Article:Buckets of tears on the soap box

Zee TV climbed up the TRP charts with shows like Sa Re Ga Ma Pa and serials like Kasamh Se and Saat Phere - Saloni Ka Safar. The former features a heroine (Bani) who never opens her mouth and spends all her time standing still. (I don't know why they bothered to hire an actress, they may as well have borrowed a statue, draped it in a saree, and dumped it on the sets).

I almost fainted when Bani actually said all of 10 sentences in the last episode. The other serial, set against a grand Rajput background, has a heroine called Saloni who is so noble, maybe Zee should have called the serial Noble House instead. But Zee's latest offering, Dulhan - I saw a couple of episodes - goes where no woman has gone for a long time, except maybe Lalita Pawar (and that too in another century). The serial has a nasty woman who tortures the heroine - poor, meek, submissive Vidya. And Zee assures us that once Vidya gets married into a rich Thakur family, she will continue to be tortured, not by one but by three women (nasty sisters-in-law). Sorry, I have to take a short break here - I just threw up. Serials like Dulhan should come with a statutory health warning.

Matters have come to such a pass that I'm now willing to watch any serial which doesn't feature women who cry so much that they could put the Mumbai Deluge to shame. Which is why I've actually been watching Sab TV's new serial, Left Right Left, about a military academy. This is clearly a highly exclusive academy because, as far as I can make out, there are all of six cadets in the entire place. One is a rake, another hides a secret, a third is the prankster and so on. To lend some gravitas to the proceedings, there is the dashing Captain Rajbir (Rajeev Khandelwal). If only the production values weren't so tacky and #8230; it all looks like it's been shot in a cramped set (which it probably has).

Meanwhile, it's high drama in the mother of all soaps - Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi - where Tulsi Mother India Virani is asked to return to the family fold by a repentant Mihir. Tulsi declines the offer, but her sorrows will probably continue, as the villainess of the piece, swears to destroy Tulsi all over again. Kyunki serial bhi chalaana hai...

When MTV tries to get even half-way serious, the results can be quite startling. As an Independence Day special, MTV took us on a guided tour of a khadi bhavan. The anchor, who was wafting around with a mike ("Cool!" he said, on spotting a spinning wheel), informed us that Mahatma Gandhi was probably India's first fashion designer (because he propagated khadi). What can one say? No doubt Gandhiji's round glasses were a serious fashion statement.

And finally. News channels have moved from sex and sleaze to spooks. Zee News anyway for a long time had a hit show called Kaal Kapaal Mahaakal, where intrepid reporters lurked about shamshaan ghats in the company of shady tantriks. Now it's got a show called Bhoot Bangla, where the same intrepid reporters spend nights in haunted houses and seek out ghosts and spirits in abandoned wells and homes. The Ramsay brothers couldn't have done a better job - all the show actually needs now is some real spirits, because of course, the Zee team never really manages to get on chatting terms with all the bhooli bhatki aatmas. Star News already has something similar called Kaun Hai. No doubt the other news channels will follow suit very soon.