The steady fall of the rain is in sync with her heartbeat. Madhu looks out of the window of the car, momentarily resisting the temptation to open the window and feel the cold drizzle on her skin. For one brief moment, she wants to feel and relish the rain, hoping it would wash away the cold, hard exterior that she wears like an armor. However the desire quickly vanishes and she warily looks Bittuji, driving the car, clueless to her thoughts. Ever since RK has created his own production company, Bittuji has been kept extremely busy and away from his family. He rarely visited RK Mansion and sometimes she wondered if he has lost the inclination to spend time with her because he found out that the miscarriage was a lie. She had often wondered if she had lost her brother's support by agreeing to have an abortion. He must feel utter disgust at her selfish, disgraceful act. And why shouldn't he? She was a mother but did nothing to protect her unborn child; she is not worthy of anyone's love.
But Madhu is confused and does not know what to make of his sudden appearance this morning. Bittuji shows up at 11 am, on the dot, and whisks her away on a drive to supposedly scout out a new location for outdoor shooting. She stares at him suspiciously, after the debacle of their first movie, Madhu never got involved in anything related to the business. And it was an unspoken rule to not involve her either. Yet he wants her opinion on the location, knowing she does not even know the plot of the movie and nor does she have the experience and the trained eyes to know if the spot would work. Nonetheless, she is happy to be taken along on the scout. She has been feeling so alone, for so long, maybe Bittuji, who has always been her confidant, will temporarily rescue her from the malaise.
Bittuji pulls up in front of a white washed, nondescript building and parks the car. Madhu hesitates to step out of the car, eyeing the surrounding dubiously. She steps out of the car and asks suspiciously, "Bittuji is this the place you wanted to check out for the outdoor shooting? This does not seem like the sort of place RK would ever consider for any of his movies."
Bittuji holds the door open for her to enter the building as he stammers, "Umm...Bhabiji. Chief is looking for a non-glamorous, hole in the wall type of place because the story requires it. You know Chief. He will do anything to ensure the movie is a success and made with integrity, even if it brings him discomfort."
Madhu follows sedately behind Bittuji and responds in a low voice, "I am well aware of how your Chief is willing to sacrifice anything and everything for the sake of his movie."
Standing in front of the entrance of a clear glass door through which she can clearly see is a reception area for a doctor's office. Her eyes scan over to the sign on the side of the door and it confirms for Madhu; Bittuji brought her to a doctor. She glares accusingly at him and demands, "Why did you bring me here Bittuji?"
She holds up her hand and stalls his response and adds, "And please do not say that this is the location that has been selected for outdoor shooting. Please don't insult my intelligence. I may not know much about films but I did grow up amongst a filmy family. I know any office scenes can be easily recreated in the studio and no production house would spend the sort of money to move the entire crew to a location unless it is beautiful, exotic and cannot be simulated in the green room."
Bittuji shakes his head morosely and states quietly, "I would never insult your intelligence bhabiji. I am sorry that I lied to you to bring you here. But it had to be done."
Madhu folds arms across her chest and asks, "Why the subterfuge, the false pretense to have me see a doctor when you could have been direct?"
Bittuji takes a deep breath, silently praying that Madhu will listen to his explanation and would be willing to give counseling a chance. He responds, "I know what Chief made you do; he confessed his sin the other day. He compelled you to abort your unborn child. Knowing the kind of woman you are bhabiji, I know that you have been living in a personal hell this last one year. You don't have to tell me, I know that you have been mentally beating yourself up for giving in to your superstar husband's selfish demand to have an abortion. I also know that you blame yourself for not protecting your unborn child even though it's not your fault. The burden is not yours, you did not commit a sin by having an abortion. I brought you here so you would seek counseling and find peace and then get back your happy. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's you bhabiji."
Madhu looks away and stammers, "Whatever gave you the impression I am not happy Bittuji? I am happy."
Bittuji smiles sadly and responds, "Because you no longer have sparks in your eyes. You don't smile spontaneously. You have been living mechanically for the last year, like the living dead. You won't talk to any of us and perhaps it's difficult to talk to us because we care too much to be objective. But you can share your inner demons with an unbiased third party, unburden yourself from the heavy weight that you are carrying inside your heart."
Madhu shifts uncomfortably on her feet and inquires hesitantly, "There are so many well-established psychiatrists within the city limits. Why did you bring me to an unknown doctor, so far from the city?"
Bittuji looks down and states hesitantly, "Dr. Zara Syed is known in the film industry because all the A-list actors seek her for counseling. She is very discreet and her office location, with it being outside of the city and nondescript, throws the hounding media off the trail..."
Madhu interrupts and nods her head in understand, doing an admirable job of masking the hurt the words caused. She clears her throat discreetly and speaks, "Of course. I understand. As the great Superstar Rishabh Kundra's biwi, if I am seen visiting a psychiatrist's office, it will mar his public image."
Bittuji's face contorts in horror and he denies vehemently, "No! Bhabiji, you are misunderstanding my words. I didn't do it for Chief but for you, so you would have privacy. No one visits Dr. Zara unless they have an appointment and she is the only doctor at this office. I just thought you would feel more comfortable if no one knows that you are seeing a psychiatrist, especially the media. Hang Superstar Rishabh Kundra's image! You are my number one concern now."
Madhu relaxes slightly and nods her head with a tiny smile, "Thank you Bittuji."
Bittuji smiles back, "You can thank me bhabji by agreeing to see Dr. Zara for your stand-in appointment. Just give it a try and if you don't like it after the first few sessions, you won't have to come back again."
Madhu hesitates, her first instinct to scream no. She is not mentally insane to have a psychiatrist delve deep into her thoughts and analyze them to death. But she can't argue with Bittuji's logic. What if he is right? Does she deserve to be happy especially after what she has done? Could she ever find her happy again? Taking a deep breath, she plunges in and agrees, "Okay Bittuji. I will give counseling a try. And if I don't think it's helpful by the first session, I am out."
Psychiatrist Office:
Week 1 - With Madhu:
Madhu asks, annoyed, "Well? Won't you ask me any questions? Isn't that what you psychologists do? Delve into your patients brains."
Dr. Zara Syed smiles patiently at Madhu and responds, "There are many ways we can delve into the patient's brain, some subtle and others not so much. Now why don't you tell me the first thing that pops into your mind when you think what is happiness?"
Madhu automatically responds, "Baby."
Dr. Zara inquires, "You want a baby?"
Madhu shakes her head incredulously, "Doesn't every woman, especially married ones, want a baby?"
Dr. Zara shrugs her shoulders, "Not everyone wants the same things in life and that includes women, not all of us want to have kids. Why do you want to have a baby Mrs. Kundra?"
Madhu asks angrily, "What do you mean by, why I want to have a baby? Isn't it obvious?" She taunts, "Where did you get your degree from Dr. Syed? The medical board should review your certification and revoke your license to practice."
Dr. Zara shares, "I got my medical degree from the US, at Emory University. Then I decided to move back to India to be closer to my elderly grandparents and that's why I am here. Now getting back to you, Mrs. Kundra, you are answering my question with questions. You sound desperate to have a baby. Why is that?"
Madhu responds irately, "Because I just want one, okay?"
Dr. Zara insists, "Mrs. Kundra the first word you thought of when I asked you to think about happiness is baby. You don't have a baby yet you associate with being happy. Are you not happy Mrs. Kundra? You have yet to answer my question, WHY do you want a baby? To fill up a void in your life?"
Madhu bursts out angrily, "Yes! I want a baby because my unborn child was snatched from me! I want my baby back even though I don't deserve it!"
Dr. Zara inquires, "Snatched from you? Did you have a miscarriage Mrs. Kundra...or did you and your husband decide to have an abortion and now you are regretting it?"
Madhu looks away and says coldly, "I no longer wish to discuss my private life with you Dr. Zara."
Dr. Zara admonishes lightly, "I am here to help you Mrs. Kundra but you have to do the legwork and reach out to the hand that I have extended. I can help you but only if you are willing to help yourself."
Week 1 - With RK
RK stares pensively out through the small window, wondering how he ended up at a psychiatrist's office. About an hour ago, he rushed through the building upon receiving a call from Bittuji, informing him that Madhu had a minor accident. Frantic with worry, he ran into the doctor's office and demanded to see his biwi. As he kept yelling at the poor receptionist, shaking with fear at his threat to get her fired, Bittuji tapped him on the shoulders.
RK shakes his head, it was all Bittuji's plan to lie about Madhu to get him to also seek counseling. He wanted to strangle Bittuji but resisted the temptation especially since he is still in the dog house with Bittuji. RK stared at him incredulously when Bittuji declared that even he needs to seek counseling, not just Madhu. He argued vehemently but reluctantly agreed to see the psychiatrist at Bittuji's insistence.
He shakes his head to clear his thoughts as he hears Dr. Zara calls out his name, "I am sorry?"
Dr. Zara repeats patiently, "Why do you think you don't need counseling?"
RK stares incredulously, "Because I am Superstar RK, that's why. I don't need counseling."
Dr. Zara asks, "So Mr. Kundra, you think, just because you are Superstar RK that you are incapable of making mistakes? You are perfect and therefore do not require counseling like a layman?"
RK shifts uncomfortably and states, "I make mistakes but I don't need you to rectify them. My biwi does that quite well. I only came in to speak with you at my PA/friend's insistence." He ends angrily, "I am not mentally ill and I most definitely do not require your services."
Dr. Zara nods her head, "Aah Yes. Mrs. Kundra. I have had the pleasure of speaking with her earlier. So you think Mrs. Kundra is mentally ill, therefore she requires counseling? But you do not?"
RK jumps up and angrily towers of Dr. Zara as he snarls, "What the hell! How dare you put words in my mouth? I NEVER said my biwi is mentally ill! If you were a man, I would punch you in the mouth for even daring to state such a blasphemy!"
Dr. Zara shrugs her shoulders and responds, unfazed, "Why not? When you state that you are mentally stable and therefore do not require counseling, then it can be inferred that all who seek counseling must be mentally imbalanced. You know your wife saw me earlier, so that puts her in the latter category. So I ask you again, Mr. Kundra, why do you think she requires counseling and you do not?"
RK roars furiously, "Because she wants a baby and upset that she is not pregnant!"
Dr. Zara inquires, "Is that it? She's just upset because she wants a baby? There are no underlying reasons for her unhappiness?"
RK calms down and sits back down, his shoulders and head stooped low, "She is regretting our mutual decision to abort our baby."
Dr. Zara nods her head and states, "I see. And was the decision really mutual Mr. Kundra?"
RK asks angrily, "What is that supposed to mean? You don't know me and you damn well do not know my biwi! Her pregnancy came during unfortunate circumstances and we had to make a decision that would be good for us in the long run."
Dr. Zara inquires, "Instead of answering my question, you are justifying your action. Did your wife feel the same way? You seem like the sort of man who gets what he wants. Was the decision really mutual or was it in the form of an ultimatum?"
RK stands up furiously and turns around to leave, "I don't have to listen to your bullshit. I'll find a better psychiatrist for my biwi, one who will talk to her with respect, not impertinence."
Dr. Zara quirks her brow and responds just as RK touches the door knob, "Mr. Kundra, you and I both want to help your wife. But I have news for you, you want to help your wife? Then I suggest you help yourself."
Current Affairs
