FF: Ankahee | Thread 1| Chapters 1-33 - Page 58

awesome update...

Amazing update as usual.
The calm is unsettling, getting me worried. Off course madhu will take time to heal, but putting the things under the rug does not mean they don't exist.

Wonderful update..

awesome update dear u r writing so well.
finally rk is taking care of madhu. continue soon

Amazing update Dear 😊 Thanks for pm 😃 Loved how things r getting normal between Rishbala 😳 Loved RK caring for Madhubala & giving Her more tym ⭐️ Feeling bad for Vikram 😭 Loved Jealous RK 😛 Waiting for next 😳 Pls continue soon 😳

Originally posted by: Jyoraj

Amazing update as usual.
The calm is unsettling, getting me worried. Off course madhu will take time to heal, but putting the things under the rug does not mean they don't exist.

*This next chapter has been making it impossible for me to sleep or work, so I am going to get it out of the way and type it already. I hope some of you will see why it's haunting me, I hope at least a few of you will like it. Do let me know what you think/feel.*

Chapter 22

Time went by, and slowly life went back to its usual patterns. It had been over a month since RK and Madhu had reconciled, and on the surface, everything looked normal.

Happy, even.

RK had been working on a new project that had been getting busier as time went by. Madhu also continued to do well in her career. RK and Madhu couldn't meet every day but they still met 2-3 times every week, sometimes with friends and sometimes by themselves. They did not get physically intimate again after that one night - neither one initiated and it seemed less intimidating to keep things the way they used to be. Nothing unexpected happened.

Except, a few tiny things.

It had been a month, but RK knew Madhu still hadn't recovered completely. She was fine at the surface, but he could feel she was a lot quieter and a lot less expressive than she used to be. She would wake up some nights screaming out of nightmares, but she didn't say much what those nightmares were about. At his end, he tried different things to keep her cheerful, hoping if her mood stayed good she would eventually be back to being herself. She seemed keen to hang out with RK's friends again as earlier - in fact, if anything, Rohan and Ria seemed to have become better friends with her over time - yet, RK sensed that Madhu grew especially quieter and pensive after those meetings, so he consciously tried to carve out more time for her one-on-one, and avoided talking too much about his friends with her on the phone. Yet, whenever they did that, they quickly ran out of things to talk, as the conversation mostly revolved around RK, his work or other inane things. RK decided he couldn't force conversations in any direction, and it was best to stay comfortable and honest so that when there was something to talk about, they could.

At some level, he was worried that Madhu still hadn't forgiven him, but whenever he asked her, she said she had moved past the past. That she was okay. And that she loved him. A part of him was still guilty, but eventually RK stopped worrying too much. He was happy with Madhu, and they were both getting along as well as they ever had. She was no longer acting overtly possessive or demanding of his time and attention. If anything, RK was a little bothered Madhu didn't ask for anything, but he found delight in giving her as much time, love and attention as he could, because that brought a smile on Madhu's face like nothing else.

RK and Maya continued to be good friends as always, but they were on different projects now and Maya seemed to keep a lot busier at first, so they met less often. Soon, RK got busy as well but of late, they had started speaking regularly, just like always. RK also found himself feeling closer to Rohan than he had ever been, asking him tips to keep his girlfriend happy. Life was wonderful.

Madhu and Vikram continued to be good friends, but Madhu did not share much about her life or her feelings with him anymore. She did not tell him about the breakup with RK as she had earlier thought she would. She almost deliberately avoided talking about RK with him. At one time, she had vehemently defended RK to him. Now she did not want to say anything because she wasn't as sure about anything.

RK loved her, yes. She loved him, yes. Still, there was a fear that permanently sat in her heart, because of which, she wasn't sure of anything, including herself.

That tiny, evil fear was the only thing that seemed wrong in Madhu's and RK's world now.

Madhu didn't understand what it was - she didn't have any words to articulate it. It just felt like an inseparable part of her body, something that flowed through her veins with her blood. Something that suddenly grew up and entered her dreams, where she found herself abandoned in a dark prison from where she couldn't escape.

RK asked her, if she had forgiven him. She always said yes. What she wasn't sure about, and what he never asked, was whether she had forgotten. Whether she had forgotten what those parched moments tasted like when she lay alone collapsed on the ground, staring at the darkness, being drowned by words. Whether she had forgotten what it felt like to let go of your life by your own hands, and then be amazed at the fact that you were still breathing. Whether she had forgotten the insanity that made her cut through her wrist with a piece of glass that made her kept pushing it deeper and deeper. She hadn't meant to kill herself then, if she did she knew that it was better to cut along the vein, not across - vertically, not horizontally - to maximize blood loss and speed up death. No, she just wanted to taste that physical pain because it seemed better than what she felt.

Did she remember that?

Yes, but she did not want to.

One night she woke up screaming out of a nightmare. RK was sleeping next to her and he woke up too. She was terrified, and she almost asked him if he knew how she could forget, but she didn't. The words dried out, and she drowned out the unspoken in a deep kiss. RK's embrace enveloped her, the fear left, and she slept back.

But the next day, she realized she still remembered. And she desperately wanted to forget. So she fought and consciously blocked out the memories. She refused to dwell on it, she refused to talk to RK or Vikram about it, and she refused to imagine what ifs. But she could still feel the footprints of her unwelcome friend when she found herself attracted to silence and darkness much more than she ever had. To an extent she had never felt before, she was now...okay... with sitting alone quietly. She was okay with short conversations with everyone, including RK, Trishna and Vikram, because words didn't attract her. She was okay spending time with RK alone, with his friends, with her friends, talking on the phone, or none at all. Which is to say she liked being with him, she loved being with him, but she did not crave being with him. She was okay with what she got. She was okay with enjoying the good moments, and tolerating the bad ones. She still felt an inexplicable twinge every time Maya was with them, but she fought it because she was convinced there was nothing between RK and Maya. So even though she struggled with that one bit, she was still okay. She was okay with the laughter, she was okay with the stolen kiss and she was okay with waiting for the phone to ring. In fact, Madhu discovered, she was more than okay with staring in the dark at night at nothing in particular, not thinking about RK or her life or her family or her work like she used to. She liked nothingness now. Nothingness was easy, and peaceful.

Madhu continued to ignore the tiny, evil fear, hoping it would go away by itself. She was okay.

Life continued to slip back into comfort zones.

******************************************

(One week later)

"Hey honey." The phone rang and it was RK. Madhu picked up.

"Hi Rishu. How come you're calling in work hours? Is everything ok?"

"Yeah. Listen, I need to go to Bangalore."

Madhu fell silent, then replied. "Okay. When?"

"Tomorrow morning. My client has a new factory being set up there. I need to be on site. But, it is only for a couple of weeks."

"Okay."

"I will tell you more when I meet you in the evening today." RK sensed a growing sadness on the other side of the line. "Madhu, honey, listen, I know you're scared. But there's nothing to worry. It's only 2 weeks. I will be back before you know it."

"Hmmm"

"Madhu, do you trust me?"

"It's not that RK. It's fine. Go, of course, go. It's all fine."

"Madhu...I know you're covering up. But listen, trust me please. I am not going to repeat my mistakes. I promise I will never ever let distance come between us again. Ever."

"I trust you Rishu."

"Thanks. I will see you in the evening. Love you."

"Love you too."

********************************

(Another week later)

"Hello"

"Hey honey. How are you?"

"I am okay. What happened...you sound troubled?"

"Oh Madhu, I can never figure out how you always know. Anyway, I am not troubled. Just a bit worried for Maya."

"Maya? Why?" Madhu asked, her voice audibly modified.

"I was just speaking to her earlier today and she told me she started dating Paras again."

"Paras? Isn't that the same guy she..."

"Yeah. Same dude. They have both been on the same project for the last few weeks. Initially she told me he was bothering her again and openly chasing and flirting her. I told her to rebuke him and ignore him. Now today she told me she likes him and has started going out with him. I don't know what's going on with that girl."

"Hmmm..."

"I think she is just liking the attention. I have seen that guy Paras in office. He's so not the right guy for Maya. I don't know what to do."

"Do you have to do anything? Isn't it her life? She is an adult right." Madhu suddenly said, shocking RK. It was uncharacteristic of Madhu to say something so...uncaring.

"Maya is my friend Madhu. How can I not do anything? She's my responsibility." RK was losing his temper.

"Is she your responsibility?" Madhu asked, shocking RK further. What kind of a question was that?

"I don't know what you mean, Madhu! I care for my friends and I look out for them. I thought you did the same but right now you sound like we shouldn't care if our friend is doing something wrong. Maybe you don't like Maya, but what would you do if your Vikram was marrying someone who's clearly wrong for them..." RK snapped. The anger in Rishabh's voice and the way he said your Vikram stunned Madhu.

After a minute's silence, Madhu said, "I...I didn't mean it that way. I...I am not saying we shouldn't care. I don't have anything against Maya..."

"Listen Madhu. I understand. Sorry I yelled. But..."

"No. I am sorry. All I was trying to say was that you have tried to explain Maya many times earlier, and even now. If she still decides to date Paras, shouldn't you let her? Maybe he really isn't as bad as you think, you don't know him that much. Maybe Maya wouldn't like you intruding in her life that much...what if she is offended?"

"Maya and I...we are not like that Madhu. We don't take offence. You won't get it. But her problem is my problem and if she is making a mistake I can't just sit and watch."

"Hmm"

"I will figure it out."

"Hmm. I am sure you would do the right thing." Madhu said, her voice a touch sad. "But maybe you should first figure out why she is doing it? If she really thinks Paras is right for her..."

"...you're right. I think the real reason is she's feeling lonely. She has been sounding off to me for over a month now. I need to talk to her."

"Okay. Take care."

"Bye Madhu."

"Bye. Love you."

"Love you too."

Madhu was hit by a feeling of deja vu as she hung up the phone and slumped in her chair. She knew she had over-reacted, but she somehow couldn't control herself, her reactions and her feelings when it came to Maya. She hated it, absolutely hated it, but somehow, something in her always stung, as if a sharp dagger was permanently etched inside her. It was a constant strife between the rational parts of her that believed in Rishabh's love which belonged only to her, that trusted that there was no reason to be insecure and an irrational dark loathsome bit of her that was still stuck at the night she heard Maya tell Nisha she loved Rishu and remembered too well three words from RK that she wanted to forget every day: "I don't know".

Nevertheless, she felt like she was losing. Not just this constant strife within her, but also Rishabh, all over again. For a second she was happy Maya wanted to be with other people, but then it crossed her mind that maybe she just wanted to make RK jealous. It was a very devious, very improbable thought, but it was possible.

And if it were true, then it was working, wasn't it?

Was she losing RK again? Was the last month yet another illusion she had let herself buy into? Her confidence was on shaky grounds as the echoes of darkness called out to her from an unseen corner of her mind.

The entire next week was a stressful fight within Madhu as she kept trying to rationalize her fears away and fight the evil darkness that was living in her. She hated that she had become two people, one of whom was such an unreasonable, unlovable, terrified girl who kept reminding the other, trusting, saner half about things she didn't want to know or remember. Madhu desperately wished she could be the same naive girl again who was happy in her bubble, but destiny had brought her to a point where she was her own worst enemy. She could plainly see the damage the war was doing to her, but she felt helpless. She couldn't tell anyone about it, she couldn't get help and she was constantly worried this would spill over and damage her relationships further with the people in life.

What had made the week particularly hard, of course, was the fact that Rishabh wasn't around. She couldn't escape in his arms, and she had difficulty having any conversation with him on the phone. To top it all, she was still feeling guilty about how she had behaved when he had shared his concerns about Maya with her. She desperately waited for Saturday, when Rishabh was supposed to return, so she could find some peace in his arms.

*********************************

On Friday, a package arrived early in the morning at Madhu's place. It contained a beautiful red dress, and a note: "Wear this, and be ready at 8pm - Rishabh"

She called RK, but he didn't pick up the call. She texted, "Got your package. What's going on?" "It is a surprise honey. Just do as I say, please." RK replied.

At exactly 8, the doorbell rang. Madhu opened the door to find RK, looking dashing in a grey suit, and holding a huge bouquet of flowers.

"Oh God Madhu! You will be the death of me some day. How can someone be this gorgeous?"

"Rishu!" was all she said before she threw herself in his arms. A couple of passionate kisses later, Madhu felt whole again, and she pulled out.

"What's going on Rishu? Is there a special occasion today?"

"No questions. Come with me, we're going out." RK pulled her hand and dragged Madhu to the car.

"At least now tell me what's going on? Where are we going? Why are you looking so...um...irresistible?" Madhu asked a grinning Rishabh.

"So that you won't be able to resist me, honey, that's why. But the way you're looking, I am having a really hard time keeping my eyes on the road. So have some patience." RK smirked.

Madhu and RK ended up at a restaurant, and she was surprised to see all their friends there already. Rohan, Ria, Maya, Trishna, Mukund, Nitin. As soon as they got there, a waiter brought a cake with RK and Madhu's pictures on it. Happy anniversary, it read.

It was then that it hit Madhu. It had been a whole year since the day she had told RK she loved him. A whole year! And she had completely forgotten.

She looked at RK who was smirking at her. "You can forget honey, but I can't forget the day you came in my life and made it more beautiful than I could have imagined. Happy anniversary jaan."

Madhu walked up to him and hugged him, tears of happiness in her eyes. "Happy anniversary. I am so sorry I didn't remember..."

"It's okay honey. I am going to use the brownie points well. Now stop crying. I am going to have to call you glycerine, the way you cry at anything these days." Madhu and RK both laughed. Madhu gave RK a quick kiss, and then they both cut the cake, surrounded by their friends.

They were placing food orders when Maya turned upto RK and asked what drink would he liked to order. RK in turn looked at Madhu and said, "Who needs alcohol when I already have the intoxication of Madhu's love." Madhu looked up, a little surprised, and then blushed. She felt a feeling of bliss she hadn't experienced in a long time. She had been so stupid, worrying about nothing!

RK asked Madhu for a dance, and they both were soon on the dance floor, in each other's arms. It was perfect, the way they were lost in each others' eyes, moving in sync. Soon, everyone was clapping for them - so beautiful, so perfect they looked. As the song ended, Madhu felt she couldn't possibly be happier , when suddenly RK proved her wrong.

Suddenly, RK was on one knee, bending in front of Madhu, holding a ring in one hand and Madhu's hand in the other.

"You're my love, my life, my destiny Madhu. So if you have a little bit of time, would you mind spending the rest of your life with me?"

Madhu gasped in shock, totally taken aback by RK's words.

"Will you marry me, honey?"