FF-THE KISS-please read-IMP NOTE -PG 48 - Page 23

Hi everyone,

Sorry for being late.I tried to update this previously,suddenly my system crashed and I lost all that I had written.Sorry for making you all wait.

Here is the next part.

Hope you like this.

Sorry for any flaws.

I really never check what I had written,before updating.I request you not to over look my mistakes.

Please notify me.

Please state the mistakes ,which I will rectify.

I thank Shweta di for taking the pain of checking this FF.

Sorry di for troubling you.

I'm not a skillful writer,but I write only to improve my language ,which will be helpful for my exams.

Please read this.

Bouquets and Brickbats all arewelcome.Please do comment.

Part 10:Is that love??? Part-a

Madhu was lost in thoughts and did not even notice that they had arrived.

He looked at her and noticed that she did not notice their arrival to the destination.

"Biwi" ,he called her which indicated her to get down,and he got down out of the car.

He is about to close the door ,when he noticed that she did not get down still.

He waited a second.

'What is this sudden change ?Why did he make such a huge celebration yesterday ?

What is he upto?

Where is he taking me ?Is he again trying to humiliate me?',she is in herself when she noticed that he is calling her and sounding the horn.

She looked at him and noticed that he is actually yelling her name.

She quickly came to her senses and thought not to lower herself,for looking lost infront ,of RK and said with a fake anger," RK,why are you shouting so loud ?Did you think I'm deaf?"

This sentence annoyed RK ,who is already in a worst state because of shouting at the top of his voice.

He said with a mockingly cool manner,which showed his impatience," Wah,Thank you so much Biwi,I'm really running out of words how to thank you,for making me realize that you are not deaf,before the people around here think me to be insane for shouting so loud,and sounding the horn without any blocks infront."

She turned away her face but still did not look at the place they had arrived.

RK said in the same mocking tone,"Biwi,if you can do another favour of getting down,I'll be really indebted to you."

"Biwi",he shouted.

She wondering where in the world,she is going to land,looked through the front glass and her face got lighted up,as if all the stars in the galaxy are illuminating her beautiful face.

Her eyes got filled with tears as she saw RK and whispered," RK?", with disbelief.

All his annoyance evaporated on seeing his amused Biwi and a small smile crept across his lips.

He gestured her to go.

She got out of the car and rushed a few steps without even closing the door and then realized his presence.

She turned back to find RK smiling at her,still standing beside the car with his left hand resting on its top.

He gestured with his eyes to her which said,'carry on'.

She happily turned away and rushed .

He laughed shaking his head,on seeing this childish side of his Biwi.

He followed her,not paying attention to the viewers there who are in a large group.

Madhu was never away from them on this day ,all these years.

They still remember the moment the cute little face on her first day on this planet.

The simplicity of the celebrations,mattered nothing to them as they used to be happy .

The atmosphere in that house is quite lugubrious.

"Madhu might be thinking only of us",Padmini,who is sitting in front Malik said, controlling her tears.

"Lets go,there,whatever may come,I don't fear him.",said Malik,who got discharged few days back.

"May some miracle occur,may we be together today",Roma wished ,while handing over ,medicines to Malik.

"MAAA"

All got startled.

"Madhu???",Padmini thought for a while that she is hallucinating,until she heard the call again.

"MAAA"

Padmini and Roma rushed to the door and Malik limping as fast as he could.

They saw Madhu rushing towards them.

She rushed and hugged Padmini tightly and then embraced Roma and Malik.

"Madhu ,you here ...?"

"Isn't she allowed inside?"Roma's question is interrupted by RK,who just climbed the stairs and reached there.

They all came back to their normal states ,wiping their tears;with RK's words.

Padmini and Roma took Madhu inside and sat on the couch.

RK ,who is still standing at the door is guided inside by Malik.

RK came and sat on the chair opposite to them.

Malik asked,"Madhu,how are you beta?"

"I...",Madhu got interrupted by RK.

"What a stupid question Sasurji.How can she not be nice staying with 'the'RK."

"Madhu you look dull,.."

This time RK did not even let Roma to complete his question.

"Biwi,thats why I told you not to interfere in those people's work.See you wasted all my efforts and money to make you look beautiful,by using your parlour knowledge."

Madhu gaped at him.

Padmini now took chance to ask ,"Madhu,are you..."

RK suddenly got up from the chair ,panicking everyone.

"Biwi,come lets go."

"RK, ..",Madhu stood up from the couch,trying to say something but only ended up getting interrupted by him.

"Biwi,I'm fed up with all the interrogation drama .The person ,you least expect to wish you ,did that and the ones who know the importance of this day,are not doing that .Come with me.I'm not that patient to watch this emotional thousand episode tele serial."

All except Madhu got surprised to hear that he knew that it is her birthday and he brought her here only for this purpose.

Madhu did not get surprised as she still did not recover from shock from the previous night.

RK noticed that they are a bit hesitant due to his presence and said,"Biwi,I'll be waiting in car.Take your time but not the whole day,try to come soon as you know RK doesn't wait",saying so he left the place.

Madhu's eyes did not get diverted from the exit until Padmini's call.

RK is waiting inside the car,smiling at himself as the people gathered around his car,looking and exclaiming ,as if he were a new show piece.

'Oho why did I bring her here?'

Suddenly,the smile faded away and there came a frown.

'Oo yes,why did I bring her here ?'

Wasn't it he,who thought and planned to stay away from her?

Then why did he cancel off the shoot so suddenly and came back soon after noticing that its her birthday ?

Why did he make the celebration and brought her here?

Why is he caring for her more than anyone including himself ?

He never made such grand decorations even for his birthday?Then why for her?

What is this care for her?

What is the turmoil he is through all these past three days ?

Is this lo...?

Before his mind questioned him completely,his eyes fell on Madhu,who opened the car door.

Her eyes told him how emotional they felt,and her smile told how happy

she became on seeing them.

His questions got evaporated on seeing her smile.

RK started the car,soon after she got seated and drove ahead.

"RK,I don't know how to tha...",as usual he interrupted her.

"Biwi,I hate even acting in emotional scenes.So spare me."

She said in low voice,"The RK"and smirked.

But he heard it and said,"Thanks Biwi,now enough of praising me,get down."

She,who till now,did not notice the place,they reached,looked now and got surprised.

She looked at RK with a questioning face.

He gestured with his eyes for her to get down.

She got down and surprised to see the place so deserted.

Who will not get surprise to see Mumbai's marine drive deserted except for a sorbet selling vehicle.

Madhu looked at RK ,who is buying two grape sorbets .

He came near her and handed her one and asked her,"Shall we sit ?"

Madhu,who is still in shock,sat beside him on the Marine drive.

She got lost in thoughts.

Super star RK,sitting on marine drive,eating sorbet .

RK noticed that she is staring at him.

He looked at her and waved his hand in front of her.

She regained her senses.

"Biwi,you can count the lines on my face afterwards,now please show some mercy on that poor crying thing."

Madhu looked at the sorbet and noticed that it is melting.

She looked around and sighed out of relief that there are guards for protecting RK.

The cool breeze,the mild sun rays,the beautiful rays brought a smile to her face.

"RK,can I ask you one thing?"

He looked at her and raised his eyebrows and asked,"WOW Biwi,since when are you asking permission for asking something ?"

She smiled and asked," How do you know that I like grape sorbet ?"

He absent mindedly blurted out,enjoying the sea shore,"Ooh that?I saw you eating it here with that Makhi"

"Makhi??"Madhu asked surprisingly.

RK now regained his senses and making his face serious,said,"Biwi,lets go, I've a lot of work to do"

Madhu followed him to car.

They reached the mansion.

Madhu reached her room,while RK stayed back in hall,talking to Bitttu ji.

What is he up to??Why is he doing all this??

While she is still in her thoughts ,she heard Deepali's voice that she is heading to RK's room.

Madhu got really annoyed hearing Deepali's voice.

How did she betray RK,who cares the ones he like, the most?

Madhu,for whom life thought not to hurt others,now decided to keep that lesson away for sometime.

All her childishness came back to her.

She immediately took the hair oil bottle and emptied it on Deepali's way to their room,before Deepali can notice and quickly hid herself behind their room's door.

Deepali,who is on a mission to irritate RK,did not notice the oil and fell down.

Madhu's face lightened up and she started literally to dance.

She again became normal and peeped through the small gap at Deepali.

She became tensed seeing RK heading towards their room.

She statted whispering ,"RK don't help her.Please,hey Bappa he is so kind and helps everyone in pain.Please no ,RK"

Rk saw Deepali and ignoring her,he made his way towards their room.

Deepali stretched out her hand and called,"RK?"

He did not look at her and started walking.

"RK,I was calling you,Help me to get up."

Now he saw her and leaned at the pillar and said,"Pardon??"

She made a serious face and almost shouting said,"I said Help me."

He smirked and said coolly,"Why??"

"What why?Can't you see I'm injured and can't get up"

"So??",he said still leaning on the pillar folding his hands.

"You brought that good-for-nothing ,Madhubala in your arms into this house,when injured and I'm just asking you to help me get up."

Now he unfolded his hands and annoyingly said,"Mind your words,she is MY wife,and do you have any problem in helping MY wife??"

These words made Madhu,who is witnessing the entire scene ,to blush.

She heard the word that she is his wife from his mouth so many times ,but the effect those words have on her now,is different.

"I don't have the habit of giving helping hand to beggers",he added.

"BEGGAR?I'm your lover",she said,in fact almost shouted.

"You WERE.But now,I have my woman in my life.So get the help from your beloved husband."

"But he is not here",she said in a low voice ,hanging her head down.

He smirked and said,"Wait here until he comes or help yourself",saying so he reached his room.

He opened one door of the double door and found Madhu,at the back of the other closed door,jumping and clapping her hands.

She opened her eyes after hitting something,only to notice that ,it is none other than a bewildered RK.

She took a few steps back and hit the wall and stood still,as if someone had cast a spell on her.

He said shockingly,"Biwi,are you alright??"

She just nodded.

"Are you sure??'"

She nodded again.

"Can I go for shooting?"

She nodded again.

"Or do you want me to stay??"

She shook her head for a no.

He still looking at her,reached his wardrobe and took a jacket and came near the door again.

"Biwi ,can I go??"

She again nodded.

He ,shaking his head left the room.When he looked back,he found that she had closed the door.

He let out a sigh and went.

She started to dance again and suddenly came back to normal and then to a turmoil.

What is this??

Why was I not in myself all these three days??

Why am I dancing on hurting someone??

Why was I sad ,because he was kissing someone??

Why was I happy,because he did not kiss her??

Why was I shy because he stated me as his wife??

Why did I hurt her because she had hurt him some years back??

What is this feeling??

Is this love??

But what is love??

I love my ma,I love my Malik,Roma and Didu.But I didn't have this kind of feeling.

LOVE,what is it and how it feels for some one ??

She looked at the RK's painting on the wall and said,"RK,you acted in so many films and you know how it feels.I don't know it.

I never had this feel.You know I just turned 22 today.

When Mukund told me that he loves me,I denied him,as I did not have this feel for him.

When Ma told me to marry him,I simply agreed.

If the unknown feeling of possession,care and some thing more than that,which is indescribable is called love,

Then I LOVE YOU."

Suddenly,some thing made her tensed.

"Does he love me?"and sits on the couch.

Then she remembers her mother's words,"Madhu,he is starting to care for your feelings.He is respecting you,so he brought you here,today.

You told that he organised a grand celebration for you.From his face ,what I can tell is he is not guilty.He is really doing all this out of his concern for you.He is not cheating you."

Her thoughts are broken by the knock at the door.

She opened to find out that,it is Rima.

She brought some juice for Madhu.

Madhu asked her,"As ,I was in hurry this morning ,I didn't ask you then.Where were you and remaining ,yesterday?

I called for you and there is no trace of any one."

Rima replied ,"Ma'am,Chief sent all of us away as he wanted to do something and he didn't want us to be here."

"OK then,I want to tha..."

Madhu's words are interrupted by Rima.

"Ma'am,your lips are bleeding",she shouted with anxiety.

Madhu observed that and said,"Ooh this one,it is very small,winter season,right?"casually.

But Rima has her fears about their Cheif.So she rushed and got the lip gloss and applied it on Madhu's lips.

"Ma'am you were saying something and I interrupted you.Sorry",Rima apologized honestly.

"Ooh,yes,I really want to thank you all for your beautiful decorations."She said with a smile.

"No Ma'am,we did not decorate."

"So your chief got some decorators,uff this RK ",she said smiling and blushing.

"No Ma'am,as far as we know ,no decorators were assigned,Cheif did it on his own",saying so she took leave from a shocked ,surprised ,amazed Madhu and left the room.

Madhu got speechless.

What??He took all the pain.

Why??

He lifted me in his arms when I'm injured.

He cared for me when I didn't talk.

He showed solicitude when I did not eat.

He decorated all this mansion with his own hands for me.

He took me to my home,showing concern to my feeling.

He even got the whole marine drive deserted for me and bought me the sorbet,knowing that it is my favorite.

Sorbet??Wait a minute, sorbet??

She remembered his words of 'Makhi'.

Who is Makhi??

She remembered the last time she ate sorbet on Marine drive.

It is with Mukund and before that she ate years back,when she was in school.

Makhi,Mukund??

She burst out laughing.

So he is jealous of Mukund.

So does he Love me?

Yes,then why did he care for me?why did he become jealous of Mukund?

She reached her wardrobe and took out the article and read it again.

A large grin appeared on her face.

She kissed the page where it stated that RK loves Madhu.

"Rishabh,I think that you love me.

But you know,I really love you.

I don't let sorrow to come back in your life with me in front of you.

No Deepali,no sorrows,no burdens can irritate you.

Its my promise."

She kept the article back in the wardrobe,with pink gloss stains.

Precap:Is that love part b

And a SLAP!!!

from whom to whom?why?where?when?how? Wait and wa..oops sorry Read.😆

I thought to give precap as these CVs are reading my mind and showing some exact things which I think to update.😆

Hello all,When I was going through my updates,I was shocked to see some words misplaced,some missed and some blunders.

Please notify me.

Originally posted by: Ravz333

Hi, This is my first FF.Please spare your valuable time to read it and give me your valuable feedback.Bouquets and brickbats all are welcome.😊

THE KISS

(Excessive Use of Capital Letters)

KILLER IS SECRETLY SENSITIVE

(You can word this better and have it make sense gramatically however if you wish to keep it the same than the word "the" would go before Killer and the entire thing should not be capitalized.)

Text below should not be bold and try to use a uniform color like black or dark blue and if you are using a color try to have all the colors you use go together. For example Pink and Purple can go together but with green it's not an awesome comboination but instead light blue, dark blue, and celestile go together. Also text should not be a size 3 or any more than that. Size 2 would be the largest one should go.

Today is the day of some holy feast.

There are a lot of celebrations going on in RK's mansion.

RK has left early this morning for shoot along with Bittu ji.Radha is there in the kitchen preparing some delicious dishes.Madhu arrived there and smiled seeing Radhaji,who reciprocated the same . Madhu asked Radha ji whether she(Madhu) can help in Radha ji in preparing the dish.

Instead of stating it in almost a monotonous voice (for example) This happened, then this happened, and then she went to the party," you could show it through words. Instead of saying there were a lot of celebrations going on in RK's mansion, show it through words.

Example:

You do not want to do-

They had a fight. RK got mad.

You want to write it like-

"I hate you! You filthy pig!" Madhu chucked the pillow at his face.

"Enough is enough!" he fumed inside. No one dared hit him and he was not going to let her be the first! "Who the hell do you think you are!" He shouted back.

See in the "correct" or "better" way, I described the event instead of telling you they had a fight, I showed it with words.

Radha ji,told Madhu the importance of the feast,while preparing the dish.

Again same mistake as before, don't tell the story, convey it. I'll abbreviate this mistake every time I see it as Context Error or (CE). And context errors cannot only be fixed by dialogue or quotes, there are many other ways to convey a situation.

She stopped for a while.

(CE)

Madhu looked into her face.

(CE)

Radhaji said that RK loved this dish and how he used to eat it without anyone's noticing,before even offering to God as prasad.

For the red part (all red parts match here): Over here you would use quotes, refer to my post. One entire section on the post is about Quotes. Dialogue Error (DE)

For the blue part (all blue parts match here): (CE) You could have Radha describing it via dialogue instead of telling the reader what she is saying.

She said it with a smile on her face.

(CE) You could combine the dialogue and use

"Enter above dialogue here," she said with a smile.

Madhu,who has been looking at her face when Radhaji talked about RK,noticed that smile. She can easily say that there are traces of grief behind that smile which are hid till now in Radha ji's heart.

(CE) Basically the biggest flaw here is that everything is being told and nothing is being conveyed. The text is acceptable but you don't get that "amazing" kind of feeling when you read it, and this feeling is what we're aiming for.

Radha ji told Madhu that RK has left early in the morning,so (format) that he can escape from getting memories of his past.She also told that (grammar) he is not going to be home till night and he will eat outside.She also added that RK has not eaten this dish from 17 years,after his father's death. Radha ji told that RK is missing everything which were once hisfavorites,and is torturing himself because of her(Radha) (this sentence is purple + red)

Purple: Mechanical Error (spelling, grammar, format)

Madhu has not missed the small tears which filled Radha ji's eyes while saying the above words.

Yellow: Tense error. Since your piece is using past tense (kept, spoke, etc.) than all of the verbs have to be in past tense. "Has" is present tense.

Light Blue: Vague vocabulary, too simple of a term, could use better words.

Also has: (CE)

(Syntax error) Syntax Error: Words are worded awkwardly and could be better.

She kept mum for a while.

Then she spoke to Radhaji.

Also has (CE) Syntax Error.

She told Radha to pack the dish and give her so that she can go and give to RK and make him meet his favorite dish after so many years.

Purple means grammar error but grammar in this sentence is severly off and drastically needs to be worked on.

Radha ji is a bit hesitant.

(CE)

Madhu understood her feelings and told her to keep faith in God ,who will definitely help her(Madhu).

If written properly, the parentheses wouldn't have been needed and so that sentence along with all the other sentences with parantheses should be rewritten.

Radhaji told Madhu that she is worried about Madhu.

Madhu told her not to get worried about her and she will definitely get successful in her task.

Some one told-"You can't ,Madhu"

Incorrect use of quotes. This isn't a script and so it's not Character - "Dialogue". The hyphen isn't supposed to be there. For correct usage of quotes view my post in which quotes have their own section. (Q)

Grammar: Incorrect Use of Tell/Told (IUOT)

Told is used wrong and I've noticed in a lot of writers that they used the verb "tell" in all the wrong ways. You would use the verb "say" and write someone "said" not told.

Radha ji and Madhu looked at the side from where that voice came from.

(CE)

It is none other than-Deepali.

She came forward and told Madhu that Madhu doesn't know RK completely as she(Deepali) does and that he won't eat the dish.

(CE) (IUOT)

Madhu told Deepali that Deepali doesn't know RK closely as she(Madhu) does and that she can make RK eat the dish.Saying this,she left the kitchen with the box,which is given by Radhaji.

(CE) (IUOT)

Her voice,her eyes and her gestures mirrored the confidence in her.

Deepali stood there in silence as if Madhu has just slapped her (Syntax Error).

Pink: Don't worry this is a good thing, good use of a metaphor!

One thing I REALLY liked: How you didn't cut up the words or use texting lingo. It drives me crazy and makes any piece of work look like total garbage.

Whew! That was a lot of corrections, I'm just correcting this half for now do to time restraints but I'm sure by now you get the jist of it. I was being an actual critique (the way I usually am inside) and tried my best to catch all the flaws! I hope it helps! Happy writing!

Shweta <3

IN THE STUDIO,

The junior artists,the film members and everyone present there are very eagerly waiting for something.One cannot call it as a wait because they are not in a position to wait even a second.

The reason is-today the scene which they are going to shoot is a romantic scene between the most handsome,RK, the king of romance,the dream boy for all the girls and between the heroine of the film.

But that is not the complete reason as RK does romantic scenes in every film.

The reason is-the scene being shot today is a passionate kissing scene between the most hit pair in the bollywood.

This pair is famous for their most romantic scenes and this is their second kissing scene.

A white car us stopped outside the studio.

Madhu stepped out of the car with the box in her hand.

She got surprised on seeing the crowd in the studio when she stepped in.

She looked around and noticed RK on the dais which is very high in level to the floor where she is standing.

She can clearly see RK and other members on the light focused dais.

She tried calling out RK's name as it is difficult for her to pass from that huge crowd.At the same time ,she heard the word 'action'.She thought not to disturb his shoot and that she will meet him after his shoot.She stood there to watch the scene.She asked the man standing beside her what is the reason for that huge crowd.He ,not willing to miss even a glimpse of the scene,did not even notice that the person who has asked the question is Mrs.RK herself and he replied without looking at her ,that it is a kissing scene.

Something went through her.Something started in her.Colours of her face soon changed.She now wanted to go away from there.She did not even think of/pay attention to her this kind of feel.She did not even get the question in her mind that why is she feeling like this.But yes,she is feeling something indescribable.Then suddenly she noticed the box in her hand and thought to stay there unwillingly.

She looked at the dais.

RK took heroine's hands in his hands.

He said,"You are my life,you are my love.I can't live without you."

There is a smile on the heroine's face,change of colors in Madhu's face.

RK kept his hands on either cheeks of the heroine.

He kissed on her forehead.

Madhu sighed of relief.She smiled.

But no,the smiled lasted no longer.

Heroine said'"I love you too" and both came soo close that their movements are suggesting that they are going to have a lip lock.

NO!Madhu couldn't withstand this any longer.She soon turned her face away from the dais,pushed the crowd standing in the way of exit,walked fast to the car without even looking back and went away from there.

Some storm has started in her mind.

She very quickly got out of the car,when it reached the RK mansion.

She rushed to RK's room ,where she is presently staying,not even noticing,Radha ji's calls of" Madhu,what happened?" not even Deepali's "I know what happened" expressions.

She closed the door behind her with a bang after she entered the room,kept the box on the table and sat on the couch.

She is not in a way to think even what happened to her or not even what is the feeling that is through her right now.

The most astonishing thing is she completely forgot that she told Radhaji that she will make RK to eat the dish,and she made a challenge with Deepali and entered the studio for this reason.

To say in a word -she completely forgot herself.

A storm -that is it.

Not thinking the reason for the storm.

Not even wanting to know what that storm actually is.

Don't know whether it is jealousy/it is a feel of possession/grief/anger/any other feeling.

The most pitiable thing is-she did not even notice that she is having a storm in her.

She is now not in her own self.

Wait...wait...

What has happened here?

A very very strange thing has happened here.

RK,who came very close to the heroine,who got his lips closer to those of the heroine's,stopped for a while and soon he withdrew his hands from heroine's cheeks,came far away from her and told "cut" to everyone's astonishment,because the scene till now went very smoothly and very romantically.

RK approached the director and told him to remove the kissing scene from the film.

Director , who is shocked ,told RK that this is a very important scene in the film.

RK told him in his general attitude that ,if he wants RK to act in the film,then there should be no such scenes or if he wants the so-called-important scene to be in the film ,then the director has to re-shoot the parts which were shot on RK with another actor,who is ready for kiss.

Saying this,he told "Pack up"in his usual care-free way and left the director,heroine,members of the film and the crowd inside the studio in a shocked state and a more shocked Bittu ji,with him walking toward the car.

He sat inside the car in the back seat.

The air in the car is cool due to the AC, but RK's mind is hot with a building up storm.

Yes,a storm here too.But this is a storm of known reason.

The storm of questions which are crowded in his mind.

The questions which are questioning his new behavior.A sudden change in his behavior not only shocked the viewers there,but also RK himself.

Yes,he and the heroine are hit pair.This is not his 1st kissing scene.He kissed so many heroines in so many films.Even the heroine,he was about to kiss today also ,in their previous film.

But what happened to him today?

His strange behavior is making him think so much.

He is lost in his thoughts so much that he even forgot that today is the day of holy feast in his house which he planned to miss.He did not even remember that he planned not to go home till night.

While he is still in his thoughts,the car reached the RK mansion.

If you like this,will update the rest soon.

This is my own story,not copied from anyone's FF/any story/any film.If you find it similar to anyone's FF/Story-I'm extremely sorry.

Please give your valuable comments(or even compliments-if any)to my first FF.

Thank You😊