It was around eight in the morning when dutta, nakusha and annay reached the Mumbai hotel room. Dutta tucked annay in bed, apparently the little one had dozed off to sleep during the drive. Nakusha picked up a bag and unzipped it to start unpacking when dutta caught her hand to stop her. She furrowed her brows and eyed him inquisitively. Still holding her hand he made her sit on the bed and took a minute to say what he had to.
" darasal hum yahan tere liye aaye hain." She was confused and couldn't figure out why they had come here for her. He took a deep breath and added further," abhi thodi der mein hum hospital jaayenge jahan doctors tere chehre ke is..daag..ko hata denge." Her eyes widened in shock as he told her that he'd brought her to undergo a plastic surgery that would somewhat remove her scar. He went on to tell her that he'd spoken to the doctors, arranged everything and there was no need for her to worry, everything would be just fine.
Fine, really? And there was nothing to worry about? Was he kidding her? She stood up gaping at him.
" aapne mere ko pehle kyun nahin bataaya?" how could he decide something so important for her without consulting her? He could see that she was surprised, disappointed, worried and scared. That was precisely why he didn't tell her.
" maine socha ek baar sab tay ho jaaye phir tujhe bata doonga?"
She shook her head and crossed her arms before her chest and looked elsewhere. She wasn't convinced with his reasoning. That was no excuse.
" sahab lekin aap yeh sab kar kyun rahe ho?" she was irritated with him and didn't know why he was doing all this, after all she didn't ask him to get her scar removed. He opened his mouth to reply but she didn't let him answer instead asked bitterly," kya aapko mere is chehre se ghinn aati hai?" couldn't he bear to see her scarred face, like others did it disgust him too? Tears of hurt pricked the corners of her eyes. He peered at her in surprise, how could she even think like that?
" aisa nahin hai.." he began explaining her but once again she interrupted him and felt her scar while asking him," ya phir mere saath chalne mein aapko sharam aati hai." She turned her back to him to hide her disappointment on the fact that her distorted face affected him. Probably he felt embarrassed walking in public with her when many people cringed at the sight of her. She had no idea why all this was hurting her but it was. He glared at her back and asked sharply," tujhe lagta hai meri soch itni choti hai?" she remained silent like a statue and didn't reply. He waited for her to look at him but she didn't.
Pressing her shoulders he turned her around and asked," jawab de?" she preferred to keep her head downcast and refused to glance up. He shook her shoulders and urged her," dekh meri taraf." His deep and husky voice forced her to look up and meet his eyes.
" nakku , tujhe sahi mein lagta hai ki mujhe is baat se farak padta hai?" this time his tone wasn't aggressive instead it was tender and pain filled. Tears that were standing at the edges of her eyes now silently fell down as she asked him warily," sach mein apko koi farak nahin padta?" His face twisted in pain, he couldn't bear to see her shedding tears. He couldn't see her go weak like this.
He cupped her face in his hands and peered right into her green teary eyes and whispered," farak patda hai..bahut farak padta hai." Her heart shattered into a million pieces as she closed her eyes on hearing his reply.
He didn't leave her face and continued," tujhe aise udaas aur toota hua dekh kar...mujhe farak padta hai." He wiped her tears with his thumbs and said," tere in aansoon se mujhe farak padta hai." Opening her eyes she innocently glanced at him. For the first time someone had wiped her tears. He tucked her loose tendril that hung over her scar, behind her ear with one hand and added," jab tu is nishaan ko aise chupati hai..toh mujhe farak padta hai." She gulped the lump formed inside her throat as she realized how much her ache, hurt him.
Pushing her forward he made her stand before the mirror. He stood behind her and said looking into her reflection," tu jab aaine se katraati hai toh mujhe farak padta hai." She dropped her gaze and pressed her lips hard to prevent them from quivering as fresh tears threatened to emerge in her eyes.
He flared his nostrils as anger boiled within him and he completed himself by declaring," aur jab tere baap ki kahi hui baatein uski yaadein tujhe pareshaan karti hain ..tab sach mein mujhe bahut farak padta hai."
That was it, she couldn't take it anymore. Her defenses crashed by his deep concern. She turned around pushed her face in his chest and wrapped her arms around his back. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed quietly. It took him a moment to embrace her back but when he did, he held her close just like he had in his old house and let her pour out her pain. He could easily feel her ache and anguish and that was what he wanted to free her from.
Still holding her in his arms, he said softly," chal taiyaar ho ja..hum hospital chalenge." She moved back and shook her head in negation. Wiping away her tears with the back of her hand she told him," nahin..main kahin nahin jaayegi..mujhe nahin karana koi operation." He frowned at her in confusion and questioned," kyun?"
" bas nahin karaana." She replied after averting her gaze.
This was not done and this was not acceptable. Why was she refusing to undergo that plastic surgery? Was she nervous and scared?
" dekh tu ghabra mat..main hoon na tere saath." He tried to convince her. She looked into his eyes that were confused and had several questions running in them. Stretching her lips slightly she said," main jaanti hai ki aap mere saath ho..tabhi toh keh rahi hoon mere ko iski zaroorat nahin hai."
" kya matlab hai is sab ka?" they both knew how much this scar on her face had scarred her, then why wasn't she willing to get rid of it? She wasn't making sense to him at all and he was beginning to get irritated.
Reading his mind she stepped closer and took his hand in hers then started explaining to him," sahab, aap aur annay mere liye sab kuch ho..nakku ki duniya ho..jab aapko aur annay ko mere is chehre se koi farak nahin padta toh phir log chahein kuch bhi kahein ya karein ..mere ko unse koi lena dena nahin hai." He kept peering down at her in silence, attempting to absorb her words.
" aur sahab jab main khudh ko aapki nazron se dekhti hai toh mere ko koi nishaan nazar nahin aata..mere ko lagta hai main duniya ki sabse sundar ladki hai." She wasn't lying and meant every word that she said. She had felt exactly like that a while back, when she was looking into his eyes and he was telling her how her scarred face didn't matter to him but her grief because of it did matter to him. Just then in his eyes she thought she was the most beautiful person in this world.
Shaking his head in disagreement he felt that she was thinking emotionally instead of practically.
" ek baat aur sahab, agar main is se zyada sundar lagi toh mere ko khudh ki nazar lag jayegi." She let out a soft giggle.
" nakku, yeh mazaak nahin hai?"
" main jaanti hai." She assured him by pressing her hand. She was aware that all this wasn't a joke. His concern, his care and above all his calling her nakku' was all real and he had absolutely no idea how much all this meant to her.
" saari taiyaariyaan ho gayi hain, hospital mein..."
She didn't let him finish and interrupted him once again," toh phone karke mana kardo." In response he glared at her, hoping that like always this time also his glares would work. But unfortunately they didn't as she simply refused to budge.
" theekh hai..jaise teri marzi." He said through clenched teeth and turned around to make a call at the hospital to cancel all the arrangements. Sitting next to annay who was still sleeping, she dreamily gazed at her husband. She was truly, deeply and madly falling for him. When dutta turned back he caught her teary eyed and a silly smile adorning her lips.
"Kya?" he asked, why was she now crying and smiling at the same time? She pushed back her tears and shook her head. She was just overwhelmed.
" ab ghar wapis chalein kyunki ab yahaan par aur koi kaam toh hai nahin." He still sounded irritated and disappointed but she ignored all that and at once jumped up," wapis kyun jaayenge? Mumbai mein itna sab kuch hai dekhne ko ..hum pura din ghoomenge." She was all excited and geared up to explore the city and began waking up annay.
" sahab , maine suna hai yahan bappa ka bahut bada mandir hai."
" sidhivinayak." He said nodding his head.
*************************************
Half hour later all three of them were standing inside the famous Shri Siddhivinayak temple. It was crowded with devotees pushing each other. Dutta clasped annay's hand firmly while nakusha was simply awestruck by the beauty of the temple. The wooden doors of the temple had carved images of lord Ganesha, the inner roof was plated with gold and in the centre there was a statue of Bappa in orange color. It was extremely difficult for her to contain her happiness and excitement so she closed her eyes and folded her hands before the deity to calm her nerves. She couldn't stop herself from thanking Him for the blessings He had finally bestowed upon her. Now she had a family of her own comprising of her husband and a nephew who was not less than a son to her. After years she felt loved and complete.
Jaise koi kinaara
Deta ho sahaara
Mujhe wo mila kisi mod par
Koi raat ka taara
Karta ho ujaala
Waise hi roshan kare woh shehar
Opening her eyes she glanced at her husband. He was truly her strength, who never ever let her break down. Whenever she was in crisis he was there to save her. She clearly remembered the day he had come to collect his revenue and on seeing her getting ill treated by her own sister, he without wasting a single moment intervened and fixed her marriage so that she could lead a better life. There was no need for him to that, he was a landlord who could have simply walked off after collecting his dues but he didn't. He thought of her and not just then but even later on when her groom died in an accident. Again he stepped in to prevent her from shattering. From that day till now he was always there for her like a true life partner. Anything that troubled her became his matter of concern. She was scarred not just physically but emotionally too, however if he continued to be her support system, she doubted that she would be scarred anymore and for that she sincerely wished to thank Bappa.
As though he felt her gaze on himself, he suddenly looked in her direction. Embarrassed on getting caught she quickly averted her gaze and stared at the idol before her. However he was unable to tear his gaze away from her. For him she was like a star who guided him through his darkness. She was that ray of sunshine which dispelled the dark corners of his life. And today standing before the almighty, in who he didn't believe much, he couldn't stop himself from wondering, what had he done to have her in his life?
Engrossed in his thoughts, he suddenly felt a tug. Looking down he found annay attempting to gain his attention. Apparently punditji who giving away the Prasad was standing on a high marble platform where annay couldn't reach so he beckoned dutta to pick him up. He did and at once annay extended his hands before the priest to have the ladoo.
" aur de do." Annay asked for more ladoos from the priest who had given him just one.
" Annay." Dutta called him sternly but he didn't bother. Instead on getting the second ladoo he instantly pushed it in dutta's mouth to keep him quiet. Both nakusha and annay laughed at glaring dutta who had his mouth full. Sadly his glares had lost their touch, they weren't effective anymore, not at least on his wife and nephew.
" maamu wahan chalo." Annay said pointing toward the bell. He wanted to ring it. Still picked up by dutta he could now easily reach for the bell and started ringing it loudly.
When annay didn't stop and kept on ringing the bell then dutta intervened and said," bas kar..ab kya latkega ghanti se?" in response again annay was giggling.
Dutta turned around to look for nakusha and found her saying something into the ear of a mouse shaped statue. He frowned, what was she whispering? He shrugged his shoulders and called her," chalein?"
**********************
Their next destination was The Gateway Of India. A brilliant work of architecture that attracted tourists from across the world and where locals gathered in large numbers. They leisurely walked around and took their time in exploring the gateway. The weather was humid and the sky was dark and cloudy as if it would rain any minute but still the strong breeze blowing over the sea made the walk enjoyable. After strolling around, they spotted an area where there was a large group of pigeons. There were people feeding them. Annay jumped in excitement and that didn't surprise dutta, it was like homecoming for the kid. He looked up expectantly at his uncle who smiled down and without him asking bought him a packet of food grains. How could annay miss out on his daily chore?
Pulling nakusha's hand, annay took her along to feed the pigeons. He was absolutely thrilled to see the flock of pigeons, they were so huge in number. The birds flapped their wings to fly off as he tried to get near them. When the feeding was done he ran into the group of pigeons with his arms spread out like an aeroplane as though he could fly with them. Nakusha on seeing the pigeons fly and annay chasing them, threw her head back in laughter.
Main parinda besabar
Tha uda jo darbadar
Koi mujhko yun mila hai
Jaise banjarey ko ghar
From a little distance dutta watched the delighted face of annay when nakusha held him from behind and twirled him in the air. Their smiling faces and the love between them brought a smile on his lips. It made him think that he was such a fool who attempted to find peace in alcohol and happiness in fighting out in the ring when actually his peace lay in having her by his side and happiness in their cheerful faces. Nakusha and annay were his life and reason to live.
It amazed him to think how nakusha put up with him. He was a man who had so many fears and insecurities still his fears and insecurities didn't deter her. After seeing and facing the worse of him she still decided to not leave his hand on the contrary chose to stand by him. He had truly found a perfect life partner in her, something he badly needed.
" maami..bahut zor se bhookh lagi hai."
Nakusha looked around at various vendors and pointed at one stall before suggesting," vada pao?"
" haan." Annay agreed instantly.
Dutta at once dismissed the idea and said while making a face," nahin..kisi achhi aur saaf jagah se khayenge."
" main aur nahin ruk sakta." Annay declared before running to the stall. An excited nakusha followed him and a reluctant dutta who had no other choice too did the same.
" bhaiya teen plate dena." Nakusha ordered.
Dutta immediately refused, he wasn't so hungry to have something like that," main nahin khaunga." Nakusha desperately wished to roll her eyes at him but refrained. He and his tantrums, when would they end?
" sahab, Mumbai aa kar vada pao nahin khaaya toh kya khaaya?" she calmly insisted.
" haan maamu, bahut achcha hai." Annay said digging into his snack. Dutta tilted his head to one side and stared down at his plate for a long time, contemplating whether to have it or not and then finally decided to have that vada pao.
******************************
Dutta and nakusha walked along the shores of the Juhu beach. The feeling of sand squishing between their toes, and the feeling of sand rubbing the bottom of their feet with every step they took was very relaxing. Annay sitting on the great giant wheel along with other children, happily waved at them.
Dard mere woh bhula hi gayaa
Kuch aisa asar huaa
Jeena mujhe phir se woh sikha raha.
Jaise baarish kar de tar
Yaa marham dard par
Koi mujhko yun mila hai
Jaise banjare ko ghar
There was a light drizzle and the view was spectacular and wide spread. The wind was heavy, it blew through nakusha's hair compelling her to bring her hand up and move away a strand that was blocking her view. While tucking it away, her fingers brushed over her scar. She gazed at her husband from the corner of her eye and smiled. Today because of him she didn't feel the need to hide her scar.
She didn't wish to have a scar less face on the contrary she wanted to be accepted the way she was. And he did just that. He healed her the way she desired to be healed. By distorting her face, her father had damaged her belief in her self but now she didn't care how the world looked at her, if they chose to grimace or turn away their eyes, she didn't mind because her husband didn't and wouldn't turn his eyes away from her. His support and his unconditional acceptance had given her a new life. A life where her painful past didn't overshadow her present and her future.
She was letting these new emotions and sense of relief sink in when all of a sudden a wave pulled on the shore, making her lose her balance. Dutta at once clutched her hand and prevented her from falling. She peered up at him. He didn't and wouldn't ever let her fall. He continued to hold her hand as they strolled. She smiled inwardly in pure bliss on remembering the times he held her close in his arms and she felt valued and secured. His arms were the place where she wanted to be, her whole world comprised in them. She could still feel the warmth of his embrace. Recalling those tender moments, she wished to soak herself in them. In his arms she had finally found her home.
Muskaata yeh chehra
Deta hai jo pehraa
Jaane chhupata kya dil ka samandar
Auron ko toh hardam saaya deta hai
Woh dhoop mein hai khada khud magar
Chot lagi hai usey,
Phir kyun mehsoos mujhe ho raha hai
Dil tu bata de kya hai iraada tera
Annay still on the swing, called out," maamu." And gestured them to come to him. His carefree and uninhibited laughter was simply contagious that even dutta couldn't stop himself from smiling. He pointed toward the sky and said," who dekho maamu ..wahan." both nakusha and dutta followed his gaze and saw him pointing at the beautiful and colorful rainbow in the sky.
Dutta's smile slowly faded and he left nakusha's hand. She sadly thought, how quickly his feelings changed? A minute ago he was happy and smiling but now seeing those colors he was again reminded of his hurtful past. She gazed down at her empty hand. Yet again he had chosen to suffer alone. And it pained her. It pained her to see how a man who was the backbone of his family, who ran the whole of PV on his shoulders, succumbed to the horrors of his past. And what pained her the most was that she was still oblivious to his deep and dark secrets while he continued to suffer.
She remembered last night on her insistence he didn't drink before going to sleep when he desperately wanted to and in the middle of the night she'd again found him restless in his sleep. The nightmares that he feared, came back to haunt him. That's when she had to go up to him and hold his hand to calm him down.
His soul was wounded. Deeply wounded. He needed her, she knew that but he wasn't allowing her to reach out to him. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes and her heart ached. What was it that was killing him like a slow poison?
Thanks for reading.
Rose.
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_cFfmg3yag[/YOUTUBE]
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