FQnama: how to use your wife for bicep curls

She had no idea how prescient her title would be, as hero spends most of the episode carrying his wife in his arms. He really takes his strength-training seriously. A wife is the new kettle ball. Who knew?

RK is telling ' Madhubala' ( fangirls explode) that he found his dad dead and had to light the pyre the same evening. Obviously CSI Bombay did not arrive on the scene on time to follow, you know, proper procedure for a death under suspicious circumstances. Nous sommes en Inde, people.

Bittu and an army of security guards raid Improbablistan. RK stops the initial onsalught in its tracks and with a negligent wave of a newspaper, asks them to leave. All generals should be like this.

Seventies blanket is hooked up again. Wife changes, and husband sees that her blouse string has come undone. Sly, Madhu! Still trying despite the cluelessness of husband.

But rather than take up the invitation, husband tries hard to TIE UP the errant string. While not touching her ( girl cooties) and not looking at sexy back. Madhu even tries some sexy undulations of lambent flesh, but Vishvamitra RK is unmoved. Madhu curses her luck. RK covers said flesh with the sari. Madhu curses again on the inside.

Husband says, and we meet our friend clunky plot device once again, that his car is slightly far away from the studio. Because, of course, he wanted to take a nice walk in the storm when he came looking for her yesterday. As one does.

Madhu nods, but makes a big deal of walking. Sly puss, she has already established her excuse by limping to go to her makeshift changing room. So, of course, RK lifts her, starting his upper body strength training in earnest. Steady on, Madhu! I don't think weights are supposed to cling to their lifters like a baby sloth trying to strangle its mom deep in the Amazon rainforest!

Outside, some enterprising soul has informed the country's media, and they gather in force to see RK's new gym regime. This fitness trend will soon take the nation by storm. Madhu does a good imitation of a starving dog ogling a piece of bacon while in RK's arms.

Bacon, er, RK pulls up outside Madhu's mom's house. Madhu was so lost in dreaming about what could have been that she did not notice they were headed here.

RK hands her out, gently ( and sexily, of course) and tries to get on with the gymming. She stops him, not by words but by touch. She doesn't let any opportunity pass to cop a feel, does she? And let us all admit freely while we're at it, that neither would we. We encourage honesty on this forum.

Rk demonstrates daughter to his MIL. All present and correct except for one additional gash. He ministered to the gash, just not the way Madhu would have liked. And as Padmini, who now looks about 18, lambasts RK, Madhu literally moves to defend him ( limp gone) and drops the INHONE bomb. RK looks hot.

Sorry, I meant he looks adorably confused. Hot is his default state, so take that as a given.

Clunky exposition makes Padmini reveal that RK was worried and frantically looking for Madhu yesterday. Madhu, completely out of control now, says her goodbyes to go and jump on her husband. He holds her tenderly. Padmini cries in anguish. I think the writers are trying symbolism, people. Let us humour them. This, I believe, is the bidai scene Madhu missed in her actual shadi!lite. Notice the words of farewell Madhu speaks, notice Padmini's facial paroxysms. Ok, we get it!

Manse of RK. Lobby. Madhu wants to discuss Treaty terms, RK shoots her down. He forgives ten lacs from her loan to forget about the dangerous bakery of doom cakes. Oh, and sudden parental deaths. Plus he gets in a very good line about RK not knowing RK. Darling, if you're going to start spouting existential philosophy as well as being insanely hot, you're going to have to hire half a dozen cyborg bouncers to keep you safe from FQ's attentions. (Human bouncers may assault you.) Even though you have transmitted the awful disease of speaking about herself in the third person to FQ. FQ and RK spit at plebeian personal pronouns. They were not made for FQ and RK!

Coolness descends in the lobby. And a thousand hormonal fangirls are suddenly doused in cold water.

RK gets in another zinger about 'apni apni shraddha' and calls the lift. This is important, because when he lifts his wife (yes, again) this avoids awkward fumbling with lift buttons. I always find this rather cramps one's style when one trains by dead lifting boyfriends. Good tip there, RK!

In the RK house, frantic Radhaji has had time to change into another horrific sari and jewellery combination. Kukku was not paid enough to say any lines today. He emotes through his lips.

RK continues to carry his wife and says a whole bunch of dialogue about husband and wife spending a night together. Madhu is not listening, nor is she making any effort to stand on her own two feet. Get a clue, RK!

As he goes to the staircase with his wife in his arms, a voice stops him. It's his trainer! from London! But it's not FQ. FQ makes it a point to never wear so much rouge as to appear a closer cousin of the rhesus macaque than evolution intended humans to be.

New arrival is all yada yada clunky cliff-hanger , guess who I am? And RK is all, am I hot or what? Look at me smoulder mysteriously. Madhu looks confused and tearful as prospects of rompage fade quickly.