We are still in the entertainment room.
Madhu is perched on top of a supine RK, shoving her untameable bosoms in his face. We note that her blouses are getting smaller and smaller. RK wakes up from his drugged stupor to realise that he has a chestful of Biwi. A mysterious shawl, made from the tears of little chiru moms who have seen their kids slaughtered for pashmina, has appeared mysteriously out of the ether to cover RK. It is also our first clunky plot moment of the day. But despair not, gentle readers, for it is not the only one! Writers and director have provided a more than average amount of clunk for all your clunkiness needs in today's fast-paced episode.
RK wakes up and delivers a slow blink filled confuzzled sleep-mussed look that had millions of women all over the world doing unseemly things to their laptops and TVs. Note: drool isn't very good for your keyboard. Which FQ only knows because of a snopes story. Not that she experienced it first hand or anything.
Biwi is lost in RKs eyes. There is sexual tension so strong it threatens to overtake the city. The country, the world, the galaxy!
Shekar Kapoor's ode to the wet sari plays in the background. The refrain is "I love you." Protagonists are embarrassed. Madhu says she doesn't like this song. RK agrees. ( I'm not sure I like that part; wish he said he likes it quite a lot—it would have given edge to the scene. This made it too much like embarrassed teenage love.)
Madhu tries to switch off the bloody song. If I remember correctly, it has a lot of footage of air frottage and thrusting bosoms. No wonder she is all undone. The remote doesn't cooperate. Neither does the projector despite her hitting every button on there. I'm calling RK sabotage Did our hero stage-manage the whole thing? No, darlings. It was just another piece of clunk delivered by our ever reliable writers.
Then for no reason whatsoever, Madhu starts crying. Ok, conceded: sexual frustration in the presence of a such a hot piece of man will do that to a a girl.
But no, it is a clumsy segue to the massive merits of Malik. No worries, my sweet! We have all see the massive merits of Malik—he fondles it a lot in public. Madhu lets fall her true biological origins. RK inquires sand she tell him the tale through falshbackorama, displaying her superhuman powers. Because like Abhimanyu in the womb, she is able to SEE things that happened when she was in the womb, a newborn, and most tellingly, not even there! And that's what happens directorji when you get addicted to the flashbacks a narrative device. You screw them up big time. Please, I urge you: sek counselling. I am sure there must be a Falasbackolics Anonymous in Bombay. It is full of bad directors, after all.
RK Is moved. There are tears everywhere. Exit Madhu in the patented soap heroine vinyasa of cry, sob, hand to mouth, run away! Where do they get that model from I wonder? Has any woman, anywhere, ever done that? It looks v odd. And delivers a slap on the face of feminists everywhere. Still doesn't make me run away crying though…
In Chawllenge.
This is the money shot peeps. This is the king of clunk. Pads is chopping veggies. Enter Malik looking all ominous. She nags. He bolts the door. Finally, he's going to despatch that annoying nag! But no, he starts a completely unprovoked confession/ drunken rant about killig RK. After swiping that chaku from Pads. Maybe he should visit Chakuholics Anonymous. This urge to always be clutching large phallic objects is v disturbing.
Knock.
Pads opens the door to RK ad Madhu!
RK has brought Biwi home for two days only! Madhu must keep a wardrobe in her old home, I guess. He takes Malik out for a chat after seeing the knife clutched behind his back.
RK tries to reconcile with sasurji, saying he's not going to tell Madhu about her murderous Malik and his knifal abuse. And then hugs him. Malik goes all stiff. He doesn't respond, I mean. Don't let your imaginations run away with you.
Madhu, meanwhile, is being questioned by Pad the Nag. M says RK has no idea what he's doing, she can't read him and why doesn't he take her into his arms and do naughty things to her already! Ok, she doesn't say the last part, but we all know she's thinking it.
She then exits Pads' annoying presence to see her husband in the arms of another! This will not do! She puts a stop to these shenanigans.
RK asks Malik not to break his Biwi's heart by telling her about the kinky stuff they've been getting up to.
Next week: the police discover Malik's locket in the hospital after a week of his release. That tells you everything you need to know about the standards of hygiene in that place!
Also we learn a new word: policia. It means the dumbest bit of reasoning you can come up with, times ten.
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