stop chewing on her lips, her womb and the throbbing, aching place between her legs contracting so violently at his hot words almost making her come to orgasm right there in his strong arms, the both of them soaked to the bone. The fact that she was bare ass naked whilst her husband was fully clothed, refusing to weld his mouth to hers and only driving her to insanity with his nips and biting was making her want to snarl at him and force him to kiss her, lick her, make him put his tongue in her mouth for hell's sake! She couldn't stop swallowing the saliva pooling in her mouth, desperate for him, clearly driven to insanity as he insulted her and still she couldn't care less, not in this moment when her body had taken over the reins. She needed his hands all over her, not just maddeningly clamped on her wrists and the back of her head and neck and hair. She couldn't stop staring longingly at the cut over his lip, still healing and practically begging her to lick him and suck him there. Just the thought of it was all it took; embarrassed, turned on like a hundred thousand kilowatt bulb, excited, shaking, intimidated by his strength as much as aroused by it and so completely in love with him that she pushed her body into his as far as she was able, given his own pillar of towering muscle pinning her in place and she latched her own lips over his, needing to take control for once. All too soon, not even seconds later he pulled back suddenly giving her just a fleeting taste of him; he was breathing hard and narrowing his eyes and she was sure his cock had gotten even harder and flusher against her trembling belly and yet he just stared at her, with an almost amused look as she nearly tore her own hair out. What the hell is so damned funny?!! She screamed silently, huffing and puffing out her arousal in his face as she tried to get her breath back.

Shivam felt her tongue lick over his lips in the split second he let his guard down, the soft, wet flesh thrusting into his own hungry mouth and just sucking on him before he broke contact, leaning away just enough as he kept her incredible body in place with his own. He was sure the damned electric bill for the shower would raise eyebrows but he didn't give a flying f**k right now, not when his wife had just tried to bully him into kissing her... not when his dick had turned to chiselled diamonds at her forwardness. He smirked at her almost, taunting her with it as he shook his head from side to side, "No... this isn't some romantic moment where we kiss again. What I just did to you with my mouth? That wasn't kissing sweetheart. You told me never to kiss you again. I wont. Beg me all you want, but I wont. And... as I recall, I'm a demented animal, right? What woman would want such a man, hm?" he narrowed his eyes yet again, even as her own widened in both anger and the reminder of her acerbic words only half an hour ago. He leaned in again, ready to move back if she tried to kiss him once more even as he craved it, fantasised over it until his brain liquefied... but it didn't matter how much he wanted her. No... he would prove to her that she could be just as f**king demented as him if he pushed her buttons just right. And by God he was... she was eating out of the palm of his hand for a f**king change, not the other way around like it had been since he had laid eyes on her. He needed her to ache for him the way he did for her and there was no f**king way he was going to give her a damned crumb after what she had said to him downstairs. His lips brushed the side of her jaw and her cheek as he rumbled out his voice over her, "Next time you decide to watch a man touching himself" his voice deepened impossibly more, "make sure he doesn't catch you touching yourself while you're watching him. You wouldn't want to look like a demented animal, baby" he slid his lips to her own, nipping hard one last time before suddenly pulling away from her, breaking all contact and standing infront of her as though nothing had just happened. He purposefully dropped his eyes to her feet, slowly caressing them and moving them up her body as she started to come out of her angry and aroused haze, her hands covering her pretty vee of dark curls between her slippery thighs and one forearm over her breasts just as she had when he had walked in on her. He let his eyes wander lazily up her entire body, lingering where he pleased given that she was his wife and the sexiest woman on the whole f**king planet as her cheeks inflamed pink and so incredibly cute in her embarrassment and simmering rage... not to mention the sheer sexual frustration he had pulled from her. Her long, black hair was plastered to her head and sticking out slightly out at an angle from where his hands had bunched at it, his cock twitching just at the sight of her and just as she was about to make her own voice work with the scowl on her face, he turned away from her and walked straight out of the room leaving her a heaving mess of arousal and fury and completely, frustratingly, painfully unfulfilled. Taste of your own medicine sweetheart... he thought almost pleased with himself, almost, if his own body wasn't roaring at him to stalk back the hell in there, wrap her legs around his waist and devour her whole under the hot spray. Of course, it wouldn't happen... nothing had f**king changed apart from it being painfully f**king obvious yet again that they wanted each other like a pair a hormonal f**king teenagers in heat. Shivam slammed the bedroom door shut with the dry clothes he had quickly picked up from his wardrobe in one hand, unable to ignore the erection from hell jutting through his drenched jeans and made his way to the family bathroom to change himself.

*

He stared numbly at the television screen, images of some random and by the looks of it, rubbish serial on a channel called Star One. Apparently, from what he had gathered so far of the story, some asshole was screaming at his wife like a damned impotent dickwad as she tried to challenge his evil Nana from taking over the family fortune. F**king asshole, his wife should dump him and get the f**k out of there already... he thought absently, his mind still hot on Riya after what had happened almost two hours ago now. He could see some similarities between his own situation and the serial, but he wasn't a f**king piece of shit who actually hated his wife. He was trying to save her from a life of hell in this shithole; he might have been an asshole to her, but there was a f**king point to it. What was this loser doing? Actually threatening to marry some idiot bimbo who was obviously pulling the wool over everyone's eyes. Ugh, f**k this shit... and so he quickly flicked channels, now staring at a pair of lions as they mated with each other in the middle of Africa somewhere. This wasn't f**king helping him either and so he flicked the channel again, a mental flash streaking across his inner vision as he saw her again for the millionth time, latching her mouth onto his in desperation even as she whimpered so erotically for him. Oh God... how the f**k did I even have the power to walk away from that? How? He swallowed, his legs stretched out infront of him and crossed at his ankles as he leaned them on the too feminine coffee table infront of him. He kept his strong arms folded over his chest, his palms fisting every now and again and the memories brought him back to half-mast again, his thin black pyjama bottoms barely masking his arousal should someone walk in on him. And no, it wouldn't help that the only light in the room came from the tv... he was too far f**king gone. What had happened up there, was his every wet dream come true; he would have to be a damned inanimate object to not be reacting to it for the next ten f**king years, never mind hours! Yeah she had pissed him off, her self-righteousness hissing in his face as if he was the only one physically affected in this whole f**ked up mess... he was still pissed off. He was also beyond sexually frustrated and just plain old frustrated with her and her pretty, inviting, plump lips scowling at him like he was some kind of ogre. Whatever, he thought irritably; he wouldn't be going near her again, he wouldn't kiss her again and he was proud of himself for not giving in, for not leaning into her naked, Holy f**k..., incredibly sexy body and kissed her, tasted her, put his tongue in her mouth and sucked on hers until she was literally begging for more, palming her... Enough. Stop. Stop. F**king just STOP thinking. Now. He shut his eyes, looking completely calm and unaffected on the outside as his brain almost liquefied at the fantasy he had just been indulging in. He hadn't kissed her; it was all that mattered. And he wouldn't kiss her, chapter closed, end of f**king story. The lady had practically ordered him not to kiss her again, well he f**king wouldn't.

When he opened his eyes again, he felt the movement in the doorway somehow before seeing it; she stood there wrapped tightly like a damned mummy with the swathes of clothes around her and her white dressing gown knotted tightly. As if that would erase the image of her, naked as the day she was born in his brain; it was branded there, to hound and torture him for the rest of his life. He couldn't hide his surprise at seeing her when he heard it again for the fourth time, the rolling thunder above them and he remembered that she never liked it. She had confided in him once, telling him that it made her feel like the sky was going to fall and she hated being alone with it booming overhead. Apparently she hated it enough to find him, to face him after their encounter and so he kept his mouth shut, lazily looking away from her as if she had been a mere ornament and staring back at the tv screen with his now harder erection. Just f**king great. Well done Shivam... drop your f**king arms idiot before she sees... he silently berated himself, already lowering his still folded arms down to his lap to hide the obvious, before realizing it was pointless and grabbing the nearest cushion until he flattened it against him. Still he wouldn't look at her directly, his peripheral vision so completely honed on her that he didn't have the faintest clue what was playing on the screen right now. He sensed her seating herself on the same long sofa he was currently on; she squashed herself as far away from him as possible, curling her legs under her and just staring ahead at the screen as though all was well with the world even if he was sure she was feeling anything but that. Shivam didn't think he could feel any more tense; his whole body felt like it had been dipped in embalming fluid and left to sit in the heat for a few days until he crystallised in that position. He ground his jaw, the facial muscles working in the dark as he clenched them, thinking only about bridging the gap between them and pulling her onto his lap until he was drowning in her mouth.

They sat like that, both staring at some crap on tv about the social habits of native eels or some such and not in the least interested in whether they hid under damned rocks or in seaweeds. No, he was sure their eyes were looking at one thing and yet their brains were thinking about a completely different other thing. He hadn't moved in an hour, not looking one way or the other as his neck started to feel stiff and so he swallowed, deciding to damn well risk it since she obviously hadn't moved either. Maybe she was just as uncomfortable and he didn't like the thought of her in pain. It seemed her injuries had mostly healed nicely; at least from what he had seen in the shower before his brain had nearly powered off at being blessed with the sight of the rest of her. Still... he knew she must have been tired, having taken care of Papaji for two days and if he knew her, then he knew she would have been waiting hand and foot on him to the best of her ability even if her father complained about it. He was a good man... but she was an amazing daughter and he knew it. If she was tired then he didn't want her squashed at one of the couch like that, stiff and achy; at least if he moved first, she would hopefully take her cue from him. And so when he turned to finally look at her, eyes hot and desperate for the sight of her, he couldn't help but feel a little disappointed as he found her fast asleep, and then the warmth flooding his chest at how utterly adorable she looked with her head having fallen to her side. His chest ached at the sight of her, heart beating only for her as his eyes trailed over her lips just softly parted and silky black hair cascading over her face and hiding most of it. Shivam stood up, glad to be finally stretching his muscles and moved as silently as he could until he stood over her. He leaned down and wrapped his arms around her body, warm and so damned soft and supple that he had to bite his lip from moaning out... sighing out... any sound that would give his desire and love away. He let her head naturally fall onto his chest, allowing himself the luxury of brushing his thumbs over the tiny amount of exposed skin on her clavicle, the soft, now silky dry skin just below her neck just as enticing as it had been when wet. She could have his bed for as long as he could get away with it... as long as she didn't start to think he wanted her back then he was at least safe to do so. Afterall, he still had to maintain his asshole image, right? Kissing her and touching her was one thing... losing himself in that adorable, perfect f**king scowl that came over her face everytime she wanted to dent his face in for teasing her, for goading her... that was one thing. But letting her think he loved her? Wanting her back living here day after f**king day until one day she was so tired of the insults and abuse that he never got to see that indignant, impertinent look on her face again? He wouldn't do it to her or him. He loved her; every tiny particle of her from her bare bones to every thing she thought... he adored her. The longer she stayed here, the less of that would be left and it didn't f**king matter what he wanted or even what she wanted... it only mattered that she needed to get out. And so he decided that she would sleep in his bed... but only as long as she didn't start to think this all meant something more; he wouldn't risk it if it came to that.

He carried her up until he finally came to the bed, laying her under the comforter before adding another one on top in case it got too cold with the way the rain was starting to pick up outside. Shivam leaned down, unable to stop himself from coming closer and just allowing himself a little luxury, a little indulgence as he simply looked at her. His eyes caressing over every delicate and beautiful contour of her face and eyes and lips, breathing in and out as though he were breathing with her. Shivam leaned in closer, needing to kiss her over her forehead before he made to leave her in peace when she snuggled into him. Her slender fingers wrapping around his neck in her sleep and already pulling him closer as she breathed him in deeper and deeper, her voice sounding breathy and wanting. "Shivam..." she breathed out his name making his skin heat and cool at the same time; he let her pull him closer, completely under her spell now until her mouth was moving against his, soft and whimpering into him for just a moment as she sucked on the exact part of his lip that was split. His entire body came alive, achy, tight and hot as she sucked on him harder, the mix of pleasure and pain making him crazy for more. Just as he was left with no other choice but to take her lips between his own, ready to break the promise he had just made to himself only an hour ago, she stopped moving over him and let go as her head fell back into his pillow. He continued to watch her having not moved an inch away from her; her breathing rhythmic and deep as she remained in whatever reverie she was dreaming of... hoping that he would be there in her thoughts for longer than that kiss. Shivam raised his hand, touching the side of her temple with his thumb and caressed her softly, lightly moving his skin over her cheek and down to her jaw and then trailing over the sensitive edges of her lips until she licked them in her sleep, "God... you don't how beautiful you are..." his whispered into her mouth, his voice tremulous and longing before he looked at her one more time and moved away to leave the room.

*

He sat on the chair opposite dadi's swing, leafing through the paperwork in his hand with an ankle resting over one knee as he scowled into the documents. She had already put him in a bad f**king mood this morning; why couldn't the woman have just come downstairs like a normal person and thank him for putting her to bed?.. Or even say nothing at all... anything other than, "And you really didn't have to strain yourself carrying me up to your bed last night, I would have happily slept on the sofa all night" before she had huffed off and left him grumpy and irritable for the rest of the morning right up until this moment. The damned cheek of it! Was a simple Good Morning too much for her? It's not as if he'd stripped her naked before putting her to bed, so what the hell was her problem? If she was so damned angry with him still, then why the hell had she come and sit in the same room with him only hours after it had happened?! Shivam shook his head, not wanting to think about it anymore knowing that he needed to prep for today's repeat lecture on Sports Massage. However, he grit his teeth when he heard the clattering about in the kitchen, the sudden loud bang making him stand up to make sure his insane woman hadn't damned well dropped a pan on her head. "Riya! What the hell-" he shouted to her as he walked up to the door and stopped mid-sentence when he was presented with the view before finishing his question in incredulity, "-are you doing?!" Shivam looked at the pots of white and brown flour strewn about the kitchen table, a pan of what looked like some kind of wobbly translucent jelly and his very discombobulated wife as she balanced another pot of something or other in her hands having obviously just picked it up from the floor to which it fell. Her hair was pinned up, sticking out everywhere and with streaks of flour all over her gorgeous face. She looked stunning, at least to him, but he ignored it and made himself remember her earlier greeting to him this morning. "What the hell is that?" he looked at her and then pointed at the strange blob sitting on the wooden chopping board, like a stretched out gelatinous thing in the middle of the kitchen table. If any member of his family walked in right this moment she would have hell to pay. He didn't give a damn if she wanted to create Frankenstein's experiments in here, but his less than accommodating family would and when they did she would end up paying for it for weeks on end. He needed to get her to clean this shit up before or in case she got caught like this. He looked at her again then, tearing his eyes away from the monstrosity on the bench, looking into her very furious face; he ignored it and spoke anyway as his own irritation spiked then, "Clean your mess up, it looks like a three year old has been cooking in here" he bit out even as she narrowed her eyes at him. "So? Why is it bothering you? I didn't make you come in here" he narrowed his own eyes in response, unable to believe that she was still in her snarky, irritable mood after he had damned well ignored her the whole morning. "It's my house or did you forget that? I'll strip naked right here if I want to!" he snapped at her, feeling his own anger take form now at her audaciousness even if she had been partly right; she hadn't forced him in here but was there any need to be so grumpy?! He knew he was being a damned hypocrite; he'd spent the last several months being a grumpy bas***d to her and still she had taken it, but after whatever had happened last night, he hadn't expected this! He silently noted her face now quickly reddening as she swallowed hard, "Is that all you think about?! Can't you just leave me alone? I wasn't bothering you! I haven't even bothered you to ask you where everyone is! So why are you here, doing nothing but picking on me?!" she fumed at him as he fisted his palm for a moment before releasing it, wishing he could just shut her up with his mouth. His breathing was heavy again, her usual effect on him and he ground out the words that sounded like gravel over granite, "Don't flatter yourself sweetheart... I have better things to think about all day other than you. And excuse me for coming into my own damned kitchen after you started banging around in here like a banshee, breaking god only knows what" He took another deep breath in in some futile attempt to calm his nerves. It wasn't working. Just looking at her and the mess she was in was making his whole body's every system go haywire. It was as though she was the source of the chaotic lust and love and anger in his every cell. She huffed out dismissively as if she couldn't be bothered with him anymore, "Whatever Shivam. It's not even your kitchen, it's Dadi's remember? The woman who owns your souls for all eternity?" she bit out and he almost laughed when he quickly censored himself even in his amused anger; it wasn't f**king funny no matter how much he wanted to laugh and she needed to just listen the hell to him and clean up! He shook his head at her, looking at her as though she was completely retarded, "Riya I'm warning you. Just keep your pretty mouth shut and clean up after yourself. You look like you're cooking for someone who doesn't know what actual food even looks like" he looked disgustedly at the thing on the table before looking at her now even pinker face as he outright insulted whatever the hell she had been trying to make. "Oh? Really?" she swallowed, breathing in and out so deeply he was afraid she would pass out with it, "You're warning me? How's this for a warning you rude imbecile!" Without even knowing what the hell was happening, he watched her reach out to the blob in the middle of the table, take a handful of it even as it dropped in lumps through her fingers and hurled it at him. He watched it as if in a daze, the wet goop slapping onto his chest before plopping down onto the floor between his feet; it was so slimy that it slid down his chest in streaks, sticking to his abdomen, over his thighs and the bottom of his jeans. Shivam looked up, so shocked that he had to close his mouth before speaking, his voice sounding as f**ked off as he felt, "This is my favourite t-shirt" he ground out when she made it a million times worse by making sound with her mouth again instead of running in the opposite direction to his glare. "Good. It serves you right. I hope my cooking sticks to it like glue and it never comes out!" he watched the almost smug look in her eyes before she hid it away wisely; he was about to damn well lose it, he didn't have time for this! He snapped back at her, feeling like a snowball out of control down a ski slope, "If it's your cooking Riya, it damned well will stick like glue. Careful who you feed it to, you might kill them with it!" he shouted then, feeling the weird sticky stuff seep onto his skin now. He didn't mean it about her cooking, hell, he f**king loved her cooking... but whatever the hell this was had crawled straight out of Hell, surely?! His eyes widened when she spoke, "Get out" ordering him out of his own kitchen like she owned the place. Even if she had owned it, he wouldn't budge an inch! "No, make me, it's my house, remember?" He was sure that was the key moment that sent her over the edge as she practically growled like the cutest little flour-faced kitten on the planet, "Get out!" he watched her shout before hurling another gloop at him as he raised his hands and arms to protect his face from it. Not even two seconds later, he felt another wet slap on his left arm this time, "Get. Out!" He ducked this time, anticipating the next one as it flew straight past him and made a disgusting wet sound on the wall behind him, no doubt already sliding down to the floor. "Get out. Getout getout getout!" she yelled the words together like some kind of insane mantra, hurling one wet blob of white gloopy goo after the other, the blobs slapping over his shoulder, his abdomen and one straight over his f**king dick, now inexplicably hard. He was damned well sure that whatever the f**k he was feeling was not arousal and more the kind of emotion that made him want to throttle her; obviously his traitorous cock had other bright ideas. Shivam growled out then, giving up completely on protecting his face when he stalked up to her, knowing that he would have to take the longest shower of his life to get this crap off. He leaned over her, letting his intimidating height push her into the cupboard behind her as she dropped her hands, still full of the dough. He didn't say anything, not trusting himself to either roar at her or bite and lick her damned lips off until he couldn't bear it anymore. Without saying anything, he reached back and grabbed a handful of the goo before holding it up to her wide, wild eyes, mouth parted and breathing heavily into him. He grabbed the pretty pale blue button-down shirt she was presently wearing, yanking at it so hard that the buttons damned well flew off around them. She gasped out and he slapped his handful of wet dough all over her bare chest before smearing it over each full and heaving bra cup. He grit his teeth, clenching his jaw muscles at the exquisite feel of her even as he pushed her further into the cupboard, now grabbing another fistful of white slime and with his other hand he pulled at her bra cup and shoved the second handful of goo into it over her bare breasts, his hands touching her naked hardened nipples for the first time in his life. This was not how he had envisioned it being for the first f**king time! Shivam narrowed his eyes as hers widened even more, her body trembling and shivering at his touch even as she looked like she was ready to commit homicide right there with the sharp kitchen knives in every corner of the room. But he didn't stop, he was f**king possessed right now. He reached back again, never breaking contact with her eyes lest she attack him whilst he wasn't looking and he took the third handful and dropped it unceremoniously onto the crown of her head. He pulled his lips back in an almost silent snarl as she gasped out femininely again, batting at him with her hands, "Shivam get off!", the sound of her making him want to hump her like one of those f**king lions in heat that he had been watching last night. He dodged her, dropped his sticky hand over her head and smeared the dough into her gorgeous silk locks; splattering it right into her scalp and over her face until she was just ripe enough to blow up like a volcano. She pushed him then, putting every particle of her strength into shoving him away as she placed both palms on his solid, granite-like chest, smacking him hard once before growling out again in frustration. He acquiesced, letting her push him more than succumbing to what little strength she had against a man like him and simply looked down at her in all seriousness, as though he had been fixing her hair for her rather smattering her in her own doughy version of Frankenstein's monster. "I hate you so much!!!! Do you know how long it will take to get this out?! You big hairy IGNORANT APE!" she screamed and insulted him again. He watched his wife have some kind of miniature melt down infront of him, both of them now covered in whatever delicacy she had been trying to concoct... but he was immensely satisfied at least that he didn't have as much of it in his hair. He was so turned on by the whole damned thing that his cock was straining against his jeans, desperate to crawl out of its tight enclosure and make itself acquainted with his wife as he blissfully had last night. However, he didn't smile or look at her warmly no matter how f**king adorable she looked right now. She wanted to play? He could play harder. He had a lecture with Manoj in less than an hour and this was already going to make him late, the least he could do was repay the favour somehow. He replied then, pulling a lump of the already drying and flaky dough from his own shoulder before flinging it at her chest almost absent-mindedly and hitching her rage up further, "Good. Serves you right. I hope your own cooking sticks to your head like glue and it never, ever comes out" he bit out, his reply mocking as he repeated the very words she had thrown at him in her earlier smugness. Shivam clenched his jaw for the millionth time now, being that there was no other feasible way of expressing his present frustration on so many levels other than to beat on his chest with both fists like the ape she had just called him. He looked at her seething, furious face looking not so scary with the blobs of wet and drying sticky flour decorating her from her head to her toes and turned on his heel out of the kitchen, leaving it in an even bigger mess than before he had walked in. If dadi found her, then this time it was her own stupid fault for being so damned stubborn; he had to go shower now and even then he was going to be at least half an hour late. The day had already started on the wrong foot.

*

After having finally cleaned the mess her husband (she was not taking the blame for it) had made all over the kitchen and her, she had made her way to work, apologizing profusely to the manager before being scolded yet again infront of everyone. It hadn't put her in a better mood since this morning. She was a complete mess of emotion, the lust winding her insides back and forth mercilessly as the rage gnashed on at her through the day. He was damned lucky that he hadn't been in that morning or else she would have surely bit his head off right there infront of the whole damned office before chewing on it and shoving it over his neck again. To say that she was angry with him was like saying vipers were cute little worms. It didn't matter that her breasts and her womb and her thighs and every other inch in between hadn't stopped aching for him since last night. It didn't matter that every time she closed her eyes she could smell him as though he was right there in her face, rubbing that infuriatingly sexy, rough stubble all over her skin, or that her lips still felt swollen and all tingly from the way he had bit her so hard. None of that mattered. What mattered was that she wanted to push him into an entire vat of that stupid dough and let him drown in it!

Riya had been trying a new recipe she had found on the Internet; a western thing called sour dough bread that was supposed to be delicious with butter and cheese. However, it had all gone horribly wrong when she had added too much water and then in an attempt to make it drier she had added yet more flour. Except of course that had made it too try and so she added the oil, tipping half the stupid bottle in completely by accident as the steel pan of flour had clattered to the floor just before that giant baboon came lolloping in to interrupt her. Having the kitchen to herself and finally being able to cook something else other than the mind numbing food day after tortuous day had prompted her to try something different, maybe even let him try some. Show him that she wasn't completely clueless in the kitchen. But of course, her favourite deities residing up in their heavenly abode had deemed it fit to make a mockery out of her yet again and so the kitchen looking like the The Marshmallow Man from the Ghostbusters movie had exploded, was the end result of a simple, well intentioned food experiment.

She sat now, only four hours to midnight and on the bed upstairs where he had seemed to dump her after refusing to reveal where her sleeping mat was hidden, the heavy pelt of rain battering on the roof and making her flinch every time the thunder hammered overhead. It didn't even sound like normal thunder, the loud sonic booms electrifying the air itself as the rain came down as heavy as nails and the lightning flashed white in the dark sky. She didn't know how much more she could take, wishing that she could just go and sit with him even to just be in the company of another human being. Although she was loathe to even call him that after what he had done to her last night and this morning. Another loud and sudden bang popped out her eardrums, making her heart race with the shock of it, her gaze now looking out of the closed window pane as she watched yet another impending boom make its way to her from the flash that just streaked across the black sky.

*

The vampire chewing on the now very dead other man's neck suddenly disappeared, now replaced by a pitch black screen as he narrowed his eyes at it, hoping the electricity would flicker back on any second now as it usually did when this happened. However, almost two minutes later of just staring in the darkness was evidence enough that the main electric wire must have been disrupted somewhere in Mughal Sarai, no doubt the crazy storm outside being the cause of it. After having spoken to both dadi and Nandu after he and Riya had eaten separately, he had decided to drown out his sorrows and sexual frustration with some entertainment instead of alcohol this time. He had popped in some badly dubbed Hollywood DVD into the player, the horror movie being the exact thing he needed to at least try and distract him from her... but of course all these f**king vampires sucking on people's necks only made him think of someone's neck he could be sucking on, on the very sofa he was seated upon exactly as he had been last night.

"Sh-shivam...?!" He heard her muffled scream then, as though she was some distance away and without even a particle of hesitation in him, he jumped up and speeded his way towards the sound of her, sure that he had heard her upstairs. As soon as he finished sprinting his way up, two steps at a time in the fear that she might have hurt herself in the dark somehow, (his wife being the blundering goat she could sometimes be when not taking care), he looked around for her. Just as he was about to call her name, the wind was completely knocked out of him when it was her who had so obviously slammed right into him and wrapped her arms around his waist and hips as though she was clinging on to him for dear life. He stood there for a moment, his arms automatically and instinctively moving to hold her even closer, to keep her safe and warm right where she belonged. However, he stopped only inches away from her back, swallowing back his self-hatred at not comforting her when it was all that she had needed in the moment. Don't... she doesn't need to know how much I care... push her away Shivam... he had to mentally convince himself, standing statue still and tense even though she continued to hold onto him tightly and the scent of jasmine brushed through her hair making him shiver in the dark with her. He grit his teeth, hating that he wouldn't even allow himself to do that much for her and decided to be the asshole he was so very good at being. It might even distract her from being afraid of the particularly loud thunder tonight... even replace it with anger which was at least more empowering than her fear. "It's just some thunder, you're a big girl Riya, I'm sure you can handle it" he rumbled out almost as darkly as the thunder itself, wanting nothing more than to pull her into him and keep her there. The torrential downpour was so much louder on the upper floor, slashing against the mixture of tiles and corrugated iron on the roof. When she didn't let go he bit out his words again, "What do you want anyway?" he asked coolly, already dislodging her from himself and pushing her away as his heart felt like it was battering him to death for committing such a sin. "N-nothing. I th-thought I was alone in the house when you didn't come to check the electricity. I g-got... Oh God!...scared..." she practically jumped and flinched at the same time when the blinding flash of light revealed them to each other for less than a second before the thunder clapped the sky into two only moments later; it was no doubt an indication that the storm was directly overhead of them. Shivam flinched for an entirely different reason, hating how frightened she was when he wouldn't even move to touch her, "You? Scared? If you can talk back to dadi, I doubt very much that this frightens you... Whatever's hiding in the dark should be scared of you after seeing that anger of yours today..." he let his response hang between them, knowing that it would irritate her and raise her hackles. He could see her straighten her shoulders then even in the dark, taking a small step back from him, "Why do you always make fun of me? Why are you always so horrible?!" He let her barb embed itself into his heart, knowing that he fully deserved it before replying, "It's called speaking the truth. You forced your way back here, in this place and you're telling me you're frightened of some harmless noises?" Shivam shook his head then, knowing she would see the movement and decided he just needed to leave before this snowballed into another f**king argument or he yanked her back and devoured her mouth whole. "I'm not frightened of the stupid noises! I'm not used to a big empty house, I thought you would at least understand that!" She simmered in anger at him and he could hear the hurt in her voice even if she tried to cover it as well as she could with her anger at him. He answered her, keeping his voice level and sounding almost bored, "Well I don't Riya. You're a grown woman, you know where the candles and matches are so go and comfort yourself" his heart beat like an empty hollow echo at his own harsh and callous words and he let it hurt him, let it seep into his bones where it would eat away at him for the rest of the night before tearing himself away from her silent response and leaving her alone at the top of the dark stairs.

*

Riya stood there, staring at his retreating and faint silhouette against the already dark landing as he made his way somewhere toward the vicinity of Nimmi's old sewing room that had functioned as both a dumping room as well as storage for the rest of the family. She swallowed back her hurt, unable to believe that he could be so cruel as to let her sit frightened in the dark and yet in some twisted way she agreed with him. It was just thunder; something far less dangerous than Shanti Devi of Shanti Sadan. Still... it didn't hurt any less that when she had wanted and needed his comfort that he refused outright to even touch her. The jackass would only touch her when he deemed it fit to do so and she was really getting sick of it; she knew she didn't help matters when she allowed him to touch her, to kiss her... it seemed that she became slave to her own body and heart when it came to such things. And yet now he had let her down again. She closed her eyes, the tiny stream of angry and hurt tears flowing down her cheeks as she made her way to the balcony, not really caring anymore if the stupid lightning found her and burnt her to a crisp. Then hopefully he would find her crispy corpse on the balcony and he could do a bloody Rain Dance on her remains if he wished! Riya swiped at her face, not willing to give in to her weakness this night and stepped out into the almost violent billowing of the wind so high up in the sky as she looked into the millions of flashes of tiny shimmering specks in the night air, the infinite drops of rain slashing down in one angle before changing again along with the whims of the wind.

As she stared numbly out into the distance, not really able to see further than just a few meters infront of her, she thought she could hear a noise. It almost sounded like a child, crying intermittently and in varying degrees of loudness as the wind whipped the sound away every now and again. Her ears strained as she moved closer to the edge of the balcony now, even leaning slightly over the edge as she tried to hear it better and having no such luck. Oh god... what if there's a child stuck out there? Maybe they snuck out and got stuck... she started to panic now, still hearing the same faint cries, sounding even more harrowing than before. She knew the back yard was mostly fenced off, but it wasn't a tightly sealed perimeter; if a child had accidentally wandered in, not able to see where they were going then they wouldn't even be able to find their way back home. Her heart twisted when she heard him or her again and she decided that she would just have to interrupt Shivam anyway and seek out his help.

She found him after a short while by the very dim, flickering light seeping out into the landing from the room she had suspected he had been walking to. Having not lit a candle herself, the light of his seemed rather bright in comparison to the darkness outside. He was sat at the old rickety table, his head buried in a notebook as he scribbled away almost furiously when she spoke, "Shivam, I-" he didn't even look up, cutting her off abruptly as he continued writing even harder, "Riya just leave me alone, alright? I'm not going to sit with you like you're five years old" She knew he was still angry at her for whatever stupid reason and yet she couldn't get the sounds of the crying out of head, knowing that every minute counted in this weather, "But Shivam, I think-" He looked up then, muscled arms still circling his notebook as he stared furiously into her own eyes, seeming to not have even a shred of patience left in him now, "Didn't you hear me? Out. Now." Riya swallowed back her momentary hatred for him then, hating how he just dismissed her like a wayward child whenever he damned well felt like it. Stupid ass! Fine! I'll go look for the child myself! Riya bottled the depths of her anger as best she could, simply staring at him for a moment before closing the door behind her with more calmness than she felt.

After rooting around in his wardrobe for the only umbrella she could find; a humongous thing that was surely bigger than herself and finding some batteries to the torch she pulled out of his draw, she made her way downstairs without having bothered with a jacket; sure that it would be completely useless the moment she stepped out anyway. Riya unbolted and walked out the back door as quietly as she could, not wanting to alert him in case he didn't believe her and stopped her from even trying before stepping out onto the concrete step. She was already shaking as the pelting rain instantly splashed onto her face before she quickly unhooked the umbrella and let it fly open above her, feeling stupid for not opening it before she had closed the door behind her. The infinitely louder explosion blared over her head, making her jump in her skin and yet she remained there, determined to overcome what she knew was an irrational fear and find her way to the poor child that was stuck in this nightmarish weather. She could only imagine how scared he or she must have been, especially if they were stuck somewhere. Riya turned her face up to look back at the house once more before turning around and taking a step towards the sound she heard from the balcony above her.

Her feet felt like they were being sucked into the earth, the heavy sleets of rain now turning the once solid ground more into quicksand than soil as she continued onwards towards the now slightly louder wail. Only ten minutes into her journey through the back yard, a strong and almost vicious gust of wind had caught her umbrella, pulling at the useless and impractically big thing so violently that it had turned inside out before flying off somewhere into the night and probably never to be seen again. She was drenched... beyond drenched. Her ears felt numb from the freezing cold water; it didn't matter that the air was warmer than usual, by the time the rain beat against her skin it was so cold that the strange warm monsoon-like air barely had any positive effect. Her hair was so saturated with water that it felt heavy and burdensome over her head and neck, even though she had tied it up to keep it out of her sight and she was sure her clothes were practically see-through as she hadn't any to wear in such weather. In hindsight, it might have been more prudent to change into a pair of jeans at least, however, instead she had opted to keep on the thin linen nightie and pyjama bottoms having simply been too afraid to waste time and risk something awful happening to whomever was stuck out here. She trudged onwards, calling every now and again as the cry seemed to not be in any particular response to her and so she assumed that whomever it was, simply couldn't hear her. "HELLO? Who's there?! I'm here! I'm coming to get you...!" she shouted into the maelstrom of the night air, the gusts of wind and heavy rain practically stealing her voice right from under her nose and making her wonder if the intended recipient had even heard her. She kept on walking anyway, hearing yet another louder cry, wailing once before stopping abruptly and she was sure it sounded somewhat familiar. She changed direction, a little more to her left when she heard it even louder still; so loud in fact that she was sure she was only feet away from the child. "Hello?? Where are you?!" she shouted out as loudly as she could, taking one step forward in what may as well have been complete invisibility as the rain sleeted down so thick it was like a wall of water ahead, when her foot slid down and flew up straight into the air as she plummeted bottom first into thin air and she realised much too late that she was falling into a hole in the middle of nowhere.

She screamed, hands flailing about and terrified in that split second moment that the hole was deep or full of deadly snakes or spikes that might impale her to death and make her earlier wish on the balcony come true. Not seconds later as all these thoughts flashed through her terror-filled brain did she find herself splashing bottom first into the chopping water at the bottom of whatever she had just fallen into. The water had softened her impact just enough that she wasn't in agony, only a jarring to her lower spine as she used her hands and arms to prop herself upright again. She could see the thick and heavy drops of rain pounding into the almost six inch deep and muddy water around her, the torch flickering on and off under the tiny waves before she grabbed at it quickly lest it completely die on her. She couldn't be stuck out here in the pitch-blackness. Oh god...ohgodohgodohgodohgod! I left my phone in his room!! No! Nooo! The panic was so acute and so sudden that she almost threw up her mostly empty stomach; no one even knew she was out here! Alone! She was too terrified to cry and too upset to scream at the top of her lungs, at least at that exact moment. She rolled over and slipped and slid in the slipperiness of it all until she was finally standing on her feet when she heard it loud and clear. She pushed away from the edge of the slimy and wet muddy wall, fingers covered in the earthy goop and pushed away before turning around slowly and carefully. Riya squinted her eyes in the dark downpour of rain, swinging her flashlight to and fro until the useless thing completely winked out. She shook it, banged it against her other palm and yet no luck. "Ugh! Stupid thing!!" she threw it into the water, letting it plonk hard before making her way towards the fuzzy, white looking thing in the far right corner. Her ankles were completely submerged in the water pooling at the base of what she now recognized as a ditch as she made her way closer, frowning now as the cry sounded less human the more she listened to it. She stretched her hands out infront of her, already suspecting what was making it when she saw the small animal huddled and terrified in the corner; a short, tiny and plump little baby goat shivering all by itself in the thunder. Riya's heart twisted as she looked at it, still infinitely glad that she had risked coming out here to find it; she walked up to it more slowly, not wanting to give the poor thing a heart attack and reached her hand out to its small back. It seemed that her little friend was a He and almost the moment she petted him, he moved closer, bumping his head into her for what she could only assume was for comfort or shelter away from the terrifying noises above them. He cried again, his baby voice sounding so human that she wasn't really surprised that she had mistaken him for a child... in any case, he was anyway... just not a human one. He was small enough to lift up, but by the looks of him he might have indulged a little too much on whatever his owners fed him and so when she tried to pick him out of the slowly rising water level, he only slid from her grasp, his wet fur making it too slippery to hold onto to him. She would need to get him out of hear quickly before the water level rose too high. She would need to get herself out of here too.

She bent down, checking over his legs and extremities to make sure he hadn't broken anything in his fall and finding everything intact she simply plucked off the bits of mud stuck to him, making him look more like a cow than the pure white goat he obviously was. "There, there Moti... you're not alone little one. Hmm? I'll get us out of here... somehow... I hope" she uttered the name she had just come up with in her head, figuring that the baby goat looked like a cute little white pearl and was just round enough and so it seemed to be the perfect name for her new friend. She caressed his head, trying to soothe him and stop him from crying so much... although she wondered if she should let him, considering that that was exactly what had alerted her to his presence. Maybe by some miracle someone else would again? Riya stood up straight then, deciding to at least figure out what she could about her surroundings, the rain still nearly blinding her. She felt the wall behind Moti, her fingers digging into the wall of mud like it was soggy, thick clay and she walked the perimeter, slipping and sliding and unable to get any traction as she carefully walked around until she came full circle back to Moti. She at least knew that if the rain continued to fall at this rate, the both of them would drown in no time given how small the ditch actually was. Feeling the horrified panic of their situation now, she didn't even think twice before screaming at the top of her lungs, "SHIVVAAAMMM! Help! Shivammm!! Someone please HELP!!" her voice was completely obliterated by the thunder cracking the sky open as it exploded over her small, insignificant voice and drowning it out completely. Either they would somehow manage to remain alive in here until the rain abated or their floating bodies would be found the next sunny morning. Riya screamed again, several times as she petted Moti, her voice getting hoarser and hoarser after each one.

*

The pen broke in two as it hit the wall; he had ceased trying to write when he obviously couldn't stop thinking about her, alone and probably with one miserable candle in the dark somewhere in this damned house. She had been right; the empty house was kind of creepy in the dark at night and the thunder and lightning only completed the eerie atmosphere. He was completely on edge, beyond f**ked off at himself and worrying about her non-stop since the moment he had left her by the stairs. God, he was such a f**king asshole sometimes. When she had come to see him again, he hadn't even given her a chance to speak; not wanting any excuse to be alone with her in the dark of all things. He didn't damn well trust himself in an empty house, just the two of them and... God... it would be a recipe for disaster, surely? He read the same paragraph for the seventh time, not having a clue what the hell it was about before tearing his eyes away from it once and for all. Maybe I should just check on her... he thought to himself before squeezing another less broken pen in his fist, No, stop running after her. She's fine. She'll be fine in my room. Probably under the covers and sleeping already. He tried to convince himself, not really feeling settled with the bullshit he was feeding himself at present. He just wouldn't be able to concentrate, sitting here and thinking of the way he had shut her up and hating himself for it. He had been so damned close to grabbing her on the landing, pulling her into him and burying his face into her chest. They couldn't keep doing things like this; the balcony, the end of his bed. The f**king shower. Holy shit. He was turning into an animal; how the hell was she not running and screaming in the opposite direction?! He read the words tissue compression from his notes on Sports Massage techniques for the hundredth time before shoving the book away in disgust. I'll just check on her. Just a quick look to make sure she's ok and then I'll stop... Stop what? Thinking about her? Fantasising? Wondering what would have happened if he had just lowered his mouth to her breasts in that shower? Right. Enough. Just GO and come back. He swallowed hard as he stood up and made his way towards their bedroom.

Shit! Where the f**k is she?! She hadn't been in the bedroom or adjoining washroom, she hadn't even been in the family bathroom or in any of the other rooms upstairs. After having raced downstairs, thinking that she might have been in the kitchen and not finding her there either, all the lights still off as the panic started getting out of control, he checked every other room he could think of. He sprinted back upstairs, breathing heavily and afraid that she was hurt somewhere, "Riya! Riya where are you?!" he shouted out loud enough to let his deep voice carry throughout the house, his panic making him pull at his hair as he felt impotent. If she's doing this on purpose I'll kill her, I swear to god I will kill her and bury her in the back yard!! "RIYA!!!" he bellowed out, voice now rivalling the thunder itself. Nothing... no response, just the sound of rain battering and drumming around him. He pulled out his phone, dialling her number that he knew off by heart and let it ring, his frown growing deeper as he heard her ringtone emanating from the bedroom he was now stood in, the small screen flashing on his night table. He felt the sickening nausea punch him in the gut then, his mind already racing at the possibilities. Maybe she had been trying to tell him something important before he cut her off? F**k! I'm such a f**king idiot! What the hell was wrong with her? Couldn't she just speak?! She had damned well spoken over him before, why the hell hadn't she this time round! Shivam growled out, unable to contain his voice and he moved on, sweeping through the entire house again with her phone in his hand. As he looked under the sofa of all the stupidest places and not putting it past her, it dawned on him that he hadn't checked the small area by the back door. He sprinted there in the dark, not having bothered to bring the candle with him and when his eyes settled on the familiar house sandals by the unbolted door he cursed out, immediately realizing what had happened. "F**k! She's gone out in this. I'm going to damn well murder her when I find her" he mumbled his tirade at no one before running back to get his shoes and following his completely idiotic wife out into the storm.

He cursed some more as he pulled his feet from the earth trying to suck him under, more at her stupidity for walking out in this weather than at feeling irritated at having to find her. He would follow her into the mouth of a f**king volcano if he had to; that wasn't what was making him angry with each step he took. What was making him angry was that she would risk hurting herself just because he had turned her away. And if he was completely honest with himself, he was furious and completely f**ked off with himself for turning her away in the first place! He had left both their phones behind, considering how useless it was to him if she couldn't even be bothered to carry it out with her in a middle of a damned storm, where any kind of danger could have befallen her. No, apparently his wife was a f**king Amazon Woman who didn't need things like mobile phones when she ventured out into storms by herself. "RIYAAA!!" he bellowed out for the fiftieth time, the sickening feeling intensifying each time she didn't respond as the thunder rolled on above him. He tried to see where he was going, the one torch in the house seemingly having gone missing or maybe Riya had taken it, in which case he was hopeful that she would at least have some light out here. Just as he was about to roar out her name again, he heard the faint cry and he stood completely still, his ears and hearing straining until he heard it again towards his left. "RIYAA!" he roared out even louder now, both terrified and hopeful that the cry he heard was hers. Oh god... what if she's hurt out here? Shivam continued shouting over and over, first hearing a faint voice before another almost child-like cry followed it. She must be hurt! He picked up his pace, careful not to hurt himself and thereby taking longer to get to her. He was conjuring up horrible images of her with a broken leg or something worse and he shouted even louder yet as the sheer panic nauseated him. The voice was getting louder, he was sure of it, but then so was the rain; she could very well be only feet away from him and still sound like she was a mile away. He shouted again, his throat feeling soar already when he heard her, almost too loud and clear before it was too late. "Shivam! Stop!! Don't come clo-" she had shouted up at him, sounding as though her voice had come from below. Before he could even register what was happening, his legs buckled under him, his backside hitting the wet mud in a splat and he slid feet first into the ditch right infront of him that he had completely forgotten was there in the first place.

"Oh God! Shivam! Shivam... baby... are you hurt?!!" he felt her hands all over him, the feel of her alive and well flooding him with instant relief even if he was too shocked to reply, "Speak to me!" He snapped back to life then within only seconds of having splashed into the foot of water, looking up at her now clear face and growling out his words, "I'm fine! Are you hurt??" he asked her, even as his eyes wandered over her entire body, checking to see if anything was broken or bleeding. When he saw nothing out of the ordinary and she shook her head at him, he let the repressed rage bubble to the surface then. "What the HELL is wrong with you coming out here?!" he bellowed out at her. She tucked the stray strands of sopping hair behind her ear in nervousness, the gesture utterly pointless as it came free again, "I- I thought I heard a child crying but... but it was a goat! I came to check by myself when you told me to go away" she looked angrily at him when she spoke the last few words, the look on her face only making him more furious with her. "So this is my fault now too?!" What the hell kind of excuse was that? She couldn't have screamed at him and forced him to damn well listen? She had to come traipsing out here alone and nearly f**king kill herself for a damned goat?! "No! I just didn't want to leave a child out here in this... I mean it could have been a child! But still... I'm glad I came for him" she looked to the corner then, his own eyes following her gaze until he saw the tiny white ball of fluff splattered with mud and shivering. Shivam felt the rage start to build again, swinging his eyes back to hers and easily lifting himself up from the mud given that his strong muscles were used to balancing themselves under heavy weights when he worked out. His hair was plastered to his head, jeans weighing him down and his t-shirt now transparent and glued to every plane of muscle on his torso; he stalked up to her, eyes boring into hers when he spoke, "So let me get this straight. We are soaking wet, in a ditch, in the middle of the night because you mistook a damned goat for a child? And then when you realise it's a goat you're still glad you came... is that what you're telling me right now?" His eyes dropped to her mouth as she bit her lip not saying anything; he dropped them further, over the thin, torn linen completely plastered over her, he could damn well see everything through it all the way to her puckered nipples and the shadow of her belly button. Even soaking wet in a damned ditch she was the sexiest thing to grace his eyes. He was frozen to his bones, entire body soaked in cold rainwater and yet his own body essentially gave him a giant 'f**k you' as it heated at just the view infront of him. Shivam snapped out of it, irritated with himself that even here and in this situation his brain was luxuriating in things he didn't damn well have time for. "Listen. We need to get out of here now" he ground out, already looking up and over the edge as best he could when she shook her head at him, "I'm not leaving the baby goat..." Shivam put his full attention back on her then, walking closer as the murderous glare in his eyes intensified. "You're not staying in here for a damned goat Riya" he bit out, trying his best not to roar some sense into her. She narrowed her eyes at him, huffing out, "A baby goat" she said determinedly and innocently and actually making him completely insane now. "I don't give a damn! COME ON!" he growled again, grabbing her forearm; he would damned well hurl her over the edge if he had to! He felt her yank her arm out of his hold then, her skin so slippery and wet that he couldn't get a proper grip when she walked back to the goat. "Riya! Come the f**k back here, now" he ground out the words like crumbling granite and she answered him simply, as though his rage was having the least bit of effect on her. "No, I'm not leaving him here alone, you go if you want to go" she nodded at nothing in particular, the gesture clearly telling him he could make his way in the opposite direction to her. He didn't actually think he knew what rage was until this moment and yet somehow, as inexplicably as usual, she managed to still turn him on. His eyes couldn't stop moving over the tops of her breasts, the skin their exposed dangerously low as her top had obviously torn in her fall. He kept his eyes glued to hers now, however; needing for her to understand that he wasn't messing around. "Riya, I'm counting to three. If you're not here" he pointed to a spot directly infront of him, "by then, I will haul you over my shoulder like the child you're being" Shivam shook his head then, watching her as she squared her shoulders in defiance and absently petting the goat. "No! Just go! I'll take care of the goat unt-" Shivam had had enough; he stepped forward when she reacted to his movement, stopping mid-sentence and started circling the goat and away from his homicidal glare at her. His damned dick was hard, watching her shivering, eyes darting to find a safe spot from him as they both circled the goat now. Him being the one doing the hunting. He shouted at her again, "I said come here!" darting his muscular arm out so quickly that he finally caught her.

She really hadn't a chance in hell of avoiding him in the small enclosure. He wrapped his palms around her, keeping a vice like grip over her slender arms this time as she tried to batter his chest in futility, "Let me GO! I'm not leaving him!" Shivam lost all patience then, grabbing her hard and ramming both their bodies into the muddy wall behind them, the goat bleating more quietly now in the background. He shook her lightly, sure that she had finally lost her damned mind over a goat! "Let me gooo! I'm not leaving him alone in this!! I know what it's like and I wont leave him alone!! You'll have to drag me out by my hair!" she hit him harder this time even though he barely felt it. He knew she was crying even though the rain was washing away her tears; he couldn't have mistook her words, now understanding that she was talking just as much about herself as the goat. And she wasn't just talking about being alone in this damned ditch. Shivam's heart broke even as he held onto her, her small fists still battering at him at the feelings of loneliness she had just admitted to. He wished he could tell her that he felt even more alone and empty with himself than she could imagine, he wished he could make it better. "G-get off me!" she screamed into his face again and he held her firmly, letting her express her pain and anger over his hard chest. "No. I won't" he said more calmly, holding her rock steady when she growled in only the way she could, sounding like a grumpy puppy before she swiftly tried to stomp on his foot. She missed completely only serving to make him more furious; he pushed her further into the wall, the force of it splattering and smearing her hair in wet mud and he shifted his right arm and hand under her neck before bellowing into her face, "Stop it!! What kind of woman are you?! Look at you! You're in a damned nightie, half torn and trying to save a goat!? And what if you get ill? Then what? Huh?!" his jaw felt hard like it was chiselled out of granite. He watched her in shock when she screamed out in frustration, wriggling and pushing at him with the strength of what might as well have been a butterfly before she inevitably kicked his feet from under him in her thrashing. Within seconds he lost his balance, landing in the mud and water all over again and looking murderously back up at her.

He watched her fist her small hands at her sides stubbornly, the rain continuing to sheet down around them, "I don't care!" was all she offered by way of explaining her mad behaviour. Shivam growled out low and fierce, the rage bubbling through his veins turning his blood to steam, with less than zero patience left in him and a cock so hard that it could have poked a damn hole straight through his f**king jeans if it could! He lifted himself up as easily as he had before, stalking her down like she was Little Bo Peep and he the big angry wolf before wrapping his hands all over her again and slamming her back into the wall. The force of it was so hard that he brought both their bodies clamping back together again, their feet sinking back in the mud and locking them back in place. He didn't give a f**k about anything else in that moment, nothing else registered but the feel of her body against him and his brain felt like it was going to explode. He was wound up like a tight f**king spring exactly as he had been after their meeting in the damned shower yesterday and the tension of having been so close to feasting on her mouth was now beyond his control. He needed her. God help him but he needed her. The entire f**king afternoon at work had been hell; it was all he had been able to think about all day, even earning a few disappointed shakes of his colleagues' heads having made silly mistakes all afternoon long. "Shivam! Get off me!" she wriggled against him, her breasts moving against his chest and increasingly more exposed as the scrap of material over her chest slid down. She huffed out again, as he tried to force himself to breathe through his nose before he damned well growled at her again like some kind of rabid wolf, "Why do you even care?! I wish I'd fallen and broken my neck!!" Shivam slammed into her again, water streaming down the long spikes of his hair over his face and continuously dripping down his now working throat; he snarled in the dark, "SHUT UP! Just shut up goddammit!! What the hell is wrong with you!!" He roared at her, not wanting or able to bear hearing such things about her neck or her life. He had already been f**king terrified looking for her! The warm puffs of his breath steamed in the surrounding cool air, her own lungs breathing him in from how close he was to her face, "You humiliate me! You laugh at me! You're horrible! I don't know why I ever fell in love with you! I HATE you!! I hate you! Hate you!" He swallowed hard, watching her crying harder now, sobbing as her chest heaved against him, her voice pitching and breaking in her heartbreak and her every movement making his body tighten further. His damned resolve snapped into splinters, his heart racing and aching and twisting at the same time; Shivam grabbed her harder at the base of her neck, sliding her up his body and slipping her up the wall as though she weighed less than a pillow. He was almost snarling at her in pure unadulterated need, fully intending to bellow in her face yet again when instead, he found himself welding his lips so completely over hers that they both moaned out loud through the next roll of thunder above them. He moaned again and again, swallowing back the raw arousal, fusing every other part of him to her now, inserting his hard thigh in-between her own, pushing her up between the wall of mud and the wall of him until her face and lips were level with his own for his sole pleasure. He felt her push instantly into him, desperately, wasting not even a second before she opened her gasping mouth to his, her soft achingly feminine whimpers making his own damned gums ache; their teeth gently clattering together in their frantic desperation as he licked and laved and suckled at her mouth, moaning each time as deeply as the thunder around them and digging his fingers into her flesh as he held her up. He plumbed her now saturated and wet mouth with his hungry tongue, his saliva pooling in both their mouths as it watered for the exquisite taste of her, the incredible sound of her need for him. When he jerked her against the wall yet again, the defined biceps and triceps of his harms holding her like she was part of his own body, he felt her shiver, bucking and practically climbing onto him, silently begging his muscular and hard frame to manoeuvre her exactly how he pleased, when he pleased. He felt her dig her own fingers into his hard chest, the sensation further tightening the coil in his belly, giving up her fight to inflict him with pain at least for now.

"You're... the...stupidest...f**king...woman on the planet" he suckled and bit and nibbled at her plump lips in between each angry word, inflicting pain then pleasure and back again until he was driving her insane and whimpering into his mouth, begging his for more. She sobbed sweetly into his mouth again, grinding her slender hips hard into him as her words muffled out against his suckling, relentless lips, "I hate you, you stupid pig!" was the only response she could gasp out before she licked her tongue over both his lips even as she moaned and made him groan out loud like a damned beast. "Fine!" he ground out, pressing his raging erection harder into her quivering belly and forcing his tongue deeper into her mouth, tasting the rain, the saltiness of her tears... wrapping his lips around her tongue and sucking languidly on her until she was grasping at him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling on his hair and scalp deeper and deeper into her and whimpering until her voice pitched achingly and femininely and so wantonly for him that his dick lengthened and hardened into diamond wrapped in steel against her. He felt her hit him again with the side of her closed fist, with less enthusiasm this time on the solid, packed muscle of his shoulder and he couldn't help but make her pay for it somehow, his need to hear her desperate for him overriding any sense left in him. Shivam pulled back from her, her mouth moving with his before he forced her to break contact for a moment, breathing hard and staring at her as his cock twitched and flushed against her lower belly. "Beg me... beg me to kiss you Riya..." he swallowed hard, watching her eyes darken as she licked her lips and breathed just as hard, "Say it... or I'm dropping you right now" he would damned well make her say it if it killed him! She better f**king say it or he was going to be kicking himself for the rest of eternity! He swallowed hard, his hips instinctively bucking into her again and again in her silence as his each thrust made her squirm back into him. She breathed out tremulously, licking her lips and staring at his own full and swollen mouth from her own ministrations before swinging back up to his eyes again. The anger and hatred bubbled over every plane of her face; even in what little light surrounded them he could see her furious, petulant scowl making him want to bite her again. He almost feared he had dug his own grave, convinced that she would torture him to f**king death and refuse when to his epic relief she gave in to her own desperation and almost ground each word out like she wanted to stab him at the same time, "Kiss. Me. You horrible, pig-headed, ape-brained, stupid idiot! I'm begging you to kiss me. Is that what you want?!!! God I HATE you so-" Shivam shut her the hell up after she screamed the last words, dipping back into her again even as he growled like an animal, licking her soft, sweet, full lips before sucking in her beautiful heart-shaped upper lip in-between his own, his self-control so far gone that he didn't even remember where the f**k they were anymore. "Oh God... Baby... just shut... up and... kiss me, ok. Just for once...shut... up..." he swallowed her pitching and desperate whimpers as he groaned deep and masculine vibrations into her hungry mouth. She gave him what he needed, almost frantically biting his bottom lip before taking in the small, swollen cut into her mouth and sucking on it until it hurt and ached before cursing him again, never leaving his lips and pushing her full breasts deeper into him, "I... hate you... Shivam!" Their wet, desperately powerful kisses so drawn out, so volatile that their teeth clicked against one other. He lost his damned mind when he felt her lick that same cut all better, groaning again until his tongue was dancing with her own and his hand instinctively bunching her hair at the base of her delicate neck harder, needing to overpower her, possess her because she f**king well belonged to him.

*

Riya moaned into him, her own whimpers sounding so alien and needy to her ears that she didn't even recognise herself anymore. He was so goddamned hard, everywhere all at once. His entire body white hot and large and strong and pinning her up as though it were nothing for him, just the thought of it making her feel like a tiny little piece of fluff in his arms. She wrapped her hands around his strong neck, feeling him, caressing him with the tips of her sensitive fingers before digging her nails into his skin in her utter desperation for more each time his tongue laved at her. She just couldn't stop whimpering into his hot, wet, greedy mouth that kept making those deep, masculine sounds as his voice wrapped around her aching breasts and pussy, her entire body reacting to his every moan. Just the deep, sonorous, sensual sound of his tumbling voice over her skin made her throat ache and God help her, she wanted to beg. She wanted to lay herself at his feet until he stripped her bare and took his fill of her. She wanted her husband and she would do anything right now to feel him all over her, everywhere at the same time until her eyes rolled back into her head. "Please Shivam... please... kiss me..." she begged openly now, not needing him to make her do it this time in her completely frenzied state as his large, warm palms caressed over the back of her neck, his other hand sliding to her waist and fisting her sopping wet top over her skin until his fingers were kneading over the bare skin of her midriff. She yelped out, whimpered and instinctively pitched herself into him, her body knowing how badly it needed him inside of her. She fumbled between them, her hand fisting at his t-shirt until she could pull him into her and against her even as he let her do it. Her hips bucked in tandem with his, feeling him thrusting into her belly, feeling his hard length and his hips grinding into her as though he were trying to crawl inside her and she didn't think she could take much more as her womb started to contract and shiver uncontrollably in anticipation of what she needed from him. There was no shame, no modesty, no damned anything! Just the two of them dancing a dance with their bodies and hearts that was as ancient as time itself.

*

His entire f**king body ached for more and yet more still, never having his fill of her, his lips and tongue and teeth with a life and need all their own as they meshed and fused with hers. Just the sound of her was driving him insane and he pushed his entire hard body into her soft one, needing her to whimper again and again and again, the only sound close enough to her orgasming because of him. He couldn't stop his left hand from kneading at her midriff, fisting at the wet material there until he shoved it aside and plastered his palm against her bare skin, making both of them moan with the pleasure of it. His palms slid up her body, her shivering breasts pushing harder into him and he caressed his thumb on the underside of her right breast, the tips of his fingers aching as they raised higher and higher still until he was just brushing her skin, his thumb barely strumming over her nipple as she yelped out for him. She whimpered and hurled herself into him, showing him how much more she wanted and yet he stayed himself, giving her no more than that before he damned well ripped her clothes off and f**ked her right here against the muddy wall. He let her suck tentatively on his tongue, still unsure of herself, her shyness making it all the more f**king sexy as he growled into her. Dear f**king god in heaven... if this carried on, he was going to blow his load right here, against her belly and in his damned trousers! He swallowed hard again, groaning when she dropped her head and kissed his adam's apple, whimpering and sliding her mouth all over him, over and over until he yanked her head back up to his face before he totally lost it. His entire body shivered and trembled at the sensation of her tongue and lips sliding over his sensitive throat, his perfectly chiseled lower abdominals so tight and coiled that even his toughest workout couldn't make his muscles work that hard. Shivam clenched the muscles in his jaw, still able to feel her lips over his throat and he shoved her harder into the mud wall; he couldn't f**king take it anymore. He needed more. He pinned her in mid-air with the force of his body, his hands sliding under both her thighs until he maneuvered them around his hips and to the back of his ass even as she hesitated in her shyness before he dipped down and nipped her just the once. Shivam lifted his arms, breathing hard and wrapped his hands gently around her neck, tilting her head back even as she gave in to him, her hair falling from their pins in a messy cascade until he leaned into her and latched his hot lips onto her neck. They both groaned, he licking her silky skin as she swallowed for more, sucking her in-between his lips before grazing his teeth over her and kissing her until she was crying out his name over and over in utter desperation. Her ripped top had ridden lower, her neck and decolletage completely exposed as she writhed in his vice-like grip, the back of her head pushed so far back that she didn't seem to give one f**k that her hair was completely matted with wet mud and leaves and twigs. Holy f**k! She looked primal, like some f**king pagan goddess that belonged to him, that cried for him. He dropped a hundred kisses after another hundred nips and licks of his tongue, covering her neck as she pushed harder into him, unable to get any traction of her own as he kept her just at a certain distance from him, never allowing her exactly what she wanted as she clawed for more. He growled into her neck, tongue lashing out and clamping his teeth into her before drawing her flesh through his skin and knowing he would damn well leave bruises there for the next f**king week. Knowing that he was marking her because he was her mate. Only he got to mark her and touch her like this! He thought possessively as he let his seeking lips drop lower and into her chest, his free hands sliding down her decolletage until he reached the erotic swell of her breasts practically falling out of her lacy pink bra to greet him personally. He brushed both her nipples with the back of his knuckles, black eyes raising to hers as he watched her reaction to his touch, his throat aching as he saw her digging teeth into her bottom lip, thrusting her breasts into his aching palm and still he pulled back. Shivam!!" she begged him, shouted at him, not needing to use words for what she so obviously wanted him to do to her and by everything that was holy he wanted to wrap his hot palm around her breasts, knead her, strum her like his own f**king personal musical instrument until she was singing his name. He wanted to keep lowering his head until his mouth latched onto the tips of her luscious mounds and suck and lick her just there until she came all over him from that alone. He wanted to. But he didn't; he simply stared at her now, his hands not moving, her hips bucking into him with a frown of desperate need marring over her brow as she trembled in his arms and he could feel himself shivering with his need for her. Shivam growled out so gutturally that he didn't realise his voice could dip any lower before ramming her back into the wall, his hands and arms wrapping and sliding around her again and welding his mouth all over hers again, angry and so beyond aroused he didn't think there was a word for it anymore.

What the f**k am I doing?! He mentally bellowed at himself, his mouth still suckling at her lips and into her whimpering mouth and he couldn't help but speak out in between each lave and lick and the dance their tongues were making as she whimpered for more and more and more of him. "So... this... is you... hating me...huh?" he pinched her ass, one hand having ridden below her waistline long ago as his firm hold on her kept her pussy and thighs directly against his manhood and the hardness of his own thighs. He felt her tighten in his arms then, the anger obviously coiling through her at his words and he felt the subtle shift in her. The goat bleated out yet again from behind them, louder this time and he felt his wife sink her teeth into his lower lip, biting him harder until it damned well hurt and making him growl into her mouth before nipping at her top lip until it hurt her. She rewarded him with an adorable growl all her own, pulling back and her eyes flashing with anger and now squirming in his solid arms as she tried to shove him away hard, "I mean it this time you big stupid ape!! Stop kissing me! Getoff! Get the hell off me and take your big hairy manhands OFF me!" she lost her damned mind, fully contradicting in every way possible what she had just been begging him to do when she screamed at the top of her lungs at him again, this time punching him as hard as she could on his left shoulder and trying to squirm away from his hand presently cupping her left ass cheek. Shivam pulled back, swallowing hard and starting to come out of the erotic fog they had created, at least from the waist up. He stared at her angry scowl for a moment, shocked that he had let it get this damned far before swallowing and narrowing his eyes at her. If she didn't want him so f**king much then she shouldn't have been eating his damned face off just seconds ago!! He tried to take a slower and deeper breath in, his body already starting to release hers as his irritation spiked not just at himself but at her damned hypocrisy and so he practically scoffed at her now, "Don't flatter yourself. You kiss like a damned chimp, wet and sloppy and messy. A chimp would actually kiss better than you, in fact. I was only trying to shut your damned whining up" he bit out, swallowing hard and released her from his grip so unceremoniously and indelicately, stepping back so suddenly from her that she plopped down, backside first into the water below them, slipping and sliding everywhere until she scrambled in her red fury back up to her feet. As soon as she got her balance back she stomped back to him, water splashing around her feet, shoving him hard and only managing to move his shoulder an inch back, "You are such an ignorant caveman!!" she pushed him harder and Shivam firmly wrapped his hands around her upper arms before letting his eyes drop to her bra now in full view; he clenched his jaw, moving his hands to her chest and roughly yanking up her torn shirt until she was covered again. He didn't need to see her like that when the f**king moment was obviously over.

What he damned well needed to do was get them the f**k out of here instead of mauling her alive! For f**ksake, now I have to save the damned goat to get her indoors, he thought irritably as his mind already started working to come up with a plan. She was obviously attached to the animal after having gotten to know it for all of one hour. He was completely turned on, his manhood now painful with it as he relived her every kiss. God, she kissed him as though she was able to read his mind and knew exactly what he had needed from her. He was pretty damned sure that she didn't kiss like a f**king chimp, but after that spectacle he wasn't about to let her believe otherwise. He couldn't stop the sudden image flashing in his mind, her gorgeous mouth wrapped around his cock and all because she had kissed him like that. He closed his eyes for moment, breathing heavily and out of control all over again and trying to calm himself the hell down. F**k. Focus. Focus! How are we getting out of here? The damned rain isn't letting up... he thought to himself, trying to get himself back together and actually start being useful. He had never intended on leaving the goat here, but he had intended to get it out last after getting her indoors. Unfortunately, she seemed to be physically attached to it; and so it seemed his choices were either both of them at the same time or neither at all.

He watched her soothe the goat as he racked his brains, pulling on his hair again and unable to ignore how cute she looked as she petted the white puff ball covered in mud. Not having the time to gush at her like a f**king schoolboy in love, he stalked up to them and bent down to the goat when he spied the rope tied around its neck. He tugged on it, the ends of it pulling out of the water beneath them as it kept coming out from the shallow depths and he felt a particle of relief when he realised that it was sturdy and long. Shivam untied it from the goat's neck, petting it absently before walking in the opposite direction to try and see what he could find around the upper edges of the ditch. When he walked to the far corner he could see something that resembled a spike sticking out of the ground and could only hope that it was a metal pole from some old scaffolding lodged into the earth. He swung his strong arms back, twisting at his lean hips before hurling the rope over the edge and catching around the pole as the other end came swinging back to him and he pulled. Good... it's holding... he thought to himself with another notch of relief, the rope firm and strong in his grasp. He tested it again, using his own weight to climb up the slippery wall a few steps or so; he knew he was strong enough to climb it but he wasn't so sure about Riya given how slippery the wall was. He turned around to look for her, finding her now standing closer behind him with the goat next to her and looking at him with such vulnerability that he was this close to bridging that gap between them and holding her again. "Get on my back, Riya. I'll climb us both up..." he made the decision the instant he saw her face; it would take longer and they might fall a few times owing to the mud, but he could keep going until they crawled out of there if he had to. However, instead of his wife using her damned brain and understanding the situation they were in, she shook her head infuriatingly, "I'm not leaving without Moti. The minute I go up there with you, you'll force me to leave him" she huffed out at him through the rain and his eyes widened in incredulity, "You named it?!! Are you insane? It's not even ours!!" F**king hell! He swallowed back his frustration, of course she had to name it and make it part of the damned family! Shivam looked her up and down, his brain working again, "Fine. Take your trousers off" he clipped out when she railed back at him, "What?! No way! Why would I do such a thing!" she simmered at him and he bit on his tongue, silently convincing himself not to roar at her to just do as he said if she wanted the damned goat out of the ditch. He spoke to her slowly, like she was short of a few essential brain cells, "We can use it to make a hoist for Moti. I'll climb out first, pull him out and then come back for you... or leave you here since you seem to like it so damned much!" He snapped at her towards the end and so of course she bristled back at him, "Why should I take mine off? You take your jeans off" she looked at him almost loftily when he ground out his response to her, his irritation spiking to dangerous levels now. "Riya. I'm not taking my damned jeans off and tying them around your goat. You want to save it then take them off, or you can let him cry here for the next few hours" That seemed to make her reconsider and so she didn't backtalk him this time, simply staring at him for a moment as she contemplated what he had said and started fiddling with her clothes, finding it difficult to pull her thin trousers down her legs without bringing her panties down with them. Shivam didn't look away, he didn't offer her privacy or act the polite bystander. He latched his eyes onto her, too angry, too frustrated and too f**king turned on to offer even that kindness. When she was done, obviously furious with him for not turning away; as if she hadn't been thrusting her breasts into his open palms just moments ago, she bunched up the material and with purposeful incivility, flung it at him. The wet bundle of material slapped against his chest even as he caught it and he clenched his jaw at her audacity. Here he was trying to save a f**king goat for her and this is the thanks he gets.

Shivam walked over to Moti, not saying anything to her before wrapping the material around its middle as securely as he could, leaving a loop at the top of his back to feed the rope through. He busied himself, trying to focus on the damned goat instead of her bare thighs. What the hell kind of name is that anyway? He thought absently now as he walked to where he left the rope hanging and hooked the toe of his shoe into the wet earthen wall. He climbed up by himself, his muscles working and shifting easily to lift his body weight after the hours of weight lifting and pull ups he put in at the gym until he finally reached the top, barely breaking a sweat. Shivam looked back down, and dropped the rope to her, "Tie it on him and help to guide him up as I pull... careful that his legs don't get tangled in the rope" he added, not wanting the animal to get hurt. He wasn't a complete asshole, afterall. Once she had signalled to him, he pulled on the little fat cotton ball and finally hoisted him up over the edge. He wrapped the rope around his palm creating a shorter leash before the stupid thing ended up falling in again; well, it seemed they had been just as stupid after joining it in the ditch. Shivam looked down at her as she stared up at him and he simply raised an eyebrow as he took in her bedraggled state before walking off with the goat and purposefully leaving her there to think that he left her there... at least for a while. After walking a few feet to a nearby half-built wall, he found a hook jutting out of the wall and untied his wife's trousers from around the goat, using the same material to make a small and temporary leash for him so he could use the rope again.

Shivam trudged back to her, careful this time not to fall in the damned ditch again and dropped the rope in, "Come on! Try and climb up!" he shouted down to her. He watched her wrap her hands around the rope, digging her feet into the muddy wall only to slide back down again; he let her try a few more times until he could clearly see that she was beginning to lose her strength and so he dropped down to the floor and slid himself back into the ditch to get her himself. "Get on my back..." he ordered her, bending down just enough so she could climb on top of him; instead she simply wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind him. He turned his head and ground out irritably to her again, "Riya... baby... light of my life... my moon and my stars" he bit out sarcastically, "you need to wrap your legs around me. Not hang like a damned chimpanzee from my neck! Spread your weight over my back, come on! Move it!" he bit out at her when he felt her shove him hard before she obviously complied, her nightie hitching up almost to her hips as his own strong hands wrapped around and under her naked thighs, hoisting her up his body higher and snugger against him so she wouldn't slip and fall. He couldn't have been more aware of her legs wrapped around him, or her breasts plastered to his back and yet he grit his teeth, banishing the thought for a while before placing all his concentration on climbing them out safely.

Once he pulled himself over the edge he could focus on the way she had obviously been clenching her thighs around him; he could only suspect that she was as turned on as he himself was after the many times he had seen her clench her thighs everytime he stared at her or touched her, but he tried to ignore it as best he could given that they were now in the clear. Just as he was about to let her go, he slipped for a moment on what felt like a slippery rock and fell back into the mud... she, somehow falling with him and landing right on top of his chest and legs when he had tried to pull her away from falling back in the ditch. Her breasts were right in his face, his dick decided to welcome her yet again as it jutted against her thighs through his jeans and her wriggling to get free was making it a hundred times worse. All it would f**king take was for his lips to move a centimetre to the left and he could damn well suckle on her to his hearts content. He licked his lips, closing his eyes shut and accidentally brushed his tongue against the bare skin of her breast, the torn top having ridden dangerously low again as she whimpered both into and away from him at the same time. After finally struggling to put some distance between them, she rolled over him and he lifted himself up easily, sticking out is hand to her to help pull her up even as she grumpily refused and pushed herself up. They stood there, breathing hard, their shallow breath having absolutely nothing to do with the climb up when she broke the spell again. "Where's Moti?" she asked him and Shivam scowled then, "Will you shut up about the damned goat?!" She shouted back at him, looking like an adorable wet field mouse that the cat dragged in, "No I wont! He's just a baby! Ugh! Forget it! I'll get him myself" she slapped her hands against herself in anger, trying to wipe off the mud from her chest and belly and only managing to make the whole damned spectacle look erotic. She was getting angrier by the second, accidentally pulling too hard at her thin nightie when whatever was left of it ripped and she screamed at herself in abject frustration, letting out some kind of half-scream, half-growl concoction under her breath before storming off towards the bleats of the goat. Shivam simply followed her, offering no help and feeling a bubble of laughter as his mouth twitched into a smile before using what willpower he had left to hide it away again.

After finding the goat and the two of them walking side by side in the still sleeting rain with the fluff ball tucked in her arms as she had outright refused his offer to let him carry him, they finally made their way to the back door. Shivam had walked into the house without her, disappearing into the kitchen and placing the large pan of water over the fire before heading to the back again and he watched her from one of the rear windows before stepping out again as she walked under the small roof jutting out the rear of the house to the other side where she seemed to be looking for something. He made his way to her and leaned against the wooden railing behind him, soaked to the bone, plastered with mud and folded his arms against his chest as though he had just returned from a pleasant summer's midnight stroll in the park, watching her silently before finally making his voice work, "If it's a baby, why did you call it 'fat'? It doesn't look all that fat. And isn't it a boy? Shouldn't it be 'Mota'??" he gravelled out, when she swung her head back to him, holding the goat closer as if he had personally insulted it and glared at him. "He's not fat Shivam! He's a pearl, all white and round, alright?!" she snapped at him so voraciously that it took everything in him not to laugh out loud at the cuteness of her simmering rage; she had practically bitten his head off for the plump little puff ball. He watched her flick her hair uselessly as she tried to dislodge her wet hair plastered to her face with the thick mask of mud; his hands aching to brush back her hair properly with his own touch even if he was sure she had lost her damned mind over the goat. "It's alright Moti, hmm? My little plump pearl... you're safe now... see? I told you I'd get you out didn't I?" he watched her coo at it, caressing its head as it started to cry again, mildly amused that if it hadn't been for him, they would still be swimming around in a ditch. He could see it now, looking the goat up and down that it did indeed resemble a pearl and not a fat goat or at least, he wouldn't go so far as to call it fat. He rolled his eyes at her then as she turned the tap on to wash it, looking at her like she was insane even if she hadn't seen him. He walked to them and moved to pull the goat away from her, "Whatever Riya" he offered in response to her explanation of the name she had given it and yanked again, "I'll do it" he gritted out then when she tugged Moti back from him angrily, "No. You would have left him down there in this" she nodded at the rain, "I don't trust you with him". He narrowed his eyes at her own deepening and clearly mistrustful scowl, "Riya go and have a damned shower, I've put some water to heat for you" When she started to respond with the same grumpy look on her face he simply glared at her, hard and angry enough that it seemed to shut her up for now at least, "For godsakes Riya. I'll wash him and dry him and bring him in. I'll even put some damned moisturizer on him and some little goat shoes!!!" he grit his teeth, breathing hard as she simply narrowed her own glare at him, "I'm not going to let it wander off after you made me rescue it! Just go! Now!" he ordered her and she responded succinctly, her voice hard through clenched teeth, "His. Name. Is. Moti" was all she offered him, making him bite down on his tongue before he let out his own unnerved laughter at her completely unhinged behaviour. She glared at him for a moment, then bent down and kissed the goat on its forehead as if she had known it all her life. His eyes followed the movement of her soft lips and he realised, unbelievably, that he was turned on; it seemed it wasn't his wife who had gone insane, no, he had lost his f**king mind getting aroused as his wife kissed a damned goat. Just fantastic, that's great Shivam, you've sunk to a new low, he thought miserably knowing that his body was still completely wound up from their damned erotic adventure in the ditch.

*

She stood, pouring the small plastic jug of precious hot water over her head; she had washed the mud and grime and most of her anger off and out of her body at least ten minutes ago and still she had hot water left. He had filled the massive pan almost to the top, strong enough that he was able to carry it up to the washroom before leaving her alone with it. She held her arms against and around her chest, standing naked and warm from the inside out after what had happened in the ditch. Now that the anger had dissipated, she couldn't help but wonder if maybe he was warming to the idea of her being around? If maybe... maybe his kisses and the way he had touched her with such force of desperation was as obvious a sign as it seemed. He had been pushing her away for months, telling her how little he wanted to have anything to do with her and for what? For this? For him to devour her hole until neither of them could breathe anymore? Yes, her body had responded to him, of course it had. But her heart? Her heart was on a dangerous precipice; not sure what any of it meant but it's steady beat still trying to convince her that he loved her, that he wanted her and not just her body. It didn't make sense otherwise! If he just wanted a woman to touch then he could have hurt her, found someone else and... and... She couldn't even finish the horrid thought, her chest twisting at it when she closed her eyes. She wished it wasn't so complicated... why did he have to make it so complicated?! Wasn't it obvious to him that they belonged together? Why couldn't he see that whatever mistakes she had made in the past were for a reason? She wasn't stupid or naive! And she so wished that he would believe her when she finally told him the truth about dadi. She had tried once only for him to shun her, shut her up and push her away before she could even explain; his reaction so extreme that she couldn't help her suspicion. As if he had been acting a part assigned to him. And yet... yet she couldn't ignore her aching heart whenever he spoke so coldly to her, detached, angry... always angry with her. Whether it was an act or not, it didn't feel like it to her! Riya poured the last jug of water over her head, still staring at the door and God help her... she more than half-wished that he would storm in again, more than hoped that he would make her blush and wrap his hard, warm, strong body around her and make her feel complete again. The relief that had flooded and bathed through her every cell the moment he had slammed into her and fused his mouth to hers was something she could not even describe anymore. The nub between her thighs was still swollen, slippery and achy after the way he had thrust and grinded himself against her own hips and pussy and no amount of water would wash it away; it was as though her body refused to believe that he wasn't there with her, touching her, breathing all over her, making her breasts swell and ache and her body sing for him. She whimpered out softly, wanting to cry, wanting to moan, wanting him back in her arms more than she cared to breathe or even live. I want you back... she took a tremulous breath in, too afraid to wash her oversensitive body anymore lest she start touching herself right here. She couldn't help but wonder what he would think, what would go through his head if it had been he who found her pleasuring herself... would he be revolted as she had convinced herself he was when he found her watching him? Or would it excite him? Riya bit into her still tingling lip, hard enough that it hurt and releasing it before she actually broke the skin; she needed to stop being naked, the longer this stupid, lonely shower took, the more her mind decided to torture her.

*

Another flake of dried mud floated down, like pale chocolate shavings piling up between his feet. He stared at it unseeingly, other images and feelings and thoughts taking up too much of his mind to focus on anything outside of himself. He sat with his head bent down, thighs spread apart, elbows leaning over his filthy black jeans and hands clasped above the growing speckles of brown mud flakes. He had turned the cooker off in the kitchen, realizing that Riya had put on another pot of water to heat for him before making her way up and now he sat quietly, his only companion a mildly traumatized baby goat considering how much it was eating at present. He relived every moment and every second of that kiss that lasted an eternity and still no where near long enough. An eternity kissing her would never be enough for him. God, please let her be mine in the next life... I'll do better, be better... just let me have her one more time... Shivam closed his eyes, pushing back the impending tears with his aching eyelids knowing that what had happened in that ditch couldn't change anything. It couldn't; he couldn't let it. Every time he touched her, kissed her... every time she touched him back, drowned in him... it was as though the dam weakened a little bit more until he was sure it would all coming crashing down and he would never be able to let her go. He would be stuck in a hell of his own making; forcing himself to look after his mother, forcing her to stay in this house and be abused and laughed at and even physically hurt for the rest of her life. He would be damning himself to hell on earth and he would have committed the greatest sin he could against a woman. He squeezed his eyes shut, harder, until it damn well hurt and he swallowed it back into the pit of is soul. He couldn't let this mean anything to her. Shivam opened his eyes, lifting them up to the goat she had basically risked her life for; the cotton ball grazing happily on the raw spinach he had found for it in the fridge. He saw the movement with his peripheral vision, looking up now as he remained in the same position and watched her float down the stairs like some kind of angel in a new pair of thin, pale blue linen pyjama bottoms and an oversized t-shirt... his t-shirt... the one he was sure he had worn to work today after his morning lecture. God... she could have easily taken any number of the dozens of clean ones in his room and yet she had chosen that one specifically and he wasn't even sure what it meant... only knowing that she could probably still smell him on it and the thought that that was why she wore it now, made his lower abs tighten hard in both pleasure and pain. He watched her eyes roam over his completely bedraggled state, him being the one looking like something the cat killed, chewed on and finally dragged in; she smirked then, seeming to find his state funny with that smile, the one where she lifted up the corner of her mouth undid him from the inside out. He couldn't smile back, the muscles in his face wouldn't work to make such a gesture when he knew he was going to hurt her again. He had been right... it seemed that he had caused hope to bloom in her heart, for why else would she smile at him like that? His face remained serious, eyes narrowing slightly as she continued walking up to him, closer still until she was almost stepping onto the thin pile of mud flakes as he leaned back and straightened himself. His heart beat faster when he saw her raise her right hand, bringing her fingers to his face with the faintest of smiles on hers. He shot his hand out, wrapping around her wrist harder than he intended as the gesture completely wiped off her blossoming smile; he had intended to stop her from getting her hand dirty again, now contradicting himself when he sullied her wrist with his own filthy hands. He didn't want her to touch him... to remind him of what he couldn't have... to give her hope or to remind him just how deeply in love she was with him as she had no doubt moved to caress his face and soothe him. And so he stared at her, hard and with an unforgiving chill in his eyes until he saw her own waver in confusion and hurt. He was the f**king expert at putting that look on her face. "Don't. I keep making mistakes with you" he shook his head at her, her face dropping with his every word, "Whatever happened out there... it shouldn't have. I was obviously not thinking straight, tired, its been a long f**king day. Don't mistake it for something it isn't. And don't expect anything more from me... the day you signed those papers is the day you sealed our fate" he let his own acerbic words erode at his withering heart as her eyes pooled in mere seconds, "I don't love you Riya" he sealed the cruelty of his message with those words as she pulled her hand out of his grasp, one drop of pain falling over her cheek after the other. "So why did you kiss me? Why do you keep kissing me?" she asked him in a weak voice, the pain so evident as it moved across her trembling lips. He knew then that she had hoped... prayed that the way he had loved her with his lips and hands and voice out in that ditch meant that he would hold her like that again... meant there was a future for them. There wasn't... not unless he wanted to damn her to a fate worse than hell itself and by then... by then it wouldn't matter that they were still together anymore because she wouldn't be her. They would destroy her. And so with that thought propelling him on to make it hurt even worse for her, to push her away until he damn well made her hate him, he answered her sad question, not able to stomach that he was actually going to say it, "Because you're beautiful... and I'm a man. It's nothing more than that. Don't be under some misguided illusion that just because I touch you means I want any more than that" he was sure he was going to throw up right then and there, maybe his mashed up pulp of a heart would be all that came out as he watched her tears drops turn into streams now... her arms covering her chest as though she were ashamed of herself and trying to hide from him. His heart cracked in two as he watched what he was doing to her, already f**king changing the goddess she had been under his touch to this quivering mess before him. He bit down on his tongue so f**king hard that he drew blood, the iron pooling in his mouth as he swallowed his self-hatred and welcomed it to eat him the f**k alive from the inside out as his wife shivered in her heart ache right infront of him. "I- I don't believe you..." was all she said through her tears, her chest heaving softly as she obviously tried not break down into sobs, "I d-don't..." she re-iterated, shaking her head softly and Shivam looked down for a moment before closing his eyes, swallowing it all back until he f**king chocked to death on it. I will never f**king deserve her... never... he fisted his hand, swallowed back his own pain and levelled his gaze back at her; keeping the mask of aloofness and boredom over his face as though her tears hadn't been like acid all over his soul, yet again. "Really?" he bit out, his voice hard and rough like a cracked, parched river bed that hadn't seen water in decades, "Well believe whatever you like Riya. I'm sleeping in my own bed tonight and after today, I promise you I'll make you believe it..." Shivam stood up, not bothering to fetch the hot water from the kitchen; he didn't f**king well deserve it, what he deserved was to be beaten black and blue until he couldn't damned well breathe anymore. He didn't want the f**king bed to himself! He didn't want any of it! But if she wouldn't damned well believe him then he had no choice... he would just have to sit up all night knowing that she was sleeping on the hard floor again because he couldn't f**king well keep it in his trousers! If he had to hurt her over and over and over until he dropped dead from the horror of it, until she left him like a sack of worthless scum then he would. He would make sure she damned well believed him until there was nothing left in him to live for.

Two hours later, he slammed a fist into his pillow, yanked it from under his head and launched it into the wardrobe where it dropped to an unsatisfying poomf on the floor. He hadn't been sleeping in the bed; he outright refused to when he had put her in her place - Ha! Her damned place was by his side in that f**king bed he was currently staring death at - and so he had opted for the single sofa chair opposite the only slightly bigger L-shaped sofa he had been using last week. There was no way he was going to sleep. He lifted off from his seat, brushed his fingers through his hair and miserably failing at convincing himself that he was going downstairs because his growling stomach needed attending to rather than checking on her. When he found her deep asleep in her usual spot, curled up on some cushions she had taken from around the house after he had hidden her mat, his heart ached. Moti sat next to her on his haunches and front legs tucked under him, her slender hand draped over his back protectively and his heart melted some more as the goat gave him only a passing glance in the soft candle light before ignoring him again. Shivam went back upstairs, when five minutes later he was standing over her once more, this time not able to see infront of him with the piles of comforter and pillows in his arms. He leaned down as quietly as he could, careful not to touch her unnecessarily in case he roused her and slid the pillow under her head before wrapping her as well as he could in the comforter... goat and all. He pulled back, the temptation to kiss her too overwhelming, gathered some of his books from the dining table where he had left them the previous day and took them upstairs to study through the night given that sleep wouldn't come, knowing that she had probably fallen asleep to her own sobs because of him again. He closed the door to the room he had been studying in before running around the house like a headless maniac only a few hours ago and buried his head in his studies until he would hear the bird song just outside his window.

*

"Make sure that mod-derrn woman is no where near my swing... or my kitchen, ehh. If I see even one thing missing, I'll be calling the police... I'm telling you... so I will see you later this afternoon, ehh? Your Ma is arriving tomorrow... I tried to convince her to come home today but I'm telling you Sshivamm, you need to fall at her feet when you see her... ehh. She is your ma... don't make me tell my Ragwah... " Shivam grit his teeth so hard that they might have shattered into bits had he not opened his mouth to finally get a word in. "Yes Dadi... see you later..." was all he could bite out before slamming the f**king receiver back into its cradle so hard that he was sure something cracked. She would probably be seething on the other end for his ending the call so abruptly, but what the f**k was she going to do about it? Blame his wife for that too? F**k you dadiji... lets hope you fall off your damned rickshaw and break your neck... he thought almost too happily to himself at the prospect of such a miracle before his thoughts blackened again. Good things like that didn't happen to him and so he would have to get back to normal, whatever the hell normal was anymore, before the Shanti Sadan asylum patients arrived back home.

He had found himself laying face down in his book when he woke up, dragging himself downstairs whilst she still slept peacefully under the fluff of covers he had wrapped her in and made his way to the back yard to cover that deathtrap of a ditch with some plasterboard. He left it there superficially, intending to fill it up with the extra sand he found a little later and knowing that the workout would do him some good anyway, especially as his stress levels had added itself to the mix of arousal, self-hatred and heart ache already churning within him. Shivam had taken Moti outside to let it catch some daylight and graze on whatever leafy delicacies it could find in the morning sun now beating down on them before he finally headed back in to find her leafing through his Anatomy book on the dining table. He didn't alert her to his presence, simply drinking in the sight of her, her hair loose and down, sticking at odd angles having not brushed her hair yet and looking a million times more beautiful to him like this than when she was all dolled up. He watched silently as she read through his scribbled down notes, his heart twisting when he watched her slide her fingers over his writing as though somehow she could keep a piece of him with that act alone. She must have sensed his presence when she looked up and directly into his eyes, backing away quickly as though she had been touching hot coals and saying and doing nothing else but biting her lip as she looked away. He watched her hands twist in front of her for a few seconds, speaking to him now without making eye contact, "I've made some breakfast if you're hungry" was all she offered and all he could do was nod at no one in particular since she still wouldn't look at him before deciding to just give her the good f**king news once and for all. "Dadi called... they're arriving from Patna later today. Riya..." he swallowed, saying her name with the hopes that she would look at him; when she didn't he spoke again, "Riya, look at me..." He looked into her sad pools now staring back at him, waiting patiently and with infuriating politeness until he spoke again. He didn't want her to be f**king polite; he wanted her to stomp the hell up to him and slap him so damned hard that his teeth rattled and then weld her mouth to his. But of course he had emotionally destroyed her yet again last night and so he stamped out the useless wish. "Riya... you can't keep Moti here" was all he said next, not needing to explain to her that if dadi even suspected that she had grown attached to it, she wouldn't waste a second to have it slaughtered rather than keep it here because of her. He saw her face pale suddenly, obviously coming to the same conclusion as her mind seemed to overtax itself with worry. He looked at her for a moment longer before speaking again, "Leave it to me. I'll sort it out..." He knew he shouldn't be trying to help her, shouldn't be showing her that he cared after what he had said last night... but he couldn't let anything happen to that damned goat. It meant too much to her and dadi was just beyond evil enough to make the poor beast suffer if only to hurt Riya. And so Shivam went to fetch the goat, now carrying it against his side as he found his wallet from the side table. Just as he was about to walk out the front door he felt her hand on his forearm, stopping him in his tracks and so he turned to face her, "Wait Shivam!... Please?... Where are you taking him?" she looked worried and he was tempted to soften his features to assuage her, but he didn't. He was already helping her hide the damned goat, he didn't need to turn into a lovesick idiot right infront of her even if it was how she made him feel ninety-nine percent of the time. And so he looked at her like she was twelve and not a very bright one at that, "I'm going to ask who it belongs to, obviously Riya. We cant hide him here" She shook her head at him then, looking even more worried as she petted Moti absent-mindedly, "Please don't?... They'll probably slaughter him... look how big and plump he is... and... and what if they have a wedding or something and sacrifice him?" She moved closer, his nose filling with her scent and her skin brushing against his without her seeming to realise it as she stroked Moti's head soothingly. Shivam shook his head, not sure what planet his wife came from at present... no one in their right mind would slaughter a baby goat and honestly, it wasn't that fat. She bit her lip nervously, his eyes following the movement even as he already knew he was going to give in to her. He sighed out in silent defeat, "Fine. I'll figure something else out... but you know you've eaten goat before, right? That wasn't chicken you were chomping on..." he squinted at her as though she really was crazy when she rolled her eyes at him and looked away and back again. "Yes Shivam, I know. I'm not stupid. But I've never saved one... its different. I cant let him be eaten... please?" her voice softened again as she tried to pander to his manly protective side... or at least that was how it seemed to him when she practically pouted at him in that f**king adorable way she did when she wanted something stupid from him. Well... he supposed saving a baby goat wasn't all that ridiculous, the thing was pretty cute. He scoffed at her then, however, "You?! Excuse me, but I'm the one who saved it. Not you. Only thanks to me" he re-iterated, watching her face flush with irritation and enjoying the transformation in her. "You would have left him to drown, Shivam... I found him" she narrowed her eyes at him and he shook his head in hopeless irritation and deciding that he was not willing to continue on with this idiotic topic, he walked straight out of the door without so much as a good bye to her.

The two of them rambled along in the rickshaw; Moti rubbing his tiny head against his arm as Shivam held him steady, whilst the goat bleated every now and then. The sound kept drawing attention to them and he wished he could have just stuffed him in a bag and taken his motorcycle instead, but of course that would probably be the kind of evil thing dadi would do, so the rickshaw and the weird stares would just have to do. He hadn't felt like such a f**king idiot in a long time; a fully grown man, all muscles and black eyes with the fluffiest, whitest, tiniest and pudgiest goat in the world tucked under his arm as he hopped off the rickshaw and walked to her house now.

Shivam knocked on the front door, waiting patiently before it opened and he was glad at least that the person whom he had come see was the one who had opened the door, otherwise this would have been even more awkward and weird than it already was. "Bunty..." he offered a tight smile before raising Moti in his arms slightly, as though he was an offering before plopping him on her doorstep like a small sack of potatoes, her mouth agape at what was no doubt a bizarre sight. "This belongs to Riya. We can't keep it at Shanti Sadan. So... here you go. Keep it, give it to Papaji, give it to a special goat zoo, dress it up in a sari. I don't care. I just don't want to see it ever again. Just take care of it and make sure its happy or Her Highness will probably kill me in my sleep" and without so much as a hello or a good bye or even a thank you, he turned on his heel and left her there with her mouth hanging open.

*

Riya took one last perusal of the kitchen, having refilled the flour jars she had used for her epic failure to make sour bread dough and made sure that there were no stray bits of dough stuck to the walls when she had suffered an obvious mental breakdown after Shivam had driven her over the edge. She blushed for the dozenth time, remembering what he had done to her against that cupboard, when her phone binged. Riya fished it out of the hidden pocket in the lining of her long skirt and smiled when she saw Bunty's name before sliding the message open.

Bunty: Do you mind telling me why Shivam just dumped a GOAT on my doorstep??? :- / Has he finally snapped?

Riya: Wait... YOU have Moti?! :-)

Bunty: I take it the goat is "Moti"... Really Riya? A goat?

Riya: It's a long story Bunty, please take care of him? Pleeease??

Bunty: Riya!! My ma will skin me and then cook IT.

Riya: Him. He's a him. We saved him from drowning, so you're not allowed to cook him. Take him to Papa, he will keep him safe.

Bunty: I'm not even going to ask what happened. Fine. But your rude husband didn't even say hello or ask me first, he just left it- him- here.

Riya: Didn't you offer him a drink? Maybe that's why he was rude (I'm joking!) Seriously, please look after Moti? He's just a baby... (and he's a pearl, not fat, by the way)

Bunty: You've finally lost your mind. And I swear to god, if he starts eating my clothes, I'll cook him myself!

Riya: He won't if you feed him spinach. Shivam gave it to him and he ate it all...

Bunty: Shivam fed him? Are you sure it was him? He couldn't be so nice

Riya: Don't be mean. Please? I hate it when you do that :- / He was the one who ended up pulling him out of the ditch...

Bunty: Now a ditch is involved? What were you two doing???????

Riya: Don't ask Bunty... please just take care of him, ok? I promise, I'll owe you one...

Bunty: Ok ok. You don't owe me anything. I'll keep him here for today and then give him to Uncle. Look, have to go, I think ma just found Moti. Speak later.. x

Riya; Thank you! Love you! X

Riya couldn't help the rush of warmth flooding in her heart along with the biggest smile she had felt on her face in a long time; knowing that he had gone so out of his way to get Moti to safety, she couldn't help but fall in love with him all over again just as she had when he had stood up for her father against dadi. She honestly couldn't understand why she felt so attached to the little goat, but seeing him so alone and vulnerable in that ditch couldn't help but break her heart. He hadn't given up, crying and crying until someone found him and somehow she found strength in that... that such a tiny young creature had persevered even lost and left to die in a hole. She wouldn't be able to bear it if something happened to him now. She knew she had made a joke out of Shivam's rude behaviour with Bunty and she had done it on purpose, not wanting her friend to feel too bad even if she was justified. And not wanting her to be too harsh on Shivam. She waited another half an hour, hoping that he would return as it was still early in the morning when she spotted him walking through the door, having to slow herself down before running to him. She walked up to him, instinctively moving to hug him before she realised his body language was already warning her not to come closer as his eyes darkened. And so instead she spoke softly, genuinely meaning it from the depths of her heart as her eyes pooled, "Shivam... thank you..." the words seemed so small compared to how hard her heart was beating and how desperate she was to bury her face in his chest and use her mouth to kiss him instead of merely thanking him. She watched him shrug, as though it meant nothing to him, "Whatever, Riya. The house was starting to smell" he bit out coldly without even a hint of warmth on his face and made his way back to the corridor leading to the back door and disappeared from her sight.

With less than two hours to go until work started, she realised that he was still outside, shirtless, in the morning heat, the sky so blue compared to the last two days that she almost could imagine it had been a dream. Almost... if her body hadn't still been humming with the memory of him all over her. Curiosity got the better of her when she decided to look for him and so she found a bottle of water that she had kept in the fridge a few days ago and took it with her; no doubt he forgot to take some water for himself. She walked out the door, spying him almost immediately in the distance, the heated air already slightly warped as he shovelled one spade-full of soil after the other into the ditch that had been both her heaven and her hell only hours ago. She almost didn't want him to fill it; it was as though every time he dropped a spade full in, he was burying the sweet memory of what had happened between them and she didn't want it buried... she wanted that stupid ditch put on display with ten floodlights on it. She couldn't ignore that he was shirtless, her eyes transfixed and staring at him like a magpie entranced with a shimmering diamond. His body had transformed from when she had first met him, now dripping with fresh sweat over the defined and chiselled planes and lines of muscle over his entire body. Even from this distance she could see the movement in his masculine throat and neck when he swallowed, remembering how she had lost her mind kissing and licking him there. She swallowed now, her body turned on and humming back to life as though he had the ignition to her engine; she watched the husband she wasn't allowed to touch... at least when she wanted to and when they weren't clawing at each other like animals in heat. His black, straight hair was plastered and tousled against his forehead making him look almost boyishly adorable, whereas the rough masculine stubble over his jaw and just reaching down to his incredible throat could make any woman whose hormones were working, clench her thighs together. He was beautiful to look at; mesmerizing especially when he was working and moving like this. His jeans were snug around his lean, slender hips, hanging just low enough that she couldn't miss the ripped v muscles leading down his happy trail and disappearing to a place she had only been blessed to see once. When he turned around and reached down to throw the heavy rock in the ditch, her eyes traced over the tattoo on his right shoulder; she still didn't know what it was. He had had it done shortly after their wedding and no matter how much she had begged him to tell her what it meant, he simply smiled his lopsided and utterly sexy grin, refusing to answer her. And so she had never found out... and now she supposed she never would. Her face was flushing, the heat building in her cheeks and down her neck and over her breasts as she looked at the mud already caking on his strong forearms. There was another streak of it across his jaw from when he had just wiped his arm over his face absent-mindedly and blobs of it splattered here and there over his perfect physique. One might have thought it would detract from his beauty... well it didn't... his damned sex appeal practically shot into space, looking like a man who knew how to do a hard day's work in the heat, covered in mud and dirt and capable of making any normal woman fantasise of doing equally filthy things to him. Well stuff other women. She was his. She would scratch their damned eyes out if they came anywhere near him; stupid, creepy Chanda included. He could hate her all he wanted for her possessiveness... but no one... no one could replace him for her. If he left her and destroyed her heart once and for all... there would be no other man. She didn't give a damn if she was young or independent or career-minded or modern. He was a factor that would never change in her life and if the world thought her a fool for it, then a fool she was.

*

His muscles strained and ached almost pleasantly, each shovel full a catharsis as he physically buried the memories of last night even if they would be branded into his body and mind and soul for the rest of his life. He drank half the tall glass of water before bending his head down in the already searing heat and tipping the rest of it over his head and the back of his neck, feeling the rivulets soak into his scalp and meander down the defined planes of his back, trickling into the waistline of his jeans. Shivam breathed in deeply and rhythmically, letting the clean and fresh oxygen in and out of his lungs; the mixture of his fresh sweat and the water dripped down the brushed back spikes of his wet hair, dropping onto his chest and splattering around him into the muddy earth when he shook his head to release the excess water. He closed his eyes for a moment, just needing to keep still after the chaos of the last several days and nights; he turned his face up to the sun and let its rays seep into his eyelids and into his lungs as he breathed in the air that it had warmed when he felt the prickling sensation on his neck... as though he was being watched. Shivam turned his head and opened his eyes, already seeking her out, already knowing that it would be her... he had always had the same feeling come over his skin before they had married, even before he had found out she loved him. Wanted him. He had often found her staring intently at him from her little corner, the prickling and strange sensation over his skin making him look up and find whomever it was that had surely been staring at him... and always it had been her. Even from this distance he saw her flinch at his sudden awareness of her, her face very flushed and her breathing seeming deep as her chest rose and fell more than usual. Just the way it did when he was near her or when he accidentally touched her ... or after he had just kissed her. Aroused. He wondered how long she had been watching him like this and without even thinking, he stood up straight, running his hands through his hair to get rid of what extra moisture was still there before moving to walk toward her. Shivam took his time, walking slowly, letting her look her fill if that's what she wanted... it wasn't exactly unpleasant for him; his whole body was revved up from the adrenaline and testosterone pumping through him from shovelling the sand and now his wife was looking at him like she wanted to eat him? He was only a man, not some f**king deity that his body wouldn't react to her need.

When he finally came up to her, towering over her, he waited for her to say whatever she had come out here to say. When she didn't he spoke first, keeping it short and simple, "What?" he almost bit out, the lust in his veins making him slightly on edge now. "N-nothing..." she cleared her throat, "the mud..." she mumbled incoherently then, pulling on the ends of her hair almost shyly. Shivam scrunched his eyebrows in confusion now, not understanding what the hell she was going on about, "What?" he sounded irritated already and he yanked the chilled bottle from her hand without waiting for her to offer it to him, the beads of condensation on the outside already cooling his palm. He could smell her again, his lungs taking in giant deep breaths of her jasmine scent and some kind of honey scent, making his abs tighten in arousal and his throat ache all over again. He snapped at her then as she seemed to be lost somewhere on his chest or maybe lower, his navel perhaps? "Hello? My face is up here" he gravelled out, feeling her eyes so close to where he was already straining for her was making him restless. He wondered if that look on her face might have had something other than to do with the mud on him before he shuttered the thought away, not wanting to contemplate whether his wife was presently aroused at the sight of him or not. Her face swung up to his then, his voice snapping her out of whatever she had been thinking about and he could clearly see that she was flushed and swallowing over and over before making her voice work, "Umm... your bath. No... I mean... this..." she waved to his body, flushing a deeper pink now and making little to no sense as he frowned at her and seriously wondering if she had hit her head since he had been outside. She cleared her throat, "I mean... Ive put some hot water on for you... the shower wont have had time to charge with the solar panels..." she trailed off, looking at anywhere but his face. Shivam shook his head, wondering if his nakedness was affecting her somehow; however, he dismissed it, knowing that she had seen far more than his damned chest and still she had had her hands down her pants. He swallowed, trying not to think of that right now. "Don't bother. Riya, if I want hot water I can heat it myself. Stop pretending we're anything more than room mates. And besides... its too hot for warm water anyway..." he grumped out at her, starting to feel out of control again and needing to nip whatever intensity was building between them right now in the bud. He dumped the muddy and empty glass in her hand before taking the bottle with him and walking back into the house.

*

Even now she couldn't take her eyes off him; as though she were a lamb looking forward to its own demise, she couldn't stop seeking him out, gravitating to him as though he were a magnet made just for her. Customised and created to pull her into him like he was some kind of black hole and she the wandering star... mesmerized by his beauty, both within and without. Her eyes roamed over his back as he retreated, his slick caramel skin over every honed and defined muscle of his broad shoulders and all the way down to his narrow waist. She felt angry with herself for reacting so physically to him when he was being so cold and distant and pushing her way almost every chance he got and she just couldn't stop wanting her husband back. Every time he did something like save a baby goat, or covering her from her head to her toes in pillows and comforters or kissing her like his life depended on it... was it really any wonder that she willingly stayed in his orbit? Was it really any great surprise that she couldn't stop fantasising about him loving her and holding her close? And then... then his body to add insult to injury... his body had already been sexy before he had started training and exercising... but this? This was going to give her a bloody heart attack if he continued to walk around like that and if she didn't just stop staring at him. Her emotions were a cacophony of love and heartache and anger all over again. She could never truly hate him no matter how many times she screamed it in his face. And so Riya walked back in, already wrapping her hand over the glass he had been drinking from with the strange concoction of arousal and heart ache tearing through her and she decided that maybe even she needed to have that cold, brisk and sobering shower herself. Maybe that would knock the cold hard reality back into her stupid, naive and pathetically hopeful head. He had been explaining it to her in a way that a child could understand; he didn't love her. Maybe he treated her like a human being sometimes, making sure she ate or not leaving her to die in a ditch. Maybe he was simply attracted to her, the fact that they were married making it all the more confusing... maybe she was completely wrong about everything. The only thing she knew now was that she loved him unendingly... if he didn't want her in the end, then there was nothing she could be or do that would ever be enough for him and she had already decided that she wouldn't change herself. She wouldn't try and be a slave to his family or degrade herself for them. But she would wait for him; she would give him the rest of what little time they had left together and if even after that, he still didn't want her, then she would move out of his orbit, never to return again and lost in a place so far from light that she didn't think she would ever be found again.

*****