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We open in La cave Ajanta, also known as Madhu's room.
Actually, I kid. We open on the aghast face of Bittuji as he learns chief has broken all his promises of undying love! 'Die! Madhubala,die!' he thinks.
In la cave Ajanta. Madhu has been deposited on her bed in suhagraat pose, as already noted in previous despatch. She asks hubby who that godamned ho in the hallway was. Only more politely and without grammatical error. But you can't get ghetto if you're worried about split infinitives. This FQ learnt when she tried to write a rap that one time.
Moving on, RK does the tried and tested husband mode of obfuscation. Aw! Writers trying to create suspense and all. So sweet.
He then says he'll send her something to eat. I might die. This man is killing me. So Hot and sends food to you in bed? Please can I have him, mom?
We then move to le grotte a chaud , aka RK's room. More precisely his bathroom. At this point coherent thought is impossible for FQ. Le chaud is standing in front of his mirror in a black vest, a lucky towel draped around his neck. He is brooding. Are you remembering to add 'sexily' after every RK action? Good.
Enter Deepali, carrying a roofie. It may be just milk but I doubt it highly. Nothing can escape my eagle eye.
She flirts, she slithers, she pretty much says ' buffet's open, come and get it big boy!' It's like her body has been occupied by every slavering fan girl out there. RK adjusts his clothing to protect himself from her carnivorous gaze. Come, darling! Let me shield you from the naughty girl with my hands. My hot, grabby hands--
Oh, hi there! Where were we?
Yep. Deepali is making all sort of snide remarks about RK and Madhubala and the cursed celibacy in their marriage. 'Yo, sistah, dats wot I been sayin', says Madhubala from the astral plane.
Deepali says that RK is allergic to cotton. And that he normally sleeps on satin. Yo, meddling cougar! Satin is a weave. SILK is a material. Get it right before you start prescribing cures for mahboo's rashes. AND! No bad touching!
RK says not a word, as he has been momentarily affected by lockjaw. Or Bittu ji has superglued his lips together in a fit of jealous rage. See what comes of being so hot? And without your personal FQ to protect you? Everybody is after RK ki jawani!
Radhaji enters, and saves her baby from a grotesque rape. Deepali leaves, but not before making a few suggestive leers at le chaud.
Radhaji enquires after his health. RK says, and I cannot find anything funny to say about this because, er, something went in my eye at this point, that he does not and will never do anything that would hurt his dad. Gulp. VD, you killed that. You really did.
Cut to drawing room of le manse RK. Deepali has just presented Kukku with a bottle of Scotch. Sweety, if it ain't in its custom-made presentation box, it ain't that expensive, so quit bigging it up. She gives Radhaji a shawl and even has something for Sikky who is, apparently, at a photo shoot. Well, we won't be seeing him for a bit then. Because that might take a while, you know. Getting the camera to lie and all. Unless they are shooting a zoo calendar.
Enter Madhu. Limping. Deepali gives her a bottle of perfume she had bought for herself. And drops not at all obvious lines about ' jo tera hai vo mera hai' . Madhu looks perturbed. And Deepali also insists on repeating : mera dil aisa toh nahi' which I thing is meant to be her taquiya qalaam, or she has a really weird case of Tourettes.
Deepali shoos everyone to dinner, so she can molest RK some more. He says he is not hungry. That means NO, woman! But Deepali does not desist, and says she has left a present in his room.
Le grotte a chaud has had a severe outbreak of the pox. Everything has red pustules on it! Wait! Oh! It is Deepali's idea of decoration. As RK shouts, she slithers in and suggests that as wifey is otherwise occupied, perhaps they could do the naughty together. She even tries manhandling him. Again!
Yo! Channel dudes! I know I called you regressive and anti-feminist a few days ago, but this is not the way to show progressive female attitudes. When I say show gender parity and make women more in charge of their own destinies, I don't mean get a female character and then write her EXACTLY as a lascivious Thakur who's having a field day at the village pond.
Poor village maiden RK!
RK descends to where Madhu is eating soup. He picks her up (yes, again! He's really into this new regimen) and takes her to la cave Ajanta. There he starts packing her stuff in a small suitcase.
Madhu is horrified! Is she to leave this house without getting her hands on Hotty McHotty? There's a lovely bit where Madhu points to her medicines on the nightstand. Aww!
After shouting at someone to carry the suitcase RK bears Madhu away. Writers, why so clunky with suspense?
Whoever says take this luggage away? Where is he to take it to?
We learn this in the precap.
RK enters his room, bearing wife. Madhu asks why she is here, and why she can't be in her own room. RK say, with all the sexiness god and the devil gave him, that she has come into her room. Now. Madhu whoops on the inside! Open dori did its work! Yay!
Deepali looks absolutely gobsmacked in the background.
'You don't need help with that dori, do you?' she asks, her eyes full of a desperate hope. No, actually. That last bit didn't happen.
More on Monday!
Join me for the Meta chai party on the weekend!
More FQnama posts here:
https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/madhubala-ek-ishq-ek-junoon/3202866/fqnama-kab-tak-single-ready-to-mingle
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